How to be happy (particularly in your workplace)

A survey in 2014 showed that almost half of Singaporeans are not satisfied with their jobs. Reading this statistics made me feel grateful as even though research was not my dream job, I was satisfied with my research assistant job and stayed in that position for three years.

Currently I'm working in education sector, a field that requires long working hours and unfortunately doesn't pay me much. However, I feel happy in this field for the past 1.5 years, and once my colleague asked me, "What makes you happy?"

So here is a little sharing about it.

disclaimer: I'm not always happy =P

1) It's okay to make a mistake

There are moments when I feel sad and discouraged because I keep making mistakes at my workplace. Until now I still make mistakes. However, I realize that once I remind myself that it's okay to make mistakes, I feel happier. I learn that my self-worth does not depend on how many mistakes I've committed.

2) Others make mistakes too

It can be quite irritating when other people make mistakes too (that may cause you work more). Again, people are not perfect. Of course we should try to help our colleague to be a better person, but we can't force them to change immediately. Remember that back to point 1, we make mistakes too and many other times our colleagues have been understanding with us.

3) Smile, even when you don't feel like it

Recently I subscribed to a course on Highbrow about small habits that yield big results. One of the recommended habits is smiling! I really feel that it makes a huge difference.

"Scientists have claimed, 'Smiling stimulates our brain’s reward mechanisms in a way that even chocolate, a well-regarded pleasure-inducer, cannot match.' It releases positive chemicals in our brains that tell us things are OK at this moment. It’s a time of peace and joy."

 I really feel that it makes a huge difference. When my students leave at 3pm, I feel tired, yet I still need to prepare and move fast to prepare for the following day. I'll sit in the office for awhile, and tell myself, "breathe!" and smile and move on! Sometimes, as I carry rolls of paper or cutting stuff, I'll hum and sing my favorite song to make me smile or I just make silly comments to make other people laugh. It makes me happier!

Quick update!

Hi!

I haven't been writing for quite some time. Oops, four months!!

Some thoughts that I have recently:

***

Next week is All Saints' Day. I talked to my friend about it and said "Don't forget it's day of obligation". My friend said, "Umm, what's the difference, since we've been going for daily Mass?"

That got me thinking. Well, I will try harder to attend Mass on time that day! I feel a bit sad, am I not supposed to try hard to attend Mass on time each day? Anyway, this conversation really reminds me of the advice of someone that I need to think of each Mass that I attend as my last Mass.

***

My colleague went to a medical check-up. Another colleague said, it's for her milestone (to have kids, since she's married now). It may be because I've known quite a number of people who cannot conceive, I talked to my colleague, Oh well.. I don't think it should be seen as a milestone because there are people who get married without thinking much about it just because it's supposed to be a milestone. Also, each child is a gift. Some couples are blessed by not having kids so I would love to see it not as a milestone.

Good news is, my colleague found out that she's expecting! Woohoo! The whole office is rejoicing. We need to pray hard for her and her baby though because our students fall sick easily so the environment is not too good for my colleague.

***

New year is coming soon!
I finally reached the third book of the Lord of the Rings. I've been thinking about this year's happenings since my birthday. It was always a reminder how fast the time flies!

Paul and I have not managed to take our level 2 climbing certification. It's one of my new year resolutions :( However, we have improved a lot this year, we're not as good as our friends yet, but at least now I have more strength to do 6a+ route. I still have problem with slanted wall though. When we climb on Sundays, we observe kids who attend climbing course and try to listen to what their coaches say to the kids so we know the trick to climb some difficult routes. HAHAHA. However, when we try it, we are often not able to follow the same technique as the kids are often stronger than us =P but it's fun!!


My close friend is engaged and she will get married next September. It was a great news and a motivation for me to pray hard for my friend.

***

I've been writing some articles for a  website about dating and marriage. Sigh, I need to improve my writing skills!

***

That's all for now! :) Will try to write more over the long weekend. Yeay!!

Commencement 2016

No no, I didn't take any postgraduate study and I am not graduating this year. My boyfriend is graduating (finally) as he finished his Ph.D. last year.

It made me reflect on my own graduation (see this post on my reflection one year before and after my commencement). I love the fact that it's called "commencement", it's a beginning. I am not excited or overly-happy about his commencement (neither is he). For me, it's a beginning of his looooonggggg journey in his academic career. I told him a few times that if at the end he really stays in academia, he will be my first 'friend' who stays in academia as two great friends of mine who worked as post-doc researchers decided not to continue walking on this path (because of other important priorities).

