7 Quick Takes Friday - Vol.5

- 1 -

In preschools, I can see how some kids tend to dominate the group's arts and craft session. During one of my observation, one kid monopolized the arts and craft tools while two other kids tried to ask her, "Let me help you." The teacher didn't know this then the teacher looked at the two kids and asked, "Why are you two not doing anything? Can you help your friend?" Urgh. I felt sad. I saw one of the kids' expression changed because she didn't want to tell the teacher that her friends didn't let her try using the arts and craft tools/materials. :(

- 2 -

I attended a symposium today on sustainable design. A few professors shared about their plan of underground campus in NTU. After a few technical questions (air quality, safety, etc), one person asked about the human factors. The professors answered, "Ahh, it's just public perception. We took MRT underground more than 1 hour right?" This person replied, "Oh well, you must think of human adaptation and human needs' of colours, sunlights, etc. It's beyond people's perception." So yeah, do you think working underground will impact the people's psychological well-being? (we do not talk about basement, but 5 storeys below the ground). I wonder if this case is similar with people who work at casino because in casino they can't differentiate day and night.

- 3 - 

I've been worried about finding housemates. Hhhh. It'll be very expensive if I can't find replacement for the two housemates and I've moved for two times in one year!!! It's quite frustrating. Thank God I've found Stephanie's post on "relocating for love" and one of the readers commented that she has moved for 5 times in one year!!! Oh well, two times in a year not too bad right for me? :P (but if I need to move again, it's not really 'for love', but no choice! I need cheaper room if I can't find housemates)

- 4 -

I had a nice meet up with my ex-colleague. So fun! She found a new job and she loved her job as content analyst :)

- 5 -

On Wednesday, 26 June, we had Mass in honor of St. Josemaria Escriva, the founder of Opus Dei. I love to see the families came with their 5 kids, 7 kids, and most people stay back for a while after Mass for thanksgiving :)

I met a lady who randomly asked me, "Do you go to Hillcrest study centre?" Then I said, "Ya..." Then she randomly asked my name, so we introduced ourselves and apparently she goes to Alcroft centre. She told me that she's been praying for me to find my vocation. It's very touching to meet someone that you don't really know, but somehow connected to you through prayer!!

Please join to pray for Dwija. I don't know her personally, but I think there's no excuse to not pray for people who are in need of prayer.

- 6 -

Paul posted a video on evolution of swimsuit! 

I went to her website and I think the swimsuits are pretty!!!

- 7 -

I have a mission to make a travel blog that also provides list of Mass schedule. I don't want a "Mass schedule database", it's really a travel blog, but it helps people not to miss Sunday Mass when they travel. Plus, for those who have committed themselves to go to daily masses, hopefully this blog will help people to be able to minimize the number of days of missing their daily Masses.It's because when I was in India, I had difficulties finding Church in small towns like Jaipur and Udaipur. Interestingly, there are some local customs that I didn't know too (e.g., in Udaipur, we take off our shoes before entering Church and we sit separately between men and women!).

Maybe I should start asking Dom for Mass schedule in Srilanka and Nic for Mass schedule in Guang Zhou. Hehehehehe.

The missing pieces of homosexuality issue

When we talk about homosexual union, what's the first thing that comes to your mind?
Most of the time, people do not start the discussion on the same level.

I'm not sure whether people who advocate homosexual union understand that there's a difference between homosexual tendency and engaging in homosexual act. I'm not sure whether people who think that those people who are against homosexual union do not want to attack people with homosexual tendency. In fact, people who are against homosexual union's main concern is on meaning of marriage and family life. Let's look at the Catholics. They stand against homosexual union as much as they stand against divorce, polygamy, the use of contraception, and IVF!!

