Finally - Achieved: Reading the Lord of the Rings

I'm on holiday! Yeay!

I've finally finished reading the Lord of the Rings. Some parts really struck my mind and made me forget that I'm reading a novel, not a spiritual reading.

One particular part was in the first book when Frodo asked Gandalf on why he was chosen. However, I can't remember the page number so I can't write much about it! It really reminds me about Vocation - calling from God, how sometimes we feel so little that God has chosen us to partake in an important mission, but seriously, it doesn't matter that we're small and not of the top quality as He will give us the grace to do it.

Here are some other parts that I love (and remember - because I wrote the page number in my phone):

'The Paths of the Dead?' said Pippin. 'I heard Aragorn say that, and I wondered what he could mean. Won't you tell us some more?'

'Not willingly,' said Gimli. 'For upon that road I was put to shame: Gimli Gloin's son, who had deemed himself more tough than Men, and hardier under earth than any Elf. But neither did I prove; and I was held to the road only by the will of Aragorn'.

'And by the love of him also,' said Legolas. 'For all those who come to know him come to love him after their own fashion, even the cold maiden of the Rohirrim....'

(The Return of the King)

I love this conversation because it reminds me of many times in my life when I feel forced to do something initially, but how at the end I do it willingly out of love. I've heard it many times among couples too, like how my friend who used to shop dresses quite frequently reduced her shopping frenzy out of love for her husband. I heard an anecdote about a married couple who have been watching bull-fighting for the longest time thinking that the other half loves it. So both of them actually didn't like bull-fighting.

I love another piece of conversation between Gimli and Legolas as they entered Minas Tirith.

'There is some good stone-work here,' he said as he looked at the walls; 'but also some that is less good, and the streets could be better contrived. When Aragorn comes into his own, I shall offer him the service of stonewrights of the Mountain, and we will make this a town to be proud of.'

'They need more gardens,' said Legolas. 'The houses are dead, and there is too little here that grows and is glad. If Aragorn comes into his own, the people of the Wood shall bring him birds that sing and trees that do not die.'

(The Return of the King)

This conversation is an example of "job 'hazard' ", how our training, job, and passion affects how we observe our surroundings (in a positive manner). I remember during my research days, every time I heard children switch between two languages (especially between English and Mandarin - as that was my research work), I started to analyse the structure of the code-switching. When my boyfriend and I go out, we will really spot the animals around us (as a biologist, it's part of his training to learn to spot animal).

How to be happy (particularly in your workplace)

A survey in 2014 showed that almost half of Singaporeans are not satisfied with their jobs. Reading this statistics made me feel grateful as even though research was not my dream job, I was satisfied with my research assistant job and stayed in that position for three years.

Currently I'm working in education sector, a field that requires long working hours and unfortunately doesn't pay me much. However, I feel happy in this field for the past 1.5 years, and once my colleague asked me, "What makes you happy?"

So here is a little sharing about it.

disclaimer: I'm not always happy =P

1) It's okay to make a mistake

There are moments when I feel sad and discouraged because I keep making mistakes at my workplace. Until now I still make mistakes. However, I realize that once I remind myself that it's okay to make mistakes, I feel happier. I learn that my self-worth does not depend on how many mistakes I've committed.

2) Others make mistakes too

It can be quite irritating when other people make mistakes too (that may cause you work more). Again, people are not perfect. Of course we should try to help our colleague to be a better person, but we can't force them to change immediately. Remember that back to point 1, we make mistakes too and many other times our colleagues have been understanding with us.

3) Smile, even when you don't feel like it

Recently I subscribed to a course on Highbrow about small habits that yield big results. One of the recommended habits is smiling! I really feel that it makes a huge difference.

"Scientists have claimed, 'Smiling stimulates our brain’s reward mechanisms in a way that even chocolate, a well-regarded pleasure-inducer, cannot match.' It releases positive chemicals in our brains that tell us things are OK at this moment. It’s a time of peace and joy."

