Why I was filled with angst when we talked about "psychology and HRD"

My mom, my Church friend, my acquintance, here and there always repeat the same thing, "If you only study psychology as bachelor degree holder, most likely you will be employed at HRD" (Human Resource Department). Every time I heard this, I always felt angry, anxious, and sad. Firstly, we learn lots of things in psychology that can also be applied in other jobs. Secondly, people who have this thought usually still have the misconception that "psychology graduates can read mind". However, these people who said these things also have a common answer, "This is the fact of life in Indonesia. Either you become a teacher or an HRD." (Well, I don't mind being a teacher. I'd love to be a teacher).

After I left this thought to sleep last night, I woke up with an 'insight'. There's nothing wrong with working as HR. But the thing that made me feel sad and angry was the lack-of-options and the mentality of "end-up" working as xyz. Firstly, although a job as research assistant sounds cool, other people can also say that I "end up" as 'only' an RA. Although a job as housewife is difficult, many people now also like to say that "Xyz works hard to study architecture and "end up" as 'only' being a housewife. We can't judge other people. However, according to my high school friend, our other common friend chose to be HR because, "The offer comes first." We can't judge how much she has explored other opportunities that goes according to her passion. My high school friend said, "Da, it's very difficult to be a therapist or a teacher here. There are so few places where you can work and you might not get good supervision too."

If I like to be HR, then go for it! I'm used to this mentality that 'among-not-so-many-ideal-jobs-available', I'm sure we can find some vacancies of 'almost-ideal-job'. Sadly, this may not be the case, be it in Singapore or in Indonesia. I'm not sure whether I should have put the word "sadly" there. This is the fact of life right? But I really hate it when my dad said, "You want to have high ideals, you can live in Indo." Initially I thought, "Well, who am I to say whether I can or cannot live in Indo? The fact is I don't live in Indonesia." But now I contemplate it again in think, actually, wherever you are, there are always challenges and it's true that it's hard to have ideals, but still.. we must push to the max to live up this high ideal.

Yes, we need to manage our expectations. We need to balance between the ideals and be realistic. (e.g., you need a minimum salary to feed your family). But I would love to remind myself that I can push my boundaries! We can push our limit!! We MUST have ideals. Even if I only work as an RA, I see value in my job and I need to advance myself with whatever I have now. Even though only a little bit, a little bit, like the baby's steps. Even if my friend works as HR, she should see the value of the work as HR. Even if I work as housewife, I see the value of being a housewife.

Am I talking nonsense?
What can I do? Hhhhh..

Sorry, just need to throw these things out of my mind

How to spend quality time with my grandma

When my maternal grandma passed away, I regret that I didn't spend enough time with her. Since then I learn to appreciate my paternal grandma more. Sometimes I tried to call her from Singapore and I tried not to go out too often when I'm at home so I can spend time at home with her.

So..here are some stuff that may be useful for you if you're thinking how to spend quality time with your grandma:
1. Cook with her!
Today I tried to fry her kerupuk. Quite fun!

2. Be 'stupid' and ask her many things
I saw her drying pork with pepper outside our house. Then I asked her, "You use pepper because Dad likes pepper?" Apparently she used pepper to get rid of the flies because flies don't like pepper! Hahaha.

3. Follow her interest and don't complain if she repeats the same story
Somehow last year my grandma started talking about her love story. Her first love, her second love, my grandpa's love to her, and so on and so forth. Perhaps because she missed my late grandma.
Today she repeated the same story, but yeah.. just listen to her. And talk to her too about your love story. It's quite fun! Hahaha.

4. Sleep with her
We sleep on the same bed. Hehehe.

5. Play traditional game with her
I did this with my late maternal grandma. We used to play congklak together

6. Learn a language from her
I learned Mandarin a bit from my maternal grandma and asked some Hakka words to my paternal grandma

7. Additional point for grandpa: ask about "history in real life"
I used to ask my late paternal grandpa about how things were like during 1960s when the Communist Party was in power.

There was one photo on facebook that was shared by my friends. It was written somewhere along this line. "You've grown up. Don't forget that your parents are growing old too." This applies to our grandparents too. So yeah... be thankful that they're still with us and pray for them if they have passed on :) ps. you can ask their souls to pray for you too!

How to spend quality time with my brother

The unique thing about Nic, Pril, Nyz, and me is all of us have a younger brother and our younger brothers are only 1 year apart from each other. Well, it's kinda tough to relate with my brother. He only whatsapp or message me when he needs something and so do I! But this vacation, I have learned some stuff that may inspire us to spend quality time with our brothers:

1. Watch movie together
Apparently my brother likes to copy files of movie from his friends. I watched "You are the apple of my eye", a Taiwanese movie, with him two days ago.

2. Watch video clips that have pretty girls in the videos *duh* (e.g., Taylor Swift, SNSD, T-ara, etc.)
I've never known that my brother likes Korean stars. One day, he said, "Excuse me, can you move somewhere? I'm going to exercise (push-ups, pull-ups, etc.). Then, he played his collection of videos and did push-ups and watched those video clips at the same time.

3. Exercise together (arggghh..)
He'll force me to do 3 sets of fifteen leg-raise >.< arrrgggh!!

4. Buy gadget together
Just walk with him to the phone store and he'll act like my dad asking the salesman on the features of each phone.

5. Ask him to accompany you learn driving
Well, this one needs patience from both sides. Thank God he didn't complain anything during the lesson. However, after the lesson he will say things like "When I learned driving, after 2 sessions I could steer properly already!" or "You know, you don't feel it when you sit at the front, but when you sit behind like me, I want to vomit because you don't drive through the humps properly" >.< Nevermind...he's quite nice to accompany me to learn driving at 7am each morning! (it's vacation and I wake up earlier than Nic!! duhhh..)

6. Ask him to drive you everywhere
I would say that he's grown up already this year because he doesn't complain too much when I ask him to drive me to meet my friend, to go to Church, to do this, to do that. Hahaha.

7. Ask his opinion about new dress
His taste is not too bad. When boyfriend is not around, a brother is a good replacement to test your personal taste of fashion.

Hope you have a good time with your brother!! :)

Vacation diary :)

What have I done the past few days:

1. Learned driving
2. Played piano
3. Fried the bakwan jagung and prawn (I was not involved in the making of the dough :P)
4. Edited my CVs
5. Learned some new English vocabularies
6. Wrote diary
7. Opened bank account
8. Shopped!!
9. Browsed grad schools

What a productive vacation :D

Hehehehe..

St Stephen

Today is the feast day of St Stephen. The first martyr.
What is the first thing that comes to my mind when I hear the word "martyr"? To die defending my faith?

The thing that struck me the most from the Gospel reflection today is the challenge to be martyr every day, to have courage to carry my cross every day. It's difficult! Especially the part to be 'courageous'.


It's difficult to have the courage to ask my brother's help to drive me for Mass (I have not been able to attend daily Mass here).
It's difficult to have the courage to stop watching movie in the middle to do my prayer (hahaha.. It's very hard to do your norms of piety at home in holiday mood!!)
It's difficult to have the courage to excuse myself for a while to say the Angelus (or to ask my friends to join me saying the Angelus)

I guess Joyce is right. The devil never takes holidays so we should keep presence of God even in our holidays and being away from our normal situation is a test how we can try our best to do our norms and to keep having our daily appointment with God. It takes courage to do this little things in a situation in which other people not do the same things.

St. Stephen, pray for us.
 

Autistic Kids vs. Kids with Autism

Hello! How often have you heard the terms 'autistic kids' or 'schizophrenic patients'? One thing I remember the most from my first abnormal psychology class was not to label other people by using the name of psychological disorder as an adjective. Since then, I have learned to say "kids with autism" or "individuals with schizophrenia". Surprisingly, when I took more advanced classes such as Child Abnormal Psychology, there were still people who mention 'schizophrenic patients' or 'autistic kids' in their presentation.

What's the big deal?

Well, we should separate the individuals with the disorder that they experience. It is important to see Anne or Tom as a kid, not an autistic kid. Yes he or she may have autism, but in the first place, we should look at him or her as a child, just like any other child. Then in terms of intervention or special education, of course we should take note of his or her condition, which is autism.

So yeah.. never call someone 'autistic kid' again, okay? :)

Sounds at home

When I was awake this morning, I felt so grateful that I could hear my dogs barking and my mom talking. I felt so grateful that I heard the "Sari Roti" (a brand of bread) seller going around my housing complex. This morning I came to understand why it's very hard for my friend to leave her bed in the morning. Home is really the best place where you can be. Nothing can replace your own bed at home!! Hahaha..