I'm not sure whether those people who advocate homosexual union truly understand the meaning of "freedom to love". What is freedom? And what is love? (uhum, we can have a lot of philosophical discussion about the meaning of these two words). Let me repeat again that people who are soooo against people-who-are-against-homosexual-union mostly say, "It's love! Why can't you let people who love each other get 'married'?" My very smart lecturer in a gender class even defines "love" in this way, "Why are people so against homosexual union? We are just "turned on", then just do it. You can let people have polygamy or go to find prostitutes, so why can't let homosexual couples marry each other?" (I truly think my lecturer is very smart, but I feel that her statement makes me feel that as-if-I'm-an-animal. I'm turned on, woohooo, go for it!) The thing is...even though prostitution, divorce, and polygamy are sooo commonly practiced, they are attacks to marriage, just like allowing homosexual union destroys the meaning of marriage.

I couldn't recall the original article, but someone mentioned that as much as someone with homosexual tendency have to constantly refrain himself or herself from engaging in homosexual act, married couples also have to constantly struggle not to engage in sexual intercourse when they need to delay pregnancy because of valid reasons. Heterosexual couples also need to constantly struggle not to have extramarital affair just to satisfy themselves when they are "turned on" and their partners can't 'satisfy' themselves. In the first place, that's not the idea of love and marriage, it's not about YOU satisfy ME, it's about self-giving. That's why the use of contraception is also NEVER morally right. That's why an extramarital affair or masturbation is NEVER morally right. The problem with the current situation is people think that the use of contraception, masturbation, hiring prostitutes are OKAY, ACCEPTABLE! That's why people question, "What's the big deal about letting the homosexual union legalized as a marriage?"

Another issue is...after the removal of homosexual tendency from the DSM-III (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders-3rd edition), people think that it's normal to have that tendency, so people stop asking "Why?". Why do people have this tendency? People also stop asking "How"? How can we help people with homosexual tendency to live with dignity and how to make the society INCLUDE them and ACCEPT them? (Note that inclusive society does not mean that people with homosexual tendency must be allowed to marry their partner). Research papers investigate on adoption studies, comparing homosexual and heterosexual couples. However, you just need to see the bottom of the first page of the paper, these studies were funded by organizations who advocate homosexual unions. Have you also checked the methods of these papers? Well, let's say we don't look at adoption studies. Many psychological studies on heterosexual couples showed the complex relationship between mother's and father's role! (and these relationships affect various aspects of children's development: language development, attachment style, play behaviour, motivation, and so on and so forth). A LOT!! How can we simplify the issue of homosexual union and 'rights' to adopt children by saying that "there's no harm and no negative impact" on children who are adopted by homosexual couples? (There are abundant studies on divorce and the use of contraception too).

So....when we talk about homosexuality issue, I would like to propose to the people who strive to legalize homosexual union to ask yourself:
1) Do we know the difference between homosexual tendency and homosexual act?
2) Are we aware that we think that someone who has homosexual tendency is discriminated when he/she can't get married because of our distorted view of marriage? (because we think heterosexual couples can have sex anytime they want --> just use condom or pill or whatsoever, because we think heterosexual couples can just divorce their spouse when they're not compatible anymore --> freedom to love! and freedom to fall out of love)
3) Can we find out more about "why" someone has a homosexual tendency? Are we sure it's just a matter of "sexual orientation"? If it's not a 'disorder', would we want all our kids to have homosexual tendency? (it's 'only' sexual orientation right? not a disorder!)
4) Do we know enough about the notion of Marriage and Family Life? Instead of pointing fingers to the Catholics and say, "Oh maaan. You won't agree with homosexual union because "the Pope says so, right?" ", why don't we research on Catholic teaching on Marriage? It's not only about homosexuality, it's not about a phobia towards people with homosexual tendency. (note: please find reliable source like Catechism of the Catholic Church or the Pope's Encyclicals! warning: be prepared to learn philosophy too!)

Deep in our heart, we want the society to see people with homosexual tendency as people with dignity, just like other people, despite the fact that they may not get married with their 'partner'. It's the same thing like how I want people to see my cousin with cerebral palsy with a loving look because she has equal dignity with other children, despite the fact that.... she may not get married either. It doesn't make her less human than other people.

Everyone wants an inclusive society. In my opinion, I need to create more awareness so that society can accept children with Down Syndrome or with autism. However, I can't deny that even though these children have the same dignity with typically developing children, they can't do some tasks that are easy for the typically developing children (while at the same time, they can do some other tasks better than typically developing children). So for us to help these children with these problems, we need to accept that they have this condition, but we shouldn't label them (notice that I never use the words "homosexuals"  or "autistic").

