Thank God for the exam result today :):)
Actually it's not only about the exam result, but His guidance and the people He has sent to help me in these 2.5 years in NUS, especially in this semester
I'd like to share my mom's advices that she gave since I was Primary 1:
1. Read your book every day, no need to study, just read, but do it every day
2. Ask your teacher immediately when you have questions
3. NEVER EVER HATE the subject or the teacher..
Last but the most powerful advice,
PRAY! :)
and these are the things that my mom keeps saying in the midst of difficult times:
1. Don't stress, crying 3 nights 3 days can't finish your assignments :P
2. SLEEP..don't force yourself too much, SLEEP! --> i take it seriously, i always have enough sleep in reading week and exam week
this semester, I got a new tips from Fr Joe, and I've found it very helpful!! I should have done it since the beginning of the semester. He told us to draw circles and divide them into 4 parts. Every time we have studied for 15minutes, we shade a quarter of the circle. If we take a break, don't shade the circle. This method helps me realize how much time I spend to study, rest, and how much time I waste, especially for facebooking :P
Two semester ago, Dom introduced to St. Joseph of Cupertino. You might have read the post about prayer to ask his intercession before exam. http://www.ewtn.com/library/mary/joseph.htm
This semester, when Legion of Mary did exam visitation, we distributed the prayer of St. Joseph of Cupertino, I kept some cards in my books and I put the card on the table and pray in the middle of my study.
Studying was a tough time. After 2 hours, my concentration usually decreased so fast =.= This past one year, my friends have taught me to offer my study and work to Our Lord, for people's intention :) This has helped me to persevere. and this semester, I feel very grateful coz ICy friends are very niceee.. I haven't been to ICy for sooo long but some people still SMS me to say "jiayou!! all the best" on exam days.
Back to my mom's advice,
I think it's never too late to start all over again..not only to get good grades, but to really learn something.. I love what I'm studying and I'm really grateful that I enjoy my modules this semester, so there's no regret. Even the module that makes me shocked at the beginning (gender in Southeast ASia) has made me find out more about the Church teaching on sexuality and marriage. Really really thank God for this semester..my lv4 psy module made me cry coz there were just so many things that I had to read, but I was amazed how God equipped the babies and infants with the ability to learn language from this module :P
and again, thanks to my parents and friends who have helped me a lot!!!!! and have prayed for me :)
oh one more thing I wanna share,
I remember I had 8 deadlines after NUANSA and I 'suffered' from post-production syndrome. What I did that time was to remember the joy I felt when the curtain closed after the production, and I was looking forward for the same joy in my commencement in 2012. The only difference is NUANSA needs 1 year preparation, undergraduate life takes 4 years, but if I put my love of studying to these 4 years, I believe when the 'curtain closes', I'll feel the same joy as when I did NUANSA :):)
Why is this blog a bottled sunshine? It started from Student Leaders Retreat in Eusoff Hall in September 2009. A prof mentioned that I'm like a bottled sunshine. Well,bottled sunshine also needs supply from the sun:) There will be moments when the sun is covered by the cloud. Nevertheless, I hope this blog can still radiate a little bit of the sunshine for other people.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
kilas balik
tiba-tiba aku terpikir, wah hampir 2 tahun..hampir 2 tahun menjalani kehidupan yang baru..
lalu iseng (beneran iseng..) mengetik namanya di facebook..
ternyata dia baru putus..
dan ada 2 sisi dari diri aku:
1. kasihan, karena aku tau sakitnya, aku juga tau pedihnya, di saat yang sama, aku ga mungkin menjangkau dia untuk menyemangati atau hal2 semacam itu karena hal itu menimbulkan kecurigaan
2. bisikan iblis yang bilang "sekarang kamu rasain apa yang aku rasain dulu?"
selama 2 tahun ini, aku tidak pernah bertemu orang itu lagi..
jadi kadang penasaran, kira2 kalau kami bertemu, apa yang akan terjadi? di saat yang sama, aku tidak ingin pembaca tulisan ini berpikir bahwa aku masih 'suka' atau 'ada rasa' atau hal2 semacam itu..hanya kebetulan ini bulan Desember.. dan 2 tahun lalu kami putus bulan Desember, di hari ulang tahun adikku.. (aku sengaja memilih tanggal itu, supaya tidak ada alasan untuk sedih berlama-lama)
Minggu lalu, romo di Katedral bilang, masa-masa Natal tingkat bunuh diri cukup tinggi karena orang-orang yang sendiri mulai merasa kesepian. Seram kan? Detik itu aku berpikir untuk melakukan hal-hal kecil untuk sahabat-sahabatku dan orang yang terlupakan karena perasaan 'sendiri', 'kesepian', itu sangat berbahaya.
Namun, apa mau dikata, otak manusia memang terlalu kuat. Hari ini tanggal 20, menjelang 21, menjelang pulang, dan cerita-cerita lama mulai teringat. Sebulan lalu, seorang temanku bertanya, "Cowok sanur kayak gimana sih?" dan aku surprised jawabanku saat itu adalah, "Cowok sanur baik-baik kok.. Hmm gmn ya.. Yah pokoknya baik deh" dan orang itu yang muncul di kepalaku. Berulang kali aku menjelaskan kepada orang-orang, "he's a nice person, but not a right person for me". Sampai detik ini, aku selalu berpikir bahwa dia adalah cowok yang baik, udah ganteng, pinter, perhatian, hahahaha.. Tapi aku sudah menerima kenyataan bahwa dia bukan untuk aku dan aku bukan untuk dia.
Untuk seseorang di luar sana, ini pesan dari ibuku.. Aku berdoa agar Guardian Angel aku bisa membisikkannya kepada Guardian Angel kamu dan kamu pun mendengarkan bisikan ini, "Anggap saja kamu kursus bahasa Inggris. Sudah saatnya naik tingkat, yang berlalu adalah suatu pelajaran berharga." dan pesan dari aku, "Kamu adalah seseorang yang sangat baik, hanya saja mungkin kamu bukan orang yang tepat buat dia dan dia bukan orang yang tepat buat kamu dan berdoalah supaya Tuhan membantumu menyembuhkan lukamu seperti halnya Tuhan sudah menyembuhkan lukaku."
baru saja aku mengecek blog lamaku, saat aku menolak menulis tentang pengalaman 2 tahun lalu. Ya..sekarang aku menuliskannya di sini..2 tahun lalu, kami memutuskan putus (kalimatnya aneh, tapi kalau diganti 'mengakhiri hubungan' bunyinya jadi menjijikkan =.=). Alasannya sederhana, dia sudah tidak sayang saya lagi, jadi biarpun saya masih sayang, ya ga nyambung lah ya.. :P Putusnya baik-baik, atas dasar mufakat. Kami makan dan saya cuma bertanya, "Jadi, mau ngomongin apa?" dan hari itu saya menanyakan hal-hal yang saya masih ingin tahu, jadi saat saya putus, saya sudah tidak penasaran lagi dan semuanya benar-benar tuntas. Ini yang saya syukuri dari pengalaman 2 tahun lalu.
Melompat sejenak ke beberapa minggu sebelum putus, kami bertemu pertama kali setelah 6 bulan tidak bertemu. Saat itu dia mengutarakan bahwa waktu saya pulang, dia tidak merasa seperti 'someone' yang pulang. Detik itu saya tahu, tidak ada harapan lagi. Seperti yang saya tulis di blog saya, saya tidak menangis di hari saya putus. Tetapi antara pertemuan pertama setelah 6bulan dan hari putus, saya menangis..banyak..sampai lelah..
Mungkin ini tulisan paling pribadi yang pernah kutulis di blogku. (maaf ganti dari aku-saya-aku, aku mencoba menjaga jarak saat mendeskripsikan hal-hal tertentu). Tapi entah kenapa, aku tau tulisan ini mungkin akan bermanfaat. Mungkin kamu baru putus. Mungkin kamu sedang patah hati. Mungkin kamu sedang kasmaran. Jangan takut kalau kamu lagi berbunga-bunga. Nikmati perasaan dan momen-momen itu. Untuk kamu yang sedang sakit, serahkan pada Tuhan.. Minta Tuhan bantu menyembuhkan luka kamu karena Tuhan Maha Kuasa dan mamaku selalu bilang, jangan takut ngobrol dengan Tuhan masalah percintaan :):)
Kenyataan bahwa aku langsung ke Singapur lagi setelah putus sepertinya membantu proses pemulihan karena sejak saat itu aku sibuk dan aku menjaga jarak sampai aku merasa siap. Biarpun klo denger lagu2 tertentu masih teringat orang ini, atau melewati tempat-tempat tertentu juga terkenang manusia satu ini, aku rasa itu hal yang normal dan aku sudah moving on.
it's just a chapter of our life, perhaps it's time for another new chapter...
lalu iseng (beneran iseng..) mengetik namanya di facebook..
ternyata dia baru putus..
dan ada 2 sisi dari diri aku:
1. kasihan, karena aku tau sakitnya, aku juga tau pedihnya, di saat yang sama, aku ga mungkin menjangkau dia untuk menyemangati atau hal2 semacam itu karena hal itu menimbulkan kecurigaan
2. bisikan iblis yang bilang "sekarang kamu rasain apa yang aku rasain dulu?"
selama 2 tahun ini, aku tidak pernah bertemu orang itu lagi..
jadi kadang penasaran, kira2 kalau kami bertemu, apa yang akan terjadi? di saat yang sama, aku tidak ingin pembaca tulisan ini berpikir bahwa aku masih 'suka' atau 'ada rasa' atau hal2 semacam itu..hanya kebetulan ini bulan Desember.. dan 2 tahun lalu kami putus bulan Desember, di hari ulang tahun adikku.. (aku sengaja memilih tanggal itu, supaya tidak ada alasan untuk sedih berlama-lama)
Minggu lalu, romo di Katedral bilang, masa-masa Natal tingkat bunuh diri cukup tinggi karena orang-orang yang sendiri mulai merasa kesepian. Seram kan? Detik itu aku berpikir untuk melakukan hal-hal kecil untuk sahabat-sahabatku dan orang yang terlupakan karena perasaan 'sendiri', 'kesepian', itu sangat berbahaya.