I love home. I love my mom's scolding when I held her arms with my wet hands :P I love my mom's nagging to make me drink all types of vitamin, milk, and aloe vera. I love my dad's "huh huh" reply while he's in
his own world hahaha. I love the fact that my brother acted like my dad when he asked various phone features at the phone store.

I love the fact that I miss home when I'm in Singapore. Missing home is a good sign :) A good sign of how homey your home is. My family is not perfect and I thank God for this imperfection.

I love my home. So much!!

Hair in the bathroom

My mom has always taught me to spray the fallen hair after I take shower to the hole (what hole is it? I don't know the proper English name). I always forgot to do it and only now I realize that my housemate also asks me to do the same.

When you stay with other people, you start recognizing how important these small details are. There is more urgency to improve yourself because how you act affects other people! In my previous house, my roommate is a light-sleeper. She wakes up when I open my wardrobe, she wakes up because of my alarm (even though I change it to my tut-tut-tut-tut IKEA clock), and she's also awake when I reach home late! So since then, I always keep my cupboard throughout the night and prepare my working cloth the night before.

I forgot who told me this story, I think someone from Opus Dei centre. She said she knows a couple; the wife always 'clean' the soap bar after she uses it and the husband doesn't have this habit, so the wife often complains about this. So yah.. my friend said the husband learn to 'clean' the soap. My other friend told me that she didn't like when her fiancee chose what to eat and what he doesn't want to eat from the plate, so she is used to complain to him during dinner. Apparently her fiancee really hated the dinner-plus-complain situation, so they negotiate, you can complain, but not during dinner.

So yah.. hair in the bathroom may be a small stuff for some people, but it's always good to make someone's life more pleasing each day :)

Body Clock + to work with consistency

Hwahhh... as much as I wanted to wake up late, my body clock has been switched. I was already awake at 6am but I forced myself to sleep again. Okay let me write about something in this beautiful Sunday morning :)

In general, my old house in Serangoon was cleaner and tidier compared to my current house (or it may be not that tidy, but because it is only 3 of us, the mess was not so visible). When three people or five people live together, the effect is different. For example, in my old house, we put our shoes not on the racks, but they look okay. In my current house, when we put our shoes not on the racks, the effect is horrible. Another factor why old house is generally cleaner, my roommate is allergic to dust and my housemate sweeps and mops the house so often. His working hours is not constrained by 9-to-5 (unlike my current housemates and me), so he can mop the floor at 11pm! The effect of this change is, me, a messy person suddenly has higher threshold of cleanliness and my hands are quite itchy to at least sweep the floor or wash the rags.

However, to be honest, it is very hard to work consistently. Ideally we have a schedule to clean the house. Look at your mom, she doesn't clean the house only when the house looks dirty right? My first few weeks staying here, I mopped the kitchen once a week, but now, I just sweep the floor. It's quite hard to practice this consistency because on some weekdays you might meet up with your friends, you go home late, and tradaaa.. you don't feel like you want to do any house chores.

So yeah.. It's a challenge :) I was quite struck by the reflection on the feast day of Our Lady of Loreto. Can you imagine how Our Lady maintain the good home environment for Our Lord and St. Joseph? I was so happy when I finally bought a wooden image of Our Lady and put it on the wall of our kitchen. It is a good reminder every time I pass the kitchen, to learn from Our Lady to take care of little things, including my home. 

Our Lady of Loreto, pray for us.

Living in Singapore

Below are the most common questions/ statements that were said by neighbours/ relatives before I came to Singapore:
1. Do you want to come back to Indonesia after your graduation?
2. Wahh, so good to go to Singapore. Then you can get PR and live happily ever after in Singapore.
3. Where are you going to study? Nanyang?

Here I am. 4.5 years after those conversations. Before I left Indonesia, I always said that I will graduate, fulfill my 3-year bond, do Master's in Clinical Psychology, and tradaaa.. go back home and serve the country (read: Indonesia). As time goes by, I have seen the complication part, firstly, it's very hard to get into Master's of Clinical Psychology program. It's hard to get in and it's hard to get sponsored. Secondly, as much as you want to go back home and serve the country, you might not be able to serve your country with a Bachelor's degree 'only' (especially for psychology), you might not be satisfied with how things are at home (it's quite frustrating that I don't know my way about at my hometown, or 1-week-'internship' experience at home made me see how some stuff were not standardized in Indonesia and things were run not like in what your lecturers taught you). Well, there is no guarantee that in Singapore things are also done according to textbook, but it's better to work in an environment that has good supervision and standard before you intend to serve or contribute to your country. Thirdly, you might have served your country more when you are at other people's country!! (surpriseeee!!!). Let me elaborate more on this point. My supervisor in my third year did a collaboration study with a researcher in Jakarta on spelling error in Bahasa Melayu vs. Bahasa Indonesia. This also gives insight on what intervention you can do back at home! I also learned more things about my country during my undergraduate study here: the untold story of Timor Leste, how to play Gamelan (and how to explain about Gamelan to foreigner), what's the difference between Javanese dance from Solo vs. Yogyakarta, and so on and so forth. I am not joking if I say that by being in other country, IF you know your country, you can be a good ambassador, more than what the posters do ;). Last but not least, sometimes you never know what happens in this foreign country and whom you will meet in this 'foreign' country >.<

Anyway, home is still the best place! And even when I read about the silly stuff that happened at home, e.g., Rhoma Irama wants to step up as president, Indonesian MOE wants to eliminate science and English subject for primary school, I still L.O.V.E my country. I'm proud to be Indonesian. I still want to do something for my country. I may not make my government proud like how my friend became international science competition winners, but when my friends listened to me recommending them good places in Indonesia, when my friends have good impression of their Indonesian friend, when telling them about the good and bad things about Indonesia and what can be learned from us, I feel happy. I've done my small parts and I'll need to continue to do other parts.

On the second point, *cough cough*, FYI, it's very hard to get PR now. It's not a happily-ever-after life when you are overseas, away from home, must move from one house to another house (or you might even only rent a room and that's your territory). It's even hard to get an Employment Pass. It's also hard to find a job if you are not a PR. And if you don't have a 'good' job, how can you be PR?

For third question, yeah...in Indo, NTU is more famous than NUS. I must keep explaining my neighbours, "Tante, I study in NUS". Anyway, it doesn't matter. I tried to apply to NUS not because of NUS rank, but because of the adventure. Indeed, I've had many many adventures :) Thank God :)

On the other hand, to Singaporeans here, I must explain that 3-year-bond doesn't mean that you're guaranteed a job :) it's really a complicated situation. Anyway, I'm trying to embrace it. The moral of this post is... wherever you are, you have to struggle :)

Cooking Diary 1 - supposed-to-be Chicken & Lemon Risotto

disclaimer: I'm in the stage of observing someone's cooking, so it doesn't mean that I can cook this dish already.

Today's recipe was supposed to be Stir-fried baby french bean with minced chicken AND Chicken & Lemon Risotto. In this post I'd like to share about my silly mistakes.
First of all, I've put the chicken breast and minced chicken in the freezer for 3 days and I didn't put them in the bottom fridge last night. Sooo... 50 minutes passed by and they're still freezing! Please don't try this at home.

Secondly, please read your recipe carefully. I bought 500ml chicken stock instead of 900ml chicken stock, 1 chicken breast instead of 2. Thankfully there was a shop near my house where we could buy another chicken stock and luckily I bought minced chicken (that's why at the end, no stir-fried baby french bean with chicken)

Apparently, grating lemon rind is DIFFICULT! (well, I didn't do it, Paul did it and it's difficult). According to Joanne, my housemate, perhaps whether the lemon is ripe, or almost ripe, or not yet ripe will make a difference. We didn't google about it.

Instead of using risotto rice, we used Japanese rice. We put so much rice!!! (I think it can serve 5 people. I'm eating 1 portion now, and this afternoon 3 of us ate BIG portion, and there was still risotto left!!).

Parmesan is expensive! Next time, please check out the price of the ingredients before choosing the recipe.

Anyway, today's cooking lessons:
1. cut vegetable before cutting or chopping the meat. Make sure you scrub the chopping board carefully after you use it for meat because if you use it for veggie afterwards and it's not clean, you can get food poisoned. (I don't understand why... :( )

2. I must 'feel the knife'. Today I tried to cut onion nicely and feel in which part of the knife I should put my strength

3. Hold your sponge at the upper part of the blade avoid accidental-cut

(why does it sound like washing lesson?)

4. Today I learned the meaning of the term "simmer", when you keep the flame minimal while you're still cooking the stuff.