And my friend is correct. While there are a lot of mothers out there who have experienced how abortion is not a "pro-choice" option, where are the voice of people who have homosexual tendency, yet struggle not to engage in homosexual act? We need your help to share and defend the dignity of marriage. (Thanks to http://www.stevegershom.com/) :)

So yeah...hope this will help us to have the discussion on the same level :)

only you want to go out on weekend :) :) other people do not want to go out on weekend. Only you needs to have dinner outside, other people can dabao McDonalds to eat at home. :):) only you can come and go, other people can't :) hahahaha..smart!!

only you are busy, other people are not! Hahahaha

encouragement message

the most encouraging message of the day is:
1) Ferninda, you are the one who makes yourself frustrated
2) Ferninda, you are wasting my time

:)

7 Quick Takes Friday - Vol.4

For more quick takes, do visit www.conversiondiary.com

- 1 -

I just came back from primary school girls' camp this afternoon.

It was....

tiring!

I love kids, but going to primary school girls' camp is really an eye-opening experience for me. Of course I do believe that kids don't jump on the bed and keep making cartwheel movement or handstand all the time around their parents, but to see those kids in that level of energy really opened my eyes how much love the parents must have for the family and how abundant God's grace on their families is! As a background, these kids are amazing because the parents form their spirituality since very young age. I can just sit in one corner and they didn't "disturb" me because the parents also have specific time to do their prayer! While I had difficulties pouring sprite from a large cup to a small cup, one of the girls said, "Let me do it. I can do it because my parents always asked me to share" (this kid had other three siblings). I think the 'smallest' family has two siblings. One of the girls had six siblings :) An 8-year-old kid shared with me that she actually had 6 siblings, but one passed away when he was 16 days old and another one died because of miscarriage. 

But of course...being kids, they left cups all over the place and when I asked, "Who left the cups on the table?", most of them said, "Not mine! I washed mine already" (some of them just had memory problem....hahaha). Next time, we should write their names on scotch tape pasted on the cups. :P

- 2 -

The highlight of this week was H.A.Z.E. Haze imported from Indonesia. I've never felt ashamed being Indonesian despite of many problems that we have (including corruption), but to see the minister pointed fingers and blamed other countries is really an embarrassing situation. The ministers in Jakarta just don't understand how bad the situation is. Can you imagine the life of the people in Dumai (Riau)? The pollution level there is worse than in Singapore.

- 3 -

On Tuesday, I shared about "Myths vs. Facts about Brain Capacity" in our weekly gathering. Since we talk about second language learning in adulthood, my Chinese friend tried to 'test' the three Mexican girls to differentiate 4 tones in Mandarin. So my friend read, "ma (first tone), ma (second tone), ma (third tone), ma (fourth tone). Can you tell the difference?" and these Mexican girls said, "Nope!"

We had quite lots of fun last Tuesday. I think my friend really enjoyed going to the gathering because of the the three Mexican girls. The three girls will stay in Singapore for 5 weeks. My Chinese friend is not Catholic, but her grandma is Catholic. Pray for her :) Hopefully she can know more about the faith while she's in Singapore.

- 4 -

 Last Saturday, I bought Indonesian translation of "The Way" by St. Josemaria Escriva. It's quite weird to read some terms in Indonesian because even though I grow up attending Indonesian Masses and Sunday Schools, I attended doctrine classes and recollections in English. For example, I'm used to the term "Mortification". When I tried to explain "mortification" to Indonesian friends, I can't find the right word. Apparently in The Way, it was translated to be "Mati Raga" (literal meaning: physical - dead, mati = dead, raga = physical). The translation of "Interior Life" is also quite difficult for me. In Indonesian, it was translated as "Kehidupan Adikodrati" (life = kehidupan, adikodrati = ?? 'above your natural life, supranatural').

I guess I really need to learn to translate some terms that I find in spiritual formation in English to Indonesian language. I would love to translate some gospel reflections for my parents. Oh well, I have not started it.

