Generation Gap

Generation gap..

when you played 'guess the title of this song', and each guessed most of the titles wrongly =P=P

7 Quick Takes Friday - Vol. 43

Hello! It's been a while since I wrote the 7 Quick Takes.

- 1 -

My brother came to Singapore over the weekend. He's currently in his final year, studying architecture in Parahyangan Catholic University in Bandung (Indonesia). This trip was more like a study trip. We went to Singapore Urban Redevelopment Authority (URA) to visit the Singapore City Gallery. We also went to my boyfriend's house, testing his knowledge about Singapore public housing =P

Being an architecture student, instead of taking the normal photo of person with a beautiful view behind the person, he took the unique structures of a building instead. So...no photos at all, except the photo of two of us in the MRT as a proof for my parents that my brother is with us. Hahaha.

- 2 -

Well, we actually had one nice photo at the airport: me with my brother and boyfriend tried to be at the same height with me *cough, I know I'm short*. My friends gave me a birthday surprise in advanced by going all the way to the airport on the day my brother (was supposed to) leave (but his flight was apparently cancelled). Well, as usual, God had a better plan. We had a nice dinner with my friends, my brother, and my boyfriend. Interestingly, my housemate just moved out of our house in the evening before that so my brother could sleep in her room instead of sleeping in the living room. Lucky boy!

Oh talking about the photo, as it was forwarded to my boyfriend, it's still stuck there in his phone =P

- 3 -

Today I used band saw, band sander, and drill press machine for the first time!!! Oh well, when I talked to my dad this evening, it was so embarrassing that I didn't know the translation of 'band sander' in Indonesian. I mean, I heard my parents talked about 'band sander' in Indonesian, but I never knew that the English equivalent is 'band sander'.

For the drill press

Using band saw for the first time

first artwork ^^

- 4 -

We were supposed to have another session of 'Building Professional Wardrobe on a Budget' by an image consultant last Thursday. However, only one person RSVP-ed so we postponed the session.

My friends and I have attended similar sessions given by the same image consultant.  She's so stylish, elegant, and... modest! I'm still struggling to translate 'elegance' to my wardrobe. Nevertheless, I think attending this session has really helped me to improve my taste. Unfortunately, my eyes sometimes are too sensitive. I noticed unimportant details. For example, there is a lady in my office who always wears a mini skirt. Somehow these few days I saw her more often than on the other days. I started to notice the fact from Monday to Friday, the skirt and dress is always at that 'length'. It seems that it's her style, and being in Singapore, it seems 'normal' to wear a very short skirt.

I guess it's true. Many people just don't realize what it really means to be elegant and modest (including me!). We wear something that we think is nice or for us, something that I'm comfortable with. Of course it doesn't mean that I should wear something that I'm not comfortable with. However, even though it's hard (it's really hard!!), I slowly believe that taste can be improved. Good sense of dressing can be learned ^^

I like what Mary Sheehan Warren said in her book, "It's so You", that despite the long period of constant exposure of thighs, more thighs, and more thighs for the past years, mini-skirts and hot-mini-pants still provoke a 'woohoo' reaction from males (though they may have not said it out loud; and unless the legs are ugly - which is sad, noone wants to be judged from my legs >.<. It means that even though it's normal, or fashionable to wear a super-short-short or a mini skirt, it is still provocative and makes us women seen as an object, even though we do not intend to be seen as an object.

Cute monkey t-shirt and jeans was my dress code two years ago

- 5 -

 I'm in the middle of house hunting. To be more precise, room-hunting. I hope the house agent won't cancel appointments again tomorrow.

- 6 -

A few sentences in Spanish to prepare for my Spanish trip:

Me Illamo Ferninda. Soy de Indonesia, pero trabajo en Singapur. Estoy un asistente de investigación en una universidad, investigar a los niños.

Well, it doesn't help much...anyway, it's okay. hahaha.

- 7 -

Ah...now I remember what I wanted to write last week!!

A number of my friends have been posting this video:

I am totally agree that more needs to be done to create a physical infrastructure to decrease the opportunity for some men to harass ladies (for example, make sure streets are well-lit!!). I also think that many women have been victims of street harassment, whether they wear blouse with pants, or short or long skirts; anyone can be victims. I was a victim too in an MRT in New Delhi, India. Two or three of my friends experienced this in street or public bus in Jakarta, Indonesia. All of us did not wear provocative clothing, yet we still could be victims too.

However, I think, as women, all of us also need to contribute to this cause by proving that we are not meant to be seen as objects. If I watch the video, it's so easy to react (even with the fact that I'm a woman), that I 'understand' if someone with tight skirt will be noticed more by guys and 'invited' a sexual harassment. Again, I would like to emphasize that there is no excuse for street harassment or rape or other forms of sexual harassment. Nobody can say that 'because you wear A, it's normal that I harass you'. That's really unacceptable.