Namun, apa mau dikata, otak manusia memang terlalu kuat. Hari ini tanggal 20, menjelang 21, menjelang pulang, dan cerita-cerita lama mulai teringat. Sebulan lalu, seorang temanku bertanya, "Cowok sanur kayak gimana sih?" dan aku surprised jawabanku saat itu adalah, "Cowok sanur baik-baik kok.. Hmm gmn ya.. Yah pokoknya baik deh" dan orang itu yang muncul di kepalaku. Berulang kali aku menjelaskan kepada orang-orang, "he's a nice person, but not a right person for me". Sampai detik ini, aku selalu berpikir bahwa dia adalah cowok yang baik, udah ganteng, pinter, perhatian, hahahaha.. Tapi aku sudah menerima kenyataan bahwa dia bukan untuk aku dan aku bukan untuk dia.
Untuk seseorang di luar sana, ini pesan dari ibuku.. Aku berdoa agar Guardian Angel aku bisa membisikkannya kepada Guardian Angel kamu dan kamu pun mendengarkan bisikan ini, "Anggap saja kamu kursus bahasa Inggris. Sudah saatnya naik tingkat, yang berlalu adalah suatu pelajaran berharga." dan pesan dari aku, "Kamu adalah seseorang yang sangat baik, hanya saja mungkin kamu bukan orang yang tepat buat dia dan dia bukan orang yang tepat buat kamu dan berdoalah supaya Tuhan membantumu menyembuhkan lukamu seperti halnya Tuhan sudah menyembuhkan lukaku."
baru saja aku mengecek blog lamaku, saat aku menolak menulis tentang pengalaman 2 tahun lalu. Ya..sekarang aku menuliskannya di sini..2 tahun lalu, kami memutuskan putus (kalimatnya aneh, tapi kalau diganti 'mengakhiri hubungan' bunyinya jadi menjijikkan =.=). Alasannya sederhana, dia sudah tidak sayang saya lagi, jadi biarpun saya masih sayang, ya ga nyambung lah ya.. :P Putusnya baik-baik, atas dasar mufakat. Kami makan dan saya cuma bertanya, "Jadi, mau ngomongin apa?" dan hari itu saya menanyakan hal-hal yang saya masih ingin tahu, jadi saat saya putus, saya sudah tidak penasaran lagi dan semuanya benar-benar tuntas. Ini yang saya syukuri dari pengalaman 2 tahun lalu.
Melompat sejenak ke beberapa minggu sebelum putus, kami bertemu pertama kali setelah 6 bulan tidak bertemu. Saat itu dia mengutarakan bahwa waktu saya pulang, dia tidak merasa seperti 'someone' yang pulang. Detik itu saya tahu, tidak ada harapan lagi. Seperti yang saya tulis di blog saya, saya tidak menangis di hari saya putus. Tetapi antara pertemuan pertama setelah 6bulan dan hari putus, saya menangis..banyak..sampai lelah..
Mungkin ini tulisan paling pribadi yang pernah kutulis di blogku. (maaf ganti dari aku-saya-aku, aku mencoba menjaga jarak saat mendeskripsikan hal-hal tertentu). Tapi entah kenapa, aku tau tulisan ini mungkin akan bermanfaat. Mungkin kamu baru putus. Mungkin kamu sedang patah hati. Mungkin kamu sedang kasmaran. Jangan takut kalau kamu lagi berbunga-bunga. Nikmati perasaan dan momen-momen itu. Untuk kamu yang sedang sakit, serahkan pada Tuhan.. Minta Tuhan bantu menyembuhkan luka kamu karena Tuhan Maha Kuasa dan mamaku selalu bilang, jangan takut ngobrol dengan Tuhan masalah percintaan :):)
Kenyataan bahwa aku langsung ke Singapur lagi setelah putus sepertinya membantu proses pemulihan karena sejak saat itu aku sibuk dan aku menjaga jarak sampai aku merasa siap. Biarpun klo denger lagu2 tertentu masih teringat orang ini, atau melewati tempat-tempat tertentu juga terkenang manusia satu ini, aku rasa itu hal yang normal dan aku sudah moving on.
it's just a chapter of our life, perhaps it's time for another new chapter...
perihal menonton bioskop
berikut ini adalah hal-hal yang tiba-tiba datang ke kepalaku:
aku: (ngomong sesuatu tentang nonton bioskop)
adikku: ahh..ngapain sih nonton bioskop! kan klo nonton ga bs ngobrol ma temen-temen, apa enaknya!
kenyataan sekarang: adikku kalo pacaran juga larinya ke bioskop!! premiere pula! sok bgt! *peace, Dot!* :P
aku: kenapa ya, orang pacaran identik dengan nonton bioskop?kan ga bisa ngomong-ngomong pas nonton
orang yang dulu berstatus pacar: ya..kan pacaran ga must selalu ngomong..tapi juga menikmati suatu momen bersama (disclaimer: kalimatnya ga serapi ini sih, tapi intinya itu)
kedua percakapan di atas sepertinya tidak dilakukan di saat berdekatan, tetapi tiba-tiba saja keingetan. Hahaha..
Kenapa kalian nonton bioskop? :)
Aku bukan penggila bioskop, tapi ada film-film tertentu yang pengen banget aku nonton di bioskop dan ada orang-orang tertentu yang pengen banget aku ajak nonton bioskop, misalnya nic,pril,nyz,devi! kalo fgg, aku tau dia tidak suka nonton bioskop :P mama juga ribut kepalanya pusing dan muter-muter klo nonton bioskop krn visual effect-nya hehehehe keajaiban waktu itu adalah, mama, papa, aku, dan adot sekeluarga nonton 2012 di Blitz!!! wowwww! padahal dulu tiba2 aja kita telepon papa, dan papa mau nonton!!
sebelum "2012", film terakhir yang aku nonton dengan mama adalah "Final Destination 3". Waktu itu aku, adot, mama nonton di WTC jam7 malem dan pas keluar kan udah gelap tuh,tadinya mama mau pipis, terus aku bilang, "Ma, udah gelap, pipis di rumah aja ya" hehehehe.. akunya yang takut :P
Film remaja pertama yang aku nonton dengan mamaku adalah.......... "Ada apa dengan Cinta!!!" :):) Waktu itu kelas 6 SD, terus tergila-gila ma lagu2nya AADC. hahahaha.. yang lucu lagi, dulu pernah sanur pulang cepet. kalo sanur pulang cepet, anak2 gesit nonton bioskop :P aku nonton Enchanted dengan Nic dan adot, beuhh! bioskop sepi buangetttt!! soalnya klo ga salah masih jam 11 pagi gitu. hahahaha. Cerita lucu tentang nonton bioskop lagi adalah saat aku dan pril nonton dengan Teddy dan Daniel Jono habis dekor bwat prom nite (sbnrnya blm selsai dekor, aku dan pril kabur! :P). Kita berempat nonton Iron Man terus foto2 di photobox. Lucu bgt deh waktu itu..seneng rasanya sekali-sekali kabur dr urusan panitia (duh maap ya teman2..kan akhirnya dekornya selesai kan? :P)
Perihal menonton bioskop...
memang enggak ada habisnya ya? Hehehehe..
aku: (ngomong sesuatu tentang nonton bioskop)
adikku: ahh..ngapain sih nonton bioskop! kan klo nonton ga bs ngobrol ma temen-temen, apa enaknya!
kenyataan sekarang: adikku kalo pacaran juga larinya ke bioskop!! premiere pula! sok bgt! *peace, Dot!* :P
aku: kenapa ya, orang pacaran identik dengan nonton bioskop?kan ga bisa ngomong-ngomong pas nonton
orang yang dulu berstatus pacar: ya..kan pacaran ga must selalu ngomong..tapi juga menikmati suatu momen bersama (disclaimer: kalimatnya ga serapi ini sih, tapi intinya itu)
kedua percakapan di atas sepertinya tidak dilakukan di saat berdekatan, tetapi tiba-tiba saja keingetan. Hahaha..
Kenapa kalian nonton bioskop? :)
Aku bukan penggila bioskop, tapi ada film-film tertentu yang pengen banget aku nonton di bioskop dan ada orang-orang tertentu yang pengen banget aku ajak nonton bioskop, misalnya nic,pril,nyz,devi! kalo fgg, aku tau dia tidak suka nonton bioskop :P mama juga ribut kepalanya pusing dan muter-muter klo nonton bioskop krn visual effect-nya hehehehe keajaiban waktu itu adalah, mama, papa, aku, dan adot sekeluarga nonton 2012 di Blitz!!! wowwww! padahal dulu tiba2 aja kita telepon papa, dan papa mau nonton!!
sebelum "2012", film terakhir yang aku nonton dengan mama adalah "Final Destination 3". Waktu itu aku, adot, mama nonton di WTC jam7 malem dan pas keluar kan udah gelap tuh,tadinya mama mau pipis, terus aku bilang, "Ma, udah gelap, pipis di rumah aja ya" hehehehe.. akunya yang takut :P
Film remaja pertama yang aku nonton dengan mamaku adalah.......... "Ada apa dengan Cinta!!!" :):) Waktu itu kelas 6 SD, terus tergila-gila ma lagu2nya AADC. hahahaha.. yang lucu lagi, dulu pernah sanur pulang cepet. kalo sanur pulang cepet, anak2 gesit nonton bioskop :P aku nonton Enchanted dengan Nic dan adot, beuhh! bioskop sepi buangetttt!! soalnya klo ga salah masih jam 11 pagi gitu. hahahaha. Cerita lucu tentang nonton bioskop lagi adalah saat aku dan pril nonton dengan Teddy dan Daniel Jono habis dekor bwat prom nite (sbnrnya blm selsai dekor, aku dan pril kabur! :P). Kita berempat nonton Iron Man terus foto2 di photobox. Lucu bgt deh waktu itu..seneng rasanya sekali-sekali kabur dr urusan panitia (duh maap ya teman2..kan akhirnya dekornya selesai kan? :P)
Perihal menonton bioskop...
memang enggak ada habisnya ya? Hehehehe..
my name
A story about my name...
