favorite teachers

After having a good time in my tutorial yesterday, I was talking to my roommate how I wish psychology had more fun and friendly lecturers :):) hehehe

Let me write about my favorite teachers in my 20.5 years life :P

1. Ibu Tuti (Miss Tuti), my maths teacher in 1st grade junior high school
At that moment, I was a new student in that school, still didn't know anyone. Ibu Tuti was an inspiring teacher for me. She encouraged us to ask questions and she asked us to write new year resolution :) She arranged a game for us to learn counting profit&loss :P. The class was changed to a market that time :P
She told us, "When we were all still little children, we never stopped asking our parents,'What is this?', 'What is that?'" then our parents reached a point when they are tired and scolded us, "You're so talkative, stop asking." then she said, "That might be a factor why it's very hard for us to ask questions now."I remember she said this after I asked a question in class (coz she really encouraged us to ask sth that she hasn't revealed, hahaha) she said, "I think that time Ferninda didn't stop talking and asking her parents until now." Hahahaha..

But now if I remember the class situation, I feel more motivated to pay attention and ask my lecturers. Sometimes I feel sad coz I can't even think of a question. Raising my hand and asking spontaneously has become a hard thing after I enter university. Most likely I will go down and ask the lecturer after the class (or even 'only' email him/her) and I think... I only do it once or twice in one or two modules every semester.

The other sad thing was when even in a small tutorial class, people rarely talk and discuss. Most of the times, The discussion is only limited to the questions that the tutor wrote on the board. I couldn't feel the excitement anymore.

I think that's why I love Southeast Asian studies modules. Last semester, most of my classes consisted of only 13-14 people. We really talked to each other about issues that are related to the main theme. We argued each other, I felt the frustration when I couldn't gave good arguments for my lecturer whose opinion was against mine, I learned how to shape the question in such a way so I didn't offend her but yet at the same time showing that I didn't agree with her, and in other class, I felt a guilt of not reading materials and at the same time, I felt happiness in finding sources from here and there. I asked lots of questions :P and yesterday, I really did tutorial with my friends and lecturer with music and coffee, tea, and milo! what a nice class it is... :):)

Let's go back to Bu Tuti, my maths teacher.
Years and years after that, we still keep in touch. We share with each other about our new year's resolution and the last time I met her was before I left my hometown for studying in Singapore. We spent 4 hours talking-talking-and-talking!! from sitting in pizza hut to eating ice-cream at food court :P We talked about life, love, dreams, faith, and many more :):)

Makasih, Bu Tuti. You are always a great and inspiring teacher for me.

2. Kak Lily, my piano teacher
We met each other when I was 10 years old. She was my 2nd piano teacher. My first impression of her, VERY STRICT! She made me record all my practice timings, she gave me and my brother lots of homework, but...
She's a nice person..
She has vision and she treats every student differently. When she chooses a song for us, she chooses it according to our strength and our characteristics. When she stopped teaching in the music school, I quit from the music school and she became my private piano teacher. When I was 15 years old, during my vacation, I went to her house EVERY DAY to practice for hours and hours, coz I didn't have any piano and my keyboard keys are not enough to play Toccata.

Memorable quote from her:
Ferninda: I dont have time to practice, I have lots of homework from school
Kak Lily: then you should practice playing piano BEFORE you do your homework coz u'll do ur homework anyway. Do the most difficult thing to do first...

I love being her student. She's my friend too. We also often talk about life, my school, her university life, and so on and so forth. It's been 10 years now... I attended her wedding 8 years ago and now she has three children: Do, Re, Mi (alDO, RAchel, and MIchelle). :P Every time I go back to Indo, we still meet each other and talk for hours and hours again..hahahaha...

I think teachers are really a great people. That's why I used to want to be a teacher. In primary school, the teachers teach all subjects. So my thought was like, "Wow..being a teacher is super-cool!!" But it's not only about teaching. It's also about being friends and mentors to your students at the same time. and you'll be amazed how great the impact that you can make on your students. Both Bu Tuti and Kak Lily really influence me  A LOT. They're so inspiring and I love the teachers who don't only talk about subjects in school, but also about life!!

Yeah...maybe that's the problem now.. With minimum 70 people in LT, I can't expect the lecturer to relate with every student.. With 2hours-lecture per week, time is so precious and the only time they have is to squeeze all the lecture materials and talk about their research, no space for 'daily life' stuff.

I want to feel it again.. The curiosity and urge to ask questions, the excitement that I feel when I do research, I really really want to feel it again.

Thank God for this semester. I enjoy my modules sooo muchh :):) and I have great lecturers and make friends with some lecturers :):) One of them is also very inspiring!!! :)

I told my roommate and my mom, "I really really feel guilty for falling asleep in class now coz the lecturers are so smart and so passionate in what they're doing." So......... even though I (still) fall asleep in class ACCIDENTLY :P, I try my best to pay attention :):)

have a nice weekend :)

the article that made me clean up my room

Frank Duff :):)

a random Monday morning..In a peaceful morning without tutorial, I was moved to read my Maria Legionis. In the first page, an article "Perfection for Mary" was found, written by Frank Duff, the founder of Legion of Mary. After I finished reading the article, somehow I felt an urge to clean up my room (fyi,my room was super messy for few months already)  :)

Interestingly, constantly seeking for perfection is the characteristic of every good workman. Frank Duff gave the example of Michelangelo who said that trifles make perfection but that perfection is no trifle. However, what is our motive of perfection? Frank Duff said that our motive must be all Christian doctrine and "we should have a notion of the different Divine Persons, of the Mystical Body, of Our Lady's Office of Motherhood."

