in the midst of the super-mix feelings!! I love NUANSA'10:This Earth of Mankind :)

this is my 2nd attempt to express my mixed feelings,(still) excited, (still) nervous (coz the post-prod admin stuff,hahaha),n mellow feeling..how I miss the rehearsals and meetings..One thing that I can't stop doing is to say "thank you-thank you-thank you". This morning, when I went for mass,I just couldn't stop saying Thanks to the Lord. It's been a long journey, one year and 'suddenly' last nite came..

3pm show: I was SUPERNERVOUS!!!
so during intermission, when people started giving good comments, I was still like,"woww..really?" coz when I watched the performance itself,the thing that I couldn't stop saying is,"wow..how EACH person really gave 200%"

8pm show: slightly less nervous..
but sitting with the VIPs really made me worried..fyi,the dean and Head of student life couldn't believe that ALL OF US who were on the stage (and off-the-stage) are STUDENTS..

the most overwhelming part was after curtain call..when I saw the whole people on stall level standing after our shows (I didn't dare to say it was a standing ovation),I was like "wow.." and we screamed, we hugged each other..i dunno somehow I got a feeling,it's not only a good musical that makes us hugging each other,but the whole journey as a family..we might not even feel the bonding during the process,but after the show,then we realized,,"oh shit..i'm gonna miss this person,that person,this moment,that moment" and we were just amazed how we have journeyed together in this one whole year..

I read the cards on the board given by the performers+crews,and the thing that made me relieve is we do have sense of belonging on NUANSA'10, we do learn a lot, and we do make new friendship..and whatever happen after NUANSA,(I don't manage to meet up with the dancers of NUANSA'09),we believe that nothing can erase this memory and this bond..and the most surprising thing is,it's the little thing that made the journey beautiful..

eg I am always amazed by how Wilson dedicated his 24hours foR NUANSA'10,and I can't stop looking back from 1 year,since we chose the stories,brainstormed,did rehearsals,the time I spent crying and laughing with my friends,and I've just realized,I NEVER cried or laughed alone..My family,my Legionaries friend, my fellow comm and performers, somehow they're always with me..

people asked me aft the show,"relieved? u must be very tired.."
but to be honest,I couldn't feel tired yesterday :P fri nite I slept at 1am,and I was already awake at 6.30am saturday morning,and I was so hyper yesterday :P I was not that relieved,coz there are just too much feelings now...when I had supper with Oz yesterday,we were still amazed on how EACH of us has grown up for this 1year..it's not only about using and developing the talent,but also growing up in terms of personality,how we handle problems,how we relate with each other..

NUANSA'10 is a self-discovery journey for me..it's not a smooth journey..I've learned about my own strength and weaknesses, I've learned about friendship,and not to judge people.. and every single person in the comm really left me with a strong impression..eg even though I rarely talked to some sets people, when I watched their cute videos,hahaha, or their photos, I remembered the member's expression every time they worked or had meeting..
The musicians, I also rarely talked to some of them,esp.KG and Revata..but still, their smile during MIDNITE PRACTICES!! still linger in my mind..
The cast's great performance, I also couldn't stop remembering funny things that they've been doing..hahahaha..

but I must admit,the last 2weeks were the most memorable ones..the last 3days were the most touching experience..

keep in touch,friends!!

Remember only the happiness..love you all!!thanks for being soooo patient of my 'scolding' moments combined with 'super-loud-laughter'moments..
addition: bring the problems as life-lessons for any other experience in the future :P (esp.for Dinda and Bill, the next PD-VPD of NUANSA'11)

Thank you,Lord.
Thank you for Our Lady for your powerful intercession..

the book that inspired me

"When you want something, the entire world conspires in helping you to achieve it" (Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist)

When I attended mass in SMOTA last Saturday, the priest sang 3 Disney songs, which had 1 in common: contain the word "dream"

Dream...
I wrote my list of dreams when I was 12 years old. Thank God that He has helped me accomplish most of the dreams.

To be able to dream is a gift...
In the midst of this hectic life, I do wish I still can make a wish :):)
a bit sad when I blew my candle, it's hard to think what I really want?what I really wish?

dream...........wake-up and achieve my dream..

For people who were drunk before bash

"we are the champion.... we are the champion..."

hellowwww...pleaseeee..this is sem 1 and we have not won anything and you already MAKE NOISE so much???



it's eusoff bash..

it'll be peaceful SOON YEAYYYY *bus please come and bring them away*



I still don't understand the logic behind hall bash

is it FUND-raising or merely a FUN-raising?

anyway, the thing that is FUN for one person might not be fun for other people, and yet I feel obliged to buy $28 for NOTHING

i don't mind go to bash if I feel that I want to go..



congratz to you..you really know how to disturb your neighbors

thanks!



is eusoff really a HOME?

my home is not like this...

people find you when they need you and don't care about you in normal time..



