when u don't know what to do

it's a bit weird when u feel weird not doing anything..hahaha..
no football match today
i think i've wasted my time. I called some companies today,but there was no significant result. I took a nap for 2hours, rushing to University Hall to drop the documents for bursary application (yeah..today is the last day of application)

so ya..nothing much today..except had a nice durian party with Paul and Carina. Prashanti became the victim and Krizia only tried one.

hahahaha

oh no...what to do now..lazy to do anything..hahahaha..

durian lalalala

I had durian party aft Legion meeting today..
niceeeeeeeee..
hahaha

i feel so full...:) :)

will eat more durian in Indo..hahahaha

makin diomongin,makin....

ceritanya begini..
ada satu makhluk..
matanya dua dan hidungnya satu..

Mkahluk ini lucu,tetapi tidak imut
baik,tapi tidak yang gimanaaaaaaaa gitu..

terus terus
ya sudah...gitu "doank" kak
teman yang menyenangkan

lalu makhluk ini pergi..hilang "wush" dibawa sang angin
jadi ya sudah..dadahhh makhluk lucu..

anehnya,
mulai..mulai..ada percikan-percikan aneh..
saat membaca celoteh makhluk ini
dan membayangkan jika memang pertemuan akan terjadi kembali

haduh haduh....

home

it is a surprise,
it is a miracle.

I thought I can only go home in recess week,then suddenly my employee told me that I only need to work 16hours/week this month..sooooooooooo...it came to my mind,"home-home-home". I asked HR,she said it's ok to take a week off,as long as every week maximum 16hours.

lalalalala...

that day,i called my mom,i bought my ticket.

Well,i can say that i use my internship savings for ticket singapore-bali..*even though i used credit card and the bill went to my parents,hehehe* but I do feel very excited to go home..

Thank God... ^^

ketulusan

sebenarnya aku benci perasaan ini
saat aku mulai mempertanyakan ketulusan seseorang
aku sedih,aku galau
seseorang yang aku benar-benar percaya
entah kenapa,aku mulai kehilangan kepercayaan dan meragukan ketulusannya
aku lihat sirat mata yang berbeda
aku dengar nada yang agak tak biasa

maaf

maaf kali ini aku ga tahu kamu tulus atau enggak
maaf kali ini aku ga yakin apakah aku bisa mempercayai kamu
saat kamu bilang bahwa kamu akan selalu ada,
aku hanya meringis
saat kamu pertama kali menginisiasi pembicaraan denganku,
aku tahu ada yang enggak beres,ada yang beda

maaf
tuluskah kamu?

lagu Sherina yang zaman sekarang

entahlah tiba-tiba teringat lirik berikut ini,

Kau buat aku bertanya,
Kau buat aku mencari,
tentang rasa ini aku tak mengerti
Akankah sama jadinya
bila bukan kamu?

hey...pernah ga sih merasakan perasaan semacam ini?
bahwa kamu ga ngerti perasaanmu sendiri
dan ketika kamu mencoba untuk melanjutkan kehidupanmu dengan normal,
kamu bertanya-tanya sendiri,
"Akankah sama jadinya bila bukan kamu?"
Kadang-kadang bukannya kita tidak mampu melupakan sang orang lama,
tetapi seringkali ini masalah 'kebiasaan' dengan orang lama dan kamu mungkin mulai berpikir apakah jadinya akan sama kalau tidak dengan si orang lama ini?

menarik sekali lagu ini :)

June is ending soon

June can be considered as a peaceful holiday for me. I "only" work-dance-call sponsors. I could arrive in hall around 8p.m. I had time to jog once and last week I went window shopping for 5hours). I have a feeling that next week will be the last week of break. Hahaha.. My bro will come and we'll go to Universal Studio. Yeay!

then July will come...
I still have to stay in my super-stuffy-room for one more month (I super-duper-hate my room now...)
I will start my data collection.
Nuansa comm members will come back to sg,meetings+practices will resume.
Orientation will come,see freshies n realize that I'm year3..hahaha..it means i'm in the halfway of my uni life..

time flies...
tmr is weekend,but i'm not as excited as before..a hectic saturday...n peaceful Sunday (thank God),but running out of ideas what to-do on Sunday..sometimes i just don't hv the mood to do anything,but at the same time i'll feel bored when i do nothing..hahaha

enjoy the 2nd half of jUne :) :)

my first world cup in Singapore

I start to believe that sometimes it does not depend on which team you support or which football player you admire, it might be about whom you watch with.

