Three Rings

Singapore, 12 February 2013

“I found a ring on the floor this morning. If you are the owner of the ring, please contact me at 9327 4188.”

***

Peter and Anna read the paper pasted next to the lift. Anna murmured, “The owner is very honest.” Peter nodded and smiled, “Maybe there’s this guy wants to propose his girlfriend on the Valentine’s day. Too bad he lost the ring.” Anna laughed at him, “Wow, your imagination…”

***

Lea read the paper pasted next to the lift and smiled bitterly. She glanced at her own ring. Well, her friends have asked her to take off the ring. “You can’t wait for him anymore,” even her daughter said so. Lea did not care. She just knew that she should keep the ring to remind her about her husband who left her ten years ago. She knew why.

***

Emily woke up that morning and thought, “Well, what’s next?” She was not the same Emily as the day before. “Morning…” said the ‘husband’ as he yawned and smiled at her. It’s still very weird for Emily to take note then from now one, she will refer to John as her ‘h.u.s.b.a.n.d’. She whispered at his ear, “Did I kick you last night?”

***

Anna put her shoes on the shoe rack.

“Hi Cath!”

Her housemate, Catherine, was washing the dishes. Catherine washed her hands and dried them quickly then ran to Anna. She paused for a second, and whispered, “Anna!”

“Eh…what? Your kids behaved well today and no parents made noise today?”

Catherine shook her head quickly and showed her left fingers to her. Anna noticed the shiny diamond ring and half-screamed, “Catherine!!!! Congrats!!” She hugged Catherine very tight then she stepped back,

“Wowww. When-where-and-how did he propose??”

“Well, don’t laugh, okay?”

Anna nodded but she already giggled even before Catherine explained the story. Catherine took a deep breath,

“At McDonalds this morning!”

“WHAAAT??” Anna burst out laughing. She calmed herself down and asked again, “How come?”

“Well, we met for the first time at McDonalds seven years ago. I ‘found’ him on Friendster. Well, you know, last time we used Friendster. He was my secondary school friend, so I just proposed that we met up that time.”

“Hahaha. I don’t know you are quite aggressive.”

“I’m not aggressive, I was being pro-active. The rest of the chasing part was initiated by him.” 

Anna laughed again, “Well, I’m so happy for you! Looking forward for the wedding invitation. Finally!! My roommate is getting married.” Anna looked at Catherine’s blushing face and smiled. Yeah, she knew how long Catherine has been waiting for this. In Anna’s eyes, Tony, Catherine’s boyfriend – oops, fiancée – is the typical-young-generation-man. He wanted to build his career first, he wanted to save enough money to buy a car first, he wanted to ‘enjoy life’ whatever it means for him. Catherine was ready for the commitment since 2 or 3 years ago, but Tony was not.

***

Lea put her shoes on the shoe rack.

“Hi Mom.”

“Hi Aunty”. Kim and Anthony, her boyfriend, greeted her at the same time.

“Hi. You eat already?”

“Yup. We went to Holland Vi today and had a Japanese ramen there. Oh Mom, you should try it out next time!”

“Is it that good?”

“Oh well, you have high standard.” She looked at her boyfriend and said in sarcastically, “My ex-dad was a chef and my mom has been waiting for him to come back and cook all of the love recipe again.” Lea was not in the mood to quarrel with her daughter today and not in front of Kim’s boyfriend. She ignored her daughter and walked to her room as Kim said again to Anthony, “You know, sometimes I think my dad must have put some love poison in his cuisine so that my mom does not forget him even after 10 years of neglect.” Anthony felt uneasy and talked softly,

“Kim, don’t talk like that please.”

Lea turned and smiled at the 18-year-old guy. Her lips made a ‘thanks’ then she closed the door behind her.

After a while she had learned not to cry anymore. Her thought flew back to her wedding day, the day when she felt that she was the happiest woman in the world. However, at the back of her mind, she remembered that her mom had told her that love is not a fairy tale or even a Barbara Cartland’s novels in which the husband would kiss the wife and carry her to their bed. 

Lea closed her eyes. She knew that her husband was so special. He was nice, he was kind, and he just adored her. He had also been patient in taking care of Kim and he did not complain about it. However, after Lea’s second unfortunate miscarriage, he changed. The first loss of the baby happened when Lea worked overnight for a few days when she covered the news on election. The second happened after Lea and her husband quarreled when her husband asked her to change her job.

Lea always told herself. It was not only his fault, but it was her fault. There had been so many times her friends asked her to talk to him in the early stage of the problem. There had been so many times her friends asked her to change her job or at least just work part-time, but she just loved her job as a reporter. She indeed enjoyed her work and she thought, “Things will work out well.” She had made mistakes and she did not want to make a new mistake. She did not believe in divorce and if the last things that she could do were to take care of her daughter and forgive her husband and herself, then she let herself do it.

