to cherish each moment

These days remind me of the last few months of my high school. From January onwards, our life revolved around daily test as a revision to prepare us for national exams, followed by discussion of the test, which was often used as an opportunity to sit with our friend in one chair. It was also an opportunity to scream "A.....a...a..." or "B...b...b..." (cos they were all multiple-choice questions). When it came to 'easy' subjects such as Physical Education, IT, arts, or religious studies, it was a chance for me to write diary on the question paper.

It was so normal to look back and recall memories in the past 3 years in high school. There was one moment I felt like I wanted to cry during the revision test, not because the test was difficult, but because I remembered how short the time me and my friends had together before each of us took different path of life. Up to February, my weekends were gone to study for NUS test. March onwards after I got offer letter from NUS, the last 2 months became so critical, not only because the final test would really be coming SOON, but because now you know, it was really gonna be a farewell.

Thanks to NUS' 'week-numbering-system', it is easy for me now to count the number of weeks left before I let go my undergraduate student status. 9, 10, 11, 12, 13. That's it. Five more weeks. Don't count this coming week and it'll be only four weeks. Don't count weekends, then it's only 20 days.

People thought the feeling of going to be graduating soon is a happy feeling, I see it as a mixture of various types of feeling. The thing is graduating doesn't only mean "good bye lessons". Graduating means a beginning of a new phase of life, a real life, a thicker jungle. That's why the graduation ceremony is called "COMMENCEMENT". Graduating means that friendship will change. Friends are still there, some (or most?) won't be there anymore (or this time, it'll be ME who'll leave my juniors). I remembered the beginning of my 3rd year was quite difficult for me. Handy and Andrew graduated and in the Cell group, it was the first time for me without any of them. Sunday also felt different cos no more 'zha jiang mian-ritual'. It was worsened by the hectic life preparing the production.

I'm excited too. Krizia said, "working is fun. Don't feel scared" and Paul also said, "Postgrad study is also a profession", so I feel secure that whatever path that I'll choose at the end, as long as it is God's will and I do it 100%, it'll be okay. Like the 3 Idiots movie said, "All izz well..."

It feels so nice to be able to sit and write stuff like this again. To think and to reflect. To let the anxiety, the happiness, and any other feelings thrown out from my heart is really a good feeling :) oh but yeah...some happy or sad stuff can't be shared here..HAHAHA..that's what diary is used for :)

5 more weeks. Add oil!!!

peaceful Sunday

Good morning, Sunday :)
Initially I thought I can rest today, but apparently my supervisor has returned my 2nd draft yesterday morning, which means I must start working on my thesis (again). However, I don't think I have enough energy to spend 12 hours in lab like last Sunday, so I have decided to work on my presentations and assignments first and start my thesis slowly. Ohhh..maybe with jogging in the evening too :)

I have not written any proper post for the past few weeks, so let me start writing with the word "Sunday".

What does Sunday mean to you?
Sunday is a day to rest. Our Lord said, keep it holy!
Ok, let's get back to the real world. It's difficult to rest on Sunday while you have tons of things to do the following day right? Hahaha. However, Our Lord is correct, we need to rest :) Talking about spending more time with Our Lord on this day, I look at it as if you have 1 day a week to really spend time with your loved ones. It's something you're looking forward to, right? Hehehe.

What does Sunday mean to me?
Sometimes I feel that Sunday is an 'emo-day'. I think in my first two years in Singapore, if I cried or had homesick, most likely it would be on Sunday. Hahaha. Why? Because despite the fact that you went to Church with your friends, you missed your family when you attended mass.
I also miss my family 'ritual', going to Church on Sunday for 8.30am mass, followed by eating my favorite noodle in Pluit. Hahaha (2 bowls!). Okay...actually now my parents have found another favorite noodle, but still..going to Church and eating out together is a family ritual on Sunday.

Even if our family doesn't go out the whole day, my aunty, uncle, and cousins came to our house. Then, we would have dinner together in the evening. In final year of high school or during exam period, I sometimes didn't want to go out because I didn't feel confident for the test the next day, but my mom would say, "Let's go out, you study again later," or in the afternoon, "Study now, let's go out later." My mom's principle is there's no way you can study the whole day (she could not understand how people can study the whole day). I think she's correct. Psychologically, your brain is tired. You need to rest in-between. In fact, when I spent my reading week at home last year, I felt happier when I studied (but my grade was lower, hahaha, I did not focus enough)

Let's talk about Sunday....
Actually, I think after I started helping out in catechism last semester, I feel happier on Sunday. It reminds me of home in a positive way. When I attend mass after catechism, the memory of what the kids have said or done helps me to pray. A lot of things to pray for (including thanksgiving!!) and I see beauty in the kids, so there's less opportunity to feel sad or feeling alone.

This morning after mass, one kid that was in P1 last semester approached me and say "Hi". She's the younger sister of one of P4 kid that is in my class this semester. I got to know their younger brother too this morning. I felt really blessed even only with a "Hi" from them. It's beautiful to see how their parents teach them about the faith and again, like I said, the kids encouraged me to pray for them too.

In the past week, I've seen some people who 'have changed'. I won't say they're wrong, or in the word of one of them, 'failure'. I don't have right to judge them, but one thing I know, I feel sad. One of them told me that each person has his/her own way of what things make him/her happy, yet I do feel sad because my friend is kinda 'chooses' this path. Sometimes it can be quite overwhelming to talk to them, to respect them, to love them as friends, but at the same time, to suppress the feeling that you still want them to see the 'other way'. This feeling again has made me pray for the kids, so they always have the beautiful simple 'little' faith that they have, something that I always admire.

Have a blessed 3rd Sunday of Lent :)

sometimes

sometimes I feel happy that I'm not a supersmart person....
it can be tiring to deal with individuals that are too smart

sometimes there's a line between being critical and skeptical
kids are critical but they are skeptical
university students assume that they have this critical thinking ability but apparently some might fall into skepticism. Without they realize it, skepticism distort their cognitive processes, while they think they're just being rationale.

in fact, cognitive processes are highly influenced by emotions
and emotions are also influenced by cognitive processes
that's why we are human...it's not only about argument..

week 8 (read: 5 more weeks to end of school)

it's 1.53 am and I've just finished writing Thai composition a few minutes ago.
It's week 8 and again the worry came back again. Thanks to Eugene and Paul for reminding me about God's providence.

I really don't know what will happen to me after the graduation. Now I really live day by day basis. Writing thesis- doing assignment - jumping to another assignment - going to class and realizing that a test is coming up in another week - studying again - doing another assignment - thesis draft is returned so going back to thesis again.

I would like to cherish the last 5 weeks of my school. Today I laughed a lot in Thai class and I did enjoy it very much. Last Sunday I spent 12 hours in lab and I was tired, but I felt happy about it. That was the joy of learning. It's indeed a privilege to be able to study.

Now I just need to do my best and trust God. Whatever his plan is, I'll just follow. Quoting Fr John Sumsak, "Big Boss up there will take care of me" :):)

nitez!!

dating thesis

Dear my blog,

I'm sorry I can't write lengthy post now even though there are so many things that I want to tell you.
I'm busy dating my thesis.

#ilovethesis