"me - time"

I think it's a term that was commonly used in a teen magazine. "me - time", time for myself, to sit back, relax, and reflect on things that have been going on.

I guess these days, I've been lacking of "me - time". I have time alone, but not reflecting. I keep myself 'busy': ironing, washing, mopping, sleeping, but I forgot to do things that give me opportunities to calm down and have a total rest. I was so happy that last Thursday I managed to touch my parchment craft again. Two days ago I also repack my stuff (ready to move out - again) and found unfinished cross-stitch since last year and a new cross-stitch that I have not touched. I have not been running again, I have not gone climbing, and I have not written my diary and my blog for quite some time. I also have not touched my camera since I came back from India.

Thank God that I have people around me that remind me to have time for God and to do charity for other people, and to meet up with friends and have a relaxing Sunday (e.g., cooking with Sharmini :) ). If not? I think I'll be crazy!! Hehehe..

We can be saints!

I don't know why somehow me and Paul talked about how we see the members of Opus Dei as living saints. It's difficult to be holy, but it's possible to live holiness in this world! Then suddenly I mentioned, "Oh if you become a saint, you're going to be patron saint of crab." Then he said, "No. Patron saint for animal behaviorist." So, I'm wondering, when I (hopefully) become a saint one day, I'm going to be patron saint to whom. Then Paul said, "For clumsy people." I was like..." >.< whattt". Then I thought, ehh..St Joseph of Cupertino used to be slow and failed in exams, but anyway now he's patron saint for students facing examinations! So yeah..perhaps one day I can be patron saint of clumsy people. Hahaha.

Anyway, I think it's very beautiful to live with the eyes focusing on God and Heaven! I wish I could always remember this. Worries, problems, and stress are always there, but eventually these might be the tools that God used to sanctify us. Last Saturday, instead of attending meditation at Opus Dei centre, I went to Novena church. Then, the priest talked about "over-worried and insecurity", exactly what I felt for the past days in that week. God reminded me through what the priest said, "Imitate Mary who walks by faith."

I was really tempted to think that it's superduper difficult and kinda hopeless to be a good person. As much as God is merciful and ready to forgive us, other people might have difficulties doing that. I was so desperate sometimes. I want to move on! Fr Mario told me, "Don't be obsessed with your mistakes. Get up and move on!" But...in this process, I forgot the fact that the effect of my mistake might be sooo bad on other people and as human, they also need time to heal the wound. It's painful to wait until someone not angry with you again, but quoting my friend, Dom, "We should accept when things do not go as we expect." It's a miracle. Once I accepted that, it's much much easier to move on, to wait, and to be genuinely interested in other people's concern rather than busy worrying about myself.

So yeah..this process of being saint is so painful sometimes. When I was down there, it's hard to remember that things will be better, it's hard to be gentle, and it's hard to be humble, to keep caring despite unfriendly response from other people.

But that's why it is called a 'struggle'. :)

Happy Post

I'm happy for my best friend who will study in China next year
I'm happy for my RA friend who worked with my thesis supervisor last year, she finally got in NUS Clinical Psychology

:)

I feel very sad

I can't recall when was the last time I cried a lot like last night.
I can't recall when was the last time I cried a few times in a day.
Thanks to the rain too! It's a perfect weather to cry
Last week I cried because I felt tired.
But last night I cried because I just feel sad..I feel very sad.
and alone..
It's even more sad to think that I have the opportunity to think that I am A.L.O.N.E

I just feel very sad...

A Relaxing Weekend

@Dom: Yes, Thank God last week I had a super-relaxing weekend :D

Last Sunday, I went to Cathedral with Sharmini, a friend from Speech Therapy program. After that, we went to my house and cooked together. I tried to cook "muntahu", combination of silk tofu and minced meat. However, last week I used egg tofu instead of silk tofu. Hahaha. It was like half-"sapo tahu" and half-"muntahu".

Sharmini was so nice! She really let me to try cooking in my own way, she encouraged me, "It's okay. You're the chef today!" I was soooo happy. It took us 1hour 20 minutes to cook 'only' "muntahu" and stir-fried kangkung, but it was really an achievement for me. Next time, I should added maizena (corn-flour) too! So yeah..I had a good chat and a good meal with Sharmini. After that I mopped the living room and the kitchen.