5. Be prepared for plan B. (We boiled the french bean and put the french bean and minced chicken into the risotto.)

6. Move your meat from the freezer to the normal fridge one night before!!!!!

Okay that's all for today!! :D
btw, our risotto didn't look as nice as the picture on the website, but it tastes nice!! I think I'm going to have second serving now. still hungry. Hahaha

Cinderella and prince charming

One last post before I go to bed...
This is a very random thought. Hahaha. I think prince charming is very lucky because Cinderella has been doing house work for her whole life!

It's quite funny that when you were young(er) *cough, I'm still young* , you envied people who can dance better, who have higher grades, who can sing better, and so on and so forth. Now that you are growing up, you actually envy....YOUR MOM! for the 'simple things' that she can do but you can't, like ironing (oops, this one I envy my dad), cooking, baking, mopping 'properly', and so on and so forth.

quote of the day from Wanyu: "Don't worry, I couldn't cook before but I learned from youtube. I started from zero!"
quote from my mom: "There are only 2 possibilities when you just start learning how to cook: not salty enough or too salty, can't be worse than that." Hahaha

Oh no..just remember, still need to hang my clothes first :S
nitez!!

Welcome December!

I've noticed that I have more things to write when I have spent enough time to be alone. It can be as simple as going from Clementi to Boon Keng MRT alone :P This kind of silent moment gives me chance to contemplate things. It's kinda hard for me because I'm sooo talkative. Last time I tried to not say a single words for 10 minutes in MRT and I was failed!! At the moment when I walked out of MRT I was sooo happy because I've been holding things that I wanted to comment on MRT. Hahaha.

It's December. Time really flies.
Looking back at my resolution and my post last month, it was still a struggle to fulfill my resolutions. (Slowly...:) )
Among all my November resolutions, I managed to fulfill one of those: to review my Thai book! Just a short review though for 2 or 3 consecutive weeks, but it's okay :)

So talking about resolutions, how to make a good resolution?
1. It must be concrete and realistic
example: One of my resolutions is "catch up with some friends whom I have not met for quite a long time". When I read this resolution just now, I could not think whether I have fulfilled this resolution. Perhaps next time I should take note of the names of the friends or see whether my own situation allows me to do so. For example, in December, it's harder to do this because I only have 3 weekends in Singapore and 2 of the weekends are full!!!

2. Write it DOWN and tell someone about your resolution
Yes, I do believe that writing our resolutions is really helpful. I've been doing that since secondary school. Even if it seems that we do not fulfill our resolutions, you'll realize that you somehow fulfill parts of it and there are other moments in the year, e.g., birthday, anniversary, Chinese New Year, Easter, retreat, when you can read them again, revise them or just feel inspired to concretize it more.

Telling someone about your resolution will provide you with a good social support, especially when you're down or when things go wrong. It also helps you to re-think whether it is a good resolution or not.

3. Take one step at a time
In "7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens", Sean Covey called this the "baby steps". Don't be afraid to just make small and simple resolutions to help you reach the "Big" dream :)

So yeah...end of the year. Time to think of our yearly resolution. But first of all, remember that you have every day even every hour to make the urgent resolution :)

to do our work well

Yesterday I spent my time doing literature review, looking for new research ideas, writing up methods of our current research. To be honest, these were not the favorite part of my job. My favorite task is to go to kindergarten to run experiment.

I recalled a meditation by Fr Mario about "doing our work well". It's not about doing task that I like, but doing task that I need to do. It's not only about finishing my work, but also on knowing how to do my work more efficiently, in a way that is helping other colleagues, and in doing it well and with intensity. It's so tough!!

Remember my advent resolution? I tried to shade the circle every 15 minutes of intensive work. I was failed! Hahaha. So difficult! I was still easily distracted.

So...Advent is coming!! Let me try again on Monday :) Hopefully my work can be a small offering for Our Lord :)

To cherish each moment

It's almost December, which means that Sharmini will leave Singapore soon.
Two weeks ago we had 4-hour marathon chat at Utown. Somehow every time we chat, we always get into the 'deep stuff' about life.

End of year is really a reminder for me to cherish each moment and the friendship that I have now. I thank God that He made me meet Sharmini in a unique way. And it's also beautiful how me and my colleagues became close with each other.

So yeah..before it's too late, I'd like to cherish each moment, and each friend God has given me :)
like these three girls who have been with me for 13 years!!
This is a real evidence how a smile/ simple gesture can change someone's life. When I moved to a new school in Primary 4, Monic "suddenly" sat next to me. And because of her, I got to know Dennyz and April. In Primary 5, I was closer to Dennyz than to Monic. Btw, pril, how did we become quite close?? (we've never been in the same class till high school!)

So yeah...it can be quite funny how we meet our close friends. (I only bumped into Ci Yaya again in May then suddenly became roommate, and my previous roommate, Evi, was quite a stranger when we started stay in the same room!). However, never forget that God put us in certain situation with a special plan :)

Thank you, Lord :)

Fruitful Weekend

Thursday night.. after office hour..

Hello! Welcome back for me to Singapore. Last weekend was the first time I went back to Indonesia only for the weekend. It was such a fruitful weekend, even though the beginning was quite bad. I missed my flight (for the first time!). Thank God we got another flight at 10pm. The moral of the story: in December I should just bring my luggage to office and leave immediately after work to the airport.

What I did last weekend:
1. Commencement photos with Nic, Pril, and Nyz
It was our first elegant photos. 24 poses, my goodness. We could not think of any other pose. Luckily we changed costume (so half with commencement gown and half with our little black dress). Most of the time was spent on make-up (there was only one make-up artist). We only started the photoshoot at 1pm!! And my mom..kept calling me, "Are you done?" >.< Anyway, we had a nice late lunch with my family + Nic,Pril,Nyz+Paul+Rc. 5hours together felt so short.. :(

2. After lunch, I attended evening Mass with my parents and Paul. It was the feast of Christ the King. After Mass there was Eucharistic adoration :) One favorite thing from Masses in Indo: we do not rush during Eucharistic prayer. Then, we went to eat nasi padang. To be honest, I'm not a fan of nasi padang. I'm not enthusiastic about trying different food. During lunch, when Paul asked, "What is this?" I just turned to my parents and Monic made this sound, "Duhh..you don't know this one?" (oops!) Anyway, so yeah..finally Paul tried nasi padang. After dinner, we went to downtown walk at SMS. It's an opened area with restaurants around you and live music! Before chillax-ing, me, my mom, and Paul just walked around SMS. Guess what? I bumped into my high school friend!!!

3. Sunday - "busy" day
In the morning we attended the Holy Matrimony of Ci Yaya and Andreas. The mass was held at Church of St. Laurensius. It is a new church, but built in 'old style'. It has high ceiling like Church of Sts Peter and Paul with the painting on the ceiling and it has the statues of 12 apostles behind the altar. Ci Yaya was sooo gorgeous. Her make-up didn't make her look like a different person :P

In the afternoon, we all went to Lippo!! Hahaha. Me and my mom went to style my hair while Paul had coffee with my dad. Somehow my dad asked him to try "tape", the fermented cassava. Hahaha. In the evening, we went to the reception. It's nice to see Ci Fanny and her family :) My mom managed to chat with Ci Yaya's mom. Apparently Ci Yaya shared to her mom that she taught me to do make-up and to tidy up my room. Hahaha. Her mom told my mom that she regarded me as her little sister. So touched to hear that :)

4. Monday
Raining!! So we could not go to the wet market. We only when to the 'modern market' at SMS (equivalent to Singapore's wet market). My mom bought some stuff for cooking and mangoes :D
We also went to buy fruit juice, Jus Kode, near the wet market area. Ahhh felt so good to drink my favorite juice: guava+strawberry!!

I tried to cut the corn to make 'bakwan jagung', but I was sooo slow, so messy, and my dad has called my mom that he's on the way home! So my mom just instructed me to watch and learn. She made 'baby' long bean (half of the size of long bean, in Indo they call it "baby buncis", Paul said in Singapore it's called turtle bean) with minced chicken, muntahu (silk tofu with minced chicken), kangkung, bakwan jagung, and fried egg with lap cong (my dad said that day we became vegetarian because we had sooo much veggie).

And tradaaaaa..time to go home..

I've been going SG-Jakarta for so many times, but I still cried every time I left Indo. I cried on the plane, I cried when I reached Singapore, and I cried when I reached my room.
But I really thank God for the fruitful weekend :):)
I wish one day I can make my home really warm too, so that my kids miss home like how I miss my home :P

Treatment Post: Green Flower

I think I should do this more often, to write a treatment post on what makes me stand up after the down moment, so that I always remember to scrap the evil thought before it expands next time.