Nevertheless, in the same manner, I also think that wearing something provocative is not a 'right' (here, I don't agree with some parts of the video!). I expect a man to respect me because I'm a human being. Regardless of what I wear, I should feel safe walking in the streets. At the same time, all men and women are also expected to respect ourselves and wear clothes that do not make us seen merely as an object. Regardless of the reaction of the person of the other sex, I wear something that shows the true dignity of me as a human being because it is something good in itself.

Of course, we can't deny that 'the reaction of the person of the other sex' is largely affected by what we wear too (sorry, too sleepy to cite psychological studies, you can watch "Evolution of Swimsuit" to find an example).

It'll be great if one day someone can make a video of an equally pretty lady dressing in normal blouse and pants, walking around with hidden camera to show how bad a street harassment is.The purpose is really to convince people that there is a real problem of street harassment. Therefore, the audience won't have an excuse by saying that 'hey not fair, the lady is wearing a tight skirt!'


More quick takes at Jen's blog!!!

rain

have you ever felt...

crippled?

Interesting knowledge about animal's collective behavior

Recently someone shared with me about a talk that he attended on animal's collective behavior. Have you ever seen a large number of fish swimming to the same direction? Yeah, something like that.

Yesterday when the BBC channel was on while I didn't pay attention to the TV, I saw this scene of a large number of fish swimming to the same direction. I  'screamed', "hey is that the guy (the researcher) that gave the talk in the conference that you attended?" and...aha! The same guy!

This paper told us the importance on how both information and social cohesion play an important role in the collective-decision making in animals. Interestingly, this often happens in our society too. We assume that most people know about the direction of the 'leader' is. However, this may not be the case. A few strong 'leader' are sufficient to direct a group with individuals that do not have sufficient information. Therefore, it is very important to have the knowledge and to educate each individual.

Last Saturday, the topic of the talk in the recollection that I attended was on 'formation'. Unlike 'information', formation is beyond theories. It is something that we learn yet it should transform our lives. (eg. it's not only about 'knowing' that french fries is unhealthy, but to be 'formed' is to decide to eat french fries less frequently because you know how unhealthy). In spiritual life, it's not enough to say 'the Bible says so'. The faith is beautiful and rich, and knowing more about the faith influences how we behave in our daily life, including in our profession and family life. Sadly, what's happening in the spiritual life of many individuals now is an 'uninformed' state that makes us easily swayed to the wrong direction by certain groups of people, towards certain groups' agenda that may not be for the good of the society.

Well, this post may not be detailed enough to talk about this topic of collective behavior. Do read up the full paper to find out more. Some other pyschology researchers have investigated this issue collective behavior in humans.

What I'd like to highlight is there is a real danger of being ignorant. In a positive way to say it, there is a high importance to inform ourselves and help others to learn more about the truth, so we can bring the society to the right direction, to a direction that is more humane =)

Have a great week ahead!

Ethical issues in giving comments or posting

My mom used to say, "Some people talk like farting. Just throwing what they feel and ignoring the leftover smell".

The increasing use of social media made it very easy to just post things that we like or hate, and share a piece of news (be it news or opinions, true or not), and giving comments (be it charitable or not).

I'm still learning how to giving comment on facebook. I've experience in replying people (including strangers) not in a charitable manner, and now I've also experienced how annoying it is when you can tell how other people commenting on your post 'without thinking', like farting.

The moral of the story:
Don't say what you won't say face-to-face.
Don't reply a comment in a joking manner if the 'stranger' at the opposite side does not even know you and may take your joke seriously.
And lastly, ah...avoid debate on wall page. 

For us who like to share pieces of 'news', please verify the sources before we share and make the 'news' viral.

Counting down for birthday!! (not so soon, but I'm in contemplative mood already)

Perhaps it is true that as one gets older, birthday feels more 'normal'. It's just one of the other days.

However, I still refuse to be 'normal' on my birthday. hahaha. I think birthday is a good opportunity to review my new year's resolutions, to revise my resolutions if necessary, and to remember and put them into actions if I have not done so.

For me, being 24 gives me a different feeling. I guess because this is a gentle reminder for me that I'm officially not-a-college-girl anymore. Hahaha. It's easy to remember this age because among my close friends and me, our mothers were married or expecting 'us' when they were 24. So there's a cultural expectation that we need to seriously grow up and stop thinking about ourselves. Even though my close friends and I are not married yet, we know that we are not happy-go-lucky-girl anymore (if it means that one just needs to think of herself). We are happy, but part of our happiness is a continuous awareness that we need to learn to be a better people, to serve our parents, families, & friends in a better way, and to be wiser. ^^

It's easy to say, but it's hard to do it.