 I really feel that it makes a huge difference. When my students leave at 3pm, I feel tired, yet I still need to prepare and move fast to prepare for the following day. I'll sit in the office for awhile, and tell myself, "breathe!" and smile and move on! Sometimes, as I carry rolls of paper or cutting stuff, I'll hum and sing my favorite song to make me smile or I just make silly comments to make other people laugh. It makes me happier!

Quick update!

Hi!

I haven't been writing for quite some time. Oops, four months!!

Some thoughts that I have recently:

***

Next week is All Saints' Day. I talked to my friend about it and said "Don't forget it's day of obligation". My friend said, "Umm, what's the difference, since we've been going for daily Mass?"

That got me thinking. Well, I will try harder to attend Mass on time that day! I feel a bit sad, am I not supposed to try hard to attend Mass on time each day? Anyway, this conversation really reminds me of the advice of someone that I need to think of each Mass that I attend as my last Mass.

***

My colleague went to a medical check-up. Another colleague said, it's for her milestone (to have kids, since she's married now). It may be because I've known quite a number of people who cannot conceive, I talked to my colleague, Oh well.. I don't think it should be seen as a milestone because there are people who get married without thinking much about it just because it's supposed to be a milestone. Also, each child is a gift. Some couples are blessed by not having kids so I would love to see it not as a milestone.

Good news is, my colleague found out that she's expecting! Woohoo! The whole office is rejoicing. We need to pray hard for her and her baby though because our students fall sick easily so the environment is not too good for my colleague.

***

New year is coming soon!
I finally reached the third book of the Lord of the Rings. I've been thinking about this year's happenings since my birthday. It was always a reminder how fast the time flies!

Paul and I have not managed to take our level 2 climbing certification. It's one of my new year resolutions :( However, we have improved a lot this year, we're not as good as our friends yet, but at least now I have more strength to do 6a+ route. I still have problem with slanted wall though. When we climb on Sundays, we observe kids who attend climbing course and try to listen to what their coaches say to the kids so we know the trick to climb some difficult routes. HAHAHA. However, when we try it, we are often not able to follow the same technique as the kids are often stronger than us =P but it's fun!!


My close friend is engaged and she will get married next September. It was a great news and a motivation for me to pray hard for my friend.

***

I've been writing some articles for a  website about dating and marriage. Sigh, I need to improve my writing skills!

***

That's all for now! :) Will try to write more over the long weekend. Yeay!!

Commencement 2016

No no, I didn't take any postgraduate study and I am not graduating this year. My boyfriend is graduating (finally) as he finished his Ph.D. last year.

It made me reflect on my own graduation (see this post on my reflection one year before and after my commencement). I love the fact that it's called "commencement", it's a beginning. I am not excited or overly-happy about his commencement (neither is he). For me, it's a beginning of his looooonggggg journey in his academic career. I told him a few times that if at the end he really stays in academia, he will be my first 'friend' who stays in academia as two great friends of mine who worked as post-doc researchers decided not to continue walking on this path (because of other important priorities).

I was laughing at myself when I looked back how I thought my research job (my first job) was a stagnant job. I was wrong! I was totally wrong. I grew a lot with great people in my lab. I need to admit that I am not so passionate in analysing the data, but I love the time spent with my research subjects (i.e., the preschoolers). I love every moment spent with my ex-colleagues that I could proudly call friend!

When I transitioned to early childhood & special needs education sector, people said "Wow, you finally get into your dream job!" (they all know that I was quite desperate to look for a hands-on job with children). However, my first response was I did believe that each job has plus and minus. Luckily I already had that mentality. It was indeed not a flowery job. It's truly a path to sanctity, just like my research job, as I enjoyed every second spent with my students, but I do feel much more tired at the end of the day compared to my research job. It is a path of roses and with thorns too (especially when you got complaints from parents, oops!) =P But I love it. I love the eureka moments that I have when I walk or sit in the toilet and suddenly I get some teaching ideas! I love the moments when I'm so happy that my student finishes her milk or when another student says "hug" to request a hug from me.

