Random date ideas

Once my friends and I discussed this topic on what else can be done together with your boyfriend other than eating and watching movies.

Here are some fun things that I did with my boyfriend. Some of them initially don't feel like a proper date but they can be fruitful too as they help us to get to know each other better.

1. Jog together
It's free. Yeay!
But... If you are not sporty just like I am not, this activity can be a challenge. Nevertheless, it feels good to have your boyfriend or girlfriend patiently encourages us to keep running while I already want to walk :p

2. Visit a museum
It is very relaxing and it gives us novel stuff to be discussed

3. Play with his niece or nephew
This one is more fun for me than for him as I do enjoy running or dancing around with toddlers. It is entertaining for both of us, while I play with his niece, he will take the role of monster or any other bad guy and suddenly disturb her.
It is also a chance to discuss a lot about how we want to educate our kids next time. I found that he prefers not to threaten kids (eg if u don't do A, I won't do B) which I prefer too but I sometimes forget. He found out that I don't like to call kids "lousy" or "naughty". And both of us agree that we should try not to let our kids watch TV or ipad while eating. All because we play together with his niece.

4. Rock climbing
Another sport outing. We used to go all the way to climb on weekday night. And we used to quarrel in the middle of climbing until I want to give up climbing with him.

Again, this becomes a big learning point for us. I used to think it is just a hobby and I don't bother to improve my skills. At the same time, it also helps him, who is a more experienced climber, to learn to be gentle in correcting me. Rock climbing has become a miniature of our relationship. Now that I desire to be a better climber too, it is easier for both of us to push each other to be better. We have a common goal (i.e. To take level 2 climbing certification) and we work together to reach that goal.

5 . hang out with other couples
I used to think that quality time is equal to the time between me and him only. However, since the beginning of our relationship, my mentor has been encouraging me to hang out with other couples. It was not easy initially as my calculation was such that if I meet you with our friends, we need one more hanging out time just two of us.

Of course we still have our exclusive date, but the time spent with our friends are worthwhile. Our minds are more opened, because things (especially problems) that I used to think exclusively his problem or he used to think exclusively my problem, most of the times are also problems of other couples!

It also helps us(especially me!) to think of other people more and I learn a great deal from couples who are more mature. For example, we know this couple that goes out with an elderly man every Sunday and once in few months will ask us to come along too. They are as young as me and my boyfriend but super-generous with their time! 

King Louie, Mowgli, and false power

I am really bad in remembering exact quotes from movies. When I watched the Jungle Book scene on how King Louie tried to persuade Mowgli, I was reminded of a similar scene in the book of Genesis.
Mowgli said the red flower is dangerous and the wolves didn't let him play with it. King Louie argued that they told him so because whoever controls the red flower will be "on the top of the world". This scene sounds very familiar to me. Wasn't it like what Satan said to Eve to persuade her to eat the forbidden fruit ? "... your  eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil"

Now that I think about it again, that scene is not something that happened to Adam and Eve. It is something that happens to me very often. God didn't want me to do so and so because I will miss the fun, I will lose the "power". I am not talking about a big crime like cheating on someone or stealing, but I am talking about simple ordinary sacrifices that God wants me to do.

At times when my conscience tells me not to book a flight ticket out of impulse just because it is cheap, Satan says "come on, everybody is doing it. Isn't travelling frequently a normal thing to do?it gives me power on Facebook. How many ppl will" like" ur travel photos? " or when my conscience tells me not to watch  videos out of curiosity, Satan says I will miss the happenings that everyone knows!

This may sound silly to you :p but I think that scene really reminds me of the daily struggle of the false power that King Louie's promises to Mowgli

The importance of rest - the expensive way to realize it

Last Tuesday, I took my first full day off due to my flu and cough. I felt so guilty because in teaching, there are no spare teachers!

However, I am very happy that I took that day off because I could have a proper rest and I was 90% recovered by the end of the day. The next day when I came back to school, I could work properly, I could sing with the class, and I was at my best.

So if you are one of those who like to force yourself to work even though you are really sick, please consider to rest, for a better work the next day. It's also to be fair for your colleagues and clients that you have, especially if your sickness is very contagious =P

As for me, I hope I take care myself better (I say this every month once I fall sick - too late!).

