St. Patricia and Ferninda's "Patrycia"

One last post before I'm going off!!! Hehehe.

St. Patricia is my patron saint :) (Thanks to Dom who has found her!!) I always thought that my baptism name is female version of St. Patrick, but apparently there IS St. Patricia.

Copy-paste about St. Patricia: from http://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=202
St. Patricia according to legend, was of a noble and perhaps royal family in Constantinople who fled to Italy to escape marriage and became a virgin consecrated to God in Rome. She returned to constantinople, distributed her wealth to the poor, and then went back to Italy;, where she died soon after, at Naples. She is a patron of Naples, and like St. Januarius there, a vial believed to be filled with her blood reportedly liquefies thirteen hundred years after her death. 

It turns out that her feast day is one day before my birthday!! :D

Umm, but sometimes it's kinda hard to think of my patron saint in times of difficulties coz there's not much info about her..

Anyway, some more trivial about 'Patrycia' behind my name:

1. even though it's my baptism name, I'm not sure whether my mom thought about St. Patricia or female version of the name 'Patrick'

2. the spelling P.A.T.R.Y.C.I.A was meant to make my name unique coz of course people's names are Patricia, not Patrycia

3. this spelling turns out to be confusing. Today I've found a letter from a friend in primary school that wrote:

Dear Ferninda Particia

Last week, I realized that the psychologist that gives workshop in school wrote my name, 

Ferninda Partycia

2 weeks ago,my roommate wrote on her 'love' letter,"Ferninda Patricya"

4. Allan, one of the CG member in Eusoff, called me "Ferninda P" (sounds like 'Ferninda Pee') to make life easier.. grrrrrrrrr..

Maybe I should test my dad and check whether he knows how to spell my name or not :P

Spy Kids - All the time in the world

Last week I watched Spy Kids with my brother and my uncle. There's a good thing that my brother can drive well now :) Hehehe.

It's really a family movie, reminds me of the importance of time! Today is the last day of 2011!! Time flies (sounds cliche, but it's true!!) A neighbor talked to me last week, "I thought you just started university yesterday and now you're going to graduate". I found 'old' photo of me and my cousins in 2004 at the pilgrimage site, my cousin was slightly taller than my waist but now she's at same height with me.

Every year I write resolutions in my dream book. Some are accomplished, many are not, but I love the feeling that we're working towards something. Of course dreams do change and evolve. Junior high school to high school years, my big plans were filled with 'materialistic' things: good grades, getting accepted in high school, or getting scholarship, or participated in competition a-b-c. 'Small' plans were things like traveling to a,b,c, writing novel (that never comes to be since 2008..Hahahaha), blogging every day (which ends up one post in a few days depends on the idea, time, and mood!). Spiritual plans were based on the 7 Habits that were given to me in retreat 2 years ago, things like daily mass, examination of conscience, saying the Angelus, saying rosary, doing spiritual reading, (I forgot the other two). The struggle now is different, it's not only about 'doing it', but to really keep presence of God the whole day, to really love God through these little norms and not making them as just a routine, to really stop doing something and start praying when I know it's the time to do it.

I read somewhere in the Conversation with God, "Signs are like little lamps, follow it even though the rest is darkness." Remember I've been telling you about how blur my vision is about what'll happen from May onwards?? Thank God he showed me this reflection again. No need to worry about the darkness, God has shown me lots of signs on my way there. I just need to ask for His grace, to be closer to Him, and ask Him, "Lord, what do you want me to do?"

Time is short. Though I've been 'celebrating' new year for many years, some years are special due to some reasons. New year's eve 2007 was different because I was about to graduate from high school. New year's eve 2008 was also different because there was another event that kinda made me feel that things wouldn't be the same. Now is also a different new year because I will experience a new phase of life in 2012.

as I told my other friends, "start 2012 with a cheerful spirit!!!", now I'm telling myself to be the same :):)
as my mom and aunt told me, "pray" :):)
as Joshua,one of the legionary, told me, "don't forget to do your thesis even though it's holiday", duhhh... he's correct...