I'm looking forward to learning more things and discerning if this is the path for me. I pray now that as I resign from my current job, God gives me the humility to want to be guided in my next job and perseverance as the new job will be more demanding too! I told myself the same message, there's no dream job. Each job has plus and minus and it's a process of understanding myself better too. At the end of the day, who knows I'll end up doing Ph.D? I already have some research questions now. HAHAHAHA *please no...*

As I reflect for my past university life and my short working experience, I thank God for the journey. Seriously, although the news that NUS is the best university in Asia now keeps popping up in my newsfeed, it is not that important. Yes, you need to study well and study smart, but wherever you are now, it's your outlook in life that is important. That's why every time I meet some people who somehow have good spiritual formation at a young age, I always tell them, "Wow, you're lucky because you know that the most important thing is to be a saint and to help people to be saints - and you know these two facts since you are young, as I only knew that in high school (a bit) and only knew the practical means in university". Even now when there are uncertainties here and there (come on, the only certain thing is uncertainty right?), I have to remind myself of these essential facts. It's okay if at the end of the day, perhaps my real passion is not in education. It's also okay if at the end of the day, I found that education is indeed my passion. In fact, my boyfriend has been encouraging me to pursue something in Arts and Southeast Asian studies, so I always keep that in my mind as I love that field too (just that I don't know how to pursue it yet).

So one day, regardless whether my boyfriend will stay in academia or not, I will look back and smile and say that his Ph.D process was a nice learning journey for both of us! Commencement is truly a beginning.

Random date ideas

Once my friends and I discussed this topic on what else can be done together with your boyfriend other than eating and watching movies.

Here are some fun things that I did with my boyfriend. Some of them initially don't feel like a proper date but they can be fruitful too as they help us to get to know each other better.

1. Jog together
It's free. Yeay!
But... If you are not sporty just like I am not, this activity can be a challenge. Nevertheless, it feels good to have your boyfriend or girlfriend patiently encourages us to keep running while I already want to walk :p

2. Visit a museum
It is very relaxing and it gives us novel stuff to be discussed

3. Play with his niece or nephew
This one is more fun for me than for him as I do enjoy running or dancing around with toddlers. It is entertaining for both of us, while I play with his niece, he will take the role of monster or any other bad guy and suddenly disturb her.
It is also a chance to discuss a lot about how we want to educate our kids next time. I found that he prefers not to threaten kids (eg if u don't do A, I won't do B) which I prefer too but I sometimes forget. He found out that I don't like to call kids "lousy" or "naughty". And both of us agree that we should try not to let our kids watch TV or ipad while eating. All because we play together with his niece.

4. Rock climbing
Another sport outing. We used to go all the way to climb on weekday night. And we used to quarrel in the middle of climbing until I want to give up climbing with him.

Again, this becomes a big learning point for us. I used to think it is just a hobby and I don't bother to improve my skills. At the same time, it also helps him, who is a more experienced climber, to learn to be gentle in correcting me. Rock climbing has become a miniature of our relationship. Now that I desire to be a better climber too, it is easier for both of us to push each other to be better. We have a common goal (i.e. To take level 2 climbing certification) and we work together to reach that goal.

5 . hang out with other couples
I used to think that quality time is equal to the time between me and him only. However, since the beginning of our relationship, my mentor has been encouraging me to hang out with other couples. It was not easy initially as my calculation was such that if I meet you with our friends, we need one more hanging out time just two of us.

Of course we still have our exclusive date, but the time spent with our friends are worthwhile. Our minds are more opened, because things (especially problems) that I used to think exclusively his problem or he used to think exclusively my problem, most of the times are also problems of other couples!

It also helps us(especially me!) to think of other people more and I learn a great deal from couples who are more mature. For example, we know this couple that goes out with an elderly man every Sunday and once in few months will ask us to come along too. They are as young as me and my boyfriend but super-generous with their time! 