After the green flower post, Dom sent me an email to encourage me. (Thanks Dom!). He told me that things can be learned!! So yeah.. I'll remember that :)

Another thing is actually before that email, something silly happened. I suddenly felt (after writing the post) that things that I like to do is USELESS. Cross-stitch lah, studying Thai lah, I mean..anyway I'll forget the Thai lessons and now when I try to brush up my Thai, I dunno what will be the use of my Thai language. I also only do cross-stitch or pergamanao (parchment craft) to make gifts and most of the times, I make these crafts halfway.

But yah..nothing is wasted.
Things that I do might not give me money, but I learn to be patient by doing these crafts and all things that I used to do give me good experience. It doesn't mean that when I stop doing it, my self-worth is also gone with it.

Nothing is wasted, even though now I don't touch my piano anymore, now I don't dance anymore, now my Chinese stuck in level 1,

Nothing is wasted..
I met Sherina and became good friends because of dance, I did NUANSA because of dance..
I got into choir and met wonderful friends because I had background in piano so I can read the notes
I understand basic Chinese now because I took Chinese till lv3!

:):)

Thanks be to God!

Mother Mary's Pregnancy

I've been wanting to write this post since last Sunday because next week Advent is coming! ("Coming" is coming!). Long time ago in one of the Legion meeting, someone shared about one way to contemplate in Advent is to imagine Mother Mary's waiting moment of the birth of her Son. Somehow last Sunday I suddenly remembered this again and I did a little bit of silly thing, which was to count Christmas Day minus Advent period and imagined how big Mother Mary's tummy, where Mother Mary was at this stage, and baby Jesus 'development' in the womb.

When I imagine Mother Mary is around 8 months pregnant, I imagine how heavy the baby is already, I imagine how hard it is to walk around, and my goodness, her journey for the census. On donkey somemore, not by taxi.

Thus, in preparation for Christmas, I'd like to accompany Mother Mary too in her difficulties. It's really really hard! Naturally, I am looking for comfort and loopholes to slack.

So... me and Paul have come up with these resolutions:

1. every time we open "unrelated" stuff during working hour (read: facebook/ youtube/ axioo --> for me hahaha), we put in $1.

2. have a minimum of 5-hour intensive working. every -1 hour equals to another $1. We followed Fr Joe's advice during an exam talk a few years ago. Draw a circle, divide the circle by 4. Color each quarter every time you accomplish 15 minutes work without distraction (SMS/ whatsapp/ daydreaming/ sleeping).
I tried that these 3 days. failed -.-

3. Saturday Mass at Church of Blessed Sacrament (because I have difficulties in dragging myself to Mass on Saturdays!!)

4. Every time I'm stubborn, I also want to put $1 as a reminder.

Okay that's all!!! :D

At the end, the money collected will be donated. So if we work hard, then we offer up the work spiritually. When we're lazy, we sacrifice "physically".

What's your Advent resolution??

hell day

HELL DAY
HELL DAY
LALALALALALALALALALLALAALLALALA

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Trekking at Gunung Panti, JB

Two weeks ago I went trekking at Gunung Panti. Carmen drove us (Mari, me, and Bianca) to JB. Initially we missed the turn, but after asking a resort, we managed to find the small path. It was written there that you should not enter the forest without permission but apparently people often trek there "ilegally". We were lucky because we met a group of Singaporeans who were also going to trek! So we just joined their group and apparently their 'guide' (the guy who was leading the group) has been trekking at Gunung Panti for quite a lot of times.

To be honest, if we had not met the big group, I would have been quite nervous. Imagine! Four girls trekking without any guide or any map. Carmen looked confident though. I guess because she had been to Everest Base Camp trek before. She knew roughly which path to follow when you trek. Hehehe.

The mountain was quite short (around 500 metres). It was around 2 hour-trek. It was very tiring, but because it was short, so it was quite manageable and it was a perfect short get-away from routine in Singapore. Hahahaha. The path was quite muddy, but in general it was okay! :)

So next short trek, hoping to go to Gunung Berlumut and Mount Kinabalu. Seems that these two need trainings though :P

green flower

Last Monday I bought green flower for the altar for Patrician Meeting. I didn't realize that green flower is 'ugly' when it stands alone (see? still use " ' "). At the end I threw the flower (initially I intended to keep the flower for Wednesday's Legion meeting). When I bought the green flower, I really thought it was "unique"!

Anyway, on Tuesday night, me and Paul bought another flower for Legion meeting. I dunno the name of the flower, but he combined it with green flower (different flower) and it turned out to be very pretty (Eugene said it's pretty! :) ). Apparently a change of flower for Legion meeting can give a different atmosphere. Hehehe.

Anyway, I still feel that my taste sucks. I know everything can be learned, but still, sometimes I don't have the confidence that I can be 'lady-like' or whatsoever the term is. Cooking also cannot, messy obviously yes, fashionable apparently not, in psychology also not so good, so I dunno la.. >.<

disclaimer: I'm not emo-ing, but it's true you know.. There are things that you think you were good at, now you don't do them anymore (e.g., dancing). The other things that you do now feels just like 'half-way' here and there.

it's weekend again!

Hello. It's weekend again. I don't really have any ideas about what I should write now, so let me share with you some interesting articles that I've found the past week:

1. http://carrotsformichaelmas.com/

I first encountered this blog from Dom's facebook. I think it's really a beautiful blog by a stay-at-home mother. I've just recently read her conversion story! She also shared lots of useful things for mother, e.g. ecological breastfeeding, a term that I have not heard before!! The blog really makes me think a lot about vocation, motherhood, and family life!

2. http://travel.cnn.com/explorations/life/most-hated-cities-861160
I've just found this article! I kinda expected that New Delhi is one of them and I was also not too surprised that Jakarta is also in this list! You should really explore this website. Even if you still can't travel to many places, the articles are just interesting and the photos are gorgeous!

Yup I think that's all. Hahaha..

Talking about ambition

I don't know how to write about this topic without telling too much of my personal story. Hmm.. Let me think..

I just met up with Yesslyn last Sunday and she asked me, "So how's your plan for your Master's degree?" It was not just me and Yesslyn there, so my answer was just, "I'd like to serve my 3-year-bond first." I think the 3-year-bond reason is a good reason to be given to others.

To some others, I would say that "Things are complicated now, so I'd like to serve my 3-year-bond first."
To some others, I will not say "Things are complicated". Actually, I don't think things are that complicated, it's just that there's this new awareness or realization that I have a different dream or "ambition". Something that Sherina said, "a higher dream".
To some others, I would just say, "I don't know, see how." Well, no one is certain about his/ her future right? But actually I'm not that 'don't know', but my plan/ dream depends on some terms and conditions.

Talking about ambition...
I told Wanyu (my colleague) that I think I can be a behavioral therapist my whole life and be happy with it. If possible, I don't mind going back to university 5 or 10 years from now. But ya.. let's see next year, okay? Hopefully I can really become a behavioral therapist. The thing is I was only involved in this field 2 times, but there's this thing in my heart that it seems like this is what I want. Of course hopefully in the loooong future, I can open my own therapy centre :) Or at least, I hope I have enough experience before I can achieve the dream 'similar-to-my-piano-teacher', having a clinic/ therapy centre at home so I can watch over my kids at the same time!! Hahaha..

My other ambition is "anything related to children" (doesn't sound like an ambition huh?). Opening a kindergarten with April :), or being a kindergarten teacher, or child psychologist, or even summer camp faciliators for children& teens! Hahahaha.

But but.. above all these ambitions, my first ambition to be ready to change my plan/ ambition for something better in this life. Something that is very precious and it's indeed a mission too. Some people might call me stupid because I'm 'still' young and I should have pursued my 'ambitions', but the best friends in my life understand that if the time comes, then this is a much better dream. It has its own challenge, but ya.. must be ready you know. In the books that Father gave me or in conversations that I had with Pilar or in the spiritual reading books, it is precisely because you are young, you can be more generous to God, give up more, and change direction of your ambition more easily.

And of course, above all, at the end of the day, we all wish to be saints :) how? by doing His will :)

Pray for me,k? :)

2 months before end of 2012

hello!! Less than 8 weeks to end of 2012. Time to review my resolution before it's getting too late!!