I was laughing at myself when I looked back how I thought my research job (my first job) was a stagnant job. I was wrong! I was totally wrong. I grew a lot with great people in my lab. I need to admit that I am not so passionate in analysing the data, but I love the time spent with my research subjects (i.e., the preschoolers). I love every moment spent with my ex-colleagues that I could proudly call friend!

When I transitioned to early childhood & special needs education sector, people said "Wow, you finally get into your dream job!" (they all know that I was quite desperate to look for a hands-on job with children). However, my first response was I did believe that each job has plus and minus. Luckily I already had that mentality. It was indeed not a flowery job. It's truly a path to sanctity, just like my research job, as I enjoyed every second spent with my students, but I do feel much more tired at the end of the day compared to my research job. It is a path of roses and with thorns too (especially when you got complaints from parents, oops!) =P But I love it. I love the eureka moments that I have when I walk or sit in the toilet and suddenly I get some teaching ideas! I love the moments when I'm so happy that my student finishes her milk or when another student says "hug" to request a hug from me.

I'm looking forward to learning more things and discerning if this is the path for me. I pray now that as I resign from my current job, God gives me the humility to want to be guided in my next job and perseverance as the new job will be more demanding too! I told myself the same message, there's no dream job. Each job has plus and minus and it's a process of understanding myself better too. At the end of the day, who knows I'll end up doing Ph.D? I already have some research questions now. HAHAHAHA *please no...*

As I reflect for my past university life and my short working experience, I thank God for the journey. Seriously, although the news that NUS is the best university in Asia now keeps popping up in my newsfeed, it is not that important. Yes, you need to study well and study smart, but wherever you are now, it's your outlook in life that is important. That's why every time I meet some people who somehow have good spiritual formation at a young age, I always tell them, "Wow, you're lucky because you know that the most important thing is to be a saint and to help people to be saints - and you know these two facts since you are young, as I only knew that in high school (a bit) and only knew the practical means in university". Even now when there are uncertainties here and there (come on, the only certain thing is uncertainty right?), I have to remind myself of these essential facts. It's okay if at the end of the day, perhaps my real passion is not in education. It's also okay if at the end of the day, I found that education is indeed my passion. In fact, my boyfriend has been encouraging me to pursue something in Arts and Southeast Asian studies, so I always keep that in my mind as I love that field too (just that I don't know how to pursue it yet).

So one day, regardless whether my boyfriend will stay in academia or not, I will look back and smile and say that his Ph.D process was a nice learning journey for both of us! Commencement is truly a beginning.

Random date ideas

Once my friends and I discussed this topic on what else can be done together with your boyfriend other than eating and watching movies.

Here are some fun things that I did with my boyfriend. Some of them initially don't feel like a proper date but they can be fruitful too as they help us to get to know each other better.

1. Jog together
It's free. Yeay!
But... If you are not sporty just like I am not, this activity can be a challenge. Nevertheless, it feels good to have your boyfriend or girlfriend patiently encourages us to keep running while I already want to walk :p

2. Visit a museum
It is very relaxing and it gives us novel stuff to be discussed

3. Play with his niece or nephew
This one is more fun for me than for him as I do enjoy running or dancing around with toddlers. It is entertaining for both of us, while I play with his niece, he will take the role of monster or any other bad guy and suddenly disturb her.
It is also a chance to discuss a lot about how we want to educate our kids next time. I found that he prefers not to threaten kids (eg if u don't do A, I won't do B) which I prefer too but I sometimes forget. He found out that I don't like to call kids "lousy" or "naughty". And both of us agree that we should try not to let our kids watch TV or ipad while eating. All because we play together with his niece.

4. Rock climbing
Another sport outing. We used to go all the way to climb on weekday night. And we used to quarrel in the middle of climbing until I want to give up climbing with him.

Again, this becomes a big learning point for us. I used to think it is just a hobby and I don't bother to improve my skills. At the same time, it also helps him, who is a more experienced climber, to learn to be gentle in correcting me. Rock climbing has become a miniature of our relationship. Now that I desire to be a better climber too, it is easier for both of us to push each other to be better. We have a common goal (i.e. To take level 2 climbing certification) and we work together to reach that goal.

5 . hang out with other couples
I used to think that quality time is equal to the time between me and him only. However, since the beginning of our relationship, my mentor has been encouraging me to hang out with other couples. It was not easy initially as my calculation was such that if I meet you with our friends, we need one more hanging out time just two of us.

Of course we still have our exclusive date, but the time spent with our friends are worthwhile. Our minds are more opened, because things (especially problems) that I used to think exclusively his problem or he used to think exclusively my problem, most of the times are also problems of other couples!