King Louie, Mowgli, and false power

I am really bad in remembering exact quotes from movies. When I watched the Jungle Book scene on how King Louie tried to persuade Mowgli, I was reminded of a similar scene in the book of Genesis.
Mowgli said the red flower is dangerous and the wolves didn't let him play with it. King Louie argued that they told him so because whoever controls the red flower will be "on the top of the world". This scene sounds very familiar to me. Wasn't it like what Satan said to Eve to persuade her to eat the forbidden fruit ? "... your  eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil"

Now that I think about it again, that scene is not something that happened to Adam and Eve. It is something that happens to me very often. God didn't want me to do so and so because I will miss the fun, I will lose the "power". I am not talking about a big crime like cheating on someone or stealing, but I am talking about simple ordinary sacrifices that God wants me to do.

At times when my conscience tells me not to book a flight ticket out of impulse just because it is cheap, Satan says "come on, everybody is doing it. Isn't travelling frequently a normal thing to do?it gives me power on Facebook. How many ppl will" like" ur travel photos? " or when my conscience tells me not to watch  videos out of curiosity, Satan says I will miss the happenings that everyone knows!

This may sound silly to you :p but I think that scene really reminds me of the daily struggle of the false power that King Louie's promises to Mowgli

The importance of rest - the expensive way to realize it

Last Tuesday, I took my first full day off due to my flu and cough. I felt so guilty because in teaching, there are no spare teachers!

However, I am very happy that I took that day off because I could have a proper rest and I was 90% recovered by the end of the day. The next day when I came back to school, I could work properly, I could sing with the class, and I was at my best.

So if you are one of those who like to force yourself to work even though you are really sick, please consider to rest, for a better work the next day. It's also to be fair for your colleagues and clients that you have, especially if your sickness is very contagious =P

As for me, I hope I take care myself better (I say this every month once I fall sick - too late!).

It's really hard to get seven hour of sleep, but my spiritual director said something that is very good: "It's hard to be spiritually well when we don't have order in the physical sense". Of course there will be times when I won't have enough sleep because of family circumstances, kids, etc. But now at this moment, it's actually possible to have a proper rest if I want to.

Have a great Sunday!!

A letter for my future - regarding childcare

Dear Future Me,

If by the time you read this letter you are sending your children to childcare centre, please remember the following things.

1) Your kids are not the only kids in the classroom

Of course you will make sure that the teachers-student ratio are okay, but remember that things happen in the classroom. Sometimes another teacher falls sick and one of the assistant teacher is assigned to another class. Sometimes your kids' classmate pees in his pants and one of the teachers needs to get out of the classroom to get the mop and rinse the pants.

Anything can happen in the classroom and remember that your kids' teachers are mothers of at least ten to twelve kids of the same age.

2) There are new teachers and it takes time for them to get used to the routine or sometimes you change your kids' shoes or socks and they are not used to them

Sometimes things get mixed up.

You may not find your kids' new socks because the teachers do not recognize their new socks.
You may feel like "these teachers have showered my kids for months and still cannot remember my kid's towel???" First, remember rule #1, And second, new teachers come in at least once a year. Even during my research work in other preschools, every year I see new faces.

You may find a towel in your bag that does not belong to your kid's. You may find your beloved ziplock bag that you nicely put to store your kid's clothes. Remember that your kids are not the only kids being showered. It is a chaotic situation in which your teachers try to teach your kids independence, while your kids may take their own sweet time to wear their clothes, and the teachers need to balance between teaching your kids independence and remembering the long queue of other children (and their lunch that will be delayed!)

3) Your kids may lose their balance when they play at the playground

Kids, being kids, love running around!
You may question about your kid's bruises, but do not judge too quickly or be too suspicious (unless you really really feel signs of abuse - and even if you see signs of abuse, do not spread in social media too fast).