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!! :D :D

ohh so what's my BIG PLAN for 2012?
hmmm it's similar with my 'BIG PLAN' in 2008, due to many uncertainties, I've made plan A-Z
plan A: master's research in UK
plan B: working as behavioral therapist for children with autism
plan C: master's research in NUS --> yah..now I'm seriously thinking about it

but the most important of all is, I want to be like St. Therese of Lisieux! She wrote, "I want to be a saint!!" :):)
the big defects that I really want to tackle next year:
1. my laziness!!!
2. lack of temperance (see how I'm angry then you'll understand, see how I watch Korean drama in 3 days and you'll understand :P)
3. gossip -.- --> especially the subtle ones..

wahh this post is getting longer and longer..
well, next plan is, I also want to increase supply of bottled sunshine for other people!!! HAHAHAHA.. It's weird, but I hope other people can be bottled sunshine too :):)

God bless!! :)
Selamat Tahun Baru!!

a thousand cranes!!

When I (finally) cleaned up my room, I found a box filled with some cranes. I think it should be around 10-20 of them. Then I remembered my promise to Nic, my best friend in 2008, "I'll make 1000 cranes for you! Every time I miss you in Spore, I'll make a crane instead!" Before I left Indo, I think I've made around 100 cranes.

It's 2011 now and I almost graduate! I have not made cranes again for her. It doesn't mean that I don't miss her while I'm in Sg!! Hehehe. It's just that I didn't think of making crane. Now if I miss my best friends, I just 'shout' on facebook, "NICCCCCCCCCCCC..NYZZZZZZZZZ...PRILLLLLLLLLLLL." (hayiaa, not as romantic as making 1000 cranes right??) Should I postpone my deadline and give the 1000 cranes as wedding gift for her one day? (grin...reminds me of our last chat with Nyz too! HAHAHAHA)

I think there's a legend that if your wish will come true after you make 1000 cranes. Hehehe.
this post has too many "haha" and "hehehe" and I guess only Nic, Nyz, Pril can smile or laugh at this post! :D

Adolescent Psychology

I've never thought of taking this module before, but the more I think about this module, the more I'm interested in it. 1-week-internship in Jakarta made me realize how I only know a few things about adolescence. The interesting thing about learning about adolescence is it's still possible to look back at myself, or read my diary to track my thought, or look at my cousin to 'analyze' myself or my cousin. Hahaha. While most of my modules so far are around babies, I don't have frequent interaction with babies, my little cousins are not little anymore :P

Some issues that I really want to learn about adolescence: the self-concept, friendship, intergenerational conflict (parents-teens conflict), sexuality issues, and addiction. Even though we all 'have-been-through-that-age' before, even though I'm 'still' 21 (well, I'm not old yet :P), we tend to forget how it feels like to be adolescent. We forget how confusing the world was and we forget how we hate it when 'older' people advice us, "We've been through that, trust us, you are wrong."

So yeah... I'm looking forward for this module!!
and the lecturer this semester apparently is my Psych Assessment lecturer!! --> very lively!! hahaha..

When the lights went out

Last week, the lights suddenly went out around 8pm. My mom, dad, my brother, my grandma, and me ended up sitting in the dark (not really a total darkness coz we had 'emergency light') and talking 'cock'. We ate mangoes in the dark and the conversation went like this:

grandma: a.....q
mom: r....z
grandma: d....f
me: x.....z

It means...our topics were not related to each other. HAHAHAHA..

The good thing about this darkness was everyone had chance to sit together with nothing else to do except talking to each other!! :D :D

the hard truth

the hard truth that I've found after cleaning up my wardrobe..

1. there's a small chance that I'll stay in Indo more than 3 weeks for the next 3 years. Most of my clothes are not used, the white ones changed colors already, and the wardrobe is just too full for short-term stay.