***

Emily’s mom used to say that Emily slept like a ‘fan’. She would turn and turn for one round so that she would kick her mom when she slept with her mom. That’s why the first thing that she asked that morning was whether she had kicked her husband. 

One week before their wedding, Emily had prepared a list of weird things that might surprise John.

1. I have OCD-like-symptom that all hangers must be hung in the same direction

2. I hang my undergarment in the bathroom in the evening till the next day before I hang it somewhere else

3. After my alarm rings, I will wake up and move to sofa to sleep again for 15 minutes

4. I kick people when I sleep, beware!

John insisted that she should stop at point 4, so that “I do not call off the wedding because of other weird things that you do.” 

Apparently that morning Emily did not move to the sofa. One of the reasons was the bed in the hotel felt so nice and comfortable and she enjoyed staring at John sleeping next to her. She wished every day would be like this, but they could not. They had limited budget, so they would only stay in that hotel for one night and that very day they would move to John’s parents’ house. Their unit would only be done two years from now because the government only started to build the new unit after they were engaged. They did not have enough money to make down payment earlier because both of them pursued their Master’s immediately after graduation and they refused to wait until their unit is constructed to get married. 

That evening Emily ‘officially’ moved to John’s parents’ house. She read the paper pasted next to the lift and smiled to John.

“Well, my wife would kill me if I ever lost my wedding ring,” said John calmly.

“No la. My husband is more precious than the ring mah.”

“Really?”

“Yes, Mr John. Stop forcing me to say sweet things, you’ll have diabetes later.”

***

Singapore, 14 February

Anna looked at the lift in front of her and told Peter, “Oh no. The paper’s gone! Maybe no one claimed the ring.”

“Hahaha. It’s okay. Maybe the owner has claimed the ring already.

“Or maybe the guy has bought new ring already because he wanted to propose the girl on Valentine’s Day.”

***

Whose pace?

I spoke to my spiritual director a few days ago, "Father, sometimes I felt like God wants me to run very fast. I'm tired."

***

I told him that I am fully aware that God wants to shape me. I also want to grow up and struggle, but there are moments when things are just so difficult and tiring. There are moments when it is very hard to get up that the only prayer I could say was "Lord, Lord, help me." There are moments when I look at other people and think for a split second, ahh how nice it is if I don't need to struggle, yet another split second I realize that this thought is foolish. Honestly speaking, I don't want to exchange my relationship with God, his blessing, and the suffering with what seems "nice and happy". Surprisingly, I think Father can reach my mind. Hahaha. He said that I should be grateful because God lets me see my vocation and God wants me to struggle, and that I am happy even though struggling is difficult.

Today's Gospel reflection told me to "remember Heaven at difficult moments". Wow, to be honest, I have never thought like that. At difficult moments, this is my 'complain', "God I know you want me to grow up, I know you want me to be better, but it's so difficult. Huuuuu (cyring sound)" hahaha. Or even the day before I just read about the cross and the importance of taking up this cross daily, I still scream, "It's so heavy. It's so painful. It hurts so much till sometimes I can feel the pain physically." However, I would admit that there's this little angel's voice at the back of my mind, "It's nothing. God will help you carry the cross."

Sometimes it feels very funny. I know that I should follow God's pace and push myself, but sometimes I'm tired. At the same time, as much as I wish I could slow down, I clearly understand that I don't want God to slow down too because I know I need this pace. I know why I need to push myself. Thank God at least he let me know, though sometimes it's very hard to keep  my peace at these moments.

Have a great Sunday!!

women and flower

In a book which is similar with "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus", it was written there that to win a woman's heart, man should give her flower!!! Even though flower will die in a few days, the positive effect on woman's mood is sooo amazing. (And the logical gentlemen can't understand why oh why women LOVE flowers!!)

I guess that's why the price of roses on Valentine's day is so high. These men suddenly want to give flower to the their girls (since they might not have done so :P). Last year I was looking for 'normal' flower for Legion of Mary meeting and I couldn't find any!!! Thank God I could find a not-so-expensive rose in the market. So Mother Mary also got flower on that day. Hehehehe.

This boyfriend of mine believes that flower is only a collection of 'modified leaves'. I remember the first time I knew about this fact, I was soo shocked. WHAAT??
But actually he's also correct, don't you think God is amazing that even a collection of modified leaves is soooo beautiful? God is so creative indeed!

