Blogwalking

I used to write, write, and write posts without spending too much time reading other people's blogs. I can't remember when I started picking up this "blogwalking" hobby, but I guess this hobby is spread by Nic.

Why do I read others' blogs?

Well, I truly found inspiration from other people's blogs. This is real life of the people with real challenges. The fact that they 'survive' inspires me and reminds me that even if I feel some things are impossible, to read other people's life stories reminds me that I'm not alone in pursuing this "ideal".

I have posted similar posts in my Indonesian blog, but today as I "walked" through my favorite blogs, I want to share some thoughts again about what I learn from other people's blogs. My first encounter with Catholic mother's blog started from here. I think Dom posted this blog on his facebook and in that blog, I've found this post on stay-at-home-mother. Then, on one Sunday afternoon after my cooking session with Sharmini, she told me about this post on Natural Family Planning and openness to life. Believe it or not, as a young girl (I believe that I'm young :P), after I (try to) understand more about the importance of being open to life in marriage, I was kind of curious, "So...do couples who "need" to postpone pregnancy abstain from sex on their wedding night if it's in the woman's fertile period??

At the end of the day, these posts are sharing from other people. Yes, we must be cautious when we read other people's stories. Each person's situation is different. Nevertheless, one important lesson that I learn from these blogs are the reminder that these people live in the US, with the secularism, with the increasingly anti-family culture, with a high living cost, etc etc. YET, these people are blessed, these people are happy, and these people struggle to be faithful (notice that their blogs tell you about their hardships too!) ! This is such a beautiful reminder for me.

Why? Because as I grow up (a biiiittt) more, I notice that it's difficult to put your ideals into practice. Look at how Singaporeans (and me, a foreigner in Singapore) complain about the high living cost in Singapore (especially, HOUSING!!!). It's expensive to live here until people think that it's "normal" to choose not to have kids, it's "normal" to not get married, it's "normal" to think 'die die must have house first before getting married', it's "normal" to think that your kid must go to the BEST kindergarten ever. Nevertheless, the wonderful people around me did NOT experience the so-called best kindergarten! My colleague, graduated from Ph.D. in Edinburgh, did not even attend a kindergarten. My boyfriend, 'only' attended a normal government kindergarten half-day. Sharmini was also taught by her mom at home when she was toddler! I was initially against the idea of homeschooling kids. Come on, in Singapore?? How can it be possible? I was against this idea because at least I attended half-day kindergarten in Indonesia. Nevertheless, after seeing these people, after reading blogs of people who live in similar "challenging environment", well, I guess it's good to keep this in mind. The wonderful people around me did not have a house immediately after they get married.

Ideally you have your own house, you have your career established, you have your money to send kids to best kindergarten, but these blogs told me that it's perfectly OKAY not to have this ideal situation. I can't also stop looking back at my parents, my friends' parents, etc. Not surprisingly, they do not live in the so-called "ideal" situation. The normal thing back then is... to learn how to live with your in-law, to slowly build a home, a family! And I think my dad's first car only came when I was around 8 years old.

Going back to blogwalking, no one knows what will happen to me in the near or long future. Perhaps one day I look back and read my post and think that "You... crazy naive (young) girl." Well, I guess I've always been the same crazy girl. As much as I dream to study in Oxford (hoeeek, vomit :P), as much as I want to be a behavioural therapist, as much as I want to open my own clinic, as much as I want to travel here and there,

I would love to have my own family.

I remember one conversation with my Thai painting friends in my third year. We are eating at the pier opposite Wat Arun (Bangkok) then I told them, "Wahh, I love travelling! I want to go here, go there. Maybe it's fun ya to be a travel guide?
One of them: "Ya ya! Same here!"
Me: But this kind of job, hmm, a bit hard when you have kids ya. At the end of the day, you want to settle down right?
Same person: Umm, I just want to explore the world. A bit weird to think about settling down.

>.<

Perhaps this pull-and-push factor between MY ambition and my other deep 'ambition' is something that makes me really interested to pray more for my colleague, whose situation is not easy. I hope things will work out for her!!in
Once I told my spiritual director and directress, I felt a burden! Why oh why other people at my age could still 'enjoy life'? Nevertheless, I quickly hit myself every time I feel a burden in attending my spiritual formation, or going for Masses, or etc. I quickly told the Lord, "Oh please.. I don't want to trade my vocation and You, Lord, with other things." Citing Paul, "Things can be a burden, but a sweet burden" (Chen, 2013). :P

Principals and principles

In the past two weeks, me, my colleague, and my boss had meetings with three different principals of kindergartens. Those meetings were really good learning opportunities for me because I could see how the principals hold strong principles and put effort in putting them into practice. For example, one of the principals had concern about the dying mother tounge in Singapore. She doesn't like the primary school system in which children only speak Mandarin in Mandarin class. As a result, someone could score A in the Mandarin lesson but could not converse fluently in Mandarin. Thus, in her kindergarten, what they do is both English teacher and Mandarin teacher are present in the class at the same time. If story-telling is given by the English teacher, children converse in English, but they still speak Mandarin to the Mandarin teacher. So switching between English and Mandarin becomes a natural situation for the children.