I start to doubt myself,"Did I really watch almost every match in Indo?" but as long as I can remember,I really did watch almost every match (I think 2matches per day including half asleep in the middle of the match :P). I also did not understand why people think I'm kidding when I ask them to watch 10p.m. match every day coz me,my dad,n my bro used to do it every nite! As my fb status said,I miss the moment when 3of us squeezed on our parents' bed plus my mom was sleeping and we liked to disturb her. I miss the moment when we would wake each other up when a team almost scored a goal. I miss the moment when my bro and my dad will bet who would win that match.I miss the moment when we tease each other when one is falling asleep in the middle (sometimes failed to wake up till the game is over).
and the stingy singapore channel made me piss off coz I could only watch the opening,semis,and final in channel 5. Otherwise,I had to watch from a low quality online streaming or go to McD (I have not gone to McD to watch, so I dunno how the crowd is).

so my dad just teased me last nite,"Yeah..stingy singapore" while i replied him "coz cigarette companies sponsor us in Indo" ckckck...cigarette companies..I blame them but now I see one usefulness of them: sponsoring World Cup license *ohh so ironic*

I planned to sleep aft watching Argentina but I am still awake now..hmm should I watch England now? :P

my first novena at Novena ^^

Today I attended Novena Devotion to Our Mother of Perpetual Help at Novena Church at 2p.m. I was amazed mainly because there were A LOT OF PEOPLE praying. They have novena devotion every hour every Saturday. A lot of people were also queuing to make confession.

According to www.newadvent.org, novena is "a nine days of private or public devotion in the Catholic Church to obtain special graces". We can also do novena once a week for 9 consecutive weeks. If you want to see how a novena is like,we can go together :)

The last time I attended public Novena before last Saturday was loooooooooonnnnnnnggggg time ago in Jakarta. There was a novena devoted to a saint (I forgot his name..duhh) in my cousin's parish. I like the "petitions and thanksgiving letters-reading" part. People might think that 'ah..it's just a normal thanksgiving or petition', but I felt that for someone to write such a nice letter to Our Lady,it really seems that the person really felt her intercession and how God really worked on his or her life. When I listened to the petition, I could also feel how the person had put so much confidence and at the same time,he or she surrendered to God's will.

My mom likes to attend public novena. I'm still learning to persevere like her. I'm always amazed by how she really commits herself every week to attend public Novena when there's a chance to do so.I know she's praying for the conversion of my father. I remembered when I asked her a few years ago,"Mom,are you tired of asking Lord?" and she answered me,"I believe if God wants and the time is right,He'll change your father 180 degrees :P." Until now she always asks me to pray for my dad while honestly,sometimes I feel that I'm not persevering enough. It has been so many years till sometimes I 'forget' to pray for this special intention. But even when I did pilgrimage last week,my mom SMS me,"pray for your dad."

When I read the novena prayer,I felt that the prayer really strengthened me. Today we use set 4 and it was written in the personal petitions:
* That I may always trust and turn to God for help in coping with life's problems
*　That I may be concerned with the needs of he least of my brothers and sisters.
*　That I will always try to forgive those who hurt me.
At that moment I　thought,even though we might feel that 'Oh, I don't really have BIG problem or a particular intention', the content of novena will still very useful for us and can draw us closer to God. *and during novena, we don't only say petitions,there are some other prayers*

first class phenomenon

Firstly, I have difficulties in explaining the system in NUS to my family. Honours vs without honours, bell-shaped curve grading system, A+ vs A, first class vs second class vs third class. Secondly,when I was still naive,I wrote on my dream book,that I wanted to be in the first class.