2. I've grown up. Those shirts that are still nice but with too much Mickey Mouse or Tweety or Bobo (a child magazine icon) are just not for me anymore.

3. I've gained weight. Hahaha. Many are too tight and look ugly when I wore them.

sigh!!!
As much as I want to have adventures, I want to have a home. Proper home. To settle down. Whatever it means. Last night I dreamed that I got the job to be therapist!! Hahaha. The salary was Rp 700,000 (SGD 100), but I was so happy in my dream coz I could work even in my final semester. Every time I go to IKEA (hardware and interior shops, like ACE Hardware in Indo), I'm looking forward to having my own house. Sometimes I wonder whether having messy room 'is-in-my-blood' hahaha coz that is what happens in our house :P Messy house, messy room even though I'm not staying in my room for 8 months (my room is just another storage when I'm away), but I do love my home. It's a HOME, not only a house.

At the same time, I don't know how it feels to stay at home more than 2 weeks. The last time I did it was in my first year first semester. I'm just worried it'll be too frustrating coz I depend on LOTS of people. I feel restricted!!

I know it's a childish complain, but I hate it when:
1. my parents forget that I'm a final year student, that I'm going to work REAL SOON
(provided I get a job SOON)
2. consciously or unconsciously, I'm part of the middle class people who sits at the backseat and looks at the people around me through the car window.
3. I have to admit, that I love the comfort that Singapore has provided for me. The comfort that makes me have the 'freedom' and when I am in Singapore, I also love the protection that my parents give me.
I feel that I'm nowhere....I'm trapped..

as I walked the same path

There was a small street, a shortcut from church to my school.

I used to walk through that small street with my friends when we somehow had the habit to pray in the church after school is over (it was our final year).

As I walked the same path,
if it's like a movie, things were flashing in my brain. I remember I took a picture with my best friends in the last month of school. I have a friend who acts like my 'bodyguard' that kept saying, "Da, be careful" and told other friend, "Ferninda is fragile, must protect her! I take this side, you take that side" She's so funny!! She's not even a Catholic, but she prayed with us in the church too.

As I walked the same path,
I recalled those people whom we met accidentally on our way there.

Then I walked pass the hall where me and my friends had our co-curricular activity: dance!!
Then I walked pass the parking lots for bikes
Then I waited at the side of the road for the traffic light to turn green for me.

things do change.
Somehow I know by the time I leave Indo this time,things will not be the same. My 'vision' is limited up to May. After May my vision is blur.
Next year (which is next week), will be a different phase of life for me. Even if I study again, I'm not an undergraduate anymore. If I work, it'll be different too.

Christmas 2011

This year me and my family attended Christmas Eve mass at the Church of St. Laurensius, a 'semi-parish' (in Indo, we call it 'stasi', a stage before parish. It will officially become a parish next January (in a few weeks time!!). The church has a dome structure and the interior is similar with the Church of St. Peter and Paul in Singapore. Hence, despite the smell of new-ness and modernity, it's actually a form of back-to-old-age architecture. That's why I love being inside this church.

We arrived at 5pm, 2 hours before the mass. As predicted, we only got seats behind the pilar. Next to me two kids were fighting over PSP, behind me a high school boy kept talking to his friend. However, when the mass started, I was amazed that the kids beside me paid attention to the mass and even sang very well with their mom while I needed to turn around to my back, gave my super-unfriendly-look to that high school boy and pointed-to-my-ear-plus-showed-begging-hand-gesture which means, "Silence pleaseeee!!!" Anyway, it was a beautiful mass :) In the homily, the priest gave us this story: a man went to have his hair cut and the barber said, "I don't believe in God. If God exists, why are there so many bad things in this world?" The man could not reply him. He went out and saw a homeless guy with shabby clothes and long hair which was not taken care by the owner. He went to meet the barber again, "I think there's no barber in this world." The barber said,"How come? I'm a barber and I did cut your hair." The man replied, "See the homeless guy outside? His hair is long, so no barber in this world."  The priest reminded us that we need to come to Jesus, let Jesus work and 'cut our hair'.