My mom said, she initially wanted to name me "Agustina" coz I was born in August, or "Adventia" coz it's the name of the hospital where I was born, but she's scared my student number will be the first ( the student number is alphabetical)
My mom said, she checked the phone book to see whether anyone has "Ferninda" as a name. She found 'Fernanda', 'Linda', 'Ferlinda', but she didn't find Ferninda, so she gives me this name. There's no meaning, but she said, my student number will be in the middle, so I do not need to feel unprepared when the teacher calls me and I do not need to wait for too long to be called.
My baptism name is "Patrycia". She had thought about it before I got baptized, that's why my baptism name is written on my birth certificate. Unlike other people, my baptism name was put after my given name, coz if she put in front of my given name, it doesn't go along with her purpose giving me a name started with an "F".
During the Confirmation preparation, we were asked to find out about our patron saint. I couldn't find St. Patricia! So I gave up and thought that my name was derived from St. Patrick. But last year Dom told me that there is St. Patricia. Her feast day is 25 Aug, 1 day before my birthday :)
So...That's my name..Ferninda Patrycia.. I don't have family name. I don't have Chinese name. My mom's chinese surname is Li, but my grandpa from my dad's side is not Chinese, so I do not inherit Chinese surname. My dad's last name is "Pribadi" (it means "self"), but it's not his family name. My mom once said that we will use "Pribadi" as our family name if we are already rich, not now. Hahahahaha.
My confirmation name is "Maria". So my name now is.. Maria Ferninda Patrycia. I actually chose St. Flavia, but in the parish near my school where I got confirmed, we could only choose out of 5 female saints or 5 male saints. The options were Helena, Odelia, Maria, ...., .... (forgot!!) At that moment, I didn't know about other saints, so I just chose "Maria" since she's our mother and I'm familiar with her life story.
Talking about my name, let's talk about my nickname. I always introduce myself as Ferninda and I will make sure the people pronounce my name correctly or be able to spell my name ("Ferninda" not "Verninda", "ferNinda" not "ferLinda") before I smile and say "I'm sorry my name is difficult." My mom always calls me "Da". "Daaaaaaaaaa....wake up", "Da, why haven't you taken a shower?" but when she refers to me as 3rd person, she always mentions "Ninda is going...." "Ninda will..." That's why neighbors call me "Ninda". My uncle and his wife also call me "Da", but my aunt (the one in Taipei) calls me "Da" if shouting, but "Ninda" for slow emphasis on sth. It's sth like this " Nindaaaa.... I've told you ....." :P
Nic calls me "Nda". I dunno since when. Nyz also calls me "Nda". In high school, my friends suddenly called me "Ida" coz we have another friend, called "Vero". when they called "Fer/Ver", both of us came, so they called me "Da", just like my mom did. My church friends in Indo call me "Ninda". My tutors/ lecturers in Singapore, in the first lesson always call me "Patrycia", then I'll say "Yes, I'm here. Please call me Ferninda." Then, I'll help them to pronounce my name :P
In Singapore, I realize people never call me "Fer!" like at schools. They will say "Ferninda..." "Ferninda..." "Ferninda...", except the Indonesian friends. Some Indo friends do call me "Ninda", and Dom (plus Edbert now also starting) call me "Da". There is this friend in hall calls me "Da Da" coz I call him "Wee Wee". hahaha
The idea to write about my name just came up when I was on the bus. When I suddenly thought about my name, I remembered my parents, my family, my friends. Somehow I started recall how this person calls me, how that person calls me, how this person used to call me and how an event can change how he or she calls me. I also automatically recalled how it feels when a person calls me like that, how my friend expression is, how my parents' tone is when they call me (my mom has a particular 1st call, 2nd call, and 3rd call -warning- intonation), How I always end my email with 'nda' as referred to myself "Nda loves nic,pril,nyz" or "Nda loves fgg" (they're all my best friends, with special nickname too :P)
D - 4.
I'm just to far, from where you are, I wanna come home...
My mom said, she initially wanted to name me "Agustina" coz I was born in August, or "Adventia" coz it's the name of the hospital where I was born, but she's scared my student number will be the first ( the student number is alphabetical)
My mom said, she checked the phone book to see whether anyone has "Ferninda" as a name. She found 'Fernanda', 'Linda', 'Ferlinda', but she didn't find Ferninda, so she gives me this name. There's no meaning, but she said, my student number will be in the middle, so I do not need to feel unprepared when the teacher calls me and I do not need to wait for too long to be called.
My baptism name is "Patrycia". She had thought about it before I got baptized, that's why my baptism name is written on my birth certificate. Unlike other people, my baptism name was put after my given name, coz if she put in front of my given name, it doesn't go along with her purpose giving me a name started with an "F".
During the Confirmation preparation, we were asked to find out about our patron saint. I couldn't find St. Patricia! So I gave up and thought that my name was derived from St. Patrick. But last year Dom told me that there is St. Patricia. Her feast day is 25 Aug, 1 day before my birthday :)
So...That's my name..Ferninda Patrycia.. I don't have family name. I don't have Chinese name. My mom's chinese surname is Li, but my grandpa from my dad's side is not Chinese, so I do not inherit Chinese surname. My dad's last name is "Pribadi" (it means "self"), but it's not his family name. My mom once said that we will use "Pribadi" as our family name if we are already rich, not now. Hahahahaha.
My confirmation name is "Maria". So my name now is.. Maria Ferninda Patrycia. I actually chose St. Flavia, but in the parish near my school where I got confirmed, we could only choose out of 5 female saints or 5 male saints. The options were Helena, Odelia, Maria, ...., .... (forgot!!) At that moment, I didn't know about other saints, so I just chose "Maria" since she's our mother and I'm familiar with her life story.
Talking about my name, let's talk about my nickname. I always introduce myself as Ferninda and I will make sure the people pronounce my name correctly or be able to spell my name ("Ferninda" not "Verninda", "ferNinda" not "ferLinda") before I smile and say "I'm sorry my name is difficult." My mom always calls me "Da". "Daaaaaaaaaa....wake up", "Da, why haven't you taken a shower?" but when she refers to me as 3rd person, she always mentions "Ninda is going...." "Ninda will..." That's why neighbors call me "Ninda". My uncle and his wife also call me "Da", but my aunt (the one in Taipei) calls me "Da" if shouting, but "Ninda" for slow emphasis on sth. It's sth like this " Nindaaaa.... I've told you ....." :P
Nic calls me "Nda". I dunno since when. Nyz also calls me "Nda". In high school, my friends suddenly called me "Ida" coz we have another friend, called "Vero". when they called "Fer/Ver", both of us came, so they called me "Da", just like my mom did. My church friends in Indo call me "Ninda". My tutors/ lecturers in Singapore, in the first lesson always call me "Patrycia", then I'll say "Yes, I'm here. Please call me Ferninda." Then, I'll help them to pronounce my name :P
In Singapore, I realize people never call me "Fer!" like at schools. They will say "Ferninda..." "Ferninda..." "Ferninda...", except the Indonesian friends. Some Indo friends do call me "Ninda", and Dom (plus Edbert now also starting) call me "Da". There is this friend in hall calls me "Da Da" coz I call him "Wee Wee". hahaha
The idea to write about my name just came up when I was on the bus. When I suddenly thought about my name, I remembered my parents, my family, my friends. Somehow I started recall how this person calls me, how that person calls me, how this person used to call me and how an event can change how he or she calls me. I also automatically recalled how it feels when a person calls me like that, how my friend expression is, how my parents' tone is when they call me (my mom has a particular 1st call, 2nd call, and 3rd call -warning- intonation), How I always end my email with 'nda' as referred to myself "Nda loves nic,pril,nyz" or "Nda loves fgg" (they're all my best friends, with special nickname too :P)
D - 4.
I'm just to far, from where you are, I wanna come home...
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Beacon Dan Bing and The journey to find Lin Tian Barrel Store
My adventure began at 10am. We took train from Ying Ge to Taipei. It was similar with KTM train from Singapore-Malaysia. Initially we wanted to go to Taipei Main Station (the MRT station), but when we found out that we passed Wan Hua, me and aunt decided to alight at Wan Hua, the Old Taipei. Most of the shops still closed, but we found a food stall and had breakfast. I had beacon Dan Bing, which is beacon inside of egg (dan) and fried flour (bing). I love this so much and ate it every day in Taipei. Me and my aunt suspected that my sulfur-aroma-of-fart in 4 days in Taipei was caused by beacon dan bing *duhh*
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| Beacon dan bing and my guide book |
After we had breakfast, we read the map and walked to Qingshui Temple. When we passed the temple, my aunt said, “No..it can’t be this temple. It’s very small.” Then I replied, ”But it’s in the guide book!” So it’s actually the correct temple, but it’s not really a tourism object. But we were happy to find the temple. We continued to walk to find other temples in the guide book, but after we walked for quite long, my aunt screamed, “hah??? How come we are in Cheng Du road?” We checked the map again and it turned out that we walked to the wrong direction. Grrr… Since we had walked for quite long, we cancelled the “mission” to find Longshan temple and decided to continue walking to Ximen Ding instead. It was a shopping district and a place where many youths hang out. Then we entered a red building to feel air-con. Hahahaha. The red building is The Red House, a two-story octagonal building built by the Japanese in 1908. I bought some postcards there :)
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| Qingshui temple |
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| Ximen Ding |
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| The Red House |
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| The coin - for MRT |
Our next stop was 228 Memorial Museum. We took MRT from Xi Men to NTU Hospital (National Taiwan University Hospital). Thanks to Singapore MRT, I was not confused taking MRT in Taipei. Hehehehe. We arrived at NTU Hospital station and went to the Peace Park. There were quite a lot of people doing taichi, or just sitting around at the park because the weather was very good. The sun was shining, but you could feel the cool wind blew friendly J The bad news was 228 Memorial Museum was under renovation L Next, we tried to find our way to Dong Men (East Gate). Thanks to my aunt, she could read map VERY WELL! We were so excited when we found Dong Men, and the surprise is… the characters written at the picture of Dong Men in the guide book were different with the ones written on the real gate. My aunt said it’s because the former president changed it, but she couldn’t read the characters. I think the former one in the photo referred to Chiang Kai Shek, but the current characters, according to Ai Ida only meant “public park” (I’m really not sure about this). Then my aunt found a spot to sit in front of National Theatre, while I walked around by myself at Chiang Kai-shek Memorial Hall.