It's really hard to get seven hour of sleep, but my spiritual director said something that is very good: "It's hard to be spiritually well when we don't have order in the physical sense". Of course there will be times when I won't have enough sleep because of family circumstances, kids, etc. But now at this moment, it's actually possible to have a proper rest if I want to.

Have a great Sunday!!

A letter for my future - regarding childcare

Dear Future Me,

If by the time you read this letter you are sending your children to childcare centre, please remember the following things.

1) Your kids are not the only kids in the classroom

Of course you will make sure that the teachers-student ratio are okay, but remember that things happen in the classroom. Sometimes another teacher falls sick and one of the assistant teacher is assigned to another class. Sometimes your kids' classmate pees in his pants and one of the teachers needs to get out of the classroom to get the mop and rinse the pants.

Anything can happen in the classroom and remember that your kids' teachers are mothers of at least ten to twelve kids of the same age.

2) There are new teachers and it takes time for them to get used to the routine or sometimes you change your kids' shoes or socks and they are not used to them

Sometimes things get mixed up.

You may not find your kids' new socks because the teachers do not recognize their new socks.
You may feel like "these teachers have showered my kids for months and still cannot remember my kid's towel???" First, remember rule #1, And second, new teachers come in at least once a year. Even during my research work in other preschools, every year I see new faces.

You may find a towel in your bag that does not belong to your kid's. You may find your beloved ziplock bag that you nicely put to store your kid's clothes. Remember that your kids are not the only kids being showered. It is a chaotic situation in which your teachers try to teach your kids independence, while your kids may take their own sweet time to wear their clothes, and the teachers need to balance between teaching your kids independence and remembering the long queue of other children (and their lunch that will be delayed!)

3) Your kids may lose their balance when they play at the playground

Kids, being kids, love running around!
You may question about your kid's bruises, but do not judge too quickly or be too suspicious (unless you really really feel signs of abuse - and even if you see signs of abuse, do not spread in social media too fast).

When there was a case of a child abuse in one of the preschool, during my research time one of the preschool principal told me that this teacher was the only teacher that wants to take the kid. That kid was famous to be difficult. See? The teachers have their own story that are unknown by the media. Of course you cannot justify the 'abuse', but in real life, remember that the teachers work long hours and with lots of kids (even if they have the right ratio, there are still LOTS of kids to handle considering that they are of the same age. Imagine you have quadruplets!). Remember that these teachers, like you mothers, are expected to be super-woman. They need to take care of your kids the whole day and prepare the lesson plan or activities or outings or letters for YOU.

Dear Future Me,

before you complain to your principal, please think through these three points.

Hugs,


Myself in 2016

The pressure that shouldn't be a pressure on marriage

One of my close friends just turned 26! We have known each other since we were nine, so every time any of us celebrates birthday, this sentence keeps repeated "17 still feels like yesterday", or "when we were high school .... but now ..."

The popular wish on every birthday celebration is "may your relationship with your boyfriend last long and may you quickly get married". I guess it is because we still live in the idea that at the age of 25, we should start preparing ourselves to get married. Didn't our parents conceive us when they were 25?

I believe that dating or engagement shouldn't be prolonged unnecessarily. At the end of the day, the purpose of dating is to get to know each other and to prepare for marriage. However, knowing my circumstances, I have come to the acceptance that I am one of those couples that do not want to prolong dating unnecessarily, but circumstances do not allow us to do so.

Here are some thoughts of things that shouldn't be a pressure on how quick you should get married (credits to my boyfriend - these are fruits of our discussion or quarrels sometimes =P):

1. Your age or your boyfriend's age

My boyfriend is six years older than me. When I go back to Indonesia, people look at him as someone who should have kids by his age. The funny thing is even when we were just attached for a few months, once the neighbors saw him they started asking my mom, "Don't forget to send the invitation!" disclaimer: I don't mean that he looks old =P

We shouldn't get married just because I am turning 26, or just because I am already 40.
We need to have the maturity. On the other hand, we shouldn't expect ourselves to be perfect before marriage (eg wait until I am not stubborn anymore!), but we should least work towards what kind of person I want to be, regardless of my relationship status.

2. How many pre-wedding or wedding photos you have seen on your facebook newsfeed

There is a point of time when your facebook newsfeed will be full of your friend's wedding photos once every two months. Perhaps it makes us wondering if it is the time for us too to get married.
However, each couple is different.

