yup.
The last 2 weeks of school.
Four years ago, in the last 2 weeks of school, I spent time "emo-ing" because my and my friends would take different paths. Everything would be different. At the same time, I would like to cherish each 'last moment': walking to church nearby, sitting with friend on the same chair (yes, our chairs in the classroom were very big, enough for 2 people), teasing each other (well, I think I was the victim of teasing most of the time), recalling all the good times.
Now, last 2 weeks in NUS. Hmm, let me think what I'm going to miss from NUS/ Eusoff/ Undergraduate life:
1. eating rice+cabbage+ham+egg for $1.60 from Chinese food stall at the Deck
2. taking a nap for 15 minutes between lessons
3. sitting at Arts walkway and studying (or trying to study)
4. my BIG room in Eusoff :p and my roommate
5. Legion meeting in blue oyster (yes, there's a room called 'blue oyster')
6. walking from one place to another place under yellow roof
7. falling asleep in lecture - OOPS!
8. laughing in Thai class
9. doing 'lots of stuff' (to be honest, I don't know whether I'll have energy to do something in the evening after work)
10. Friday Mass in Lecture Theatre (well, I don't attend CSS Mass that often, very infrequent indeed, but when else you can attend Mass in LT)
ok that's it from now.. The thing is in NUS I do not really have 'ritual' (eg in high school, used to walk to Church nearby with my friends after school). I used to have 'ritual' eating zha jiang mian after mass with Andrew, Handy, and Eusoff CG, but after they graduated, no more zha jiang mian 'ritual'. (now kinda starting it again with Sharmini, while she eats tom yam from the same stall :P). Oh I know, maybe the dinner after Legion meeting?? Hehehe..working means cannot stay up too late right?
Last Sunday, I met Andrew and his 'fiancee' (yes! fiancee!). He asked me about my dream, what I'm going to do after graduation, and so on and so forth. To my surprise, I don't really have 'big dream' anymore. There's a sense of loss of direction. Just flow like that 'only'. Now I don't even know the reason I choose to apply as RA, rather than taking the risk to be jobless for one month and apply for therapist position. I just know that I don't want a 'stable' career now (so weird!) because somehow I want to study again (still want!!) in 2013 or 2015 (or maybe by that time, I won't want it anymore? just like how I abandon the effort to apply postgrad)
Is it okay not to have 'big dream' anymore? What's wrong with 'just' be an ordinary person? Is it okay if I feel that my happiness is 'as-long-as-I-interact-with-children' no matter what specifically the work is, and despite the fact that there's no career-prospect or whatsoever it is? What if my expertise is 'not-to-be-expert-in-one-area'? Is it wrong?
Hahaha..
okay never mind. Maybe this is just a girl-monthly-syndrome.
The last 2 weeks of school.
Four years ago, in the last 2 weeks of school, I spent time "emo-ing" because my and my friends would take different paths. Everything would be different. At the same time, I would like to cherish each 'last moment': walking to church nearby, sitting with friend on the same chair (yes, our chairs in the classroom were very big, enough for 2 people), teasing each other (well, I think I was the victim of teasing most of the time), recalling all the good times.
Now, last 2 weeks in NUS. Hmm, let me think what I'm going to miss from NUS/ Eusoff/ Undergraduate life:
1. eating rice+cabbage+ham+egg for $1.60 from Chinese food stall at the Deck
2. taking a nap for 15 minutes between lessons
3. sitting at Arts walkway and studying (or trying to study)
4. my BIG room in Eusoff :p and my roommate
5. Legion meeting in blue oyster (yes, there's a room called 'blue oyster')
6. walking from one place to another place under yellow roof
7. falling asleep in lecture - OOPS!
8. laughing in Thai class
9. doing 'lots of stuff' (to be honest, I don't know whether I'll have energy to do something in the evening after work)
10. Friday Mass in Lecture Theatre (well, I don't attend CSS Mass that often, very infrequent indeed, but when else you can attend Mass in LT)
ok that's it from now.. The thing is in NUS I do not really have 'ritual' (eg in high school, used to walk to Church nearby with my friends after school). I used to have 'ritual' eating zha jiang mian after mass with Andrew, Handy, and Eusoff CG, but after they graduated, no more zha jiang mian 'ritual'. (now kinda starting it again with Sharmini, while she eats tom yam from the same stall :P). Oh I know, maybe the dinner after Legion meeting?? Hehehe..working means cannot stay up too late right?
Last Sunday, I met Andrew and his 'fiancee' (yes! fiancee!). He asked me about my dream, what I'm going to do after graduation, and so on and so forth. To my surprise, I don't really have 'big dream' anymore. There's a sense of loss of direction. Just flow like that 'only'. Now I don't even know the reason I choose to apply as RA, rather than taking the risk to be jobless for one month and apply for therapist position. I just know that I don't want a 'stable' career now (so weird!) because somehow I want to study again (still want!!) in 2013 or 2015 (or maybe by that time, I won't want it anymore? just like how I abandon the effort to apply postgrad)
Is it okay not to have 'big dream' anymore? What's wrong with 'just' be an ordinary person? Is it okay if I feel that my happiness is 'as-long-as-I-interact-with-children' no matter what specifically the work is, and despite the fact that there's no career-prospect or whatsoever it is? What if my expertise is 'not-to-be-expert-in-one-area'? Is it wrong?
Hahaha..
okay never mind. Maybe this is just a girl-monthly-syndrome.
No comments:
Post a Comment