Well, the point of this post is, like other women, I LOVE flowers. Hahaha. So I didn't hint, I didn't give subtle or explicit hint, I just told him, "I want flower!" when I passed the florist  =P I don't want it on Valentine's day cos it's expensive, not worth it, so commercialized!! I want it on other day. Hahaha. So there he goes. He gave me a rose on the day I came back from Indonesia after Chinese New Year. His first sentence was, "Don't say I never give you flower ya." Hahaha. So yeah.. once in a while, I'd like to share this sweetness of him. I guess for all people, men or women, it is true that the value that makes something special is in the LITTLE things =D I don't need bouquet of flowers. I love little surprises like this :)

I don't need a dinner in a super expensive restaurant, but a food adventure at Ghim Moh was a special memory that I won't forget. An-eating-murtabak-session-at East Coast Park is something that is very special for me. And to see how he goes here and there to bring my parents around when they are in Singapore really touches me. (oh well, why most of these things are about food? hahaha)

Okay I shouldn't talk too much. I would just like to give you example on how important it is to sometimes give little surprises to your loved ones and how big the impact of these little surprises =D Preferably you don't do the surprises on Valentine's Day. Hahaha.
 

Noise level at my home

This is what I love from my home:
It's noisy!!! Hahaha. My mom will say A, then I say "Yes" or "later lah" (most common answer is the latter =P), then she will say B, then I say "Yes", and she'll continue. The same case for my grandma.

On Saturday, my brother went out with a "friend" and he came home very late!! I talked to my parents once in the afternoon, "hah...how come my brother hasn't come back, as if the friend doesn't need to have Chinese New Year reunion dinner with the family." In the evening, I repeated the same sentence then my dad said, "Da, why are you so talkative like your mom??" Ooops. Like mom like daughter?

Well, this is what I love from my home. We have dogs' noise, parents' noise, kids' noise, and so on and so forth. hahaha..

Ahh..so nice....

How's your January???

I'm very glad that me, nic, pril, and dennyz shared our new year's resolutions on google drive. Hahaha. I'm not promoting google, I'm a yahoo! person. Hehehe. The point is... the resolutions are stuck in my head every day. I was kinda sad that it feels harder to do them once you resolve to do them!! Nevertheless, Krizia said, every day, every moment, is a new opportunity to get up and restart again. When I feel down, I also remember that Paul said that his friend from Opus Dei said that sometimes these problems are old problems that you didn't realize before. They are actually small things, but only now you realize that they are problems, that's why you feel troubled. While actually you just need to repair them and move on :)

The highlight of this January is....
well, to be honest, quite depressing. Hahaha. Nevermind, the cheerful Ferninda is back. Time to start again, okay? ^^

I found one thing that may help me to wake up on time next time: "strong love". Father Mario said that strong love makes you diligent, makes you haste and do not want to be late! Perhaps it'll help me to attend Mass on time (well, in fact, this thought did help me on Friday!!). What happened on Friday was I woke up superlate (6.25am!! and Mass starts at 7am). Remembering Father's words, I tried to rush, I ran to catch the train which will reach in 2 minutes, I ran down to catch 198 that I saw from far, and ran again to the Church. Hahaha. Thank God!! I was still late, but not too late.

My aim this month is at least to arrive on time, because apparently arriving 5 minutes earlier is still soooooooooooooooooooo tough. >.<

Another highlight is..
the importance of cheerfulness. Not only when things are okay, but also when things are going wrong. A cheerfulness that is based on divine filiation, a thought of "I am a daughter of God."

Thank you Lord for letting me fall quite hard last month. You made me learn some more :D and one more thing, I think God has shown me something really really special. So funny, it started in an evening Mass on Thursday then happened in the bus after Mass on my way for Benediction alone. Thank you Jesus for letting me see it and please hold me through the next baby steps

Principals and principles

In the past two weeks, me, my colleague, and my boss had meetings with three different principals of kindergartens. Those meetings were really good learning opportunities for me because I could see how the principals hold strong principles and put effort in putting them into practice. For example, one of the principals had concern about the dying mother tounge in Singapore. She doesn't like the primary school system in which children only speak Mandarin in Mandarin class. As a result, someone could score A in the Mandarin lesson but could not converse fluently in Mandarin. Thus, in her kindergarten, what they do is both English teacher and Mandarin teacher are present in the class at the same time. If story-telling is given by the English teacher, children converse in English, but they still speak Mandarin to the Mandarin teacher. So switching between English and Mandarin becomes a natural situation for the children.

The similarity among these three principals is their eagerness to learn new things (that's why they are willing to collaborate with us to conduct psychological research in their kindergartens). Suddenly this thing reminds me of the virtue I saw in my boss in India: humility. Even though you are at the top, you humble yourself and acknowledge that you don't know everything and you want to learn from other people. It's very heartwarming to see figures of leaders, entrepreneurs, and educator (not only 'teacher') in these three principals. They also remind me of someone whom I look up to as a leader: Sr. Francesco, the nun in my school!!! :D

So yeah.. in these busy weeks, I start to fall in love with my job :) Being a research assistant is not only about running statistical analyses and conducting experiment, it's also about understanding other people's work in our field. It's about learning from real persons about what it needs to be a leader. Thank you Lord for these experiences.