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| 228 Memorial Museum |
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| At Dong Men - Can someone tell me what the characters mean?? |
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| Inside Chiang Kai Sek Memorial Hall |
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| birds-birds-birds everywhere!! |
It was already around 1pm and the worms in my stomach started to scream! However, we decided to continue our journey to Taipei 101 Tower (101=yi-ling-yi). Ohh!! I almost forgot to write about the National Library. When we walked to MRT station, we passed the national library and saw people studying!! (evil laugh coz I finished my exam :P).
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| National Library, opposite Dong Men |
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| Study hard, guys!! |
The journey from Taipei City Hall MRT Station to Taipei 101 Tower was not short, luckily this time my aunt knew the way. We had niu ru mian (cow something noodle?). I didn’t take the lift to the top of the tower, we literally only ate and went to toilet in the tower which also used to be the tallest skyscraper. Ohh! I also took picture with cute reindeers :)
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| Niu ru mian |
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| At the mall next to Taipei 101 |
Next stop : Sun Yat Sen Memorial Hall. It LOOKED near on the map, ONLY 1 mrt stop way. But we were already quite tired and took the MRT. It was a nice place too. I randomly went to an exhibition which was filled with so many abstract Chinese calligraphies but I didn’t understand, so I just enjoyed the main exhibition of Sun Yat Sen’s personal belongings. After that we took MRT (again) to go to Lin Tian Barrel Store which was established since 1928 according to the guide book. At that moment, my aunt scolded me for proposing to walk from Sun Yat Sen Memorial Hall to the store. Hehehehe. I totally forgot that everything LOOKED near to each other on the map :P
It was already dark when we alighted at Zhongshan MRT station. It was a hectic area and we had to walk through underground to cross the road. We were already walking for quite long when we realized that the even number was at the opposite road so we have to walk back and crossed the road. When we finally found the store, my aunt laughed at me, “Daaaaa.. yah..it’s ONLY a barrel store” Yeah..it’s ONLY a barrel store.. The photo in the guide book showed the picture of the old man making the barrel, so what I imagined was a big store with people making the barrel, but it was only a SMALL barrel store. However, I encouraged myself and my aunt (we were both tired) and told her “Yes, but it is 72 years old!! See? Even the name of the store has faded out. We also have visited a place that is not visited by other tourists”. Then we took picture J
Actually in Central Taipei, there were so many other things to see: Fine Arts museum, Paper Museum, Puppet Centre, but it was too late. We were thinking of going to Taipei Film House, but after we walked for quite long and got lost, we gave up and took MRT to Dan Shui.
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| Sun Yat Sen's |
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| meditation outside Sun Yat Sen Memorial Hall |
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| the barrel store |
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| See the board? It's a historical barrel store!! |
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| The Chinese Brush shop reminds me of Edbert and John Sim |
There were lots of things to see in Dan Shui. I tried the “Iron Eggs” (very hard to be chewed L) and the tall ice cream. We entered a ‘shop’ which had weird animals and collections. Honestly, I felt scared inside. They had lots of collections of freeze animals, eg squirrel with two heads, or real animals like superhuge rabbit and furry turtles, and at the top of each collection, they had picture of strange phenomenon like the ones portrayed in Ripley’s believe it or not. When I walked out, I told my aunt, it seems that they didn’t treat the animal well. Hhhh..
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| Iron Eggs |
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| See?? it doesn't even have space to move!! |
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| the "freeze" spider..ahhh what's the English term for the process of keeping the dead real animal in its shape? (i think the animal was still alive when they put chemicals on the animal, am I correct??) |
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| the "creepy" museum with weird collections |
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| i love ice-cream!! ping qi lin!! |
I was actually tired of walking, but deep inside my heart, I felt that I only visited a few places and I wish I could visit more places. I tried to bring my aunt to Shilin night market, but we alighted at the wrong MRT stop. We were supposed to alight at Jiantan, but we alighted at Shilin. There I found a dog wearing cap and specs :P then my aunt called Ai Ida and complained of being tortured by me coz we walked a lot. Hehehehe. At the end of the day, we didn’t go to Shilin Night Market and took train to Ying Ge. It was very confusing!! Both I and my aunt couldn’t read Chinese characters so we only asked the security coz we didn’t know at which platform we should wait for the train to Ying Ge. When we decided to take train, someone said that the train did not reach Ying Ge, so we alighted at Shu Lin and thought that we would wait for another train. But when we alighted at Shu Lin and people were going up to the train, we asked another guy and he told us that our train went to Ying Ge, so we took the same train again. Hehehehe.
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| cute dogs!!!!! the owner made it wear cap and specs :P I saw lots of dogs wearing cloth in Taipei :P |
What a longggggggggggggg and fun trip in 1 day :P
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Taiwan trip - Life at the factory
1 Dec 2010 My aunt brought me to the factory in Ying Ge, the outskirt of Taipei. She introduced me to her friends: two Indonesians, whom I called Ge Ge and Ai Ida. On that day she had to put glue on ‘some’ hundreds of cardboards. Initially she planned to absent and brought me to Danshui, but it seemed that she had to finish working on the cardboard soon so I stayed there with her till 8pm. I also met some of her Taiwanese friends and some Indonesians that she told me to avoid coz they didn’t like each other :P
It was the first time I entered a factory which really requires people to work on the same thing for days or weeks. My aunt was paid according to how much she could produce.
3 Dec 2010 Time to get the wage! :)
My aunt, Ai Ida, and another Taiwanese Ai went to the office to check the price of the cardboards. She told me that the company pressed down the price so they earned less. Around 5pm, they all gathered and complained to their ‘supervisor’ (I’m not sure what this guy was in charge of). Then they were just screaming “jung mi ang” “jung mi ang” (oh no.. I can’t write the pin yin..anyway, it means “help!help!” because their wage was cut in that way)
On that day, I slept in the factory for 3 hours. Hahahaha.. Ai Ida had a chair and pillow in the factory!! :P I was wearing sweater + vest + jacket + 2 jackets as blankets!! (it was supercold!!). After working, me, my aunt, Ai Ida, and Ge Ge went to have dinner (we were supposed to go karaoke) in an area where there are a lot of Thai and Vietnamese restaurant. The restaurant+karaoke place was closed so we ended up in an Indo restaurant, had some lontong, then I bought some Indomie. HAHAHAHA. They were chatting a lot about their friends and their life while I was just sitting nicely with innocent face coz they gave funny name to their friends as initials, eg “Snow White”.
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| Ai Ida |
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| The factory |
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| Outside of the factory |
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| First time when I saw this row of motorbikes, I know that my aunt's was the purple one. She LOVES purple!!! |
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| The machine which they use to tie the cardboard |
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| I've told you, my aunt loves purple!! |
It was the first time I entered a factory which really requires people to work on the same thing for days or weeks. My aunt was paid according to how much she could produce.
3 Dec 2010 Time to get the wage! :)
My aunt, Ai Ida, and another Taiwanese Ai went to the office to check the price of the cardboards. She told me that the company pressed down the price so they earned less. Around 5pm, they all gathered and complained to their ‘supervisor’ (I’m not sure what this guy was in charge of). Then they were just screaming “jung mi ang” “jung mi ang” (oh no.. I can’t write the pin yin..anyway, it means “help!help!” because their wage was cut in that way)
On that day, I slept in the factory for 3 hours. Hahahaha.. Ai Ida had a chair and pillow in the factory!! :P I was wearing sweater + vest + jacket + 2 jackets as blankets!! (it was supercold!!). After working, me, my aunt, Ai Ida, and Ge Ge went to have dinner (we were supposed to go karaoke) in an area where there are a lot of Thai and Vietnamese restaurant. The restaurant+karaoke place was closed so we ended up in an Indo restaurant, had some lontong, then I bought some Indomie. HAHAHAHA. They were chatting a lot about their friends and their life while I was just sitting nicely with innocent face coz they gave funny name to their friends as initials, eg “Snow White”.
the drama in KL airport - 30 Nov '10
I never thought of going to Taiwan until in May 2010, suddenly so many people went to Taiwan: uncle, Kelvin, and Ronald, and this made me start to consider Taiwan as my next destination. In July, my aunt, whom I call “Mami” went back to Indonesia and she told me that she might only go back to Indonesia in 2014 or 2016. This made me really think of seriously going to Taiwan. Hehehehe.
Let me jump to the story from Singapore-KL-Taipei. I didn’t buy Airasia ticket because I didn’t like the departure time. I really wanted to reach Taipei as soon as I could. So I bought an evening flight from Spore to KL (Valuair) and morning flight from KL to Taipei (Airasia). The night I spent in KL airport was soo… tiring. My first impression after that night was, “Did Tom Hanks have backache for staying at the airport for 6 months???” Coz I had terrible experience sleeping at the airport.
30 Nov'10 - I arrived at KL
10pm – I was writing diary at McDonalds, but it was getting colder
12midnite – I moved to the area between the departure hall and McDonalds. Many people were sleeping on the chairs so I encouraged myself to sleep.
1st position: bowing till 90 degrees, hugging my bag and suitcase (paranoid mode). After 20 minutes, of course I had backache
2nd position: locking the suitcase between my legs, leaning against the chair and hugging my bag
3rd position: leaning against the chair in “lazy position” (230 degrees) and listening to music from my phone (safe mode)
4th position: leaning to the left (left side --> backache)
5th position: leaning to the right (right side --> backache)
Fiuhhhh…
Actually I felt scared sleeping in the airport so I put on my hood and made my hair look messy till it covered my face. I tried to look like a gangster (oh no…) who was sleeping everywhere even though I was the one who felt scared. Hehehehe..