It also helps us(especially me!) to think of other people more and I learn a great deal from couples who are more mature. For example, we know this couple that goes out with an elderly man every Sunday and once in few months will ask us to come along too. They are as young as me and my boyfriend but super-generous with their time! 

King Louie, Mowgli, and false power

I am really bad in remembering exact quotes from movies. When I watched the Jungle Book scene on how King Louie tried to persuade Mowgli, I was reminded of a similar scene in the book of Genesis.
Mowgli said the red flower is dangerous and the wolves didn't let him play with it. King Louie argued that they told him so because whoever controls the red flower will be "on the top of the world". This scene sounds very familiar to me. Wasn't it like what Satan said to Eve to persuade her to eat the forbidden fruit ? "... your  eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil"

Now that I think about it again, that scene is not something that happened to Adam and Eve. It is something that happens to me very often. God didn't want me to do so and so because I will miss the fun, I will lose the "power". I am not talking about a big crime like cheating on someone or stealing, but I am talking about simple ordinary sacrifices that God wants me to do.

At times when my conscience tells me not to book a flight ticket out of impulse just because it is cheap, Satan says "come on, everybody is doing it. Isn't travelling frequently a normal thing to do?it gives me power on Facebook. How many ppl will" like" ur travel photos? " or when my conscience tells me not to watch  videos out of curiosity, Satan says I will miss the happenings that everyone knows!

This may sound silly to you :p but I think that scene really reminds me of the daily struggle of the false power that King Louie's promises to Mowgli

The importance of rest - the expensive way to realize it

Last Tuesday, I took my first full day off due to my flu and cough. I felt so guilty because in teaching, there are no spare teachers!

However, I am very happy that I took that day off because I could have a proper rest and I was 90% recovered by the end of the day. The next day when I came back to school, I could work properly, I could sing with the class, and I was at my best.

So if you are one of those who like to force yourself to work even though you are really sick, please consider to rest, for a better work the next day. It's also to be fair for your colleagues and clients that you have, especially if your sickness is very contagious =P

As for me, I hope I take care myself better (I say this every month once I fall sick - too late!).

It's really hard to get seven hour of sleep, but my spiritual director said something that is very good: "It's hard to be spiritually well when we don't have order in the physical sense". Of course there will be times when I won't have enough sleep because of family circumstances, kids, etc. But now at this moment, it's actually possible to have a proper rest if I want to.

Have a great Sunday!!

A letter for my future - regarding childcare

Dear Future Me,

If by the time you read this letter you are sending your children to childcare centre, please remember the following things.

1) Your kids are not the only kids in the classroom

Of course you will make sure that the teachers-student ratio are okay, but remember that things happen in the classroom. Sometimes another teacher falls sick and one of the assistant teacher is assigned to another class. Sometimes your kids' classmate pees in his pants and one of the teachers needs to get out of the classroom to get the mop and rinse the pants.

Anything can happen in the classroom and remember that your kids' teachers are mothers of at least ten to twelve kids of the same age.

2) There are new teachers and it takes time for them to get used to the routine or sometimes you change your kids' shoes or socks and they are not used to them

Sometimes things get mixed up.

You may not find your kids' new socks because the teachers do not recognize their new socks.
You may feel like "these teachers have showered my kids for months and still cannot remember my kid's towel???" First, remember rule #1, And second, new teachers come in at least once a year. Even during my research work in other preschools, every year I see new faces.

You may find a towel in your bag that does not belong to your kid's. You may find your beloved ziplock bag that you nicely put to store your kid's clothes. Remember that your kids are not the only kids being showered. It is a chaotic situation in which your teachers try to teach your kids independence, while your kids may take their own sweet time to wear their clothes, and the teachers need to balance between teaching your kids independence and remembering the long queue of other children (and their lunch that will be delayed!)

3) Your kids may lose their balance when they play at the playground

Kids, being kids, love running around!
You may question about your kid's bruises, but do not judge too quickly or be too suspicious (unless you really really feel signs of abuse - and even if you see signs of abuse, do not spread in social media too fast).

When there was a case of a child abuse in one of the preschool, during my research time one of the preschool principal told me that this teacher was the only teacher that wants to take the kid. That kid was famous to be difficult. See? The teachers have their own story that are unknown by the media. Of course you cannot justify the 'abuse', but in real life, remember that the teachers work long hours and with lots of kids (even if they have the right ratio, there are still LOTS of kids to handle considering that they are of the same age. Imagine you have quadruplets!). Remember that these teachers, like you mothers, are expected to be super-woman. They need to take care of your kids the whole day and prepare the lesson plan or activities or outings or letters for YOU.

Dear Future Me,

before you complain to your principal, please think through these three points.

Hugs,


Myself in 2016