Well, I'm not good in summarizing article. Let's just read some quotes that struck me the most.

"If we say 'Mary' we never exclude Jesus. It would be a mentally impossible operation for the Catholic to imagine Mary as apart from Jesus."

When I read this line, I challenged myself, "How to describe Mother Mary without mentioning Jesus??" First thing that came to my mine was the basic question, "Who is Mary?" and we will answer, "Mother of Jesus." There's no way we can separate Mary from Jesus. Even when we want to explain how Mother Mary is conceived without sin, we will explain how Mother Mary is also saved by Jesus. Remember the analogy of saving someone who will die when they jump to the pool coz he can't swim? Even though at the end he is not sunk in the pool, we still say that "He is saved." The same thing happened to Mother Mary. Jesus also saved her. It's impossible to imagine Mary as apart from Jesus. Even when Catholics pray Hail Mary, we say
1. "Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you, blessed are you amongst women and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus"
2. "Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death."

"Would Mary in her home throw things about like a schoolboy? Some of us leave things after us like the poltergeists are supposed to do. the artist would give his extra touches because he judged them to be necessary steps towards his goal of perfection."

This line reminds me of those school days when my mom would never ever let me touch my computer before  I took shower (Like what I'm doing now), when my mom would never ever let me ENTER her bedroom before I changed and washed my foot and hands after going out, when my mom would remind me and my brother to take out our lunchbox from our school bags. This line also reminds me on my Thai painting, how I want to make every line perfect.
I think Frank Duff is correct. Striving for perfection, especially for Mary, is not childish. A little extra thing that we do for perfection for Mary is not childish, but it "turns on spiritual energy, which makes the work lighter. it's like adding sugar to something bitter, making it palatable; or like injecting oil into groaning machinery... All of us, like that bird, need wings to realise our destiny. That monotonous succession of movements can weigh heavily on the mind so that sometimes we face life with a sense of desperation. Either we conquer the routine, or it overcomes us."

Frank Duff suggested a formula "Perfection for Mary". He said, "this little symbolic procedure is of importance. It is extra. That outward gesture is the necessary occasional reminder of our motive and objective." I realized that Our Church has a lot of treasures in prayer. This line reminds me of Pope Benedict's answer on 'how to pray'. Morning Offering, Angelus Prayer, the Vespers, so on and so forth are really treasures of prayer. Making sign of cross reminds me of my identity as a Christian and of Christ's suffering and victory. When I'm scared, when I'm nervous, before I dance, before I do my presentation, before my exam, this 'outward gesture' reminds me that God is with me, God never leaves me. The Sacramentals that Our Church has are also special gifts and reminder for us. Outward gesture, symbolic, prayers in the book or prayer card, are not routines. Even when I feel dry and I don't feel anything when I do or say it, I know one thing, I remember God when I do it. I know I'm struggling and I can't do it alone, I need God's grace and He's always here.. with me.. Even if I fall and God will raise me up..

absen

hari ini enggak ada lagi..
hhh...

lamunan di malam hari

bermula dari status temenku di facebook yang memuat kutipan-kutipan "Andai Ia Tahu", akhirnya aku tergoda nonton film ini sambil baca Language and Cognitive Processes :P
Manis..
filmnya manis.. :)
paling suka sih pas adegan awal2, pas Rio ngajarin Renata dansa di dalam lift!! kyaaa..itu super sweet!!
terus terus, hal ini bikin aku mengangguk-ngangguk dalam hati..ya ya,hati-hati..
aku rasa sebuah pelukan, atau bahkan sebuah tatapan bisa berarti banyak, bisa menjadi sebuah tanda, akan sesuatu di dalam sana.
Namun, sayangnya...tidak seperti film yang si cewek dan si cowok mencari-cari ke sana kemari dan benar-benar yakin serta mengikuti intuisinya, aku di sini sepertinya 'salah radar' (mengutip istilah Metta). Mungkin saat aku menatap orang itu, ga seromantis di film sih.. hahaha.. kita cuma temen.. tapi detik itu, aku ngerasa ada sesuatu yg beda..sesuatu dalam lubuk hati aku teriak-teriak "hey, orang ini spesial" dan biarpun adegan peluk yang terjadi atas nama teman, detik itu aku ngerasa yakin, ada sesuatu. dan sampai beberapa minggu aku deg-deg-an dan tidur tersenyum membayangkan rasanya lagi..rasanya begitu nyata dan begitu dekat..

tapi-tapi...
salah radar..

ga ada apa-apa..
yah..tidak seperti di film dan novel, perasaan ini hanya sepihak..kayaknya cuma aku yang menganggap dia spesial dan bwat dia, aku bukan siapa-siapa..
tiap kali mengingat hal ini, aku merasa hmm...kok lucu ya? aku juga ga nyangka bisa terjadi seperti ini karena aku enggak pernah nyangka bakal kecantol dengan dia. hahahahaha.
cuma ada 2 orang yang pelukannya bikin aku deg2an berminggu-minggu. Pertama, mantan. Kedua, dia. Dan uniknya, dia bukan siapa-siapa.

yah..menarik seperti di film..
sayang entah kapan akhirnya seindah di film..hahaha.. :)

-lanjut baca Developmental Dyslexia ah....-

it's okay not to feel okay..

sandiwara

dan kadang aku berharap kita hanya bersandiwara
supaya aku yakin bahwa yang waktu itu nyata
tapi jika nyatanya tetap pedih
aku memilih kita tidak bersandiwara
dan yang waktu itu tak nyata

dingin...
kadang aku ingin merasakannya lagi..

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disclaimer: my Thai is not that good..I copy paste this song..a very beautiful song... :):)