Let me jump to the story from Singapore-KL-Taipei. I didn’t buy Airasia ticket because I didn’t like the departure time. I really wanted to reach Taipei as soon as I could. So I bought an evening flight from Spore to KL (Valuair) and morning flight from KL to Taipei (Airasia). The night I spent in KL airport was soo… tiring. My first impression after that night was, “Did Tom Hanks have backache for staying at the airport for 6 months???” Coz I had terrible experience sleeping at the airport.
30 Nov'10 - I arrived at KL
10pm – I was writing diary at McDonalds, but it was getting colder
12midnite – I moved to the area between the departure hall and McDonalds. Many people were sleeping on the chairs so I encouraged myself to sleep.
1st position: bowing till 90 degrees, hugging my bag and suitcase (paranoid mode). After 20 minutes, of course I had backache
2nd position: locking the suitcase between my legs, leaning against the chair and hugging my bag
3rd position: leaning against the chair in “lazy position” (230 degrees) and listening to music from my phone (safe mode)
4th position: leaning to the left (left side --> backache)
5th position: leaning to the right (right side --> backache)
Fiuhhhh…
Actually I felt scared sleeping in the airport so I put on my hood and made my hair look messy till it covered my face. I tried to look like a gangster (oh no…) who was sleeping everywhere even though I was the one who felt scared. Hehehehe..
Saturday, November 27, 2010
the bloody history
I'm not a history major and the last time I studied history in school was when I was 15 years old, first year of senior high school. What I remember about history is the Hindu Kingdom, world civilization, artifacts, etc. Nothing's special. It was boring. From primary school to high school, it was just the same thing. But actually it was getting more interesting in senior high school, even though it was only 1 year. Maybe because in the 2nd sem, I was taught by Bu Eri, who showed us a lot of 'other perspectives' of history.
Last night,I was reading Adrian Vickers' Modern History of Indonesia, particularly the transition from Old Order to New Order. I was sad and I was disappointed that I didn't know so much of my own country bloody history. In senior high school, I found out more about the 30th September movement and realized that there was no evident that it was a coup done by Communist Party and 450,000 people died because of what Soeharto called "elimination of communism including the roots" (pemberantasan komunisme sampai ke akar-akarnya)
This semester,I have read some short stories and novels which tell the story of the innocent victims after 30th September movement. Rape, killings, unjust arrest. Hhhh.. and the most silly thing is the fact that Museum Lubang Buaya (Museum of Crocodile's Hole) depicted the story of 30th Sept Movement according to the government's version (read: Soeharto's version). From generation to generation, we were taught that version,eg the name of the movement used to be 30th September movement of Indonesian Communist Party (G30S/PKI), the generals were mutilated by GERWANI (the women's party of PKI),so on and so forth. NO EVIDENCE!!!
but I guess,the thing that makes me more sad and feels so stupid is to find out history about Timor Leste. My lecturer showed me this video:
My respond was...WHAT?? It was not in my history textbook (even in junior high school textbook when I think it's already appropriate to tell us that there was such tragedy). I didn't know. I thought the tragedy only happened pre- and post- Timor Leste's independence. I knew that time there was much conflict (and you know what...Wiranto, who was supposed to be the one in charge of the military in Timor Leste, still STEPPED UP as candidate of vice president in the last election!!)
The normal conversation with my mom, my mom said, "Yah..under Habibie, the other provinces will just be let independent." Habibie was the successor of Soeharto and Timor Leste was independent during his presidency.Okay...I knew that Timor Leste just "joined" Indonesia in 1974, but the fact was.. actually the dominant party in Timor Leste, Fretilin, which was already established during Portuguese colonialism, already prepared for independence, just like other political parties struggled for independence for a longgggggggggg time till we became independent in 1945.
and I DIDN'T KNOW about it!!! (is it the irony of being science student or 'just' an impact of swallowing so much new-order's-version-of-history-and-campaign?)
hhhh..
Indonesia was also a colonist..
I don't regret to be Indonesian, but it's time to wake up. I won't let me and my friends only tell our children the government's version of history.Knowing history is not only a social-science student's business.
Oh btw,the video in this post,was showed all over the world, EXCEPT Indonesia.
Last night,I was reading Adrian Vickers' Modern History of Indonesia, particularly the transition from Old Order to New Order. I was sad and I was disappointed that I didn't know so much of my own country bloody history. In senior high school, I found out more about the 30th September movement and realized that there was no evident that it was a coup done by Communist Party and 450,000 people died because of what Soeharto called "elimination of communism including the roots" (pemberantasan komunisme sampai ke akar-akarnya)
This semester,I have read some short stories and novels which tell the story of the innocent victims after 30th September movement. Rape, killings, unjust arrest. Hhhh.. and the most silly thing is the fact that Museum Lubang Buaya (Museum of Crocodile's Hole) depicted the story of 30th Sept Movement according to the government's version (read: Soeharto's version). From generation to generation, we were taught that version,eg the name of the movement used to be 30th September movement of Indonesian Communist Party (G30S/PKI), the generals were mutilated by GERWANI (the women's party of PKI),so on and so forth. NO EVIDENCE!!!
but I guess,the thing that makes me more sad and feels so stupid is to find out history about Timor Leste. My lecturer showed me this video:
My respond was...WHAT?? It was not in my history textbook (even in junior high school textbook when I think it's already appropriate to tell us that there was such tragedy). I didn't know. I thought the tragedy only happened pre- and post- Timor Leste's independence. I knew that time there was much conflict (and you know what...Wiranto, who was supposed to be the one in charge of the military in Timor Leste, still STEPPED UP as candidate of vice president in the last election!!)
The normal conversation with my mom, my mom said, "Yah..under Habibie, the other provinces will just be let independent." Habibie was the successor of Soeharto and Timor Leste was independent during his presidency.Okay...I knew that Timor Leste just "joined" Indonesia in 1974, but the fact was.. actually the dominant party in Timor Leste, Fretilin, which was already established during Portuguese colonialism, already prepared for independence, just like other political parties struggled for independence for a longgggggggggg time till we became independent in 1945.
and I DIDN'T KNOW about it!!! (is it the irony of being science student or 'just' an impact of swallowing so much new-order's-version-of-history-and-campaign?)
hhhh..
Indonesia was also a colonist..
I don't regret to be Indonesian, but it's time to wake up. I won't let me and my friends only tell our children the government's version of history.Knowing history is not only a social-science student's business.
Oh btw,the video in this post,was showed all over the world, EXCEPT Indonesia.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
tired
it's only my 2nd exam but I feel tired :(
can I please not study today? pleaseeeeeeeee.....then tomorrow,saturday,sunday I will kanchiong 1 module per day...
I really wanted to go swimming,but it was raining..T.T
anyway,today's exam was very hard,but thank God for guiding me when I studied for this paper,coz He led me what to read for my two exams...
can I take a break for a while..pleaseeeeeeee?
I'll study after rosary today :):)
ahhh...I want to go home!!
can I please not study today? pleaseeeeeeeee.....then tomorrow,saturday,sunday I will kanchiong 1 module per day...
I really wanted to go swimming,but it was raining..T.T
anyway,today's exam was very hard,but thank God for guiding me when I studied for this paper,coz He led me what to read for my two exams...
can I take a break for a while..pleaseeeeeeee?
I'll study after rosary today :):)
ahhh...I want to go home!!
the beauty
the moon was soooo bright..
and the sky was sooo clear..
and I saw a lady waved to the bus driver and say 'Thank You' after she alighted from the bus..
it's beautiful... :):)
and the sky was sooo clear..
and I saw a lady waved to the bus driver and say 'Thank You' after she alighted from the bus..
it's beautiful... :):)
Sunday, November 21, 2010
memformulasikan alasan mengapa orang jatuh cinta
tulisan ini didedikasikan untuk sahabat saya yang sedang mempersiapkan ujian besok :P
tiba-tiba dia berkata,
"iya ya fer..aku lagi mencoba memformulasikan alasan mengapa orang jatuh cinta"
aku: hmm..iya, kenapa ya?
kadang (salah deh,seringkali) aku enggak mengerti mengapa aku jatuh cinta dengan si A atau si B. lalu kami sepakat bahwa kadang kami tuh udah kasih tau hati ini "haduh jangan dong jangan suka..ga mau ah, ga mau suka" tapi tetep...aja jatuh cinta..
dan dulu aku sempat berpikir,
teringat tulisan di blog seseorang (lupa blog siapa)
"there's a reason why it is called falling in love"
gmn sih rasanya klo jatuh?
ada sakit2nya dikit donk..hehehe
kadang sampe biru2..
kadang cuma lecet
kadang mungkin sampai berdarah
temanku di indo menyapaku yang berstatus judul post ini:
"wah cuit cuit statusnya..haduh nin,jatuh cinta mana bs diformulasikan"
klo kata agnes monica, "cinta ini tak ada logika"
hahahaha
kata temenku yang komplain kok lagi exam malah memformulasikan alasan mengapa orang jatuh cinta,
jatuh cinta itu pilihan..
seperti memilih berdiri di tepi jurang..
dari tertarik, tergantung kita follow-up keingintahuan kita atau tidak..
tapi aku tetap merasa sulit sekali mengontrol perasaan yang bernama jatuh cinta ini
jatuh ya jatuh
tapi sedalam apa,nah itu tergantung
sekali waktu aku jatuh melayang terbang (jadi bisa melihat indahnya),tapi pas hubungan itu berakhir ya terasa berdarah-darahnya
di waktu yang lain aku cuma terseok-seok jatuh,pas jaman jatuh cinta dengan kakak kelas yang jago main piano,ternyata udah ada pacar.hahaha ya sudah deh bubye
ada orang-orang tertentu yang sekali liat langsung 'deg', kena charm-nya gitu...
ada orang lain,biasa aja..cuma dari percakapan-percakapan sederhana, 'deg', kena juga..hahaha
sebenarnya jatuh cinta itu tidak perlu diformulasikan
cognitive resources-nya sebaiknya dipakai untuk mempersiapkan exam sebaik mungkin
jatuh cintanya habis exam aja ya? :P
tiba-tiba dia berkata,
"iya ya fer..aku lagi mencoba memformulasikan alasan mengapa orang jatuh cinta"
aku: hmm..iya, kenapa ya?
