7 Quick Takes Friday - Vol. 34

- 1 -

The week in which I wrote a lot on this blog, I somehow disappeared from 7 Quick Takes =) Anyway, last week I spent lots of time writing a blog series with my best friends since primary school. It's a bit like a link-up. We have same topic for each post and we name these series as the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants because four of us live in four different countries: Nyz in England, Nic in China, and Pril in Indonesia. Last week, we wrote about "50 Facts About Me". Unfortunately, I wrote this post in Indonesian language so you won't be able to read it, but feel free to google translate =P In fact, I proposed these series with my friends so that not only we have a fun way to catch up with each other, but also to train me to keep writing in my mother tongue.

- 2 -

It's been decided.

I'll be going to Spain and Rome this September. (praying hard for my visa!!!) I hope everything goes well!!
So...if you have any ideas how to raise fund in these few months, please let me know! My plan is to cook before work and sell lunch to my colleagues. HAHAHAHA (because the food in our canteen is quite horrible....) However, my cooking skill is not that good, so I'm not sure if this is possible. Maybe I should give free trial first. =P

Last night I was doing some research about the visa requirement. So many things to prepare!
But yeah..excited.

It's not only a 'normal' traveling, but it will be a pilgrimage of the Way of St James  for five days, followed by Beatification of Don Alvaro in Madrid then proceed to Rome for a few days. For me, this will be a trip of thanksgiving as God has granted many things for me through Don Alvaro's intercession (one of which is Paul's first paper published last December) ^^ and.... a trip to ask many special intentions (oops!). When I talked to people about this trip, as I have a very tight budget (we're going to stay over in a school during our trip to Madrid and Rome to save money), I always say, don't imagine a luxurious trip. However, think about it like this. Firstly, Beatification doesn't happen every day =P Secondly, I believe there will be many many graces granted through this trip including with a package of the discomfort of the hot summer in Madrid. But yeah..imagine you are there with thousands and thousands of Catholics in one place, united and prayed together. It'll be a beautiful experience!

- 3 -

This week has been a tiring week. I'm exploring a program that can analyze massive transcriptions, and it's tough! It should be simple, but errors and warning messages appear here and there. Argggghhh! This is the first time I leave office with eyes almost closed because my eyes are just soooo tired.

- 4 -

On Tuesday, we invited someone from HR to our Tuesday Lounge. She answered my doubts and fears without the need of me voicing them out. Hahaha. Firstly, she encouraged us to find many opportunities in our current job position, in our company. So finding experience is not the same with job hopping. Secondly, we need to know what's deep inside us. And you know what she said? If having a family is something important for us, then it's okay to decide to choose a job that is not so ideal for this 'value'. (if let's say your ideal job requires you to sacrifice your family)

- 5 -

This week I really made an effort to list my expenses. I've been trying to be consistent in writing down my expenses, but this time I feel the urgency and importance of seriously doing it because the transition period is coming soon (paying deposit for housing rental, salary will be delayed in your last month of working before your contract renewed, and so on and so forth).

- 6 -

Yesterday I met up with a friend, a student from Christian Fellowship. Really had a nice chat with her. I remember the first time we met our discussion was revolved around why Catholics do this why Catholics do that. But yesterday we talked about all sort of random things about 'why' to some extend but more into how meaningful things are, e.g., how special the Easter Triduum celebration, and she was the one bringing up about the humility of St Thomas Aquinas.

I feel young talking to a student. HAHAHAHA... And I'm so amazed that unlike most people who easily buy tea when we eat outside, she just drinks her own plain water because she says she doesn't want to spend unnecessarily. (and she's a Singaporean!)

Really thank God for a nice relaxing evening to talk about things that we value the most :)

- 7 -

Last night, as I was ironing and listening to Thai songs, (somehow Thai songs become my favorite soundtrack for ironing), I suddenly remember this song. Soundtrack of the first movie Paul and I watched together (ATM!), super funny!!!! The movie is about a couple who worked in a company where romantic relationship between colleagues is not allowed. So this couple was competing to solve the problem of an ATM which dispenses money double of the amount keyed in because none of them wanted to resign. The loser would need to resign from the company.