The similarity among these three principals is their eagerness to learn new things (that's why they are willing to collaborate with us to conduct psychological research in their kindergartens). Suddenly this thing reminds me of the virtue I saw in my boss in India: humility. Even though you are at the top, you humble yourself and acknowledge that you don't know everything and you want to learn from other people. It's very heartwarming to see figures of leaders, entrepreneurs, and educator (not only 'teacher') in these three principals. They also remind me of someone whom I look up to as a leader: Sr. Francesco, the nun in my school!!! :D

So yeah.. in these busy weeks, I start to fall in love with my job :) Being a research assistant is not only about running statistical analyses and conducting experiment, it's also about understanding other people's work in our field. It's about learning from real persons about what it needs to be a leader. Thank you Lord for these experiences.

Welcome 2013!! ~ New year's eve story

Here we are. We are on the first day of 2013!

Last night my family had new year celebration at our neighbour's house. We already reached my neighbour's house at 6.30pm (I brought along my book just in case I felt bored in the 5.5-hour-waiting-for-new year). Some conversations that were stuck to my mind:

1. I was sitting with my neighbour's daughter. She is 14 years old and she was my catechism kid. First, I asked her, "Which grade are you now?" (once you graduate, you forget how many years difference between you and the 'used-to-be-kids'). Then she asked me, "Oh Jie, you have graduated right? What are you working as now?" So I told her, "I'm a research assistant." Her next question is, "Is it related to psychology?" >.< Ooops, I don't know that a 14-year-old-"kid" even cares whether your job is related to your major or not. I said, "Yes", without further explanation.

2. Around 9pm, my twin-neighbours came. They are one year younger than me so I quickly approached them (happy to find similar-age-accompany). They are active in the Catholic youth group in our neighborhood and in their campus and they asked about what Catholic activity I join in Singapore and how the Catholic students' society in Singapore is like. Their Catholic students society in university in Indonesia even has choir!! Cool! We also shared our difficulties in recruiting people *sigh* and encouraged each other to keep our faith alive. There was one point when our conversation became more 'random' :P They asked me about "what books I've read this year" and "what movies I've watched". Hahaha. Then I was struck by the fact that I have not really read books for 'entertainment' this year. Hahaha.

3. Around 11pm, I felt bored and joined the aunties' group (my mom's and other aunties' group). Now the topic shifted to "life in Singapore". It's a good chance to clarify how life in Singapore is not a 'happily-ever-after' story, to clarify that I'm not under scholarship, but under tuition fee loan, and to clarify that "Yes, psychology needs research!". When they asked whether life in Singapore is good, the only thing I said was, "I can still go around at 11pm :P"

~ looking forward ~
Initially I thought it's very difficult to think of new year resolutions as a young professional. There is so much uncertainty till I don't dare to plan. However, after I found the link of spiritual new year's resolutions , I realized that yes...we still need new year's resolutions. Some people give up making resolutions because they feel that they always cannot fulfill them. Honestly speaking, I also still have difficulties fulfilling my new year's resolutions. This year I separate my resolutions/ promises and my target in various areas of my life. It might still be hard to fulfill my new year's 'promises', but it's a good reminder to separate the process and the result and to evaluate each day that passes by. At the end of the day, my work, my dreams, should lead everything to the glory of God.

Happy New Year!! :) May our eyes always gaze at Our Lord this year :) Amen.

Why I was filled with angst when we talked about "psychology and HRD"

My mom, my Church friend, my acquintance, here and there always repeat the same thing, "If you only study psychology as bachelor degree holder, most likely you will be employed at HRD" (Human Resource Department). Every time I heard this, I always felt angry, anxious, and sad. Firstly, we learn lots of things in psychology that can also be applied in other jobs. Secondly, people who have this thought usually still have the misconception that "psychology graduates can read mind". However, these people who said these things also have a common answer, "This is the fact of life in Indonesia. Either you become a teacher or an HRD." (Well, I don't mind being a teacher. I'd love to be a teacher).

After I left this thought to sleep last night, I woke up with an 'insight'. There's nothing wrong with working as HR. But the thing that made me feel sad and angry was the lack-of-options and the mentality of "end-up" working as xyz. Firstly, although a job as research assistant sounds cool, other people can also say that I "end up" as 'only' an RA. Although a job as housewife is difficult, many people now also like to say that "Xyz works hard to study architecture and "end up" as 'only' being a housewife. We can't judge other people. However, according to my high school friend, our other common friend chose to be HR because, "The offer comes first." We can't judge how much she has explored other opportunities that goes according to her passion. My high school friend said, "Da, it's very difficult to be a therapist or a teacher here. There are so few places where you can work and you might not get good supervision too."

If I like to be HR, then go for it! I'm used to this mentality that 'among-not-so-many-ideal-jobs-available', I'm sure we can find some vacancies of 'almost-ideal-job'. Sadly, this may not be the case, be it in Singapore or in Indonesia. I'm not sure whether I should have put the word "sadly" there. This is the fact of life right? But I really hate it when my dad said, "You want to have high ideals, you can live in Indo." Initially I thought, "Well, who am I to say whether I can or cannot live in Indo? The fact is I don't live in Indonesia." But now I contemplate it again in think, actually, wherever you are, there are always challenges and it's true that it's hard to have ideals, but still.. we must push to the max to live up this high ideal.

Yes, we need to manage our expectations. We need to balance between the ideals and be realistic. (e.g., you need a minimum salary to feed your family). But I would love to remind myself that I can push my boundaries! We can push our limit!! We MUST have ideals. Even if I only work as an RA, I see value in my job and I need to advance myself with whatever I have now. Even though only a little bit, a little bit, like the baby's steps. Even if my friend works as HR, she should see the value of the work as HR. Even if I work as housewife, I see the value of being a housewife.

Am I talking nonsense?
What can I do? Hhhhh..

Sorry, just need to throw these things out of my mind