kadang (salah deh,seringkali) aku enggak mengerti mengapa aku jatuh cinta dengan si A atau si B. lalu kami sepakat bahwa kadang kami tuh udah kasih tau hati ini "haduh jangan dong jangan suka..ga mau ah, ga mau suka" tapi tetep...aja jatuh cinta..
dan dulu aku sempat berpikir,
teringat tulisan di blog seseorang (lupa blog siapa)
"there's a reason why it is called falling in love"
gmn sih rasanya klo jatuh?
ada sakit2nya dikit donk..hehehe
kadang sampe biru2..
kadang cuma lecet
kadang mungkin sampai berdarah
temanku di indo menyapaku yang berstatus judul post ini:
"wah cuit cuit statusnya..haduh nin,jatuh cinta mana bs diformulasikan"
klo kata agnes monica, "cinta ini tak ada logika"
hahahaha
kata temenku yang komplain kok lagi exam malah memformulasikan alasan mengapa orang jatuh cinta,
jatuh cinta itu pilihan..
seperti memilih berdiri di tepi jurang..
dari tertarik, tergantung kita follow-up keingintahuan kita atau tidak..
tapi aku tetap merasa sulit sekali mengontrol perasaan yang bernama jatuh cinta ini
jatuh ya jatuh
tapi sedalam apa,nah itu tergantung
sekali waktu aku jatuh melayang terbang (jadi bisa melihat indahnya),tapi pas hubungan itu berakhir ya terasa berdarah-darahnya
di waktu yang lain aku cuma terseok-seok jatuh,pas jaman jatuh cinta dengan kakak kelas yang jago main piano,ternyata udah ada pacar.hahaha ya sudah deh bubye
ada orang-orang tertentu yang sekali liat langsung 'deg', kena charm-nya gitu...
ada orang lain,biasa aja..cuma dari percakapan-percakapan sederhana, 'deg', kena juga..hahaha
sebenarnya jatuh cinta itu tidak perlu diformulasikan
cognitive resources-nya sebaiknya dipakai untuk mempersiapkan exam sebaik mungkin
jatuh cintanya habis exam aja ya? :P
Saturday, November 20, 2010
masa SMA
2 atau 3 hari lalu,
tiba-tiba aku teringat masa SMA (cuit cuit..ceritanya sekarang udah kuliah)
pas SMA dulu,
klo makan berdua ma orang yang berlawanan jenis,
langsung diledekin,pertanda ada apa-apa
sekarang?
makan berdua yah normal lah ya...
terus peluk antarteman itu ga lazim pas SMA,
sekarang orang main peluk2 aja
rangkul sana-sini
masalah mulai timbul,
kalau kamu yang merasa dipeluk (atau memeluk?)
yang merasa dirangkul
mulai deg-deg-an..kepikiran..
tapi orang yang di pihak lain,
yah normal lah ya..hari gini..
masa SMA,
pas masa2 modul mau ujian,
masih bisa bahas2 dengan orang lain
aku iri dengan teman2 di engin yg bisa diskusi soal2
sementara aku bertekun dengan buku sendiri biarpun orang2 di sekitarku
masa SMA,
klo suka cowok tuh semangat..gampang ketemunya
hahaha
pas pakai seragam pagi2,pas nyisir,langsung inget "eits, hari ini mau ketemu si doi"
HAHAHAHAHA
masa sekarang,
suka orang pun,ketemunya susahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
jd berharap-harap sendiri
menebak-nebak kira2 orangnya berkeliaran di mana
terus berharap ketidaksengajaan datang
lucu
terlalu banyak yang ambigu di masa kuliah ini
hhhhh...
makanya jadi orang jangan terlalu sensitif dong,nda...hahaha..
udah ah..belajar lagi aja.. :):)
mengejar S2 di Inggris sana..yeay!!
tiba-tiba aku teringat masa SMA (cuit cuit..ceritanya sekarang udah kuliah)
pas SMA dulu,
klo makan berdua ma orang yang berlawanan jenis,
langsung diledekin,pertanda ada apa-apa
sekarang?
makan berdua yah normal lah ya...
terus peluk antarteman itu ga lazim pas SMA,
sekarang orang main peluk2 aja
rangkul sana-sini
masalah mulai timbul,
kalau kamu yang merasa dipeluk (atau memeluk?)
yang merasa dirangkul
mulai deg-deg-an..kepikiran..
tapi orang yang di pihak lain,
yah normal lah ya..hari gini..
masa SMA,
pas masa2 modul mau ujian,
masih bisa bahas2 dengan orang lain
aku iri dengan teman2 di engin yg bisa diskusi soal2
sementara aku bertekun dengan buku sendiri biarpun orang2 di sekitarku
masa SMA,
klo suka cowok tuh semangat..gampang ketemunya
hahaha
pas pakai seragam pagi2,pas nyisir,langsung inget "eits, hari ini mau ketemu si doi"
HAHAHAHAHA
masa sekarang,
suka orang pun,ketemunya susahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
jd berharap-harap sendiri
menebak-nebak kira2 orangnya berkeliaran di mana
terus berharap ketidaksengajaan datang
lucu
terlalu banyak yang ambigu di masa kuliah ini
hhhhh...
makanya jadi orang jangan terlalu sensitif dong,nda...hahaha..
udah ah..belajar lagi aja.. :):)
mengejar S2 di Inggris sana..yeay!!
I love weekend!!!!
:):)
Thanks to Carina, Krizia, and Prashanti for saving my weekend :):)
Harry Potter was good..can't wait for the 2nd part..
and coz I already forgot the story, I was shocked a lot during some scenes..hahaha
and the feature of the day is..
Strawberry snow ice!!!!! YEAYYYY!! :):)
looking forward to end of exam hehehe
Thanks to Carina, Krizia, and Prashanti for saving my weekend :):)
Harry Potter was good..can't wait for the 2nd part..
and coz I already forgot the story, I was shocked a lot during some scenes..hahaha
and the feature of the day is..
Strawberry snow ice!!!!! YEAYYYY!! :):)
looking forward to end of exam hehehe
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
library
hello my blog...
this morning I went to library and was thinking to sit on my favorite bench outside library..but I met Li Hui and decided to study in library..
It was the first time I saw people QUEUING to enter the library as in they were QUEUING to get FREE WELFARE PACK
hahaha
and the queue at the deck WAS HORRIBLE :P
but it's ok..at the end we went to westcoast plaza to eat..guess what? we spent 2hours in total (worse...*duhh*)
Thank God for today...
I was much much much more focused than yesterday..
Yeay!still have 3hours left to fulfill my 8-hour-target :)
nitezzz my blog...
this morning I went to library and was thinking to sit on my favorite bench outside library..but I met Li Hui and decided to study in library..
It was the first time I saw people QUEUING to enter the library as in they were QUEUING to get FREE WELFARE PACK
hahaha
and the queue at the deck WAS HORRIBLE :P
but it's ok..at the end we went to westcoast plaza to eat..guess what? we spent 2hours in total (worse...*duhh*)
Thank God for today...
I was much much much more focused than yesterday..
Yeay!still have 3hours left to fulfill my 8-hour-target :)
nitezzz my blog...
Friday, November 12, 2010
HOLIDAY PLAN!!!
1-6 Dec: Taipei Taipei Taipei :)
dance-dance-dance-dance
1. DP
2. Revising Javanese dance
learn Chinese (again) - touch my french book too?
explore singapore!! (hmmm...museum trip?pilgrimage to the North&West part?)
books - reading list: some other Paulo Coelho's books
write my never-finished-novel hikzzz
play the old piano in Eusoff
pergamano --> parchment craft
find out about grad school
watch!! (korean drama? :P hihihi)
another JB trip?or malacca? :P
14-17 Dec : Dance Camp
23 DEc-4 Jan : HOME SWEET HOME
basically the theme of my holiday is: RETURN TO THE OLD DAYS
it's time to do things that I used to do before... :)
YEAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY HOLIDAY IS COMINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
dance-dance-dance-dance
1. DP
2. Revising Javanese dance
learn Chinese (again) - touch my french book too?
explore singapore!! (hmmm...museum trip?pilgrimage to the North&West part?)
books - reading list: some other Paulo Coelho's books
write my never-finished-novel hikzzz
play the old piano in Eusoff
pergamano --> parchment craft
find out about grad school
watch!! (korean drama? :P hihihi)
another JB trip?or malacca? :P
14-17 Dec : Dance Camp
23 DEc-4 Jan : HOME SWEET HOME
basically the theme of my holiday is: RETURN TO THE OLD DAYS
it's time to do things that I used to do before... :)
YEAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY HOLIDAY IS COMINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
2000 words of Indonesian essay
it's tough!!
how weird it is to feel weird when you write in your own language!!
arrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh
assuming my blog is facebook wall,
let's omit the subject
.... is considering to be educational psychologist.
Just yesterday I told Krizia that I'm confused on what I should study for Master's and what I really want to be in the future. I always think that I want to be a therapist for autistic children or clinical psychologist or things like working in hospital setting. However, my exposure to research papers on language (and the fact that my supervisor is the program director of speech therapy program) makes me re-think again on what I really want to do, what I really want to be, what I am called to do.
this morning,in the middle of the feeling of being pressed by tons of rocks on my head (I was super nervous for my presentation!!), I (still) had time to open my university-wish-list and the programs that they offer.
I think now I realize why I didn't consider educational psychologist or speech therapist before. Despite the fact that I was still innocent when I chose psychology, I was trapped in the people's mind of 'psychologist as psychologist only when you are a clinical psychologist'. I was also scared that I didn't have 'clear-cut' job if I do not become a clinician.
However, now I realize...I already throw those stereotypes of "science-students-go-to-engin-or-medicine" by choosing psychology..and now I realize, my real principle is, "Whatever my call is,let it be." It doesn't mean that I only sit and wait for 'enlightenment'. I will find out more, but I do not need to worry about job or salary or anything. Is it what God calls me to do? I think that's the most important question.