After mass, my family had a nice dinner near the church. Yummy!! My mom was quite surprised that I'm not as picky as before. According to her, I also eat more. *duhh...*

Next day, CHRISTMAS DAY!! As 'usual', I went to the parish near my school to help out in distributing Christmas souvenirs for all kids that attended children liturgy. I actually dunno most people in the youth group anymore, but I still know the leader of that group who is my senior in school so I keep coming back for...hmmm 7 years? hahaha. We, 'oldies' (read: those youth who are at borderline of university and working world) were stationed at the parking lot which means that more children are more likely not getting souvenirs, more patience is needed to tell them to queue and to smile to the parents who insist that the kids have not got the souvenirs. Thank God this year we had enough souvenirs for the kids.

After that, I went to my high school friend's house near the church. It was soo funny. I hugged her at the side of the street, we screamed, "ahhhh loong time no see", while many cars were stopping because of the traffic light. Suddenly one window was opened, and it was our high school friend in the car!! hahaha. We ended up chatting with her for the last 90 seconds of the red light. :P

In the evening, my family and my uncle's family had dinner together. Ahhh so niceeeee :);)

Dear Jesus,
thank you sooooo muchhhhhh :):)

Little Stories from Thailand

Two weeks ago was the first time for going for a service project. It was quite short, only 1 week. Other service projects are typically 2-3 weeks. It was also not an 'ambitious' service project, such as aiming at building something that's sustainable, however, after a short reflection in the middle of the week, I realized this 'simple' volunteering in a school is very beautiful. One of us reminded me, "We do not come here to solve social problems, but we want to see Christ in each child and be like Christ for the kids." It's hard, but it's beautiful..

On the first day, we played with the kids in the school yard. I talked to them in English and my broken Thai, we played 'Train of Love' (we made a huge circle, sang 'Train of Love', moved forward and backward along with the word 'chiki' and 'chaka'). On the second day, my first lesson with another volunteer was in Primary 3. All the lesson plans were useless coz they didn't understand us :( and they couldn't read lots of English words even though they could say the words. Primary 4 was better and not as shy as Primary 3 kids.

Memorizing their names were another challenge!! hahaha.. But on the third day, the principal made the kids used their name tags. We had one kid in Pri 4 whose name was "Nut 3" , apparently there were 3 kids with the same name, so it became Nut 1, Nut 2, Nut 3. Hahaha.

Oh noo...so many stories...hmm let me think..

The kids are very cute. They are very polite. The kindergarten kids did 'Wai' (put the palms together and greet other people) and bowed to the floor while they were sitting every time we entered class in the morning. The kids, like other kids, like to run around, but they follow the teachers easily every time the teachers instructed them to do something.

Two kids cried on the last day we were there... :( One of the kids, held my arm and told other kids that I am her mom. (Don't think that I look old!) But I do think there might be sth with her mom coz when she wrote card, she wrote "I love Father, I love P' Lea (another volunteer, I love P'Ninda).

The people in Nakhon Ngayok were very helpful, especially Ajarn Aurapan, the principal :)

I just love Thailand..and the kids too :):) It hurt me when they asked me whether I'll come back one day, I just could say that I'm not sure.

Will pray for you, Nong... :)

My Brother

I Just realized that it's very hard to find 'proper' picture with my brother when we grow up. See how 'sian' his face in the photo??? Hahahaha.

We're only 2 years apart, but 3 academic years apart because his bday is on 30 Dec. Yesterday I noticed that he's going to be 19 this year. He's not 'little' brother anymore (well, he's been 20centimeters higher than me since he was high school). How to describe my brother? Hmm..