Monday was public holiday. I went to Paul's house to make beef burger. I couldn't flip the beef! Hahaha.. Then Paul's mom taught me how when we fry the mushroom, we shouldn't add oil and we must make sure there's no water on the frying pan.
After that we went prawning. It was my second time prawning and I didn't get any prawn!! :( Paul got 2 prawns and I sent the picture of the prawn to my mom (thanks to whatsapp!) then she replied, "Last time ur dad caught a lot!" Last night when I skype with mom, I realized how different it is to prawn in Singapore and in Taiwan. She said that in Taiwan, they keep adding the prawns to the pond!!! So nice right??

After prawning, we went to Ferdy's place for a karaoke! So few of us.. But it was very fun!!! Hahahaha..

The good thing about working is I don't need to do homework on weekends! hahahaha.
Yeay!!!! :D
The sunshine is back :P

Pride

Well, I didn't realize that I had this problem until about 3-4 weeks ago, I talked to my spiritual director about my bad habit of "being-defensive-when-someone-corrected-me". Fr said, "It is called pride." My mom also has mentioned a few times that I will never want to be in the wrong position.

I found it very difficult to acknowledge my mistake. My first reaction will be "a-typical-unhappy-face". Secondly, I will try to find excuses (this one also I just realized about it). Until now, I find it very difficult to accept my mistakes, to accept my defects, and to say sorry 'easily' and just move on.

For now, every time I fall again to this thing called pride, I try to ask God to lift me up and I try to see myself as a little kid. I need help and it's okay to fall and let God help me to get up.

Below is a quotation from The Furrow that struck me:
 Allow me to remind you that among other evident signs of a lack of humility are:
—Thinking that what you do or say is better than what others do or say;
—Always wanting to get your own way;
—Arguing when you are not right or — when you are — insisting stubbornly or with bad manners;
—Giving your opinion without being asked for it, when charity does not demand you to do so;
—Despising the point of view of others;
—Not being aware that all the gifts and qualities you have are on loan;
—Not acknowledging that you are unworthy of all honour or esteem, even the ground you are treading on or the things you own;
—Mentioning yourself as an example in conversation;
—Speaking badly about yourself, so that they may form a good opinion of you, or contradict you;
—Making excuses when rebuked;
—Hiding some humiliating faults from your director, so that he may not lose the good opinion he has of you;
—Hearing praise with satisfaction, or being glad that others have spoken well of you;
—Being hurt that others are held in greater esteem than you;
—Refusing to carry out menial tasks;
—Seeking or wanting to be singled out;
—Letting drop words of self-praise in conversation, or words that might show your honesty, your wit or skill, your professional prestige...;
—Being ashamed of not having certain possessions...
( http://www.escrivaworks.org/book/furrow-point-263.htm)

Have a blessed Sunday! :)

cloudy day

I hope I can blame this up and down of emotion to my hormone. Maybe my period is coming. I don't know.

but I feel very tired....

today I jumped here and there once I walked out of office cos I thought "yeay! weekend" then I was humming along the way
then I went for Mass then I felt a bit sad..
then I "forced" myself to go dinner to Holland Vi (first time joining the CSS people for dinner), had a good chat with David from Mauritius.
then the bus took very long to come to serangoon mrt
then I reached home 11pm alr

I'm tired

I'm supposed to go climbing tmr, but now I don't have mood. I thought I want to go climbing cos today I felt fresh already after 7 hours of sleep last nite, but now I feel tired again.
This week, my days were literally GONE.
I feel very selfish, but my goodness...I really don't have time for myself this week.
Even though I was busy in hall, I still had time for myself.

actually yesterday after I listened to evi's story, I feel quite lucky.. My work is not THAT hectic.

I think I'm just too slack these 2 months since I came back from India
I'm not used to "having-something-to-do-almost-every-day"
it's just crazy..
it's never ending..
and all of them are one stuff!
at least in hall I could dance la, choir la, or what la...

I'm tired...

I thought I'm okay already...
but I think I'm still "shocked'
it's difficult  u know. It's difficult not to have self-pity...
these 2 months I've been "slacking"

I'm really tired.......................................................................