Now that I am going to my third year (I still don't want to say that I'm 3rd year student,well...the new academic year has not started :P),I just took a deep breath after I opened my exam result.Some modules were very tough till when I got B,I already felt very thankful.I also couldn't understand people who complained because they failed to get into first class.

It's not that I don't want to be a first-class student,hahaha,but I have some questions before I decided to sacrifice many things for the sake of being categorized as a first class student.

Do I need to be first class?
Do I want to be first class?
Is it worthy to sacrifice many things to be first class?

Now I reach the point when I always think that "I just do my best". hmm..but I'm just wondering,if I want to get scholarship to pursue Master degree outside Singapore,do I need to be first class?Or does it depend on my thesis and research proposal?Does it depend on my experiences?just wondering..hahahaha..

It's good if someone can be a first class student,but I don't think it's wise to sacrifice MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THINGS in life,for the sake of grade.Learning is not only for exams or grades.If I waste my time and I know that actually I can achieve a better result,I should be sad. But if I or you feel that you have done your best (but wondering why I can't get a better result?),it's time to move on and to think about the strategy how to study smarter next semester.It's also important to equip ourselves with other skills and above all,the most important question is how to make life becomes meaningful. Obviously,the answer is not only "by being a first class student". :)

Dialogue with Indonesian Parliament Members (a copy from the previous blog)

what is a ‘dialogue’?According to thefreedictionary.com, a dialogue is “A conversation between two or more people”. I think the definition implies that when one side asks a question, another side should answer or at least address the question, instead of turning around without saying something related to the question.

i hope i will not be sued of writing this post.
7p.m. arrived at Indonesian embassy, free food YEAY!!

7.45 p.m. “dialogue” started with the opening speech from the ambassador and each panel member (there were 3 parliament members, 2 of them were celebrities) had 10 MINUTES to give opening speech to kick start the discussion.

1st panel member: initial EC

honestly, i couldnt recall what he said. he mentioned about reformation, new regime, bla bla..

2nd panel member: initial RM

she presented data about indonesian domestic worker and raised some recommendations about what the embassy and gov should do to protect domestic workers

3rd panel member: initial TY

he presented more comprehensive data about domestic workers issue, economics etc.

well, i guess TY’s opening speech was the best among them..then the opportunity came to raise questions and say sth to the parliament member

1st question came from the head of an organization that works with indonesian domestic workers. She acknowledged the recommendations that the members have said but she claimed that she has been raising up certain problems to the parliament members in the previous years but they didn’t do much, so she asked for certain suggestions on what she could do to work on these issues (i wasn’t really focused)

2nd question came from a sailor. he complained abt the procedure that he had to go through every time he sailed to indonesian area. he asked about what actually the authority of ‘that official who always asks for certain documents’ coz he was always confused abt the procedure and the authority of the officials. he wanted to clear his doubt coz according to his understanding, he didn’t need to present the documents anymore. he also asked abt suggestions on how we can raise awareness among indonesians to love the sea even though they are not sailors and it would be better if more people are interested to be sailors.

3rd question came from me, a student. i was a bit annoyed by the repetition of EC’s statement “…..Indonesians living here….developing spore…maybe also developing indonesia…” so i told him “u should ask the ambassador n the 3rd secretary what the Indonesian students have done in spore” i also asked them abt the follow-up of David’s case (the NTU student who “committed suicide-according to spore media-but many ppl suspect there are many conspiracies behind”)..since TY also mentioned abt the limited jobs avai in Indo, i told them that aft we get bachelors degree, we might not be so afraid of being jobless in indo..but of course we expect more..how abt the research opportunity in indo,esp.for soc.sciences field?n we hv 3years bond in spore, so what can we do to keep contributing to indo so we are not labeled as ppl-who-dont-love-indo-anymore, coz many ppl think once we decide not to live in indo, we dont love indo anymore..”

