One of my close friends just turned 26! We have known each other since we were nine, so every time any of us celebrates birthday, this sentence keeps repeated "17 still feels like yesterday", or "when we were high school .... but now ..."
The popular wish on every birthday celebration is "may your relationship with your boyfriend last long and may you quickly get married". I guess it is because we still live in the idea that at the age of 25, we should start preparing ourselves to get married. Didn't our parents conceive us when they were 25?
I believe that dating or engagement shouldn't be prolonged unnecessarily. At the end of the day, the purpose of dating is to get to know each other and to prepare for marriage. However, knowing my circumstances, I have come to the acceptance that I am one of those couples that do not want to prolong dating unnecessarily, but circumstances do not allow us to do so.
Here are some thoughts of things that shouldn't be a pressure on how quick you should get married (credits to my boyfriend - these are fruits of our discussion or quarrels sometimes =P):
1. Your age or your boyfriend's age
My boyfriend is six years older than me. When I go back to Indonesia, people look at him as someone who should have kids by his age. The funny thing is even when we were just attached for a few months, once the neighbors saw him they started asking my mom, "Don't forget to send the invitation!" disclaimer: I don't mean that he looks old =P
We shouldn't get married just because I am turning 26, or just because I am already 40.
We need to have the maturity. On the other hand, we shouldn't expect ourselves to be perfect before marriage (eg wait until I am not stubborn anymore!), but we should least work towards what kind of person I want to be, regardless of my relationship status.
2. How many pre-wedding or wedding photos you have seen on your facebook newsfeed
There is a point of time when your facebook newsfeed will be full of your friend's wedding photos once every two months. Perhaps it makes us wondering if it is the time for us too to get married.
However, each couple is different.
I have friends who are engaged less than a year after they got together. When I see that they have been working together on themselves, having an open communication with each other, and most importantly, they have agreed on the fundamental values (faith, ideas about children, and ideas about marriage), I literally jumped up and down happily when they broke the news. I also have other close friends with similar dating period and get engaged, yet I do not have the same reactions because I know they have not agreed on some things or they are pressured by other things. For example, if they are Chinese, some of their parents still look for specific good dates that bring good luck. I have seen cases in which the marriage was quickened much faster until they are willing to let go the spiritual preparation.
3. For Singapore case, your public housing down payment
In Singapore, you need to be at least engaged before applying for a public house. Then you need to produce your marriage certificate by the time your house is ready (2- 3 years).
However, there are cases in which couples realize that the partner is not the Mr or Mrs Right, but because they already make down payment, they still continue with the marriage.
Because of these reasons, I have learnt to stop wishing my friends "May you quickly get married". I don't want to be the pressure on my friends who may not even be sure if their partners are the Mr Right. I have learnt to stop asking, "When will you get married?" or "Are you getting married soon?" whether they are 30+ or 25 because even if they plan to get married, it is very tiring to keep answering your friends the reasons of not doing so soon. On the other hand, if I know they are still struggling in some issues or if they are still contemplating if they are meant for each other or if they are called for marriage, I prefer to discuss other topics that can help us to prepare ourselves better.
The popular wish on every birthday celebration is "may your relationship with your boyfriend last long and may you quickly get married". I guess it is because we still live in the idea that at the age of 25, we should start preparing ourselves to get married. Didn't our parents conceive us when they were 25?
I believe that dating or engagement shouldn't be prolonged unnecessarily. At the end of the day, the purpose of dating is to get to know each other and to prepare for marriage. However, knowing my circumstances, I have come to the acceptance that I am one of those couples that do not want to prolong dating unnecessarily, but circumstances do not allow us to do so.
Here are some thoughts of things that shouldn't be a pressure on how quick you should get married (credits to my boyfriend - these are fruits of our discussion or quarrels sometimes =P):
1. Your age or your boyfriend's age
My boyfriend is six years older than me. When I go back to Indonesia, people look at him as someone who should have kids by his age. The funny thing is even when we were just attached for a few months, once the neighbors saw him they started asking my mom, "Don't forget to send the invitation!" disclaimer: I don't mean that he looks old =P
We shouldn't get married just because I am turning 26, or just because I am already 40.
We need to have the maturity. On the other hand, we shouldn't expect ourselves to be perfect before marriage (eg wait until I am not stubborn anymore!), but we should least work towards what kind of person I want to be, regardless of my relationship status.
2. How many pre-wedding or wedding photos you have seen on your facebook newsfeed
There is a point of time when your facebook newsfeed will be full of your friend's wedding photos once every two months. Perhaps it makes us wondering if it is the time for us too to get married.
However, each couple is different.
I have friends who are engaged less than a year after they got together. When I see that they have been working together on themselves, having an open communication with each other, and most importantly, they have agreed on the fundamental values (faith, ideas about children, and ideas about marriage), I literally jumped up and down happily when they broke the news. I also have other close friends with similar dating period and get engaged, yet I do not have the same reactions because I know they have not agreed on some things or they are pressured by other things. For example, if they are Chinese, some of their parents still look for specific good dates that bring good luck. I have seen cases in which the marriage was quickened much faster until they are willing to let go the spiritual preparation.
3. For Singapore case, your public housing down payment
In Singapore, you need to be at least engaged before applying for a public house. Then you need to produce your marriage certificate by the time your house is ready (2- 3 years).
However, there are cases in which couples realize that the partner is not the Mr or Mrs Right, but because they already make down payment, they still continue with the marriage.
Because of these reasons, I have learnt to stop wishing my friends "May you quickly get married". I don't want to be the pressure on my friends who may not even be sure if their partners are the Mr Right. I have learnt to stop asking, "When will you get married?" or "Are you getting married soon?" whether they are 30+ or 25 because even if they plan to get married, it is very tiring to keep answering your friends the reasons of not doing so soon. On the other hand, if I know they are still struggling in some issues or if they are still contemplating if they are meant for each other or if they are called for marriage, I prefer to discuss other topics that can help us to prepare ourselves better.
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