 More quick takes at Jen's blog!!

Lifestyle

A few days ago I visited a briefing about a travel club.

They say it's worth it to pay $50 per month and you can go cheap trips sooo many times throughout the year. So those who are in the club can travel 6 times per year or even more.

If I went to this travel club meeting a few years ago, I would have joined them. It's sooo 'me'. I like travelling =P

However, even though I genuinely think that their concept is interesting, now I feel that it's not for me. Firstly, it's not my lifestyle anymore, to travel somewhere just because it's cheap to do so. Secondly, the more I think about it, the more I feel that this travel club creates unnecessary necessities. Do we really need to travel once a year? It's so 'normal' here, in Singapore. People travel a lot! I've even met kindergarten children who have been to Japan.

As time goes by, your lifestyle changes :) Yes you may be young and not-married yet, but it doesn't mean that you MUST live life to the 'fullest' according to other people's standard. I think people can live life to the fullest without making travelling once a year 'a must'. Yes, we can travel for a purpose, for a recreation, but there's no need to force it. :)

The funny thing is, the day after I went to the travel club meeting, I met my financial planner. I am considering to have life insurance now. It was not my priority before. However, after I interviewed a number of elderly for my research, I realized that the government pension is not enough. I don't believe in such thing as yes, we must depend on ourselves in our old age. I have trust in God and in my future family. Nevertheless, I think we need to do our small part too, be it savings or insurance or whatsoever (disclaimer: I am not an insurance agent). Managing our money well is part of our responsibility as a family member.

Back to this lifestyle topic, I was talking to my boyfriend to 'complain' how difficult it is to be in-between. We are singles, but we are not like other singles because we have other commitments. Sometimes perhaps it's easier to excuse ourselves from this-travel-three-times-a-year-lifestyle by saying "Oh, my status: married" or "Oh, but my kids...." However, to be singles and say, "No, I have other commitments" make people have question mark, "What kind of other commitments can hinder you from this lifestyle if you are not married?"

I guess now I start to see the crosses of couples who are well-to-do. Some people have this thought, "oh, they have many kids because they are rich. See their car, or their house." Now after meeting some couples that I also think 'well-to-do', I've realized that they've made conscious choices to sacrifice A LOT to be generous. One of these couples have never had vacation overseas for 20 years. (disclaimer: compare this couple with other people in Singapore where it's so normal to travel overseas). They also do not send their kids to tuition centre. (again, the 'culture' of Singapore is each kid must go to tuition centre if you want them to excel academically and not lose from other people). And........they even refuse to take up higher position that pay them better because the position will steal the time from their family. (Again...imagine how much richer they can be if they make the opposite choice AND choose not to be opened to life).

Furthermore, imitating my dad, he always told us, NEVER judge people from their situation NOW. If you see them successful NOW, imagine their situation 15 years ago.