- 5 -

The kids were really cute. We drove passing terrace houses and they kept saying, "Wow! Wow! Wow" (loudly). And they saw a house and screamed, "Wow, that one was on sale!" (In Singapore, most people live in public housing so terrace houses are only for rich people). Then I said, "Should we have girls' club in that house? Maybe we build the third study centre in that house." Then, they started counting their savi:ngs. "I already have $20 in my piggy bank." :):) 

- 6 -

Another kid asked me, "Are you 27?"

me: what?? Do I look 27????"

so another kid made a guess, "21??"

me: (big smile) Thank you!! I'm turning 23.

As July is coming nearer and August is coming soon, I often told my boyfriend, "Oh no..I'm turning 23." For him, 23 is 'nothing' :P but I told him, 23 feels nearer to 25 compared to 21. It's like going to enter another phase of life.

Oh oh..another funny conversation:

kid: "Are you married?"

me: "Nooooo."

Then I changed tone,

"not yet!"

kid: "ohh so you have boyfriend???"

--> so if I said, "not yet married", it means I have boyfriend? I didn't know that until I had that conversation :P

- 7 -

The conclusion is...there's a difference between interacting with kids in school setting (during my research) and in camp setting. There's a HUGE difference. 

And..I hope after attending this camp, I stop complaining of "not having enough time for myself" or "not having enough time to go out" because the next stage of life will also require me to learn to let go of me-me-me-me-me-me time. It doesn't mean that I shouldn't find time for myself, but I should learn to adjust my expectation.

Happy last week of June!!! :)

Before vs. After - one year after commencement

The good thing about university life is you feel that you have 50 hours a day. Going to a choir practice at 9pm, followed by dance rehearsal at 11pm, doing homework till 1am, sleeping, waking up at 8am, running to class without brushing my teeth (oops! once only!) then going back to hall to sleep again at 10am, etc.
Fortunately, the working world doesn't work in this manner.

So...sometimes you just miss the things that you used to do.
Not that I LOVE running so much, but there's an envy that a friend can go to mountaineering training 3 times a week.
Not that I LOVE dancing that much, but there's a wish that I can still dance and perform.
Not that I LOVE climbing so much, but sometimes I wish I can still go back late because of rock climbing after office hour.
Not that I want to exchange what I have now with what my friends have, but sometimes I just miss things-that-I-used-to-do.

Well, Fr Mario still encouraged me to do exercise! He's quite true in the sense that I don't need to swim too long, but I need to swim a bit and I still can have time to rest at home (while I tend to omit swimming when I feel like going back home early). He even said my jogging last week was not enough, he said I need rest. He even asked when my next holiday is. Hahaha.

While on one hand I agree that graduation is called "commencement" because it's a start of something new, a start of good rhythm of my life (rather than those sleeping-at-3am-and-waking-up-at-10 'schedule'), on the other hand, I think that commencement is also an "end".

Again, Pilar said, "That's life!"

We move from one stage to another stage of life.
Sometimes I can't believe that I'm 23 this year. When Nic said in whatsapp group, "The kid who smoked in the class? He's still 21." Initially I thought, "21 is same age with us right?" Then I realized that 21 is my brother's age. Hahahahaha.

We move from one stage to another stage of life.
A friend of mine wished that she could have a "happy-go-lucky" life. I'm not sure about her definition, but I mentioned that what we see as "happy-go-lucky" life doesn't seem as happy as we thought. To be honest, I think I found connection with this friend because of our common thought: We are NOT happy-go-lucky people and I am happy not to be a happy-go-lucky person.

We move from one stage to another stage of life.
Please laugh at me.
Last year, I was so annoyed that Paul commented on my bad sense of fashion. I forgot that I've started working and I was still in the "as long as it's covered, the cloth is okay!" Now even though my work doesn't require me to wear formal attire, I think dressing well is truly important. It doesn't mean that someone needs to wear long-sleeve shirt and skirt to field work, but it means that we need to adjust what we wear according to the situation.