He's very good in drawing!! I shouldn't be surprised at the end he chooses architecture. He also draws Japanese manga. He's just sooo good in drawing.

He has a good handwriting (if he wants too :P). Compared to my other guys-friends, he is better than my other friends :P

When we were young, we quarreled a lot, we even fought physically, but when we grow up, it's more into debate. We usually debate over small stuff, we even had a small debate when we were in Universal Studios *duhh*. I guess it's because both of us have sharp tounge hence it's very easy to start a fire.

He's very...practical? Hmm how to say.. Sometimes I see that he doesn't have any vision, but now I think about it, he does have vision.It's just that I don't see it because I judge him through my perspective only. He told me that once he graduates, he 'just' wants to earn lots of money, gets a good job, buy a house. He doesn't understand why I keep saying that I want to go back to Indonesia. If he were me, he wanted to get PR and bring my parents to Singapore.

Even though my brother looks aloof, apparently once he has girlfriend, he can be SUPER-care to the girlfriend. (note: me n my mom are jealous! Hahaha). He drove at 5.30am to his girlfriend's house to deliver a birthday cake so once the girlfriend woke up, she could see the cake. He doesn't talk much to me and my mom, but he calls his girlfriend everyday (at the same time he plays classical music in HIGH volume so that we don't eavesdrop him).

Ahhh... he likes body building these few years. He doesn't have those big muscles ( I told him not to have too-big-muscles, scary!), but now we can see him with some arm muscles and he aims to have six-packs. He taught me some sit-up and crunches methods :P Hahaha. One of my friend said that he's handsome, but I told my friend, "NOOOOOOOOOOOO... you're 1 year older than me, so you are 3 years older than my brother. I don't want to have you as my in-law. Hahaha." Of course my friend was only joking.

What do I miss from my brother? Hmmm.. Waking him up early before school? (Now he wakes up earlier than me when I am at home). It was a huge challenge for 9 years of my life (when he was Primary 1 till final year high school). I called him, tickled him, keep saying till screaming "Dot...Dot..." (Adot - nickname in family :P). He said, "5 minutes..." "5 minutes...." He ate the bread half-asleep till Coki (my dog) almost ate his bread. He slept again after he wore his uniform. Wow...now it feels such a long time ago.

He smiled during his baptism!!

Refused to be hugged by me.. (especially now. Hahaha)

My Mom

My mom is the one who always defends me in front of other people. When I was high school, when other parents asked my mom, how she let me, who was from science stream, went overseas ONLY to study psychology, she said, "Ohh now you have lots of stressed people. You need lots of psychologists." This afternoon when I complained how some people see that I'm taking 'useless' modules, my mom said that even though neighbors wandered why I study Thai instead of Chinese language, my mom said, "It's knowledge and it's unique. She likes it and I know it'll be useful." When I told her my worry and other "what-if questions", she said, "Just open your eyes. It doesn't matter whether at the end you do clinical psychology or not. It doesn't matter if you turn round-round-and-round till at the end you've found what you really like. It's okay to change interest. It's okay if you choose to expert in cultural stuff rather than psychology. Your decision is in your hand, but do ask God about it. I can only give advice, but you choose what you like."

My mom will hug me when I cry. Ohhh this is the thing that I miss the most. Sometimes there are cold nights here, I can't deny that 'bottled sunshine' can have cloudy moments. Let's say when I'm stressed of school work, or other CCA stuff (eg during NUANSA) or problems with friends or what, it used to be so easy. I just needed to crawl to her room and I just cried and hugged her. She's very wise and understanding. She can be hyperactive too (like mother like daughter :P), but that's what is funny about her. I remember a few days when I 'almost' broke up, I cried a lot in her room and she said, "Don't worry. Think about it like taking English course. You finish one level and now go up to the next level." I giggled a bit when I cried. I mean, who gave an analogy of breaking up with English course??? Hahahaha.