What kind of lifestyle would you like to have?
~~~Quoting Fr Richards, the choice is yours =P

When action is required...

I would like to write this post as a reminder for me and for other people who sometimes feel the pinch of the so-called 'sacrifice'.

=)

As my spiritual director says, it is normal to feel the pinch, but don't look back.

I think this is very important. I remember that two years ago, when I said 'yes' to date my current boyfriend, I know my world will be upside down (I thought it is only something that people say in movie or in wedding speech to make things sound sweet, but apparently it's not). My world is literally upside down now, in a positive way.

There was one night, early in our relationship, I was skyping with my boyfriend because he returned to Singapore after a short visit to Indonesia. I was thinking very hard after short and long conversation with my mom, and somehow I reached a conclusion to tell him this one line, "I would like to let go of my dream for you."

It's not easy to say, and it's even harder to do in small moment and big moment.

Fast forward, it's almost been two years of our courtship. Now I really see and feel what that one line means and its impact on me and on both of us.

So when action is required, it's not easy, but it is worthwhile. Yes, it is worthwhile.
I am fully aware of the choice that I have made and the choice that I will make.
So here comes the role of prayer and sacraments, and also spiritual direction. No one, no one can survive without these things. Temptation to look back is there, but how much we want to entertain the temptation is another story. I also believe that eventually God will grant us more graces to be wise in the choices that we'll make, but I need to ask for this grace. I need to tell Our Lord, "Hey, you want me to do this right? But I'm weak, please help me."

When action is required, as a priest told me yesterday, "Ask God to sign the 'contract' " If it's His will, ask Him to 'sign' and things will turn out alright. :)

a "hero"

We were having dinner when a lady suddenly screamed.

I looked at the animal on the floor. The lady was still shaking her legs to prevent the animal from approaching her while Paul and I peacefully analyzed the situation:

me: house lizard? the tail is gone already.
Paul: no no it's a skink.
me: skink? what's that? yaikss. it's a lizard
(meanwhile the skink walked around. Other Uncles and aunties started to watch it)

Paul: it's quite rare, they shouldn't kill it.
me: then catch it. go go!
Paul: no lah, they will think I'm weird

(old man tried to catch the skink using plastic bag)

Paul: maybe I should help them catch
me: ya go go!!

(Paul was trying to catch the skink while another aunty clapped her hands a bit, amazed...)

tradaaaaaaaaaaaa... Paul saved the skink and saved the hawker centre from the skink.

it's quite cute. I'm quite proud that next time the labour division is clear: Paul will handle skink and house lizards, and I will kill cockroaches and insects (Paul is not too cool with insects compared to lizards and crabs) ^^

Sounds good?

I know people may think we are weird, but I am really proud that he can spot animals easily (and he is passing this skill to me!). How to say..it's like life becomes more colorful because you see more living things =) Now it's quite easy for me to spot changeable lizards or other birds on campus too (because he always spot it and say, look here! look there! there's A! there's B!). Hehehehe.

Have a great weekend!

It is worthwhile

It is worthwhile to wait..
It is worthwhile to let go of some things..
It is worthwhile to dream of new dreams..

             and to give thanks of what we have seen
             and to give thanks of what we have received

   as the things that seem urgent, the dreams that seem important, the things that seem irreplaceable
   are so small and insignificant

 compared to what we have seen
 compared to what we have received

        no, please don't replace these things that I have seen and I have received with my childish daydreaming



Singapore, 15 March 2014

7 Quick Takes Friday - Vol.33

- 1 -

It's been a week since Ash Wednesday. I tried to tell myself to start anew again each day.
I think the most difficult mortification so far is to fight my negative thoughts.

- 2 -

On a positive note, on Wednesday, I finally saw the joy in my work again. I was so happy after our team meeting because I realized that this massive data of observation study is very valuable. (Even though transcribing and cross-checking them is a pain =P) I am also looking forward to visiting Duke-NUS to see MRI and fMRI with my boss's class.

- 3 -

I found a part-time Diploma in Counselling degree. It's the only affordable part-time study, however, I'm not sure how useful an additional diploma degree because this programme doesn't include the internship (which is an important requirement to be recognized as a counsellor). I also found interesting Master's degree (part-time) in early childhood. However, money matters. It's so expensive.