Here's my big plan that I wrote on New Year's Eve:

plan:
plan A: master's research in UK
plan B: working as behavioral therapist for children with autism
plan C: master's research in NUS --> yah..now I'm seriously thinking about it



fact:
working as research assistant on children's bilingualism.
Well, it is a combination of plan B and C. Hahaha.

plan:
 the big defects that I really want to tackle next year:
1. my laziness!!!
2. lack of temperance (see how I'm angry then you'll understand, see how I watch Korean drama in 3 days and you'll understand :P)
3. gossip -.- --> especially the subtle ones..

fact:
1. laziness --> It's a bit hard to measure when I start working. We don't have grades anymore. I would say that I have been more discipline than last year, but I still need to learn how to avoid distraction in work and to work more intensely.
I have problems in waking up on time :( Between August-Sept, there was a period of time when I could wake up on time, but after that I started to sleep again every time my alarm rang.
Time for facebook and youtube has definitely been reduced compared to last year (thanks to working life) :)

2. lack of temperance
The part on "see how I'm angry then you'll understand" is still difficult. My tendency is to just say it 'now', throw it all at one time. I think one practical thing that I can try to do in these 2 months is to learn to keep quiet and wait before I throw my anger or my unhappiness.

3. gossip
I'm not sure about this, hmm.. Still fell here and there, especially when I'm pissed off with the person.


plan:
well, next plan is, I also want to increase supply of bottled sunshine for other people!!!

fact:
2011's number of posts: 107
2012's number of posts: 65
ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..

hahahaha..
Yesterday's topic of circle is on "Good use of time". So that's my resolution this week: to make good use of time!!
1. Work:
*to plan my work and not open unrelated websites (facebook, axioo :( ) (today still failed! >.<)
2. Spiritual life:
* set a specific time for spiritual reading and afternoon/ evening prayer --> after lunch and after work
* offer every hour for a specific intention
3. Study:
* review my Thai book
4. Friendship:
* catch up with some friends whom I have not met for quite a long time

Hopefully in these 2 months I can write more cheerful posts ya :):) (or unhappy posts, to remind us that there are moments when we're down but we have to let God raise us up)

 

3 rings

Hello! I have been wanting to write this last Saturday. I'd like to share a priest's homily when I attended a wedding mass last Saturday.

Father said there are 3 rings in this life:
1. engagement ring
2. wedding ring
3. guess what? suffer-ring hahaha..

It's very interesting how Father pointed out how we the guests were so enthusiastic and happy that morning. The couple must also have been very happy. Then Father said, "You know what, tomorrow you'll be so tired. The question is, what happens after the wedding? Do you just go to work as per normal or do you go to work with a new awareness that now you two are one?" Father also made an analogy with the transfiguration. He reminded us about Peter who suggested that they stayed there at set up the tents. However, Father highlighted that we can't forget that to follow Jesus is to carry the cross. Suffering is part of love because love needs sacrifice. (Wah I love the last three phrases).

Well, for me, I think Father's message is relevant to everyone. Firstly, I've never thought something like "working normally in the realization that you two are one." It was really a reminder-in-advanced. Something good that Paul pointed out to me about this was, "Isn't that what Christian life all about? We are ordinary people doing ordinary work, but we see it with different light." As Frank Sheed said, "see everything "God-bathed".. like when you see the same view of mountain under the sunlight, see the mountain "sun-bathed".." It's really a good reminder that my 'mundane' 8.30am-6pm work can be seen under different light.

Another interesting thing was about "to complement" each other. Father said, it's about 'complementarity' not 'compatibility'. So many marriages break down when people say "we're not compatible."

The last important thing was we, the guests, have responsibility to remind the couple about this day, about this sacred Sacrament. It doesn't mean that we intervene with their private life, but when things are tough, help them to remind them about this day.

I'll pray for the couple and especially for my roommate who'll be getting married next month :)
God bless :)

dress and kid

If you know me well, you know that I'm not a dress-person. I'm not the supergirly type and I have difficulties being ladylike. Well, a post in www.catholicyoungwoman.blogspot.sg reminded me of the importance of trying to behave like a lady.

To be honest, it's difficult! My first rolemodel is Sharmini. She said, since young, her dad did not allow her to wear jeans to Sunday Mass. Okay this one is not only for girl, but anyway, her parents teach her to dress well for Mass, to receive the Lord, and I notice that she always wears dress for Mass.

My difficulty is as much as I want to try to dress 'a little bit' better or to behave more ladylike, I'm too used to my "old-self". I keep giving excuse to myself: "Oh because I'm doing research on children, it's very hard to wear skirt or dress." or "Oh my colleagues do not use make-up, so it's very weird if I start putting on make-up", and so on and so forth.

Anyway, yesterday, I wore a dress to a preschool because the only 2 blouses left are the same blouses that I wore in the previous week to that particular preschool!!! Hahahaha. The cute thing is the K1 kids walked pass me and said, "I love your dress."

These kids ah..always make me smile. At that moment, I promised to dress more appropriately even though I'm doing "field work". Kids do notice when you dress appropriately or not! Of course you won't wear tight skirt in the kindergarten and run experiment, hahaha, but there are still blouses or skirts or dress or a simple hairpin that makes you a bit different, makes the kid happy, then at the end, tradaaaa...they will cooperate when you run the experiment. HAHAHAHAHA..

new motivation to spare a little money next month for a new cheap working dress :P

undergarment

disclaimer: this is a neutral post, can be read by boys or girls

You can laugh at me, anyway, I got the inspiration to write this post in the church this morning. It is because I carried a carrier bag from an undergarment shop. The shop tagline is "It is what's on the inside."

Last month I was tempted to think, "My goodness, why is bra so expensive?? No one sees anyway, yet it's so expensive." Bra and dress can have a same price. The answer is in the carrier that I just got last night: "It is what's on the inside." Even if no one sees your undergarment, it is an important and an essential necessity. You need to have a good bra, not just an 'anyhow-bra'. You need to throw your worn out panties and get a new one. Not only undergarment, a hole on your socks needs to be stitched, even though "no one sees that."

Isn't our life like that too?
It's "what's on the inside." No one sees you pray, or doing your spiritual reading, or saying your rosary, or having an intimate conversation with your God,
but it's still an important part of you: interior life.

What's on the inside affect what's seen at the outside. That's precisely why the shop sells various types of undergarment: push-up bra, sports bra, whatever whatever. You can have a very beautiful dress, but you wear the 'wrong' bra, that's it man. Say good-bye to beautiful dress!You'll look not as nice as it could be.

And this thing about interior life is even more complicated than that. Firstly, of course we should strive to have a deep interior life to be able to bear fruit. Secondly, the purpose is not only for the 'outside', but also for our eternal life. So even though the norms of piety (the prayer, the spiritual reading, the mass, etc) seem useless, it's important to keep persevering in doing it. Even though these norms seem taking sooo much time, remember that it affects our life sooo much and the most important thing in this life is God.

So as the shop said, "It's what's on the inside."

Beware - serious topic

Today I had dinner with Pheara (whom I always called: Pheara pheara whatever will be will be). It was only a short 60 minute, but I am glad that we talked about 'serious stuff'.

I could not talk 'like that' to many people.
We talked about "love".

disclaimer: this post is not about my conversation with Pheara, but our conversation makes me want to write about this topic.

The basic questions that I used to ask since I was young(er) was: "How do you know if you love someone? How do you know if that someone loves you too?" Well, when I was secondary school, it's not "love", but "like".

But even when I was still in high school, I knew that I 'love' someone when I didn't think about myself anymore and when I just thought "whatever the best for him". I did not know so much about 'love'. When I broke up with that person that I 'loved', in the middle of my cry, my mom said, "It's okay. Just think about it as an English course, it's time to go up to the higher level." I cried louder after that but was a bit like, "whattt?? analogy of breaking up with English course??" Hahaha. Anyway, I can't forget that sentence!! I also repeat that sentence to other people who experience broken heart.

Me and my beloved girl friends love axioo, a wedding photography blog. Hahaha. No matter how other people teased us for looking at this blog soooo often, we don't care. We just love the blog! Recently, I saw a post titled, "It's in the little things". Let me copy-paste a paragraph from the description of the photo:

"I think we all have to learn to take our cues from Lawrence. I love how he makes Livia feel special. It’s always in the little things he does to remind her that he loves her. Starting from the way he proposed to her at a cinema. He booked an entire cinema for the occasion, wrote her a song, played the piano, and made a short video clip out of it which showed at the cinema he reserved – all as a surprise for her! He has definitely raised the bar on hunting, I tell you!  He doesn't stop there, it's just the little things he does, paying attention to her that make her feel like she's so special. It’s not as if she doesn’t know that she’s special to him, but it’s the desire to constantly remind her, through the little things, that makes it all so very special. Thank you for the inspiration, Lawrence!"