I have friends who are engaged less than a year after they got together. When I see that they have been working together on themselves, having an open communication with each other, and most importantly, they have agreed on the fundamental values (faith, ideas about children, and ideas about marriage), I literally jumped up and down happily when they broke the news. I also have other close friends with similar dating period and get engaged, yet I do not have the same reactions because I know they have not agreed on some things or they are pressured by other things. For example, if they are Chinese, some of their parents still look for specific good dates that bring good luck. I have seen cases in which the marriage was quickened much faster until they are willing to let go the spiritual preparation.

3. For Singapore case, your public housing down payment

In Singapore, you need to be at least engaged before applying for a public house. Then you need to produce your marriage certificate by the time your house is ready (2- 3 years).

However, there are cases in which couples realize that the partner is not the Mr or Mrs Right, but because they already make down payment, they still continue with the marriage.

Because of these reasons, I have learnt to stop wishing my friends "May you quickly get married". I don't want to be the pressure on my friends who may not even be sure if their partners are the Mr Right. I have learnt to stop asking, "When will you get married?" or "Are you getting married soon?" whether they are 30+ or 25 because even if they plan to get married, it is very tiring to keep answering your friends the reasons of not doing so soon. On the other hand, if I know they are still struggling in some issues or if they are still contemplating if they are meant for each other or if they are called for marriage, I prefer to discuss other topics that can help us to prepare ourselves better.

A review about some app - a dummy's perspective

My current phone is only my second smart phone after my beloved Nokia phone's screen cracked into pieces last year. The current one is an Android phone so I am so happy to finally be able to download app from Google Play Store. Here are some apps that I've found very useful:

1. MoneyLover

One of my new year resolutions is tidying up my budget every month. I have been taking note of every expenses, but I have not been able to look at the bigger picture of how much I spend per category. Thanks to my brother, I installed MoneyLover app. It's my first month using it and since I already have the habit of taking notes of my spending, this app makes it easier to tidy up the categories.

2. OvuView

Similarly, I have been tracking my menstrual cycle although I'm single (read here for more information of the importance of tracking your menstrual cycle). I am less consistent in doing this compared to in taking note of my budget. This app allows you to key in temperature, mucus characteristics etc depending on the method that you use. I have no say yet about the accuracy of this app but it helps me to be aware of my body and changes of mood related to the hormonal changes.

3. Pocket

You can download the articles that you want to read later in this app. In this case, I can tell myself to switch off my data, but I still can read the articles offline. Unlike facebook or pinterest, this app puts a stop of the scrolling down habit. Unfortunately, not all articles can be viewed offline.

I used to be a super-hardcopy person. However, some inventions do help me to organize my life better =D

What's your lifeline?

There are moments when I question myself, "Why am I created this way?" Of course, we are thankful for our strengths, but it was kinda difficult at times to be thankful for our defects too. It was a little challenging at times to have the faith, that God wants to use me as an instrument, me as a whole, with my strengths and my defects.

The bad news is, when this thought comes, it is like a domino effect. All the negative thoughts will attack you, all the words of disappointment that were spoken by the affected parties ring and ring in your ears, again and again, even when you are trying to sleep or when you are trying to pray.

And in those moments, the only prayer that I can utter is, "Lord, what should I do?"

I envy some people who can hear God clearly in their prayer. Or...at least can talk clearly in their prayer, at least most of the times.

When the temptation comes, to ask God, "Why am I created this way?"

I guess it is time to practice an interior mortification. To dare to stay stop to all gloominess and negative thoughts in your head.

Those moments when you feel so ugly (interiorly), so ugly and sick interiorly, especially as evident by how your loved ones may find to see your face or just to hear your voice as sickening or painful because how grave your mistakes are..

it's a great time to hold on to God and to run to the doctor, i.e., your spiritual director :)

When I did white river rafting in Manali (India) 4 years ago, the boat capsized. I couldn't breathe for awhile, and the only thing I did was what my guide told me, "hold the lifeline. Never let go the lifeline" (the string on the boat). It was very hard to breathe until finally my guide pulled my body up and I was panting like mad.

I guess in the spiritual life, when you feel that you can't breathe for awhile, you need to hold on the lifeline.

For some it is perhaps a wooden cross..
For some others, it is perhaps a kiss to an image of Our Lady.

What's your lifeline?

Have a great weekend!