- 1 -
Today I went to NUS commencement to meet up with a friend of a friend because I need to record her voice for my experiment stimuli. It's quite weird!! While every one else was at the lobby taking photo, this friend was "kidnapped" by me to the museum (next to the commencement venue). I was quite surprised that the University Cultural Centre has changed a lot. I don't know what new building they're trying to build now, but another part of the building will be the future Lee Kong Chian Natural History Museum (where the dinosaur bones will be exhibited in 2015).
- 2 -
As we're entering July, I kept thinking "Oh no, I'm going to be 23 SOON!" There's this feeling that 23 is closer to 25 than to 21. It's like... being 23 is equal to another new phase of life. The intern from MIT in my office asked me once, "How does it feel to be an adult?" I said, "Err.. I sometimes forget that I'm an adult." Oh well, now no more excuse to pretend to be university student or "fresh graduate" because 23 feels like totally a different phase of life. I think one of the factors that influence this thought is I grow up in Indonesia, where it's normal to get married at the age of 24 or 25 during our parents' era. The interesting thing is I have a friend who just gave birth and she's 24! I put acclamation mark because initially when we heard that she got married, lots of us were surprised, but now that I think about it again, it's not weird to have baby at the age of 24 because that's what my friend's mom did too! Hehehehe.
A friend's sister will get married tomorrow and my friends' response was, "Hah? Getting married this year?" It felt fast because she graduated last year, but if we think of her age, she's actually 25, so she's not too young.
So 'going-to-be-23', I sometimes look back on what I used to dream and I look forward on what I would like to dream. At times it just felt "dark". As in...there's no more Ferninda who used to think that "I want to graduate-work for three years-do Master's in Clinical Psychology or try to do Doctorate in Clinical Psychology-then go back to Indonesia", as if everything is predictable. So the thought that I need to consider lots and lots of things before even 'dreaming' sometimes makes me feel old. It's like...you can't think about yourself only anymore, to the point that you sometimes can't recognize yourself now. Ah I think I'm talking nonsense now.
Anyway, lots of things have happened this year. And I really thank God for making me see lots of things this year.
- 3 -
My boss is back from MIT. Bubye "long distance relationship" with boss. Hahaha. It's so much easier to talk face-to-face with my boss. Faster! (but it means working pace is also faster)
- 4 -
Is it normal to suffer when you wait?
- 5 -
Today me and Paul taught English to Paul's 5-year-old cousin. We finally found out that he still has difficulties with the letter "t" and "m". I think English is really a difficult language. I tried to ask him to find the letters that form the word "cat" and when we emphasized "/k/" sound, he kept saying that it's a "/k/" not a "/c/". Then, he really loves playing as "police". I asked him to spell "police" and when we reached "/s/" sound, he kept saying that it's an "s", rather than a "c". I also have difficulties explaining the 'hidden' "e" to him. Anyway, he felt bored quite easily. Today's achievement is he managed to learn the word "chin" and "tongue" from Paul. It's amazing to see how he put effort to talk to me in English (he speaks Chinese most of the time). He could talk very long sentences in Chinese to Paul, than I asked him, "What did you say?" (because I only understood a bit of Chinese), then he would try his best to explain in English or to ask Paul the English translation of some words that he didn't know.
- 6 -
I met up with two of my high school friends last Tuesday. The question that kept coming up is, "Ah Ferninda, most of the people who study overseas do not want to go back to Indonesia, right?" Oh well, now I'm one of those people that do not want to go back my home country. I hope I do not deceive myself, but I really think my case is complicated. Firstly, I really don't know what job I can take in Indonesia. I listen to how my friend works in an autism centre and gets very little supervision, I listen to how my friends "end up" as HR as psychology graduates, and so on and so forth. I think the issue is beyond "I want to be paid very high" mentality. An Indonesian parliament member who came to Indonesian Embassy years ago said that, "Of course if you go back to Indonesia, don't expect that you suddenly get a high position." Well, it's not about wanting high position I guess. Another issue is of course I have my tuition fee loan and it's very hard to repay my loan with Indonesian standard of salary. And last but not least, sometimes there's a higher call that I need to prioritize over my preference to go back to Indonesia. I see myself just like my other teachers who migrate to other towns to follow their husband or just like the priests or nuns migrate to different towns for a higher purpose. Nevertheless, on the other hand, I really think it's very hard to work in Indonesia. Lots of things are really unjust (for example, the unreasonable duration of probationary period). It's also very hard to reconcile what I've learned with the reality (for example, I can't accept the fact that some companies provide very little supervision and training for therapist job).
- 7 -
In my research with elderly, there's one part of questionnaire that asks about the elderly's activities. At the end, we try to correlate the scores with the depression scale. It doesn't seem that there's a correlation so far. I guess this is precisely an evidence on how being happy doesn't always mean that doing lots of things. Of course for the case of elderly in Singapore, these activities matter so much because lots of elderly living alone in their house or they do not keep in touch with their families.I really see some elderly who go down to activity centre, but just staring at the table for quite long.
Next week will be a busy week. I hope I'll survive!
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