Well, it's not that we girls want guys write song for us, played piano for us (*cough once*, according to my friend, having a boyfriend who can play piano doesn't mean that he'll play piano for you), but it's precisely in the "paying attention to her that make her feel like she's so special" (the same thing applies to girl-to-guy).
It's in the little things...
Perhaps it's in the morning SMS..
or a simple "Have you eaten?" (Is it only Indonesian culture? We used to think that one way to know whether a guy likes you or not is whether he has messaged you "have you eaten?")
Though sometimes the 'language of love' might not synchronize with each other :P
a simple "I miss you" even though you've just met last night (*cough once* yeah guys, I know you think it's silly, but it's how we girls being sweet :) )
Perhaps it's an effort to do something that you don't like but the other likes (eg karaoke) *evil laugh*
Or reading (stalking) your 'target' 's blog to know more about him? (*wink to Nic*)
But but but...sometimes we forget these little things :( Thought these things are the things that keep the 'sparks' between you two.

At the end of the day, my principle is still the same: you know you love someone when you want the best for him. Citing Sherina, my friend, it is "reaching a higher dream with another person". Other people might call this thing as a 'stupid' thing. Some other people might call this thing as a  'silly' thing, but for people who understand what love is, what a vocation of marriage is, it's not a 'compromise of your personal dream', but a 'sacrifice of your own dream for a better dream with another person'. Okay, I've written some thoughts on it in my Indonesian blog, so sorry that I won't write it here. Hehehe.


yeah, tell me what can a 22-year-old-'girl' talk about 'love'?

I dunno.

Hahaha.

Well, this post is going nowhere. I hope these bits and pieces are useful. Hahaha.

Brother and Sister

Nah, this one happened 2 weeks ago. Somehow I believe this little boy will grow up as a very sweet guy. Hahaha.

A little boy and a little girl were sitting in MRT (primary school age). I think the boy is the elder one. They laughed and played together (quite rough). Then the girl showed a bruise on her knee to her brother. This little boy rubbed the bruise and also used his saliva to rub the bruise. (well, perhaps for some people it was disgusting, but my mom used to use her saliva to rub my scar too).

I was just smiling. They were really sweet. Even when they played together, I could see that this little boy is not typical 'elder-brother-who-abuses-the-sister' HAHAHAHA.. Of course he was also playful like other little boys. After a while, he used his elbow to 'rub' the sister's bruise and this made the sister laughed a lot. Hahaha.

I am sitting with Daddy, Na na na na..

Setting: MRT
Seating position: Dad - Mom - 6(?) year old girl

Suddenly Daddy asked the little girl to sit between him and Mom. This little girl held her Dad's arm, looked at her mom and said, "I'm sitting with Daddy, Na na na na na (typical childish tone)". The passengers around were laughing at her. Hahaha. So cute.

After that, Daddy carried her so that the seating position became: girl - Dad - Mom.
Guess the girl's reaction? She insisted to sit between Dad and Mom. Hahahaha. At the end, the girl sat on Daddy's lap. So cute :P

I love you, Mummy

A short piece of conversation between 4-year-old kid and his mom:

School admin staff welcomed the mom, "Your kid is having a fever".
Mom hugged his son (note: he's a restless boy, I was nervous to run my experiment on him this Thursday).
"What happened to you? Yesterday played too much ah? You didn't drink enough water, that's why now you have fever."
Mom poured medicine syrup to him and asked him to drink the medicine.

Suddenly the boy said, "I love you, Mummy."
Mom: "I love you too. You should learn to take care of yourself, okay?"
.... (I forgot the conversation)
Boy: "I am not stronger enough."
Uhh.. my eyes were suddenly filled with tears. I can't believe that a 4-year-old boy with his limited grammar can regret that falling sick causes a problem to her mom.
I was also surprised that this boy whom people can categorize as 'naughty' randomly told his mom that he loves her.

I'm glad that I work a lot with small kids, so many things to learn from their simplicity :)

Mom, I love you so much

This is just a quick post.
My mom has just enlightened me :)

Thank you, Mom. I love you soooo muchhh..
She's the best person who can read other people's mind!!!

Life Lesson 'tutorial'

April once (or twice? or a few times?) said that our meeting between me, April, Nyz, and Nic twice a year has always been a life lesson sharing session. This afternoon I really felt the beauty of this friendship and our 'life lesson tutorial' sessions. People have their own idea about "friends" or "true friends" and I think the most valuable thing of our friendship is the fact that we can really dig up the thing that our friend might not like, point it out and say, "See? This thing might not be correct, you might want to view it from a different angle". We can point the 'most bitter possibility' that we don't want to think about. We knock each others' head by our words, "Hey! Wake up!!" and we also help each other, we offer solution, we try to understand our friend's perspective, yet it doesn't mean that we must let the other person is trapped in her mindset. However, our last sentence is always, "It is up to you. If you think A, then you must be ready for B. If you don't think about A, we've told that you can't just brush it off." We remind each other that we must face the problem instead of running away.

This afternoon I had similar life lesson 'tutorial' with Sharmini. (I really owe Dom for introducing two us. Oops, I think I really owe him a lot! hahaha). We talked talked talked and talked, and suddenly we talked to each other about our weaknesses. It was a really beautiful chat. She gave me some tips on how I could help myself, she shared to me about her difficulties overcoming her weakness, she encouraged me, and she understood how difficult it is to improve ourselves. We were quite surprised that we had similar weakness. Hahaha. We were like, "oops, now we know why we clique with each other :P". I really feel enlightened after talking to her and really felt that this is the way that I've been looking for. It's much more encouraging to see someone with similar struggle also trying hard and to journey with this person. Really thank God for our Sunday chat.

There was one time during circle (the weekly spiritual formation in Opus Dei), Pilar said, "We must do our norms of piety, our plan of life, even though we don't feel like doing it because God wants to talk to us in that specific moment and God has prepared grace for us for that specific situation." I think it's really true. Yesterday I felt the urge to go confession, but I brushed it off. This morning I went and I really felt that it was God speaking to me. (okay don't imagine emotional scene like coming out of confessional box crying :P). He talked about thing as simple as "not to be too busy doing lots of stuff, till you don't know why you're upset" (remember my me-time post?). Another time I felt that God was talking through Dom (again!) Hahaha..

There was one time I felt sooooo difficult to pray because I was so sad, then the next day the reflection was on "to live at the present moment and not to worry too much." Pilar said, even when you feel that you've prayed 'wrongly', it is the grace of God that allows you to feel that!
So yeah.. Thank God for the life lesson 'tutorial' (though sometimes got 'painful tutorial' too >.<) hahahaha.

have a blessed Sunday!!

"me - time"

I think it's a term that was commonly used in a teen magazine. "me - time", time for myself, to sit back, relax, and reflect on things that have been going on.

I guess these days, I've been lacking of "me - time". I have time alone, but not reflecting. I keep myself 'busy': ironing, washing, mopping, sleeping, but I forgot to do things that give me opportunities to calm down and have a total rest. I was so happy that last Thursday I managed to touch my parchment craft again. Two days ago I also repack my stuff (ready to move out - again) and found unfinished cross-stitch since last year and a new cross-stitch that I have not touched. I have not been running again, I have not gone climbing, and I have not written my diary and my blog for quite some time. I also have not touched my camera since I came back from India.

Thank God that I have people around me that remind me to have time for God and to do charity for other people, and to meet up with friends and have a relaxing Sunday (e.g., cooking with Sharmini :) ). If not? I think I'll be crazy!! Hehehe..

We can be saints!

I don't know why somehow me and Paul talked about how we see the members of Opus Dei as living saints. It's difficult to be holy, but it's possible to live holiness in this world! Then suddenly I mentioned, "Oh if you become a saint, you're going to be patron saint of crab." Then he said, "No. Patron saint for animal behaviorist." So, I'm wondering, when I (hopefully) become a saint one day, I'm going to be patron saint to whom. Then Paul said, "For clumsy people." I was like..." >.< whattt". Then I thought, ehh..St Joseph of Cupertino used to be slow and failed in exams, but anyway now he's patron saint for students facing examinations! So yeah..perhaps one day I can be patron saint of clumsy people. Hahaha.

Anyway, I think it's very beautiful to live with the eyes focusing on God and Heaven! I wish I could always remember this. Worries, problems, and stress are always there, but eventually these might be the tools that God used to sanctify us. Last Saturday, instead of attending meditation at Opus Dei centre, I went to Novena church. Then, the priest talked about "over-worried and insecurity", exactly what I felt for the past days in that week. God reminded me through what the priest said, "Imitate Mary who walks by faith."

I was really tempted to think that it's superduper difficult and kinda hopeless to be a good person. As much as God is merciful and ready to forgive us, other people might have difficulties doing that. I was so desperate sometimes. I want to move on! Fr Mario told me, "Don't be obsessed with your mistakes. Get up and move on!" But...in this process, I forgot the fact that the effect of my mistake might be sooo bad on other people and as human, they also need time to heal the wound. It's painful to wait until someone not angry with you again, but quoting my friend, Dom, "We should accept when things do not go as we expect." It's a miracle. Once I accepted that, it's much much easier to move on, to wait, and to be genuinely interested in other people's concern rather than busy worrying about myself.

