It's okay to make mistakes *but get up again!*

I don't really like to talk about issues around modesty in public, because personally I've failed here and there too. I sometimes looked back at my past mistakes and I was like, "oh man...such a shame".

However, on the other hand, I feel that talking about these issues has become an affirmation for me. It helps me to think twice or thrice before I decide what I'm going to wear or before I behave in public (even though there may not be any friends that I know around me). It's not about being scrupulous in measuring how many centimeters my dress is, but it's more about whether this dress/cloth is flattering and whether it reflects my personality and my ideals. It's not only about feeling good or looking good, but talking about these issues about modesty actually helps me about the basic philosophy of the unity between body and soul.

I remember when I was an undergraduate, I wore an ugly basketball pants with slippers to class because most students wear shorts to class (but I felt uncomfortable of wearing too-short shorts to class). I also didn't realize that those who wore slippers actually wore branded slippers ($50 for a pair of slippers!) while I wore a bathroom slippers.

Anyway, thankfully I gave up. I realized it's ugly and I went back to my shirt+jeans attire. Since my second year in university, I became a roommate with another Indonesian girl and I noticed that she really makes an effort to dress well to class (especially if she has class at faculty of arts and social sciences because students in engineering faculty do not bother to dress well). To be honest, she looks nice and I want to look nice too! Come on, who doesn't want to look presentable? Since then, the journey of dressing well has begun.

It's a never-ending journey. Learning to dress well is a life-learning process. I definitely don't agree with obsession of owing branded cloth or buying cloth just because it's on sale. However, I slowly also agree that dressing shabbily is not a good thing. It's a whole process of respecting myself and respecting other people that I meet. My family is very thankful to my boyfriend because he is kinda 'speed up' this learning process. HAHAHA.

Anyway, it's okay to make mistakes. For super shorts, I can't do much so I wear them to sleep. As for dresses that have low cut, or backless, I do still wear them with creativity: with tube, with scarfs, with cardigans, as they still look nice and modest if I combined them with other basics. In fact, I recently love the combination of a tube maxi dress and plain crop top (with high heels, cos I'm short)! If you bump into me, you won't know it's a tube dress. =P  It's also good because crop top is cheap (cheaper than cardigan), but I won't wear a crop top because I don't agree that to look pretty you need to show your belly button. =P Some tube maxi dresses are also cheaper than other maxi dresses, so this combination is my cheapest and favorite so far. Hahaha.

ps. the rule of thumb is our cloth should direct people to our eyes and face, not to our other parts of our body as we communicate a lot through our eyes (more info here).

Let's get up again! ^^ Cheers!

Where to buy not-so-short skirt in Singapore?

It's been getting harder to get a skirt with a nice length (around knee-length or just right above the knees). My boyfriend sent me a link about skirt extender, but I'm not sure if it can be shipped to Singapore.

Anyway, I finally found a nice skirt that is not too short. I spent a little time window shopping early morning before the shops opened yesterday with my patient boyfriend (*cough*) and managed to identify some places that sell gorgeous skirts in Singapore:

1. JRunway (Plasa Singapura)

I found a knee-length fake leather flare skirts here ^^ So happy!!!

2. bYSI

I also saw some nice skirts at the Bugis Junction outlet here.

3. H&M

A bit difficult to get the correct size and length for dresses, but still possible (through hard work and repetitive trying).

The reason why I posted this was I really feel that it's not easy to find skirts that are not too short nowadays. Most 'normal' skirts nowadays are halfway your thigh (literally halfway) and more and more people dare to wear 1/4-thigh-skirts (mini skirts?). However, recently I noticed that midi-skirts are getting popular too (good sign!) and unsurprisingly, these girls that I saw just in MRT or shopping malls were also attractive. Even if people are short (like me; I'm 152cm-'tall'), we don't need halfway-thigh-skirt to look good!  It's also good to check if the cutting is okay (body shape matters!). I don't like to use the word 'mini-skirt' because many people still think that mini-skirt is not nice, but halfway-thigh-skirts are perceived as 'normal'. However, if we can wear skirts with a flattering length, why do we bother to waste money for something normal but not nice?

"Skirts should never ride high up the thigh when sitting. A just-above-the-knee length is the most flattering and can be adjusted to an acceptable length while sitting." 
(Mary Sheehan Warren, "It's so You!", page 77)

Anyway, after attending a few different talks or reading more sources on fashion and image, the message is the same: the focal point should be our face ^^ So if any of your friends are wondering and in 'dilemma' whether they should get a crop-top or not, whether they should go ahead with a halfway-thigh skirts or not, we should encourage them to say that they are pretty and they look better with clothes that direct people's eyes to their face rather than their belly button or their thighs. ^^

7 Quick Takes Friday - Vol. 43

Hello! It's been a while since I wrote the 7 Quick Takes.

- 1 -

My brother came to Singapore over the weekend. He's currently in his final year, studying architecture in Parahyangan Catholic University in Bandung (Indonesia). This trip was more like a study trip. We went to Singapore Urban Redevelopment Authority (URA) to visit the Singapore City Gallery. We also went to my boyfriend's house, testing his knowledge about Singapore public housing =P

Being an architecture student, instead of taking the normal photo of person with a beautiful view behind the person, he took the unique structures of a building instead. So...no photos at all, except the photo of two of us in the MRT as a proof for my parents that my brother is with us. Hahaha.

