There are moments when I question myself, "Why am I created this way?" Of course, we are thankful for our strengths, but it was kinda difficult at times to be thankful for our defects too. It was a little challenging at times to have the faith, that God wants to use me as an instrument, me as a whole, with my strengths and my defects.
The bad news is, when this thought comes, it is like a domino effect. All the negative thoughts will attack you, all the words of disappointment that were spoken by the affected parties ring and ring in your ears, again and again, even when you are trying to sleep or when you are trying to pray.
And in those moments, the only prayer that I can utter is, "Lord, what should I do?"
I envy some people who can hear God clearly in their prayer. Or...at least can talk clearly in their prayer, at least most of the times.
When the temptation comes, to ask God, "Why am I created this way?"
I guess it is time to practice an interior mortification. To dare to stay stop to all gloominess and negative thoughts in your head.
Those moments when you feel so ugly (interiorly), so ugly and sick interiorly, especially as evident by how your loved ones may find to see your face or just to hear your voice as sickening or painful because how grave your mistakes are..
it's a great time to hold on to God and to run to the doctor, i.e., your spiritual director :)
When I did white river rafting in Manali (India) 4 years ago, the boat capsized. I couldn't breathe for awhile, and the only thing I did was what my guide told me, "hold the lifeline. Never let go the lifeline" (the string on the boat). It was very hard to breathe until finally my guide pulled my body up and I was panting like mad.
I guess in the spiritual life, when you feel that you can't breathe for awhile, you need to hold on the lifeline.
For some it is perhaps a wooden cross..
For some others, it is perhaps a kiss to an image of Our Lady.
What's your lifeline?
Have a great weekend!
The bad news is, when this thought comes, it is like a domino effect. All the negative thoughts will attack you, all the words of disappointment that were spoken by the affected parties ring and ring in your ears, again and again, even when you are trying to sleep or when you are trying to pray.
And in those moments, the only prayer that I can utter is, "Lord, what should I do?"
I envy some people who can hear God clearly in their prayer. Or...at least can talk clearly in their prayer, at least most of the times.
When the temptation comes, to ask God, "Why am I created this way?"
I guess it is time to practice an interior mortification. To dare to stay stop to all gloominess and negative thoughts in your head.
Those moments when you feel so ugly (interiorly), so ugly and sick interiorly, especially as evident by how your loved ones may find to see your face or just to hear your voice as sickening or painful because how grave your mistakes are..
it's a great time to hold on to God and to run to the doctor, i.e., your spiritual director :)
When I did white river rafting in Manali (India) 4 years ago, the boat capsized. I couldn't breathe for awhile, and the only thing I did was what my guide told me, "hold the lifeline. Never let go the lifeline" (the string on the boat). It was very hard to breathe until finally my guide pulled my body up and I was panting like mad.
I guess in the spiritual life, when you feel that you can't breathe for awhile, you need to hold on the lifeline.
For some it is perhaps a wooden cross..
For some others, it is perhaps a kiss to an image of Our Lady.
What's your lifeline?
Have a great weekend!