4th question - if i’m not mistaken, she’s an architect. she’s a chairman of an Asian-level organization n she said, she will not reach this position if she lives in indo..she mentioned the requirement of a position “male, 40 years old”. she said, “i can wait till my 40th bday but i cant change to be male”

5th question - i dont really like this lady. she employs a filipino domestic worker and she said that the quality of indo domestic worker is bad..they’re stupid, bla3..*uhhh,,,*

6th question - i dont know this guy’s job..but he asked why when he went to brunei n malay,indonesians are only associated as labour class..ppl think he’s a driver when he drove with his wife n kid

7th question - a question from a domestic worker..she mentioned RM’s statement abt ‘maid as heroes bla3′ but she complained abt how the domestic workers feel discriminated by the existence of “Badan Nasional Penampungan&Perlindungan TKI” (dunno how to translate..it’s an office in the airport where domestic workers will stay there for a while..it seems that they’re separated from other passengers) She said that the officials often ask money from them..she thanked the embassy for the good services and she emphasized on how domestic workers also struggle and put much effort to develop their skills and how they are not stupid..

8th question - a student who’s involved in tutoring domestic workers - he shared abt how they oriented to focus on human potential so that in 5-10 years, domestic workers will also be able to be entrepreneur, and develop their potentials.

the panel’s answer……

Mr EC (full of spirit!!exploding spirit and poetic words)

even though you stay here for 2,3,5 years n marry a filipino guy or any foreigner, we believe u still love indonesia..i just meant that spore gov also has to say thank you to you all coz whatever u do,u will automatically also develop singapore..

then he talked abt how now he can make IC in 10seconds..

how indo cant run 100km/hour..

5-10 minutes and the point is we are in progress..

guys,u should have been there!!it’s SUPERLONG!!

Miss RM

actually workers’ issue is not under our division..but i will talk to other division about these issues..i cant answer all the problems here.. (very short!thanks miss RM!)

Mr. TY

Life is about choice..when i graduated from Hospitality in one univ in Bandung, i started to work as bellboy, housekeeping, my tip was much more than my salary..if you’re good,wherever u are,ppl will see you..aft 2months, i became receptionist..i hv sacrificed to be parliament member (salary = 40 million rupiah/ month) while when i was MC, i got 50 million rupiah/event and i got 3 calls every month. i must adjust my lifestyle..life is about choice..u cant expect u get 20 million by the time u graduate, u start from 2million per month..jobs are available, it’s whether u want to lower ur expectation n dont compare with spore..it’s not about discrimination..

quoting Winston Churchill, u shouldnt just curse the darkness, but should start light the candles..

to answer the domestic worker’s question..

u are special coz domestic worker is the only profession which gets special office in airport..it’s the people that must be cut!!it’s the corruption that must be erased..

thanks to Mr.Sandhi, the moderator of this dialogue which closed the dialogue by saying that we Indonesians in spore hv started to light the candles, it’s just a matter of how the candles are not blown up when they reach indo..thanks to him that say thank you for the indo students who volunteer to tutor domestic workers every Sunday..thanks to him who has mentioned all the awards and achievements that the indo domestic workers got in Spore..

my comment..

well, i alr expected that it would be a ‘useless-dialogue’

i was kind of expecting more coz i thought as a celebrity, maybe TY and RM could speak better than ‘normal’ gov officials..

hmmm..