So....if now I feel the excitement of doing research on psycholinguistics.. if I realize that I might not that interested to learn about mood disorder.. if I now that I do not only like to deal with therapies and intervention, but also decision-making and policies, I should keep opening my eyes and mind..I'm considering educational psychologist or more research on developmental psychology, esp developmental disorder..
and PRAY-PRAY-PRAY!!!! :):)
*i think i'll be more talkative during this period of time..studying needs peace of mind and writing gives you chance to release what is stuck in your head :P*
how weird it is to feel weird when you write in your own language!!
arrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhh
assuming my blog is facebook wall,
let's omit the subject
.... is considering to be educational psychologist.
Just yesterday I told Krizia that I'm confused on what I should study for Master's and what I really want to be in the future. I always think that I want to be a therapist for autistic children or clinical psychologist or things like working in hospital setting. However, my exposure to research papers on language (and the fact that my supervisor is the program director of speech therapy program) makes me re-think again on what I really want to do, what I really want to be, what I am called to do.
this morning,in the middle of the feeling of being pressed by tons of rocks on my head (I was super nervous for my presentation!!), I (still) had time to open my university-wish-list and the programs that they offer.
I think now I realize why I didn't consider educational psychologist or speech therapist before. Despite the fact that I was still innocent when I chose psychology, I was trapped in the people's mind of 'psychologist as psychologist only when you are a clinical psychologist'. I was also scared that I didn't have 'clear-cut' job if I do not become a clinician.
However, now I realize...I already throw those stereotypes of "science-students-go-to-engin-or-medicine" by choosing psychology..and now I realize, my real principle is, "Whatever my call is,let it be." It doesn't mean that I only sit and wait for 'enlightenment'. I will find out more, but I do not need to worry about job or salary or anything. Is it what God calls me to do? I think that's the most important question.
So....if now I feel the excitement of doing research on psycholinguistics.. if I realize that I might not that interested to learn about mood disorder.. if I now that I do not only like to deal with therapies and intervention, but also decision-making and policies, I should keep opening my eyes and mind..I'm considering educational psychologist or more research on developmental psychology, esp developmental disorder..
and PRAY-PRAY-PRAY!!!! :):)
*i think i'll be more talkative during this period of time..studying needs peace of mind and writing gives you chance to release what is stuck in your head :P*
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
turun dari panggung
saya benci perasaan menggebu-gebu yang harus terhempas dalam waktu beberapa hari yah setidaknya ini lebih baik dari perasaan jatuh terlalu dalam yang bertahan selama beberapa tahun terima kasih Tuhan sudah membolehkan saya merasakan indahnya dalam sekejap dan saat saya berada di perpustakaan tercinta sore tadi saya sadar..
saya terlempar ke dunia nyata
oh tunggu,
tapi bukankah dunia itu juga panggung sandiwara?
hahaha
saya terlempar ke dunia nyata
oh tunggu,
tapi bukankah dunia itu juga panggung sandiwara?
hahaha
GO FERNINDAAAAAA!!!
i'm trying to decrease the amount of facebooking...so if i feel the temptation,i'll post on my blog instead..I do think it's still more useful and therapeutic than facebook..
my first target this morning is finishing my research presentation by 9am!!
my first target this morning is finishing my research presentation by 9am!!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
nice song :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXQzj3dMwLE
Out Of Reach - Gabrielle
Verse 1
Knew the signs wasn’t right
I was stupid, for a while
Swept away, by you
And now I feel like a fool
Chorus
So confused
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn’t see
We were never met to be
Verse 2
Catch myself, from despair
I could drown if I stay here
Keeping busy, everyday
I know I will be ok
Chorus
But I’m
So confused
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn’t see
We were never met to be
Bridge
So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time
You’ll be out of my mind
I’ll be over you
Chorus
And know I’m
So confused
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn’t see
We were never met to be
Out of reach, so far,
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There’s a life out there for me
Out Of Reach - Gabrielle
Verse 1
Knew the signs wasn’t right
I was stupid, for a while
Swept away, by you
And now I feel like a fool
Chorus
So confused
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn’t see
We were never met to be
Verse 2
Catch myself, from despair
I could drown if I stay here
Keeping busy, everyday
I know I will be ok
Chorus
But I’m
So confused
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn’t see
We were never met to be
Bridge
So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time
You’ll be out of my mind
I’ll be over you
Chorus
And know I’m
So confused
My heart’s bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn’t see
We were never met to be
Out of reach, so far,
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There’s a life out there for me
Saturday, November 6, 2010
random post
I forgot who wrote this on her fb status..
"There is a reason why it is called FALLING in love"
not FLYING in love or CLIMBING in love :P
"There is a reason why it is called FALLING in love"
not FLYING in love or CLIMBING in love :P
Sunday, October 31, 2010
in the midst of the super-mix feelings!! I love NUANSA'10:This Earth of Mankind :)
this is my 2nd attempt to express my mixed feelings,(still) excited, (still) nervous (coz the post-prod admin stuff,hahaha),n mellow feeling..how I miss the rehearsals and meetings..One thing that I can't stop doing is to say "thank you-thank you-thank you". This morning, when I went for mass,I just couldn't stop saying Thanks to the Lord. It's been a long journey, one year and 'suddenly' last nite came..
3pm show: I was SUPERNERVOUS!!!
so during intermission, when people started giving good comments, I was still like,"woww..really?" coz when I watched the performance itself,the thing that I couldn't stop saying is,"wow..how EACH person really gave 200%"
8pm show: slightly less nervous..
but sitting with the VIPs really made me worried..fyi,the dean and Head of student life couldn't believe that ALL OF US who were on the stage (and off-the-stage) are STUDENTS..
the most overwhelming part was after curtain call..when I saw the whole people on stall level standing after our shows (I didn't dare to say it was a standing ovation),I was like "wow.." and we screamed, we hugged each other..i dunno somehow I got a feeling,it's not only a good musical that makes us hugging each other,but the whole journey as a family..we might not even feel the bonding during the process,but after the show,then we realized,,"oh shit..i'm gonna miss this person,that person,this moment,that moment" and we were just amazed how we have journeyed together in this one whole year..
I read the cards on the board given by the performers+crews,and the thing that made me relieve is we do have sense of belonging on NUANSA'10, we do learn a lot, and we do make new friendship..and whatever happen after NUANSA,(I don't manage to meet up with the dancers of NUANSA'09),we believe that nothing can erase this memory and this bond..and the most surprising thing is,it's the little thing that made the journey beautiful..
eg I am always amazed by how Wilson dedicated his 24hours foR NUANSA'10,and I can't stop looking back from 1 year,since we chose the stories,brainstormed,did rehearsals,the time I spent crying and laughing with my friends,and I've just realized,I NEVER cried or laughed alone..My family,my Legionaries friend, my fellow comm and performers, somehow they're always with me..
people asked me aft the show,"relieved? u must be very tired.."
but to be honest,I couldn't feel tired yesterday :P fri nite I slept at 1am,and I was already awake at 6.30am saturday morning,and I was so hyper yesterday :P I was not that relieved,coz there are just too much feelings now...when I had supper with Oz yesterday,we were still amazed on how EACH of us has grown up for this 1year..it's not only about using and developing the talent,but also growing up in terms of personality,how we handle problems,how we relate with each other..
NUANSA'10 is a self-discovery journey for me..it's not a smooth journey..I've learned about my own strength and weaknesses, I've learned about friendship,and not to judge people.. and every single person in the comm really left me with a strong impression..eg even though I rarely talked to some sets people, when I watched their cute videos,hahaha, or their photos, I remembered the member's expression every time they worked or had meeting..
The musicians, I also rarely talked to some of them,esp.KG and Revata..but still, their smile during MIDNITE PRACTICES!! still linger in my mind..
The cast's great performance, I also couldn't stop remembering funny things that they've been doing..hahahaha..
but I must admit,the last 2weeks were the most memorable ones..the last 3days were the most touching experience..
keep in touch,friends!!
Remember only the happiness..love you all!!thanks for being soooo patient of my 'scolding' moments combined with 'super-loud-laughter'moments..
addition: bring the problems as life-lessons for any other experience in the future :P (esp.for Dinda and Bill, the next PD-VPD of NUANSA'11)
Thank you,Lord.
Thank you for Our Lady for your powerful intercession..
3pm show: I was SUPERNERVOUS!!!
so during intermission, when people started giving good comments, I was still like,"woww..really?" coz when I watched the performance itself,the thing that I couldn't stop saying is,"wow..how EACH person really gave 200%"
8pm show: slightly less nervous..
but sitting with the VIPs really made me worried..fyi,the dean and Head of student life couldn't believe that ALL OF US who were on the stage (and off-the-stage) are STUDENTS..
the most overwhelming part was after curtain call..when I saw the whole people on stall level standing after our shows (I didn't dare to say it was a standing ovation),I was like "wow.." and we screamed, we hugged each other..i dunno somehow I got a feeling,it's not only a good musical that makes us hugging each other,but the whole journey as a family..we might not even feel the bonding during the process,but after the show,then we realized,,"oh shit..i'm gonna miss this person,that person,this moment,that moment" and we were just amazed how we have journeyed together in this one whole year..
I read the cards on the board given by the performers+crews,and the thing that made me relieve is we do have sense of belonging on NUANSA'10, we do learn a lot, and we do make new friendship..and whatever happen after NUANSA,(I don't manage to meet up with the dancers of NUANSA'09),we believe that nothing can erase this memory and this bond..and the most surprising thing is,it's the little thing that made the journey beautiful..
eg I am always amazed by how Wilson dedicated his 24hours foR NUANSA'10,and I can't stop looking back from 1 year,since we chose the stories,brainstormed,did rehearsals,the time I spent crying and laughing with my friends,and I've just realized,I NEVER cried or laughed alone..My family,my Legionaries friend, my fellow comm and performers, somehow they're always with me..
people asked me aft the show,"relieved? u must be very tired.."
but to be honest,I couldn't feel tired yesterday :P fri nite I slept at 1am,and I was already awake at 6.30am saturday morning,and I was so hyper yesterday :P I was not that relieved,coz there are just too much feelings now...when I had supper with Oz yesterday,we were still amazed on how EACH of us has grown up for this 1year..it's not only about using and developing the talent,but also growing up in terms of personality,how we handle problems,how we relate with each other..