I've realized that I have only two options: have sufficient money to pay the tuition fee OR wait (again), be PR, get a relevant job, sent to higher degree courses, and bonded for at least three years.

None of the options works for now.

- 4 -

At one point, I was sooo tempted to ask my parents if I can borrow money from them to further study.
However, I don't think it's a wise option for now.

- 5 -

At another moment, I was tempted to think how good it is to have a simple and super-small wedding and use the money to do postgraduate study instead.

- 6 -

As a conclusion, I'm not at the right state of mind to make any major decision at this point of time. Hahaha. So I've decided to dream (again), rather than to bury my dream.

I start to recall the days when I want to do clinical psychology and I wonder what makes me shift my interest to early childhood.

Another thing is I'm still young, so to be honest, it is okay not to do further study NOW or to specialize now. I just need to expand my expertise and to experience more so I slowly know what I want to specialize in. Basically I already know what I like: children, language, culture, education, and special needs education =) You want to know my 'silly dreams'? Here's the summary:

#1 Open my own clinic at home

The reason I chose psychology was because I was aspiring to be a behavioral therapist for children with autism. As I learn more about autism and clinical psychology, I am aware that to be an 'independent' psychologist, a real psychologist (not a Social Scienctist), I do need a clinical psychology degree to have the expertise in administering assessment and planning interventions.

That was the start of interest in clinical psychology.

#2 Open an inclusive preschool for both typically developing children and children with special needs

The idea is a one-stop preschool that has the normal curriculum, yet it also has in house speech therapy, occupational therapy programme, and early intervention. Depending on the profile of the children, they may be assigned to different classes during mathematics, language, or science, but they will be in one class during play time, meal, arts and craft, physical education, story-telling =)

All teachers must know the development of typical and atypical developing children.
This is difficult.

When I browsed National Institute of Education (NIE) website, what I've found was a very specific diploma in special needs OR mainstream school. At the same time, there are only a few options of special needs school in Singapore. The good thing about Singapore is they have this job called Allied Educator to assist children with mild special needs who are in mainstream schools, yet I feel that in preschool level, it is the best way to let the children mingle with each other. It is because at that age, they see all children in the same manner, regardless of their conditions.

#3 Empowerment through arts

Jiahhh..sounds like government campaign =P

Anyway, I really like arts. I dance, but I don't dance well enough to be a dancer =P and I'm not good enough to be a dance teacher. HAHAHAHA.

But I like organizing arts events =) (1 year tears and laughter of preparing NUANSA'10: This Earth of Mankind is irreplaceable).
and I like kids! So I would love to be involved in some kinds of musicals for children. Healthy entertainment for children hahaha

- 7 -

Yesterday I met up with my hall friends. Sooo glad to laugh out loud with old friends. One of my seniors is getting married in May and another married senior joined us yesterday and kinda 'test' the soon-to-be-married friend with interview questions, such as "Why do you want to get married?" hahaha.

Btw, Last Sunday I finally went to River Safari!! The queue to board the boat at the Boat Ride was around 40 minutes (ssst, not worth it!). Lucky we didn't need to pay because my company has a corporate pass. The good thing about River Safari is everything is sheltered, so you don't feel too tired. It was really really relaxing. Yeah, this was Paul's birthday celebration (very 'biology' right?) I enjoyed listening to him about this fish that fish or this crocodile or that turtle, even though one week later I forget what those species are called. Ooops..

I enjoyed Zoo and the SEA Aquarium more though =)

More quick takes at Jen's blog!!

Talking about accidents

You may have heard about the missing airplane MH 370.

Last night, my housemate told me that her friend's husband was on the missing plane..
and this friend just got married last month (my housemate attended their wedding).

My housemate was so shocked. Among so many people in the plane, to know that someone you know, someone you have met is in the missing plane... Sigh..

I called my mom this morning.
And she told me that our neighbor passed away. This lady had a 18-year-old son who used to go to catechism class in my neighborhood. This lady was the one who has been cutting my hair when I went back to Indo on holidays during my university days.
She got a stroke..

I really hope the passengers of the missing plane are safe.