We try to make progress.
I used to think that a research assistant is a stagnant job. The only way to progress is only if you pursue postgraduate study. Nevertheless, when I mentioned to my mom how I become busier these days and many other new things that I need to learn in my job, my mom pointed it out to me that this is what you mean by "progress". Your title may remain to be "research assistant", but you learn new things, you must take more responsibilities, and you must work more efficiently because you handle more projects.

Thanks to my parents for reminding me about this. One year after commencement, even though my title remains as "research assistant", they have reminded me how meaningful my work is. And they understand how important these experiences are in my new working life.

Wisdom from Children

I really enjoy working with children. This is not merely a statement on my cover letter. I really think that as a research assistant who works intensely with children, I learn many beautiful things that adults find it difficult.

1) Generosity
One afternoon in the kindergarten, the nursery kids came back from an activity. One of the kids showed me the sticker that he had. I jokingly said, "Wow. So cute!! I also want!!" and he gave the sticker to me!!

2) Respect for dignity of every person
I just posted last night about how the preschoolers did not show any discriminating-look towards kid with developmental disabilities.

3) Daring
Well, this is a bit embarrassing, but one kid asked me innocently, "Is your tummy very big?" (I think it's my cloth effect).

:)

7 Quick Takes Friday - Vol. 3

- 1 -

It's a tiring week. I attended International Symposium on Bilingualism (ISB9). It was a very interesting experience. I found it quite amusing to see the experts in bilingualism face-to-face. 

- 2 - 

Suddenly I have this idea of setting up a kindergarten which has both typically developing children and children with special needs. It is because I saw how the 5-year-old kids in a kindergarten reacted joyfully and without 'discriminating-look' to younger sister of their classmate who seems to have Down Syndrome. It was such an uplifting experience!

Apparently this type of inclusive preschool is common (?) in the US. I didn't find any difficulties googling it.

http://www.highhopesforkids.org/Pages/PRESCHOOL.aspx

- 3 - 

It's been very hard to find time to meet up with friends.

Quite frustrating.

I don't like to be in "See how" or "Let's see" situation. Very upset about this kind of thing.

- 4 - 

In addition to point 3, I complained to God today, "I gave you my weekdays, can't you just give me my weekend?" Oh well... Paul sent me some pages from Screwtape letters of the danger of "MY! MY! MINE!"

It's uplifting for one day, but not working for today.

- 5 -

Some people just have too many commitments (it may be too-many-Church-activities). If the person's personality is also the one who cannot say "No", (e.g., "This is my duty"), I won't be surprised that there are lots of people out there who are 'busy' outside their home AND neglecting their families. The signs can be seen early though. Better be prepared now

- 6 -

Another uplifting quote: Paul mentioned that in his parish, when a baby 'makes sounds' in the Church, the parish priest will say, "Good! It means you bring your kids to Church!" Actually, the concept of "crying room" is alien for me. Firstly, most churches in Indonesia are not air-conditioned. Secondly, most noises come from the youth or from the sight (eg., people in shorts in front of you in Mass), so "crying babies" is an acceptable thing in my parish in Indo. Perhaps because the doors of the Church are also opened during Mass, parents can choose to go out easily then return to the Church easily.

- 7 -

This week..somehow I just missed the things that I used to do: dancing, climbing, etc. However, Pilar said, "That's life! You don't get to do things that you used to do when you move to the next stage of life, for example, when you work, you don't do things that you used to do in college. When you get married, you don't do the things that you used to do when you are single."

Oh well... sometimes I just miss them. Although this morning Father said that you can't meet with your friends not because of your formation/apostolate, but because of your work too, I have this temptation to think that if I just kick out some of my stuff out of the frame of my life, I'll have more time to do things that I used to do!

Nevermind, it'll pass. Tomorrow I won't have the desire to "do-things-that-I-used-to-do" anymore.

More quick takes on conversion diary!

7 Quick Takes Friday - Vol. 2

- 1 -

There's an intern coming from University of South California. Today I brought her to try durian. She doesn't like it! She tried durian ice-cream, real durian, and last chance: I gave her durian puff. All cannot make it. Hahaha. But she loves mangosteen though :)

ps. the cleaner aunty asked me to move out of the hawker area. I was not allowed to eat durian there.