NUANSA'10 is a self-discovery journey for me..it's not a smooth journey..I've learned about my own strength and weaknesses, I've learned about friendship,and not to judge people.. and every single person in the comm really left me with a strong impression..eg even though I rarely talked to some sets people, when I watched their cute videos,hahaha, or their photos, I remembered the member's expression every time they worked or had meeting..
The musicians, I also rarely talked to some of them,esp.KG and Revata..but still, their smile during MIDNITE PRACTICES!! still linger in my mind..
The cast's great performance, I also couldn't stop remembering funny things that they've been doing..hahahaha..
but I must admit,the last 2weeks were the most memorable ones..the last 3days were the most touching experience..
keep in touch,friends!!
Remember only the happiness..love you all!!thanks for being soooo patient of my 'scolding' moments combined with 'super-loud-laughter'moments..
addition: bring the problems as life-lessons for any other experience in the future :P (esp.for Dinda and Bill, the next PD-VPD of NUANSA'11)
Thank you,Lord.
Thank you for Our Lady for your powerful intercession..
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
the book that inspired me
"When you want something, the entire world conspires in helping you to achieve it" (Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist)
When I attended mass in SMOTA last Saturday, the priest sang 3 Disney songs, which had 1 in common: contain the word "dream"
Dream...
I wrote my list of dreams when I was 12 years old. Thank God that He has helped me accomplish most of the dreams.
To be able to dream is a gift...
In the midst of this hectic life, I do wish I still can make a wish :):)
a bit sad when I blew my candle, it's hard to think what I really want?what I really wish?
dream...........wake-up and achieve my dream..
Saturday, October 16, 2010
For people who were drunk before bash
"we are the champion.... we are the champion..."
hellowwww...pleaseeee..this is sem 1 and we have not won anything and you already MAKE NOISE so much???
it's eusoff bash..
it'll be peaceful SOON YEAYYYY *bus please come and bring them away*
I still don't understand the logic behind hall bash
is it FUND-raising or merely a FUN-raising?
anyway, the thing that is FUN for one person might not be fun for other people, and yet I feel obliged to buy $28 for NOTHING
i don't mind go to bash if I feel that I want to go..
congratz to you..you really know how to disturb your neighbors
thanks!
is eusoff really a HOME?
my home is not like this...
people find you when they need you and don't care about you in normal time..
"weeeeeeeeeee..yeeeeeeeeee" (imitating the half-drunk takraw guys)
ps. I moved this post to my blog coz i'm gonna delete the fb post..
hellowwww...pleaseeee..this is sem 1 and we have not won anything and you already MAKE NOISE so much???
it's eusoff bash..
it'll be peaceful SOON YEAYYYY *bus please come and bring them away*
I still don't understand the logic behind hall bash
is it FUND-raising or merely a FUN-raising?
anyway, the thing that is FUN for one person might not be fun for other people, and yet I feel obliged to buy $28 for NOTHING
i don't mind go to bash if I feel that I want to go..
congratz to you..you really know how to disturb your neighbors
thanks!
is eusoff really a HOME?
my home is not like this...
people find you when they need you and don't care about you in normal time..
"weeeeeeeeeee..yeeeeeeeeee" (imitating the half-drunk takraw guys)
ps. I moved this post to my blog coz i'm gonna delete the fb post..
Sunday, October 10, 2010
mendung
ada yang namanya domino effect..
kalau kamu sedih,bad mood, semua hal langsung datang ke kepala kamu..
dan aku ga ngerti...
aku cuma merasa sepi
terlalu tenang
terlalu damai
dan saat keramaian datang pun, aku merasa sepi
apakah aku menganggap mereka teman?
apakah mereka menganggap aku teman?
kapan terakhir kali aku bicara tentang hal2 biasa?hal2 sehari-hari?
kapan terakhir kali aku curhat ke orang lain,tentang hal2 sepele?
dan hujan turun
semalam
hari ini
dan semua berubah
terlalu banyak dan terlalu sesak
seakan-akan semua pergi saat aku belum punya pegangan
kenapa dulu aku survive dan sekarang aku goyah?
satu hal sederhana..
kadang aku hanya ingin memeluk seseorang..
biasanya aku memeluk mama di malam hari
tapi malam pun sepi..
kadang aku hanya ingin duduk ketawa-tawa di depan pintu sambil ngeledekin dogi,moti,sinoy
atau tidur2an di ranjang mama
atau diam2an dengan papa dan komputer kami
atau ledek2an dengan adot
dan besok ultah papaku..
dan aku terjebak di sini, di negeri singa ini
kadang aku cuma pengen telepon nic berjam-jam
bukan chatting
apa yang terjadi denganku?
apa yang salah?
aku juga kangen ke toko buku
muter-muter nongkrong berjam-jam
sekarang ke luar hall pun malas
saat sekarang aku punya waktu sendiri
aku malah hanya menangis
menangis
dan menangis
nonton sambil nangis
chat sambil nangis
baca buku sambil nangis
nge-blog sambil nangis
terus aku ingat aku punya guardian angel
tadi pagi,pas misa, aku bertanya,
apa guardian angel aku bilang ke Tuhan kalau aku lagi sedih?
apa guardian angel-ku juga ikut sedih pas aku sedih?
apa dia meluk aku sekarang?
I hate this...
tapi saat ini aku benar-benar lagi merasa sendiri
apa aku yang menutup diriku?
bergaul dengan banyak orang tapi tidak membuka hatiku?
kenapa bahkan untuk punya sahabat, aku harus berusaha keras?
kenapa ga terjadi natural seperti tiba-tiba nic duduk di bangku sampingku pas kelas 4 SD, atau percakapan2 aku dan feli yang bikin kita dekat dan ketawa2 konyol dan aku ga takut nangis depan dia?
apa aku sebenarnya sudah punya sahabat tapi aku ga berusaha menyiram tanaman persahabatan ini?
hhhhh.....
kalau kamu sedih,bad mood, semua hal langsung datang ke kepala kamu..
dan aku ga ngerti...
aku cuma merasa sepi
terlalu tenang
terlalu damai
dan saat keramaian datang pun, aku merasa sepi
apakah aku menganggap mereka teman?
apakah mereka menganggap aku teman?
kapan terakhir kali aku bicara tentang hal2 biasa?hal2 sehari-hari?
kapan terakhir kali aku curhat ke orang lain,tentang hal2 sepele?
dan hujan turun
semalam
hari ini
dan semua berubah
terlalu banyak dan terlalu sesak
seakan-akan semua pergi saat aku belum punya pegangan
kenapa dulu aku survive dan sekarang aku goyah?
satu hal sederhana..
kadang aku hanya ingin memeluk seseorang..
biasanya aku memeluk mama di malam hari
tapi malam pun sepi..
kadang aku hanya ingin duduk ketawa-tawa di depan pintu sambil ngeledekin dogi,moti,sinoy
atau tidur2an di ranjang mama
atau diam2an dengan papa dan komputer kami
atau ledek2an dengan adot
dan besok ultah papaku..
dan aku terjebak di sini, di negeri singa ini
kadang aku cuma pengen telepon nic berjam-jam
bukan chatting
apa yang terjadi denganku?
apa yang salah?
aku juga kangen ke toko buku
muter-muter nongkrong berjam-jam
sekarang ke luar hall pun malas
saat sekarang aku punya waktu sendiri
aku malah hanya menangis
menangis
dan menangis
nonton sambil nangis
chat sambil nangis
baca buku sambil nangis
nge-blog sambil nangis
terus aku ingat aku punya guardian angel
tadi pagi,pas misa, aku bertanya,
apa guardian angel aku bilang ke Tuhan kalau aku lagi sedih?
apa guardian angel-ku juga ikut sedih pas aku sedih?
apa dia meluk aku sekarang?
I hate this...
tapi saat ini aku benar-benar lagi merasa sendiri
apa aku yang menutup diriku?
bergaul dengan banyak orang tapi tidak membuka hatiku?
kenapa bahkan untuk punya sahabat, aku harus berusaha keras?
kenapa ga terjadi natural seperti tiba-tiba nic duduk di bangku sampingku pas kelas 4 SD, atau percakapan2 aku dan feli yang bikin kita dekat dan ketawa2 konyol dan aku ga takut nangis depan dia?
apa aku sebenarnya sudah punya sahabat tapi aku ga berusaha menyiram tanaman persahabatan ini?
hhhhh.....
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
I do...
I listened to accuradio and suddenly this song popped-out..
hahaha...
suddenly I miss Eusoff A ca.. :)
I remember the moment I couldn't sing the correct pitch or harmonize or whatsoever..
it's a romantic song...
ah..
suddenly I remember my conversation with pril,nic,and nyz when I went back to Indo. We were imagining the situation when one of us gets married (hypothesis: nyz as the first person). Then how when the 2nd person gets married, the 1st person will already pregnant then me and april will tell her to "just sit down and rest and let me take care of nic" :P
we were sitting for 5 hours in a buffet-restaurant..
girls talk :P
see you in dEcember,girlzzz!!
current song: Haven't met you yet!!! *kyaaaaaaa*
hahaha...
suddenly I miss Eusoff A ca.. :)
I remember the moment I couldn't sing the correct pitch or harmonize or whatsoever..
it's a romantic song...
ah..
suddenly I remember my conversation with pril,nic,and nyz when I went back to Indo. We were imagining the situation when one of us gets married (hypothesis: nyz as the first person). Then how when the 2nd person gets married, the 1st person will already pregnant then me and april will tell her to "just sit down and rest and let me take care of nic" :P
we were sitting for 5 hours in a buffet-restaurant..
girls talk :P
see you in dEcember,girlzzz!!
current song: Haven't met you yet!!! *kyaaaaaaa*
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