When we talk about accidents, and illness, these are reminders about how limited humans are.
When we talk about death, we usually think of perhaps death when we are 70 or 80 years old,
yet it's close to us.
So close, and we never know when the time comes.

Do what I want to do

Recently I've been feeling anxious and agitated, like a child who desperately wants a candy, but he or she is not given a candy.

The problem is, I didn't realize how agitated I am until I just burst out in anger.

There's no reason to be disappointed, but I feel like I just want to taste 'the candy'.

I'm upset, why I cannot do what I want to do? Be it because of my lack of experience, or there's no money to go to postgrad and I don't have the 'paper', the qualifications to do what I want to do, or just the fact that I am a foreigner.

There are moments when I was like, "Please please Lord let me do it."

It's annoying. It's really annoying.

And when Paul said, "No, it's not that you can't do what you want to do. Not yet, not yet."

The more he emphasized these two magic words, 'not yet', the more I felt "arrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, why???????????????????"

At the same time, as I know the risk that some jobs that I am thinking of will require me to work on weekends, this changes my other complains when I do things on weekend.
Yesterday as I cooked with girls' club, I felt so happy because I realized that there will be one day when I can't do this anymore with them.
If not because of job, one day I will settle down and move on too, so Pilar is right, this is a privilege. To look at the girls' eyes looking at me and the bakwan jagung (Indonesian food) with sparkling eyes and a "Wow, it looks yummy," is really a privilege.

So sometimes I'm just confused.
I really want to do what I want to do.

The problem is...there is always give and take. I can't find a perfect job, so I need to weigh the joy and the suffering comes in a job.
Another thing is I can't think of myself only anymore. (redundant 'only', nevermind...)

I feel that this whole thing of 'giving up your dream' is a nonsense sometimes, because what happens to me is I just want to give up.

But if you think about it again, there's no sacrifice in 'giving up your dream' because you just don't dream.

But I'm scared. What if even if it's a 'not yet', what if I still can't be what I want later?

I know I will still be happy. God will take care of me. God even switches my preference and likings.
But He is like that @.@ Changed my preference and liking here and there, and sometimes he shattered it again. Okay, it's a strong word. I guess he made me wait again. And always.

I just need to be patient..
and have faith.

A short reflection before I go to bed -- My mom said....

For the past two months, my boyfriend and his friends have been organizing a video screening about marriage and relationship (and tomorrow it will be a talk given by a couple instead of video screening). I found the video very useful because most of the time we may not have full understanding of what marriage is. Alternatively, we may know it 'theoretically', but we do struggle in resolving some issues such as communication!!

I've also felt that these sessions are very good because I have chance to meet other married couples, or couples in courtship period too, or other single friends with similar family values. So a good reminder for me is, "I'm not alone!!" It's a relief to know that the problem I have in communication with my boyfriend is not a unique problem =P Moreover, another benefit of 'networking' is I know that if one day I have problem, I can run to these people for help because they have watched the same video and they also know the basic principles of marriage. These people won't tell me to "It's okay, you're not compatible anymore, just divorce your husband".

Sadly, some people are not willing to give it a try to come for these sessions =P Well, I know people are busy, but I would like to share about some misunderstandings about coming to a talk or whatever session about marriage and relationship.

Some people feel that there's no need to go to this kind of talk or video screening or meet other couples because:
         "I'm not getting married (yet)"

Let me share with you something...
        by the time we are about to get married, it may be too late to go to this kind of talk or meet other couples. Of course, we are privileged to have similar talk or networking session with other couples in Marriage Preparation Course =) However, if we are at least 'thinking' to get married, these issues that are discussed in videos are important notes that need to be discussed with boyfriend/girlfriend or FUTURE boyfriend/girlfriend. By the time we are too attached to this person (whom may not be Mr or Mrs Right), it may be too difficult to break off the relationship if apparently they do not have the necessary values needed.

Anyway, this post title is "My mom said..."

