7 Quick Takes Friday - Vol.31

- 1 -

Animal's "rights".
We had a discussion last Tuesday about the ethical issue of eating factory-farmed meat.
It was the most serious Tuesday Lounge topic that we've ever had.

However, we need to be careful of the argument of some people who were opposed to the factory-farmed meat practice. Some people equate animals' suffering with human suffering or even equate animal and human with regards to this issue.

Anyway, I strongly agree that we can't torture animals, but it's not because animals have "rights". We are human with dignity, that's why we do not torture animals. We also need to be careful of the use of the word 'suffering' for animal. (just like biologists avoid phrases like 'the monkey is angry').

- 2 -

Yesterday was Valentine's Day! Today the kids in girls' club asked me what Paul gave to me (does he give flower? etc) Then, I said, "Nope. I refused to be given flower on Valentine's day, so expensive!! Better use the money to buy ramen."

HAHAHAHA

Anyway, we had a nice chat yesterday. I think I really need to rest more and relax. I love to squeeze many things in one day and rush from one place to another place, so it's really hard to get an opportunity to feel restful and to contemplate things. I've also stopped writing diary for quite some time. As a result, every attempt to have a serious discussion has been a tension (or even little unimportant things can trigger horrible fight), so I really really thank God for the time to sit down and to listen and to talk about things with a clear mind.

Seriously, I think this is a nice Valentine's gift compared to roses :)
(Oh well, I still want flower though - or modified leaves, as Paul said - but definitely not on Valentine's day, hahaha)

- 3 -

My mom kept telling me to write something when I'm free.
Any idea?

- 4 -

I've just finished reading The Great Gatsby.
Umm, I think, I would prefer reading books written by female authors. Hahaha. It just feels different.
I didn't enjoy the book as much as I read Pride and Prejudice or Brideshead Revisited (well, I peep the ending of those two books once I reached certain pages hahaha).

Anyway, I like Fitzgerald's way in describing the characters. I was imagining a cool guy, distant, untouched, yet powerful every time this Gatsby speaking in the book. I mean, the character became a 'Great' Gatsby because there is this feeling of you know something about him, but you don't know enough as you read the book.

- 5 -

Next Tuesday, my friends and I will be watching Shattered Glass for Tuesday Lounge!!

- 6 -

Today we made button crafts for Girls' Club :)

My 'masterpiece'

The sample, from a website (sorry I forgot the site name)

I let the girls designed their own cards with buttons and they were so enthusiastic in creating their own designs :)

- 7 -

I finally started reading this book on personal style. The title is "It's so You".

I think this book is very useful for a beginner like me who is trying to make sense of 'style' and 'fashion' (well, this book clearly says that there is a difference between style and fashion)

I always know that horizontal lines on clothes make you look fatter, BUT...apparently for someone with pear-shape body like me, I should avoid vertical lines as a top because it will make my bottom looks bigger!

Next 'lesson' is to go for a window-shopping trip with Pheara :) Honestly, I don't like trying clothes (and find that everything is too long, or the cutting is not nice etc). That's the reason why I shop my dresses online. However, I guess Pheara is correct, I need to try, to feel it, so I can learn which one is nice and which one is not :)

More Quick Takes at www.conversiondiary.com!

The hidden star

I guess some of you have heard about this reflection before.

"Where is he who has been born king of the Jews? For we have seen his star in the East, and have come to worship him."

(Mat 2 : 2)

Perhaps at one point, the star that the Three Magi saw had disappeared. Yet this incident didn't become an excuse to give up and turn back.

This hidden star can be a dry moment..

or..just a sense of aimlessness.

It takes lots of faith, hope, and LOVE to persevere,

because the star is still there, yet our pride, or our worries may become a thick cloud that covers the star.

Thank you, Lord, for showing me the star again...

7 Quick Takes Friday - vol.30

- 1 -

Domine, ut videam.
Lord, that I may see.

A prayer of the blind.

St. Josemaria used this line for years to ask for light from God. I have been recommending people to use this to pray when they are not sure what God wants. I guess this few months, this will be my main aspiration too. I'm searching for a light. There's something that I used to believe that I've seen, but people involved in it may not see it. So let's see. I'm praying so that God show me this light again. Will God show the same light twice? Or is this light like the star over the sky of Betlehem? It's still there but it's just hidden in this period.

I don't know.

Domine, ut videam

- 2 -

There's a new research assistant in my office. We kinda 'click' with each other :) I'm so happy!! She used to work as special education teacher, so now I know more about this field :)

- 3 -

Yesterday we had Spanish night at Hillcrest Study Centre! The spanish girl was so cute and expressive! She was wearing a dress for flamenco dance. So nice! HAHAHA.. And of course, the food was wonderful :) We also had Sangria (mixture of wine and sparkling juice). So happy :):)

- 4 -

How do you reconcile with others?
I think this can be an interesting topic of discussion. I think first, we need to reconcile with ourselves before trying to reconcile with others. Whatever the issue at hand is, my confessor and mentor have been telling me the same thing, I need to accept that some things are part of my character and pray about it at peace in front of Our Lord. They are telling me the same thing. Sometimes focusing on overcoming it can backfire me, that's what they said. Even just now I was mentioning about this to my non-Catholic friend. She said, it's part of me.