So yeah..this process of being saint is so painful sometimes. When I was down there, it's hard to remember that things will be better, it's hard to be gentle, and it's hard to be humble, to keep caring despite unfriendly response from other people.

But that's why it is called a 'struggle'. :)

Happy Post

I'm happy for my best friend who will study in China next year
I'm happy for my RA friend who worked with my thesis supervisor last year, she finally got in NUS Clinical Psychology

:)

I feel very sad

I can't recall when was the last time I cried a lot like last night.
I can't recall when was the last time I cried a few times in a day.
Thanks to the rain too! It's a perfect weather to cry
Last week I cried because I felt tired.
But last night I cried because I just feel sad..I feel very sad.
and alone..
It's even more sad to think that I have the opportunity to think that I am A.L.O.N.E

I just feel very sad...

A Relaxing Weekend

@Dom: Yes, Thank God last week I had a super-relaxing weekend :D

Last Sunday, I went to Cathedral with Sharmini, a friend from Speech Therapy program. After that, we went to my house and cooked together. I tried to cook "muntahu", combination of silk tofu and minced meat. However, last week I used egg tofu instead of silk tofu. Hahaha. It was like half-"sapo tahu" and half-"muntahu".

Sharmini was so nice! She really let me to try cooking in my own way, she encouraged me, "It's okay. You're the chef today!" I was soooo happy. It took us 1hour 20 minutes to cook 'only' "muntahu" and stir-fried kangkung, but it was really an achievement for me. Next time, I should added maizena (corn-flour) too! So yeah..I had a good chat and a good meal with Sharmini. After that I mopped the living room and the kitchen.

Monday was public holiday. I went to Paul's house to make beef burger. I couldn't flip the beef! Hahaha.. Then Paul's mom taught me how when we fry the mushroom, we shouldn't add oil and we must make sure there's no water on the frying pan.
After that we went prawning. It was my second time prawning and I didn't get any prawn!! :( Paul got 2 prawns and I sent the picture of the prawn to my mom (thanks to whatsapp!) then she replied, "Last time ur dad caught a lot!" Last night when I skype with mom, I realized how different it is to prawn in Singapore and in Taiwan. She said that in Taiwan, they keep adding the prawns to the pond!!! So nice right??

After prawning, we went to Ferdy's place for a karaoke! So few of us.. But it was very fun!!! Hahahaha..

The good thing about working is I don't need to do homework on weekends! hahahaha.
Yeay!!!! :D
The sunshine is back :P

Pride

Well, I didn't realize that I had this problem until about 3-4 weeks ago, I talked to my spiritual director about my bad habit of "being-defensive-when-someone-corrected-me". Fr said, "It is called pride." My mom also has mentioned a few times that I will never want to be in the wrong position.

I found it very difficult to acknowledge my mistake. My first reaction will be "a-typical-unhappy-face". Secondly, I will try to find excuses (this one also I just realized about it). Until now, I find it very difficult to accept my mistakes, to accept my defects, and to say sorry 'easily' and just move on.

For now, every time I fall again to this thing called pride, I try to ask God to lift me up and I try to see myself as a little kid. I need help and it's okay to fall and let God help me to get up.

Below is a quotation from The Furrow that struck me:
 Allow me to remind you that among other evident signs of a lack of humility are:
—Thinking that what you do or say is better than what others do or say;
—Always wanting to get your own way;
—Arguing when you are not right or — when you are — insisting stubbornly or with bad manners;
—Giving your opinion without being asked for it, when charity does not demand you to do so;
—Despising the point of view of others;
—Not being aware that all the gifts and qualities you have are on loan;
—Not acknowledging that you are unworthy of all honour or esteem, even the ground you are treading on or the things you own;
—Mentioning yourself as an example in conversation;
—Speaking badly about yourself, so that they may form a good opinion of you, or contradict you;
—Making excuses when rebuked;
—Hiding some humiliating faults from your director, so that he may not lose the good opinion he has of you;
—Hearing praise with satisfaction, or being glad that others have spoken well of you;
—Being hurt that others are held in greater esteem than you;
—Refusing to carry out menial tasks;
—Seeking or wanting to be singled out;
—Letting drop words of self-praise in conversation, or words that might show your honesty, your wit or skill, your professional prestige...;
—Being ashamed of not having certain possessions...
( http://www.escrivaworks.org/book/furrow-point-263.htm)

Have a blessed Sunday! :)

cloudy day

I hope I can blame this up and down of emotion to my hormone. Maybe my period is coming. I don't know.

but I feel very tired....

today I jumped here and there once I walked out of office cos I thought "yeay! weekend" then I was humming along the way
then I went for Mass then I felt a bit sad..
then I "forced" myself to go dinner to Holland Vi (first time joining the CSS people for dinner), had a good chat with David from Mauritius.
then the bus took very long to come to serangoon mrt
then I reached home 11pm alr

I'm tired

I'm supposed to go climbing tmr, but now I don't have mood. I thought I want to go climbing cos today I felt fresh already after 7 hours of sleep last nite, but now I feel tired again.
This week, my days were literally GONE.
I feel very selfish, but my goodness...I really don't have time for myself this week.
Even though I was busy in hall, I still had time for myself.

actually yesterday after I listened to evi's story, I feel quite lucky.. My work is not THAT hectic.

I think I'm just too slack these 2 months since I came back from India
I'm not used to "having-something-to-do-almost-every-day"
it's just crazy..
it's never ending..
and all of them are one stuff!
at least in hall I could dance la, choir la, or what la...

I'm tired...

I thought I'm okay already...
but I think I'm still "shocked'
it's difficult  u know. It's difficult not to have self-pity...
these 2 months I've been "slacking"

I'm really tired.......................................................................

See How

If there are two words that I hate, these are "See How". In Indo we often say "liat sikon(situasi dan kondisi)" which means "see the situation and condition". I've often experienced people responding by saying "See How", for example, when I invited people to watch NUANSA, they often said, "See how", when I invited people for Legion meeting, some like to say "See how". Most of the time, this situation ended up as a "No". I also have this stereotype that when someone says "See how", it means that "I'm 90% sure that I'm not interested in this thing, so I'll only come if situation permits (which usually does not permit because this thing is not in the list of priority".

Receiving an answer "See how" when we invite someone for an activity is still 'acceptable' (though sometimes we reach the point of frustration too!). However, receiving an answer "See how" from your closest friends or from your family can be quite depressing because you might start to question, what is your importance to them? It hurts!!

Sometimes I feel that I have been treating God with "See how" mentality. Only after I was treated with "See how" mentality then I realize how bad this mentality is. Sometimes I do my prayer or spiritual reading ONLY IF I have time, ONLY IF I remember to do it. It's very sad right? Last time I always told my catechism kids in Indo, "If you are naughty, God will feel sad..." People always say that God wants us to talk to Him. I love Him and I want to spend time with God. If I treat God with "see how" mentality, something is going wrong. I must try harder and ask for His grace to enable me to be willing to sacrifice more.

Second week of August.
have a blessed Sunday! :)

August!

@Nic, Pril, Nyz: Same title with my Indonesian blog, but don't worry it'll be a different story.

I've found my dream book last night. My dream book is the book that I use to write my resolutions and dreams. I have used this book since 2008. I couldn't recall whether I wrote it on new year's eve last year, but when I found the book last night, I put it on the table, ready to write it for second-semester-of-2012's resolution.

I thought I could start another research project this month, but the grant money has not been approved, so I should wait till next month till I can work on this project for my Monday. I started to read my Chinese 3 textbook, but I felt distracted after a few minutes! Aaaaaaaargggh!

Let me share with you what happened so far between 19 July - 6 August. Hahaha.

On Saturday, I attended a workshop on "Encouraging Spontaneous Language in Children with Autism". It is very hard for children with autism to initiate conversation and the parents are longing to listen to the children trying to start a conversation and desire to share their experience with the parents. After attending the talk, I went to Plaza Singapura and saw the aquarium exhibition. I saw a little kid (I think around 3 years old) pointed the fish and talked something to the mother and the mother just played with her phone. I felt soooo sad. It's so ironic. Many parents out there are longing for the children to interact with them, but here some parents ignore the children who want to interact with them.