My mom is a strong woman. The more I grow up, the more I contemplate on how I was such a bad girl and how she's very patient. I was (am? dunno :P) very stubborn. When I was angry, I would slam the door. When I didn't want to do something, I would stomp my foot and walked away. She's patient, but she's firm with me. If she said "No!", it just means "No!". When I was Primary 6, she gave me a small book for diary, told me to write my feelings there, not to throw my anger to my grandma (I still keep the diary hahaha). In our family, we also have problems, stuff that I can't write here, even until now, but she's there. She keeps praying, she keeps cheerful, she NEVER blames God.

Most of the times, she knows what I want to talk about before I mention it. Most of the times, if she said "Don't do this," if me or my bro keeps doing it, sth bad happens. She knows I like to scrutinize little things in my head, she knows I like to worry too much, but she's never bored encouraging me, saying the same thing over and over again even though sometimes I comment in a bad manner, "Mom, u dunno how it feels..." But I guess she knows..she understands..

I love the fact that I can talk about many things to my mom. I can say that nothing I can hide from my mom: From school to work, on faith, even about guys (not all girls can talk to their mom openly about guys). I know her love story, she told me her 7-year-RCIA-journey, she told me her happiness, her disappointment when she was young, her idealism, what thing I should hope and not hope, hahaha. One thing I 'envy' her, I can't bake cake (my mom said, I should TRY, she said that my problem is I don't know whether I can do it or not because I DON'T try) :P

My Dad

I had a beautiful experience talking to my mom through phone this afternoon and was inspired to write posts on series on my family. Hahaha. Let's start from my dad.

My Dad
How to describe him? Let me start with unique things about him. He did cross-stitch. We have a huge last supper cross-stitched by him in our living room, another one on lakeside view in my grandma's house. The interesting thing is he cross-stitch them in a consistent manner, eg if you stitch from top-left to bottom-right then top-right to bottom-left, he will not swap to top-right to bottom-left then top-left to bottom-right. As a result, even if you see his cross-stitch closely, all stitch will have same direction.

He likes orchid. He grows some orchid at home and when we visited his principal's office near my grandma's house, the principal often gives him the little orchid for my dad. (how to describe? the young orchid? the one still in the bottle)

My dad doesn't say vulgarities at home. After realizing how it's so easy for the people here to swear and say vulgarities, I've noticed that my dad doesn't say vulgarities at home.

He's generous. The way he looks at beggar, the way he pays attention when people from donation booth (let's say UNICEF booth) approaches him, is just amazing. He will give when he's moved to give despite the fact that people say A-Z not to give, he will just do it if he feels that he can and he should give.

The picture above was taken on his birthday. It was the first time we made surprise for him. We successfully pretended to forget his birthday. Hahaha. Then we wrote bday wishes for him in small rolled paper (we = my family, my cousins, my aunt and uncle). We went out for dinner as if it's a normal going-out-session-for-dinner.

He replied SMS maximum 3 words. The most common reply are "Ok" or "In office" or "why like that?" Hahaha. Sometimes I feel that it's getting harder to talk to him because he doesn't really talk much. The only time we talked much was when I told him about my study plan (study and work plan) and at that moment, I could feel he really tried to understand my plan: is there scholarship? what's the difference between this programme and another? and at the end, his only question was, "Until when you wanna study?" :P

The only thing that I wish now is seeing him baptized. He goes to church with us, but of course he can't receive holy communion yet. He wants to wait for elderly RCIA because it only takes 3 months. My mom was already happy when he could recite the Lord's prayer and Hail Mary. He prays in front of our altar every morning before working.