I don't know if it works for you, but apparently the most important principles that I remember now are things that have been taught by my mom since I was secondary school or high school!! (Long before I know that my vocation is to marriage, long before I meet my current boyfriend)

Here are some of them:
1) if you don't respect yourself, how can you respect your partner to respect you?

This is my mom's way to teach me about the virtue of chastity.
I'm struggling too. Quite hard at times, but this one line is stuck in my head since I was secondary school. Even after we learn more about this virtue, this is like a quick alarm that helps me a lot.

2) love is like a plant, you need to nurture it, water it, give fertilizer, etc.

This advice is given later than advice # 1, but this advice is so powerful. This advice is the advice that made me realize that my ex-boyfriend doesn't have the same principle with me and it gave me courage to cut the relationship

3) if he really loves you, he will wait.

Again, same message with # 1.

4) Respect others' territory. If you live with your in-law, don't just do things in your own way.

My mom has given me this advice since I was much younger too (of course with a lot of emphasis NOW, even though marriage is still quite far). I believe one day when I look back, this thing will still stick in my mind because I know the advice much before I need it!

5) Someone who makes friend with florists will smell like flower, someone who makes friend with fish seller will smell like fish

Friendship is important =) We need to make friends with everyone, but to whom we are running to when we have problems, with whom we become close friends, these matter A LOT.

I am very grateful with my mom for this advice. Nic, Nyz, Pril, Evi, Pheara, and my Legion friends are the source of 'good smell' for me. I don't know how I will be without them. We all have similar values and I know I can run to them for a reliable advice. I knew Nic, Nyz, Pril since I was primary four. My mom gave me this advice long before 'peer pressure is a big pressure --> puberty time'. Thanks Mom for this advice =)

So this is a pattern that I've just realized...
We need supplements, vitamins, like advices, talks, or sharing LONG BEFORE WE THINK WE NEED IT! =) Surprise!!!!!

And to be honest, sometimes we just feel the benefit so many years afterwards, but it's easier to apply these advices if we already remember them inside-out ^^

Have a great Sunday!

My mom said....

                     SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!

7 Quick Takes Friday - Vol. 32

- 1 -

Have you ever woken up feeling tired because you had a weird dream??

Two weeks ago I dreamed that I went to intern in India again, but in my dream I didn't like to stay there for too long (contrary to what I feel!). So in that dream, I was calling my boyfriend to complain that I want to go back to Singapore.

Weird!!!

Anyway, I would love to go back to India. Not sure if I'll have chance to go there again because Paul's idea of travelling is quite different with me =P

I think this jumpshot was taken in Manali. =) Hope to go back to India one day!!

- 2 -

Today I attended a senior's wedding. My favorite part was when the bride's parents gave speech and told the groom in their speech, "She is not perfect, but as you have chosen her as your wife, I'm sure you recognizer certain goodness in her." And in a video in which the family of the bridegroom was interviewed, the mom again said, "Patience. Be patient with my daughter. =P " and to her daughter, "Be less stubborn and u'll be fine"

I can imagine my mom would say that if one day she is asked to give speech on my wedding day. HAHAHA. (She has said those lines so many times when I quarrel with my boyfriend hahaha)

moral of the story --> don't ask my mom to give speech next time =P

- 3 -

Yesterday I told Ryan, my 6-year-old 'student' that next week I won't go to his house.

Ryan: why?
me: It's Paul's birthday. (Ryan is Paul's cousin)
Ryan: hah, I also want!!
me: ?? you want what? You think got birthday party ya?
Ryan: will you have cake?
me: I don't know, I haven't decided
Ryan: I want Spiderman cake
me: -- in my heart --> wow, I can't imagine I give Paul 'Spiderman Cake'

- 4 -

These two weeks are busy weeks. It seems that I always don't have enough time (even to have enough sleep) and my room is a big mess.

- 5 -

Last Wednesday, I taught an Indonesian dance to my friend, because she needs to teach her student a 'national dance' for her students' grade 5 and 6 ballet exam. It was soooooooooo fun because I finally managed to dance again! (and my legs were aching the next day)
I could feel that my body is superstiff now.. Arghhhh!!

me and my dance teacher's daughter - 24 Mar 2010. So yeah..I was supposed to teach my friend this dance called Gambyong Pareanom, but we decided to change to Yapong =)

- 6 -

I need to revise my Spanish >.< We have Spanish lesson on Mondays but I've never revised at home!!! Dieeeee

- 7 -

Okay I really need to sleep now. I'll be watching NTU choir tomorrow YEAYYYYYYYYYYY!! (finally I watch performance again!!)

more quick takes at www.conversiondiary.com!