I feel at peace now but I really have difficulties in balancing it. It's like I'm talking in two different languages. Even I asked my mentor, "What do you mean by 'accepting'?" She said that it takes time to change, I need to be patient with myself. Sometimes the effort needed is not on focusing on the defects per se, but in changing the circumstances to make the struggle easier.

As much as I want to change, I guess for me, it's easier to change if I don't see it as a 'disease' that I need to get rid of. Sounds like a contradiction right? I think it's like 'I accept I have big tummy even though I want to have a small tummy' and I exercise for health, not for cutting down the size of my tummy, yet the side effect is I will have a smaller tummy. HAHAHHAAHA.. I think overcoming defects is a bit like that for me. I accept it as part of me, but I will still change some stuff that has the side effect of these defects will be manifested less often or without I realize it, these will be reduced!! =)

Ah sorry for being so abstract. That's my hypothesis for now for what accepting defects is. :)

- 5 -

My mom is very idealistic :) I love her.
She keeps telling me to brush up my Thai and Mandarin language skills and she asks me to write something (in Indonesian) and send it somewhere to get an extra income because I love writing.

Too bad, I haven't done that for a looooooooooooong time.

- 6 -

Talking about writing a short story, someone told me that the parents of a friend of her were kindergarten friends!! My goodness, I thought that case only happened in my short story. HAHAHAHA. Apparently it happens in real life.

- 7 -

The most beautiful thing that I've heard in these two weeks is:
"Keep your dream alive!"
 It's very uplifting to hear it. Even though I can't achieve my dream now, Paul told me to keep my dream alive. Perhaps even if the opportunity comes only in 10 or 15 years from now, I will take the opportunity :)

More quick takes at Jen's blog!!

How to talk to a defensive person!

Well, I hope this post is useful for people who have defensive / stubborn girlfriend/boyfriend =) I have a serious problem with stubbornness and according to my mom, this has been a problem since I was really young. When I was younger, I used to frown so bad till my mom called me 'bimoli' (in Indonesian: bibir monyong 5 cm = literally means 'lips come out 5cm long'). Super-ugly! When my grandma scolded me, I would reply her in a rude manner and asked, "Why? Why?" and my mom used to put chili around my mouth to remind me that it's not a proper way to respect the elders.

Sadly, I still have this problem. As it takes so long to change, here are some tips on how to deal with this type of person. If your girlfriend/boyfriend shows black face when she/he is corrected, finds thousand excuses, and worst....doesn't even realize that he/she is being defensive, welcome to the club of my boyfriend!

http://www.ninjagym.com/level-3/low-defensive-stance/

So here are some facts about stubborn and defensive person and how to talk to her/him.

1. "You don't understand...."

Sounds familiar?
Yes, we love to emphasize on the circumstances, rather than the problem at hands. Therefore, try to sandwich your correction in the middle of compliments =P it helps to make the person feels a bit more relaxed and more opened to your correction

2. "Why you said it in that manner/moment/time?"
Everything seems wrong. You talk to her in a good time, she'll say you ruin her good mood. You talk to her in bad moment, she'll say you don't understand her difficult time. Yes, it's very frustrating.

I don't think there's a solution for this. Even if you are not harsh, she'll still finds it annoying. So I'd suggest that the only way is to be as gentle and charitable as possible, so she can't complain about the manner you say it. Try to take note of the quantity of your corrections too, so she can't blame you of 'correcting too many things'. =P One simple way is to talk about general things (usually the 'many' problems root under one big theme), and give example with one small real problem. Prompt her to ask other examples too. =)

3. "I've tried...."
and other excuses.."I'm tired", "but..."

hhhhh...
yes, excuses.

Well, I'm not sure whether it works for guys, but girls need constant assurance. The problem is, it's hard to comfort / assure the girl if he is in annoyed mood or frustrated situation. Whenever possible, try to show that you appreciate her effort, you've noticed how she's changed, but.. tell her that she can be a better person and everyone constantly needs to improve :) Every time I quarrel with my boyfriend about this, my evil thought is "No, you don't understand, you don't notice that I've tried,", and so on and so forth. After talking to each other, I realized that I'm wrong. He noticed the goodness in me, BUT of course I still can improve. And I'm really touched when he says that he wants me to change for my own self too.

So what to do? How to talk or what are the first-aid-kits to deal with a stubborn partner?

1. Encourage her to talk about this issue (including the 'little' trigger of the stubbornness) to her spiritual director (or a mutual friend that both of you trust if she doesn't have any!)
Talking to a third person makes her see a different perspective.
Honestly, I really think that lots of graces come from spiritual direction.