i just dont understand why they couldnt answer the questions STRAIGHT TO THE POINT..maybe i didnt state my questions clearly so that they didnt understand my questions..maybe i’m the one who is dumb and doesn’t get the connection between our questions and their answers..TY did put an effort to answer the question, i think he was the only member who tried to address our questions, BUT…I FELT VERY UPSET coz i felt that he was attacking us back!! *maybe i was too sensitive* did he say that we who chose to live in spore doesnt want to hv difficult life in indo, only thinks abt salary? well, i hv to be realistic..i also hv an idealism to go back to indo and live in indo..but referring back to my question, how abt research??what if i cant use my knowledge with an appropriate job in indo? talking abt lowering our expectation, i’m sorry Mr.TY, once we have seen the world outside indo, we’ll have a bigger dream and higher expectation..maybe MOST ppl think abt salary ONLy, but dont generalize and label us like that..it’s not only abt salary..it might be a matter of self-actualization, what we really want to achieve in our lives..and if he talked like that, i would say that fewer ppl would come back to indo coz THE LEADERS themselves associated indo with low-standard-and-expectation-and-salary..did my question create an image that i want high salary in a short period of time??i didnt even say abt salary!!

simple thing like addressing all of the audience with “Bapak/Ibu” reflected that they didn’t acknowledge the presence of students as part of the indo community in the forum.. addressing the domestic worker with “Pembantu Rumah Tangga” (domestic helper) even though the term has been changed to “Penata Laksana Rumah Tangga” (and this new term was mentioned a lot by Mr.Sandhi, Mr.Wardhana, and other people in the forum) showed that they didn’t pay enough attention to the domestic workers. Instead of repeating the statement that domestic workers are heroes, thats why they are provided a special office to take care of them in the airport in Jakarta, why didnt the panel member explain the rationale behind the existence of that office which is SUPPOSEDLY protect the domestic worker? so that we dont feel that it’s discriminative. yeah,i agree the corruption especially among the officials must be erased, but i’ve been hearing this for so many times..

another comment,

in the opening speech, none of them also addressed the issues that are faced by students, professionals, and sailors. it’s good that they have mentioned the problems of domestic workers, but i do feel that RM’s recommendations are too theoretical. in fact, the embassy has done LOTS of things to protect the domestic workers. but what has the national gov done in 1year?what have the legislative members,especially in their division, done to improve the migrants’ quality of life?

well..my strongest impression is..

1. Mr EC talked too much irrelevant things

2. they should have used their time wisely by answering us straight to the point, or if they cant answer, just admit it..what’s wrong with admitting that u dont know or u have not done much??instead of turning round and round and round…T.T

3. beside their 10-minute-speech (which must be restricted to 10minutes talking about relevant things), maybe we (students?) should present what the gov has done in one year to kick start the discussion..coz we cant expect the parliament members to talk about it..(they just present indo rank, this percentage, that percentage)

for my side,

i should do better research so i can raise more questions/statements and maybe i should limit my question to a simple sentence coz they will not clarify if they catch different meaning from my question or statement..by saying that “we believe you still love indo” (Mr.EC), i assume that they dont really know what we do in spore to show our love to indo..(n i’m afraid that they will not bother to know).. by talking abt salary etc, i feel that my question for them makes them think that we indonesians in spore just want to go back to indo if we have good pay..thats all..(or is it true??? i always believe that we dont only think abt salary..there’s sth more beyond salary..)

i want to live in indo..that’s my dream..there are a lot of IF and WHAT IF in my head,,but i promise myself that even though one day i decide to leave indo, i will still contribute to indo wherever i am..the fact is,if i study in indo now, i dont think i will learn javanese dance from a good teacher like now..i dont think i will be producer of NUS INDO musical production..i dont think i will learn more about indonesian arts like what i learned in se2214..

oh, i’ll not lower my expectation..now that i hv learned a lot and gained many experiences, i also want to give more..and if u expect us to go back n give a little (or maybe gain a little - if u assume all of us only think about good pay), whats the point of us going away from home for these 4 years?? it’s just that each person has different calling, what he or she is going to do with his or her knowledge and skill that he has gained from studying abroad..so dont label us..and know us better..dont just talk, LISTEN..clarify if u dont get the questions..n please…stop turning around every time u all answer our questions, we hv exams next week n u hv wasted our time by not answering the questions straight to the point..