"weeeeeeeeeee..yeeeeeeeeee" (imitating the half-drunk takraw guys)

ps. I moved this post to my blog coz i'm gonna delete the fb post..

D-14

JIAYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mendung

ada yang namanya domino effect..
kalau kamu sedih,bad mood, semua hal langsung datang ke kepala kamu..
dan aku ga ngerti...

aku cuma merasa sepi
terlalu tenang
terlalu damai
dan saat keramaian datang pun, aku merasa sepi

apakah aku menganggap mereka teman?
apakah mereka menganggap aku teman?
kapan terakhir kali aku bicara tentang hal2 biasa?hal2 sehari-hari?
kapan terakhir kali aku curhat ke orang lain,tentang hal2 sepele?

dan hujan turun
semalam
hari ini

dan semua berubah
terlalu banyak dan terlalu sesak
seakan-akan semua pergi saat aku belum punya pegangan
kenapa dulu aku survive dan sekarang aku goyah?

satu hal sederhana..
kadang aku hanya ingin memeluk seseorang..
biasanya aku memeluk mama di malam hari
tapi malam pun sepi..
kadang aku hanya ingin duduk ketawa-tawa di depan pintu sambil ngeledekin dogi,moti,sinoy
atau tidur2an di ranjang mama
atau diam2an dengan papa dan komputer kami
atau ledek2an dengan adot

dan besok ultah papaku..
dan aku terjebak di sini, di negeri singa ini
kadang aku cuma pengen telepon nic berjam-jam
bukan chatting

apa yang terjadi denganku?
apa yang salah?

aku juga kangen ke toko buku
muter-muter nongkrong berjam-jam
sekarang ke luar hall pun malas

saat sekarang aku punya waktu sendiri
aku malah hanya menangis
menangis
dan menangis

nonton sambil nangis
chat sambil nangis
baca buku sambil nangis
nge-blog sambil nangis

terus aku ingat aku punya guardian angel
tadi pagi,pas misa, aku bertanya,
apa guardian angel aku bilang ke Tuhan kalau aku lagi sedih?
apa guardian angel-ku juga ikut sedih pas aku sedih?
apa dia meluk aku sekarang?

I hate this...
tapi saat ini aku benar-benar lagi merasa sendiri
apa aku yang menutup diriku?
bergaul dengan banyak orang tapi tidak membuka hatiku?

kenapa bahkan untuk punya sahabat, aku harus berusaha keras?
kenapa ga terjadi natural seperti tiba-tiba nic duduk di bangku sampingku pas kelas 4 SD, atau percakapan2 aku dan feli yang bikin kita dekat dan ketawa2 konyol dan aku ga takut nangis depan dia?

apa aku sebenarnya sudah punya sahabat tapi aku ga berusaha menyiram tanaman persahabatan ini?

hhhhh.....

I do...

I listened to accuradio and suddenly this song popped-out..

hahaha...

suddenly I miss Eusoff A ca.. :)
I remember the moment I couldn't sing the correct pitch or harmonize or whatsoever..

it's a romantic song...
ah..
suddenly I remember my conversation with pril,nic,and nyz when I went back to Indo. We were imagining the situation when one of us gets married (hypothesis: nyz as the first person). Then how when the 2nd person gets married, the 1st person will already pregnant then me and april will tell her to "just sit down and rest and let me take care of nic" :P
we were sitting for 5 hours in a buffet-restaurant..
girls talk :P

see you in dEcember,girlzzz!!

current song: Haven't met you yet!!! *kyaaaaaaa*

i'm sorry my blog

i'm sorry my blog..
seems like i only posted here when i hv problem..

it's only one more month and why is the person still leaving me and my friends??
i'm very sad..
there's no disappointment nor anger..
i'm just sad coz I and my friends cannot be the last reason you stay on..
is it too personal??

I cannot think..

when I read your email I feel that I'm failed before I go on the stage..
I remember Ian told me to cheer up and to enjoy and not to take this too personally when another person left..
but the most horrible thing that I felt this year is not to see people miss deadlines, but a feeling of being left..
it's hard to cope with that feeling,do u know that??
especially you are not the only person who did it!!!

initially i thought i'm worried ppl see the comm as sth bad and don't want to join anymore..but now it's changed..it's not about the comm or the event, but it's about a friendship and I cannot let myself out of guilt and regret..

maybe tomorrow I'll feel better..
I have to lift my mood up till one more month then I'll crawling in week12 to do my mountainous assignments which happily lying there on the table..
and I just can't start to do my assignment!!!!!

arrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!