Last Sunday I saw a man with a walking difficulty crossing the road near my house. The road is not wide, but the man has not finished crossing the road when the light that indicates that "it's time to cross now" went back to red. I guess it's a small little thing, but I do think that a lot of infrastructure in Singapore is still not friendly towards people with physical disability. During NUANSA preparation, when me and Helen tried to carry a pack of magazines from SIF using a wheeled-office chair, we went through the route for wheel-chair users and it was sooo long and confusing.

Two Saturdays ago I went climbing with Krizia, Paul, Ci Yaya (my roommate), Ci Yaya's friend, Frank (my housemate), and Frank's wife. It was sooo fun. Hahaha. The first time Ci Yaya belayed me, I was quite scared to fall because I has not trusted her. But after a while, I gained confidence in her and tried the difficult route when she belayed me. Hehehe. Some parts of my left palm became very rough (anyway, my skin is not smooth hahaha), and a bit peeling off.

I went to drink white beer with Ci Yaya and her friend after the climbing. Quite nice :p Initially I didn't like beer (I prefer wine :p), but actually it is not bad. My mom was surprised when I went back in December 2011 because I could drink wine (I shared a glass of wine with my dad). I used to have a stereotype that people who drink are bad people! Hahaha. Now I know that it's the matter of temperance. Any excessive activities are not good! Drinking in moderation is okay (don't worry, it's not a hobby for me :P). The good thing about it is I think drinking can be a nice way to chillax with your dad!! When my parents came here, we went to a pub in Clarke Quay and had a drink. My dad ordered "Shangria" (how to spell??). I loved it! hahaha..

A few weeks ago when I was distracted during work, I browsed NUS Website for the master's programme. Ahhh I really miss school. I found out that there is a scholarship for Master's coursework program in Southeast Asian Studies, but at this moment, I really want to finish my three-year-tuition grant bond first.

Yesterday I went baking cookies with legionaries! To be honest, initially I was quite lazy (I can't bake!!), but yesterday was very FUN!! It's been a long time since the last time we had fun together. Hahaha, so I really really enjoy yesterday's baking+watching Olympics+watching DVD on Catholicism series :P (Thanks to Dom and Eugene!!)

What else?
ahhh...for those who read my blog, my life is not only a happy life :P It's just that it's difficult to express sadness in English. Hahaha. I actually cried twice this week :P HAHAHA..But nevermind, the key is to get up again :):) Bouncing!! like basketball :)

Have a great week ahead :)

The day when I go home early

Today I managed to reach home by 9pm. It's an achievement for me. Hahaha. I finally met the owner of the house where I stayed in. Me, Ci Yaya, Frank, and the landlady's son played Xbox - bowling together. Very fun! Hahaha.

I told Dennyz that my plan was to do my laundry, mop the floor, post on the blog, and continue reading the book on Temple Grandin. At the end, I only fulfilled number 1 and 3. Hahaha. Ohhh.. but I managed to wipe my climbing shoes. Hehehe.

There's a difference between arriving at home late + sleeping late and arriving at home early + sleeping late. I think arriving home late really absorbed my energy. I'm still happy staying here and I do think that commuting in Singapore is comfortable, so even though I do feel tired of arriving at home quite late, I do not regret it.

I feel that God has put me in this place for a certain reason. I learned a lot from Ci Yaya, my current roommate. One thing that struck me from our conversation last week was her conviction to be housewife, to sacrifice and serve the family. I can imagine some people might be skeptical. She studied language in Germany for one year and she graduated with an architecture degree in Indonesia. However, she already decided that she'll be housewife because in Germany, if she still insists to work, who will take care of her children? I really admire her for this. I think she's very brave.

As time goes by, I start asking myself, "Where am I now?" Perhaps the exact question is, "Where am I going?" Remember I told you that I'm thinking of taking up classes to 'keep my brain working'? Sometimes I think I'm just craving for 'doing-something'. Hmmphh! Anyway, I shouldn't rush. It's good to learn something new with the right intention, but I won't let myself do something for the sake of 'just having something to do'.

:)

so many things that I want to post!!!

HELP!!! There are so many things that I want to post!!

okay..let's start from the last date I posted something on this blog:
1. What happened after 10 June
MOVING OUT FROM HALL
it's nightmare. I had so MUCH stuff!! I did 2 trips from hall to my new place to move all my stuff. Up to now, I have not finished unpacking!

2. India, 17 June-1 July
it's a good, but tiring holiday!!! Hahaha. Remember last time I said that my plan C is being a tour guide? Now I reconsider this plan. hahaha. I think I'm not fit enough to be enthusiastic as trip leader. When it's getting tiring, I can't keep the spirit up!
Good things about this trip:
a. I always LOVE Manali. There are always many different things to see. Patalsu Peak was AMAZING! It was so cold up there and it was my first time doing 12-hour trek (up and down).
b. Pangong Lake is beautiful!! Even though it was cloudy, I love the atmosphere at Pangong Lake
c. We stayed in a guest house in Leh which was owned by a family with an 11-month-old kid. He's so cute!!!!
d. I tried rafting for the first time :) (and it was capsized...well, this one is not good -.- )

on the way to Patalsu Peak..during lunch time..

woohoooo!!!

the stone is the Peak! :) 4200 meter :)

all white...

group picture before next challenge: going down from the peak!

Most of us did this trip because of 3-Idiots and Pangong Lake!!

On the way back from Pangong Lake

Ken koon! naarak!! :)

Pangong Lake

3. Parents came to SG, 6-10 July (commencement: 9 July 2012)
Thank God I've got this 'extra holiday' hahahaha.. I felt like tourist again because we went to places that I've never been in SG.
People say commencement is boring, but it was not! The speech from Diana Sir (am I correct?) was good, entertaining, and beautiful in a simple way. I still remember her 3 messages from her mistakes: 1. smile more , 2. give value-add to yourself, don't be so calculative 3. start family early (she had her first child when she was 34 years old). The speech from Sarah Tan, the valedictorian, was amazing! My eyes were filled with tear (so silly...>.<) when she said, "these people around you are still proud of you no matter what..." :) it's true rite? at the end of the day, my parents won't remember my class (they don't know my CAP, they don't understand this first class, 2nd class thingy). My friends do not care how much I earn per month. My boss and colleague is opened as long as I want to learn even though I don't know how to do many things despite this piece of letter that says "fulfilling graduation requirement".

ok..that's for now... :):)

Special thanks for Mom and Dad

and Legionaries :)

Hello Working World :)

Hello! Long time no see. I'm a working girl now :) Finally got my in-principal-letter-of-approval for Training Employment Pass (is there a difference with Employment Pass?). Thank God. I've been waiting for this for very long!

Today I downloaded a statistical freeware called "R". My goodness, I've never thought that a psychology graduate also needs to know programming :(:( Anyway, I'm kinda excited to self-study this. I should learn Matlab too, while I'm working here...hehehehe..It's because my colleague who's currently working in the adult bilingualism project needs to use Matlab. Even though I don't need it in my project, I think it's good to learn :)

Initially I feel that there's no 'life' as a working person, but I think things start to work out. Today I finally reached home early enough to mop the floors, (still) unpack stuff, and mop again because my roommate sneezed because of the dust from the unpacked stuff. Three of us also had chance to sit and drink wine. Hahahaha. I did some ironing and tidying-up too :)

I mentioned to Paul and Daryl that I'm thinking to take up lessons, like dancing lesson or any other lesson, just to keep my brain 'works'. For now, the limitation is money. Hahaha. I also still need time to store my energy :P But I think I seriously want to learn something else after work :) Let's see. I should start while I still have the spirit.

Unlike my undergraduate life (my goodness, it feels so far...),I can sleep little, yet feel energetic. Hahaha. Usually 6-hour-sleep is enough for me, but now, 6-hour sleep feels little. Hahaha.. Oh but slowly I think I gain my strength (thanks to Divine Intervention, felt physically and mentally fresh after yesterday's mass). I don't know how I had 2 CCAs back to back before. Now after work I just feel so tired. Oh but I think the difference is I really try to focus during work (unlike during undergrad when I can choose to take a nap anytime, including during lectures :P)

The good things about working:
1. No need to think about homework
2. For my current job, I look at it as an opportunity to learn more. It's like another thesis for me :)
3. I MUST think of practical things, not only theory. From 'simple thing' such as cutting shoe boxes to the size that I want, designing a chute-box for experiment (thanks to Krizia and Paul!), to stuff like knowing what statistical analyses to use (argggggggghhhhhhh....all the stats modules goneee!!)

bad things:
1. I cannot take a nap
2. I MUST wake up early every day (no more 2 days afternoon classes :P)

but but..at the end of the day, I think working life is an opportunity to practice virtues (just like studying!). No wonder they said we can sanctify our work and study. It's difficult, but it's possible :):)

and I'm happy to say that I find meaning in my work :) Thank God :)