The thing that I miss about him...hmmm.. Watching world cup with him? I felt quite sad watching world cup alone last year, but Thank God I could go home around semifinals so we watched semifinals and finals together :):)

Oh...one thing about him, he rarely disagreed with me 'directly'. When I was accepted in NUS, he told my mom that I shouldn't go. Not only because of no scholarship, but because of other stuff too, he's quite worried. However, my mom reminded him how he also didn't let me go when I was secondary school and he promised me to let me try for university. My mom told him how disappointed I will be if this time he didn't let me go. When I was high school and he knew that I had boyfriend, my mom told me that he asked my mum lots of stuff like, "Who's the guy? What's his ethnicity? What's he going to study in university?" but he didn't ask a single thing from me.

My dad is not the perfect man in the world, but I thank God that he's the way he is now.

evolution of girls' talk about guys

I should admit that between me and my friends, one of our most favorite topic is talking about guys. From me and my best friends in Indo, me and my roommate, me and my hall neighbor, and disclaimer: it's not only me, but US as girls. Hahaha.

However, conversation does evolve. Canteen talk during secondary school break or phone call in some evenings revolve around school and 'charming' boy. He doesn't need to be handsome, but usually when always happened that he was "ok...." or even if he's 'not ok', because of his skill or his style or his joke then he becomes 'ok' and can be me and my friends' topic of conversation. During secondary school, criteria of like/"love" most of the times still depends on how hard your heart beats when you are near the guy or like in the movie "Crazy little thing called love", how often you want to walk pass his class just to catch a glimpse of him.

Moving to high school, things were getting slightly more serious. We still admired good-looking guys, hearts were beating fast when you are near the guy that you think you like, but whether you like the guy or not doesn't depend on different stories. Some friends used to not like the guy that at the end became their boyfriends, it's just that my friends' heart melted after these guys' perseverance. Hence, conversation evolved to how these guys have successfully made the girls smile and love them. Unfortunately, some guys are not thankful enough that my friends at the end melted and loved them back. These are the guys who just chase girls for the sake of the fun of 'chasing'. Stupid guys! (oops, sorry...disclaimer: not all guys are bad, not all girls are good). Some other friends had complicated situations due to the existing friendship with the guys. One side expected more-than-just-friends, one side is not. Then, our conversation was on hypothesis on "whether-this-guy-likes-me-or-not". There was not any discussion on 'long-term' hope. The maximum vision is up to hoping that the guy likes you back and both of u are attached. Mission accomplished.

Then, we move to university life, the moment when we are not teenagers anymore, when I can't force my age to be "twen-teen". At this stage, though girls do talk about handsome guys, usually we have 2 category of guys: those to be admired only and those to be "loved" (or actually, hoping that this guy loves you.. Someone's mom said: Love a guy that love you more than you love him! --> I forgot whose mom, confirmed a girl's mom). Topics are not on "get-the-guy-to-love-you", but most of the times of "What if..." and "But..." Things like his religion, family background, attitude towards some issues, become a topic of discussion. Definitely things are not fairytales anymore. Discussion starts with an "If..." and ends with a "Just see how and let it flow.." Feelings become deeper, but at the same time, we generally don't want to fall so deep like when we were in high school. We use more empirical evidences to discuss why you should or should not like this particular guy, whether you should or should not keep close with this guy, and what to hope and not to hope.
While we used to refer to magazines and radio when we were high school and secondary school, now we cited parents/uncles/aunties/neighbors, eg "Don't keep in a relationship only with a hope that 'he will change someday' if you know that you can't take that thing because 99.9% people can't change that bad thing whatever it is. Unless you think that you can ACCEPT that particular thing, BREAK OFF the relationship NOW so you don't waste your time."

Anyway, I'll be home SOON! and this time I'm looking forward for one of my best friend's update who was just attached two (?) weeks ago. Well, this is an example of how complicated the situation was. Apparently this guy's name, attitude, background, closeness with my best friend, and so on and so forth have been mentioned in our discussion since MONTHS ago, and only two weeks ago (finally) they became 'official' :P

conversation topics have shifted..
we grow up..
though maybe parents still think that it seems like we don't think about it (or we are still childish coz we scream when we see handsome guys on magazine cover), we do think and talk about it :)