- 2 -

Well, we actually had one nice photo at the airport: me with my brother and boyfriend tried to be at the same height with me *cough, I know I'm short*. My friends gave me a birthday surprise in advanced by going all the way to the airport on the day my brother (was supposed to) leave (but his flight was apparently cancelled). Well, as usual, God had a better plan. We had a nice dinner with my friends, my brother, and my boyfriend. Interestingly, my housemate just moved out of our house in the evening before that so my brother could sleep in her room instead of sleeping in the living room. Lucky boy!

Oh talking about the photo, as it was forwarded to my boyfriend, it's still stuck there in his phone =P

- 3 -

Today I used band saw, band sander, and drill press machine for the first time!!! Oh well, when I talked to my dad this evening, it was so embarrassing that I didn't know the translation of 'band sander' in Indonesian. I mean, I heard my parents talked about 'band sander' in Indonesian, but I never knew that the English equivalent is 'band sander'.

For the drill press

Using band saw for the first time

first artwork ^^

- 4 -

We were supposed to have another session of 'Building Professional Wardrobe on a Budget' by an image consultant last Thursday. However, only one person RSVP-ed so we postponed the session.

My friends and I have attended similar sessions given by the same image consultant.  She's so stylish, elegant, and... modest! I'm still struggling to translate 'elegance' to my wardrobe. Nevertheless, I think attending this session has really helped me to improve my taste. Unfortunately, my eyes sometimes are too sensitive. I noticed unimportant details. For example, there is a lady in my office who always wears a mini skirt. Somehow these few days I saw her more often than on the other days. I started to notice the fact from Monday to Friday, the skirt and dress is always at that 'length'. It seems that it's her style, and being in Singapore, it seems 'normal' to wear a very short skirt.

I guess it's true. Many people just don't realize what it really means to be elegant and modest (including me!). We wear something that we think is nice or for us, something that I'm comfortable with. Of course it doesn't mean that I should wear something that I'm not comfortable with. However, even though it's hard (it's really hard!!), I slowly believe that taste can be improved. Good sense of dressing can be learned ^^

I like what Mary Sheehan Warren said in her book, "It's so You", that despite the long period of constant exposure of thighs, more thighs, and more thighs for the past years, mini-skirts and hot-mini-pants still provoke a 'woohoo' reaction from males (though they may have not said it out loud; and unless the legs are ugly - which is sad, noone wants to be judged from my legs >.<. It means that even though it's normal, or fashionable to wear a super-short-short or a mini skirt, it is still provocative and makes us women seen as an object, even though we do not intend to be seen as an object.

Cute monkey t-shirt and jeans was my dress code two years ago

- 5 -

 I'm in the middle of house hunting. To be more precise, room-hunting. I hope the house agent won't cancel appointments again tomorrow.

- 6 -

A few sentences in Spanish to prepare for my Spanish trip:

Me Illamo Ferninda. Soy de Indonesia, pero trabajo en Singapur. Estoy un asistente de investigación en una universidad, investigar a los niños.

Well, it doesn't help much...anyway, it's okay. hahaha.

- 7 -

Ah...now I remember what I wanted to write last week!!

A number of my friends have been posting this video:

I am totally agree that more needs to be done to create a physical infrastructure to decrease the opportunity for some men to harass ladies (for example, make sure streets are well-lit!!). I also think that many women have been victims of street harassment, whether they wear blouse with pants, or short or long skirts; anyone can be victims. I was a victim too in an MRT in New Delhi, India. Two or three of my friends experienced this in street or public bus in Jakarta, Indonesia. All of us did not wear provocative clothing, yet we still could be victims too.

However, I think, as women, all of us also need to contribute to this cause by proving that we are not meant to be seen as objects. If I watch the video, it's so easy to react (even with the fact that I'm a woman), that I 'understand' if someone with tight skirt will be noticed more by guys and 'invited' a sexual harassment. Again, I would like to emphasize that there is no excuse for street harassment or rape or other forms of sexual harassment. Nobody can say that 'because you wear A, it's normal that I harass you'. That's really unacceptable.

Nevertheless, in the same manner, I also think that wearing something provocative is not a 'right' (here, I don't agree with some parts of the video!). I expect a man to respect me because I'm a human being. Regardless of what I wear, I should feel safe walking in the streets. At the same time, all men and women are also expected to respect ourselves and wear clothes that do not make us seen merely as an object. Regardless of the reaction of the person of the other sex, I wear something that shows the true dignity of me as a human being because it is something good in itself.

Of course, we can't deny that 'the reaction of the person of the other sex' is largely affected by what we wear too (sorry, too sleepy to cite psychological studies, you can watch "Evolution of Swimsuit" to find an example).

It'll be great if one day someone can make a video of an equally pretty lady dressing in normal blouse and pants, walking around with hidden camera to show how bad a street harassment is.The purpose is really to convince people that there is a real problem of street harassment. Therefore, the audience won't have an excuse by saying that 'hey not fair, the lady is wearing a tight skirt!'


More quick takes at Jen's blog!!!