- 2 -

This week time passes very fast. There was a mixture of "Oh why work has been so difficult" and some "eureka moment". It's quite embarrassing sometimes. I could run through my colleague with a big smile and say, "Wanyu!!!! I found something". I guess that's the fun thing about research. I try to enjoy finding out about this software or that software that can help our research (I was not enthusiastic about any software before I start working).

- 3 - 

Last Sunday I finally cooked something. It was supposed to be shredded chicken with asparagus and carrot. I couldn't find asparagus, and I stir fried 300 grams of chicken rather than 200 grams. No rice, so I was sooo full of eating chicken. I sent the photo to my mom and my mom said, "I was wondering what's that. Yaikss so big! You should have cut them smaller!" 

- 4 -

Last Sunday I met up with Pheara and Evi at "You & Mee", an Indonesian-Chinese style of noodle stall. Not only the taste is Indonesian-Chinese noodle taste, the atmosphere is also very Indonesian (the wooden bench, sauce on the table, tissue on the table, and Indonesian songs as background music). And of course..with Teh Botol!!

- 5 -

It's been very difficult to wake up early in the morning. (That's why Pilar said, it's called "heroic minute"). It used to be easy when work was not so difficult, but when I really stared at computer the whole day or out at the kindergarten the whole day, waking up early the next day is really tough. However, somehow I always feel very fresh when I go to morning Mass instead of evening Mass. It's like...you start the day with the right thing, to see God first :) and He granted me this on Tuesday morning:

Can you see how beautiful the sun is?

- 6 -

Next week me and my colleagues are going to attend an international conference on bilingualism. It'll be my first time attending an academic conference. I looked at the schedule and I was so confused. Hahaha. There will be so many sessions, but I'm particularly interested in attending my boss's friend who will lead one of the discussion session on bilingualism and executive functioning. It'll also be very exciting to see the project that my colleague has been working on will be presented int his conference :) cool! But I heard conference is tiring though.

- 7 -

It's Great Singapore Sale (GSS) season. I'm not a shopaholic (in fact, I have difficulties to force myself to shop!). I really need to plan my shopping because I don't really have going out shoes now, and I need 1 or 2 more working pants I guess. Slowly investing in working attire. Hehehe. There's something wrong with either my foot or the way I walk (or the shoes!!) that makes my shoes worn out quite fast.

Let's talk about fatherhood (2)

Various psychological studies have shown the important role of father. In early years, there's a difference between Mom's style of play and Father's style of play and the combination of both affects the development of the children. For example, father loves to "throw-his-baby-to-the-air" game. My boss also mentioned a study about how father's education level has more significant correlation with children's vocabulary (compared to mother's education level!). She said, one possible explanation is because father spends less time at home, he may not be aware of what words the children have learned and what words the children have not learned, so unconsciously he speak more novel words than mother. (And father's education level affects the variety of words that he uses with the child).

Interestingly, some studies also show that girls unconsciously look for partner who has similarities with their father. (I'm sorry I can't remember the details). There was a very interesting video on this topic. Oh well, since I can't find the video, here is an article on Daddies' Girls Choose Men Just Like Their Fathers

I don't think my boyfriend looks like my dad, but they have some similarities. Here is a scenario:

I was staying with my parents in a hotel when they came to Singapore for my commencement. I put a small bag filled with my cloth at the side of the bed I think. Then my dad said, "Why do you put it there? Just put it here lah" (he moved it to the shelf). At that point of time, I was like, "huh, why sounds so familiar?" The first thought that came to my mind that time was he sounds like Paul. For four years I've been living alone without anyone 'complaining' on orderliness, so initially whatever Paul advises on "order" sounds very novel and can be irritating sometimes (even though he's correct. Oops!). Nevertheless, apparently he and my dad are just two people that really pay attention to the importance of keeping things tidy. (My goodness, am I a girl? so messy. hahaha)

They love nature. It's so 'normal' to hear Paul talks about crabs, birds, trees, mountains, etc as he's doing animal behaviour and he also does rock climbing, as normal as how my dad talks about plants and dogs.

So yeah... how important it is for fathers to spend time with  their children. They also affect the children's life so much!! :)