2. say, "I love you!!!"
It's hard. yes, I know it's hard to say those three words when she's in her super-ugly-stubborn-mode
but the thing is, this defensive person is worried, scared, and insecure when she realized that she has stuff that she needs to improve (yes, pride!!) So saying those three words assure her that she won't be abandoned because of her defects :)

3. Offer help on how she can improve in the areas
It's really really helpful and she'll feel touched when you offer a solution! :) (not just complain)

4. Try to give her specific examples on how she can react better
In the early stage, when the person doesn't even realize that she is defensive, it's very difficult. I didn't even realize that I showed black face! In order to 'jump' to the ability to 'smile and say thanks', this person sometimes still needs other baby steps or at least needs to be reminded on what other things she can say or do as a better reaction.
e.g.,
"I'll think about it, thanks"
"I'll try to do it next time"

Seriously, sometimes we forget that we can react with those two lines even though it's common sense.

5. let him/her know that you are praying for him/her
At the end of the day, in any conflicts, no one actually intends to hurt the other person. However, we do hurt our girlfriend/boyfriend. When we know that he is hurt, it's painful for us too. The fact that you let us know that you pray for us shows your big heart to accept us and motivate us more to change :)

So yeah...hope it helps!! :)

I'm not sure how much I can change, but I do believe that God will help me to get rid of this pride and stubbornness. :) Do pray for each other ^^

7 Quick Takes Friday - Vol. 29

- 1 -

Happy New Year!!! (It's Chinese New Year!!) :)
Okay I'm seriously gonna finalized my new year resolutions tonight.
This year is the first time I experience two-full-days of Chinese New Year celebrations! I joined Paul for reunion dinner at her dad's family side, then yesterday we went back to his dad's family side. Paul's godparents also came to his house.
Today I went again to Paul's dad's family side (Paul said it marks the starting of the new year together, that's why we all gathered at his dad's family side before visited Paul's mom's side).

I'm not used to saying the new year wishes with oranges =P Each person holds two oranges as he or she wishes the older person all the good things for new year. I tried to say another Cantonese line to wish Paul's grandma. However, I startled in front of her and forgot all the tones =P

Yesterday I also watched Hong Kong drama in Cantonese (without any subtitles) as other people were talking to each other in Mandarin or Cantonese =P I could understand the story! hahaha (the power of gestures =P) Today I tried to learn to count in Cantonese, and also to say 'very naughty', 'ugly' and 'handsome'. (Well, now I can only remember the numbers and also 'very naughty' --> ho koai --> how to write??)

Tomorrow there's one more celebration at Paul's aunt's house. She'll celebrate with her friends too tomorrow! Xin nian kuai le! (Happy new year!)

- 2 -

I managed to write a post last week. A reflection after having difficulties to find a 'perfect cut' for clothes. Last weekend I went around with Paul to try some blouses. Even though I chose XS or UK 6 already, the long sleeves were really too long!! Since I'm not inclined to shopping, I really didn't enjoy trying out clothes. Anyway, Paul's sister gave me some blogshops link to buy clothes for short people like me =D Ahhh, I'm really like boys, I prefer online shopping and I feel tired easily when I go shopping =P The best time for shopping is Saturday morning when people haven't started shopping. The services are usually good and I have less headache of seeing too many people =P

- 3 -

 It's February already!! And people start selling various Valentine's gift. Hmmm, I don't really celebrate not Valentine's day, so I think I'll start to think more for Paul's birthday instead (it's still in March, but I'm not too talented in finding gifts, so better start now).

However, 14 Feb is a special day for Paul and me for some other reasons, so I guess we'll still celebrate something somehow. (Last year we ate noodles to celebrate hahaha)

- 4 -

We also watched this yesterday. I love the way they portrayed the different period of time in Singapore and the little dots that connect the three generations =)

- 5 -

Do check out Dom's reading list! :) Political Science or philosophy people, here you go! =P

- 6 -

Technology...
Sigh.

When I was waiting outside the lift yesterday, two young gentlemen were typing on their phone while their mother was talking to them. It's sad to see that more people sit together in one room, yet they are disconnected from each other. Somehow I feel that smartphone absorbs people differently from how a TV absorbs people. It's easier to turn to the people and reject the TV (same thing with books), while using smartphone, people can type AND talk to someone else at the same time! Sometimes I make these mistakes too. When I remember how I really don't like when people do not give 100% attention to people in front of them, this makes me leave my phone when I talk to other people.

Ohh...and I think next time when I have my own family, definitely I don't want any phone on the table.. >.<

- 7 -

Because of the continuous celebration for the past three days, I re-watched some videos that I used to watch with Ci Yaya, my ex-roommate who currently lives in Germany, to find a little tips on styling my hair. HAHAHA. I really need hair spray. I tried the braided bun, but I needed to re-do the bun for a lot of times yesterday and today. Grrrrr!!! I'll buy hair spray tomorrow >.< Oh, I also tried the fishtail braid, but I think my hair is still too short. It was a big failure so I changed back to yesterday's style. Hahahaha

Happy New Year!!! May we grow as strong as horses =D