However, that's precisely the reason for me writing this thought on my blog. This is something important for me and my friends. In case any of us forgets how important it is to grow up and to be less selfish, I can read this post again and remind myself.

=)

Pause

Taking a pause or a 'brake' or a 'break' can be a challenge for me. Let me rephrase it. It is a challenge. I don't know why, I have this idea that I need to go out on weekends. When I'm 'stuck' in my house, I feel restless. I end up continue doing housework or browsing unnecessary thing (i.e., facebook) and I just can't sit down and read or write diary or even just continue to do my crochê. 

My current spiritual reading book is this wonderful book:

Let me share with you something that struck me in this book:

"Life has become continuous activity. Many people suffer from stress or chronic fatigue. Professional demands create excessive obligations, and even the demands of the entertainment industry have become burdensome. All people want to do in the evening is rest, find distraction from everyday problems, and avoid effort. The result is a certain 'spiritual alienation', visible in the superficiality of one who lives only for the here and now. In our jaded consumer society, we find it difficult to stop and take a deeper look at our surroundings and ourselves." (p.19)

A priest once told me that to sleep early can be a mortification for me. It's something hard to do, but it can bring me good thing. Being silent at night, switching off my internet network is an important thing for my soul because my soul needs time to talk to God, I need to talk to God right before I fall asleep, and this silent moment will help me to prepare for the next day better.

So this is something that I need to learn. 

To Pause.

If you are wondering what's the relationship between 'pause' and 'freedom', I strongly recommend you to read the book =) It's very beautiful because the book constantly emphasizes that freedom is part of our nature. Without the ability to be alone with ourselves, we can't be free, because we don't want to be friends for ourselves. (p.20). 

Let's make it a challenge for this week. 
1) to sleep early
2) not to reply message immediately
3) to resume my writing diary habit
4) to set aside time to sit down and pray and prepare for Mass better
5) to pause and plan my day every morning.

7 Quick Takes Friday - vol.42

- 1 -

Hi, it's been a while! I've been 'busy resting' for the past weeks. I mean, I tried not to switch on my laptop when I'm about to sleep (e.g., like now...).

I finally finished reading Sense and Sensibility (thanks to my  broken phone, the only way to spend my time in the bus and train is reading). I am also 3/4 finishing this book:

It's very good! It may seem that I don't get angry a lot, but anger does affect me and it feels so good to slowly understand my feeling and learn to handle it.

- 2 -

Two weeks ago I watched "The Way" (2012) as part of the bonding session for our trip this September.

Now our 5-day-walk for the Camino feels so short. Hahaha.

- 3 -

Last Monday I went to play with my boyfriend's niece. She's already three years old and she loves scooter. But...she wants us to push her so she just needs to stand on her scooter @.@ hahaha..

- 4 -

After I watched that movie, I really think I should have a 'one-line-answer' if people ask me why I do the Camino. I have lots of personal prayer intentions and thanksgiving. My friends said we can do lots of rosaries on the way (because it's around 20 km per day).

- 5 -

A good blog that was recommended by my boyfriend. I often think that elegance is not for everyone. However, slowly I learn to see it as something good and something that can be personalized according to my personality too. The most important lesson that I learned from this blog is: do not rush! I can feel even when I am writing now, I always rush. I think it's time to start writing diary again, to learn to slow down and pause.

- 6 -

Long distance relationship, even for 2 weeks, is quite challenging. I think the worst part is the 12-hour-difference when both sides are working. However, I think the problem is not the LDR itself, but the expectation. If I already expect that communication will be less frequent, I don't think there is a problem. However, if I thought I would be able to Skype quite often but it didn't turn out to be like that, I became super-angsty about it. Another important lesson from LDR is I learn to appreciate the other side more because now I realize how precious is a mere presence of the other side.

- 7 -

 Talking about reading books on relationships, my friend gave me a good suggestion: to highlight important parts of the books with different color (e.g., I highlight in yellow, while my boyfriend highlight what's important for him in blue). I haven't done that because I don't have the courage to highlight my book (I feel like it's a pity for the book to be highlighted!!). However, my boyfriend doesn't mind, so I think we should give it a try. Hopefully I will use more common sense after I read this book when the times come for discussion / disagreement again. My favorite part of the book above is the chapter on "Crafting an apology". Even though I know my boyfriend's 'apology language', most of the time my pride overrides my common sense and I end up just finding excuses for myself. I just choose a language or a way of apology (if it can even be categorized as an apology) that still makes me 'comfortable'. Yeah..lots of things to work on!

More quick takes at Jen's blog!!