When there was a case of a child abuse in one of the preschool, during my research time one of the preschool principal told me that this teacher was the only teacher that wants to take the kid. That kid was famous to be difficult. See? The teachers have their own story that are unknown by the media. Of course you cannot justify the 'abuse', but in real life, remember that the teachers work long hours and with lots of kids (even if they have the right ratio, there are still LOTS of kids to handle considering that they are of the same age. Imagine you have quadruplets!). Remember that these teachers, like you mothers, are expected to be super-woman. They need to take care of your kids the whole day and prepare the lesson plan or activities or outings or letters for YOU.

Dear Future Me,

before you complain to your principal, please think through these three points.

Hugs,


Myself in 2016

The pressure that shouldn't be a pressure on marriage

One of my close friends just turned 26! We have known each other since we were nine, so every time any of us celebrates birthday, this sentence keeps repeated "17 still feels like yesterday", or "when we were high school .... but now ..."

The popular wish on every birthday celebration is "may your relationship with your boyfriend last long and may you quickly get married". I guess it is because we still live in the idea that at the age of 25, we should start preparing ourselves to get married. Didn't our parents conceive us when they were 25?

I believe that dating or engagement shouldn't be prolonged unnecessarily. At the end of the day, the purpose of dating is to get to know each other and to prepare for marriage. However, knowing my circumstances, I have come to the acceptance that I am one of those couples that do not want to prolong dating unnecessarily, but circumstances do not allow us to do so.

Here are some thoughts of things that shouldn't be a pressure on how quick you should get married (credits to my boyfriend - these are fruits of our discussion or quarrels sometimes =P):

1. Your age or your boyfriend's age

My boyfriend is six years older than me. When I go back to Indonesia, people look at him as someone who should have kids by his age. The funny thing is even when we were just attached for a few months, once the neighbors saw him they started asking my mom, "Don't forget to send the invitation!" disclaimer: I don't mean that he looks old =P

We shouldn't get married just because I am turning 26, or just because I am already 40.
We need to have the maturity. On the other hand, we shouldn't expect ourselves to be perfect before marriage (eg wait until I am not stubborn anymore!), but we should least work towards what kind of person I want to be, regardless of my relationship status.

2. How many pre-wedding or wedding photos you have seen on your facebook newsfeed

There is a point of time when your facebook newsfeed will be full of your friend's wedding photos once every two months. Perhaps it makes us wondering if it is the time for us too to get married.
However, each couple is different.

I have friends who are engaged less than a year after they got together. When I see that they have been working together on themselves, having an open communication with each other, and most importantly, they have agreed on the fundamental values (faith, ideas about children, and ideas about marriage), I literally jumped up and down happily when they broke the news. I also have other close friends with similar dating period and get engaged, yet I do not have the same reactions because I know they have not agreed on some things or they are pressured by other things. For example, if they are Chinese, some of their parents still look for specific good dates that bring good luck. I have seen cases in which the marriage was quickened much faster until they are willing to let go the spiritual preparation.

3. For Singapore case, your public housing down payment

In Singapore, you need to be at least engaged before applying for a public house. Then you need to produce your marriage certificate by the time your house is ready (2- 3 years).

However, there are cases in which couples realize that the partner is not the Mr or Mrs Right, but because they already make down payment, they still continue with the marriage.

Because of these reasons, I have learnt to stop wishing my friends "May you quickly get married". I don't want to be the pressure on my friends who may not even be sure if their partners are the Mr Right. I have learnt to stop asking, "When will you get married?" or "Are you getting married soon?" whether they are 30+ or 25 because even if they plan to get married, it is very tiring to keep answering your friends the reasons of not doing so soon. On the other hand, if I know they are still struggling in some issues or if they are still contemplating if they are meant for each other or if they are called for marriage, I prefer to discuss other topics that can help us to prepare ourselves better.

A review about some app - a dummy's perspective

My current phone is only my second smart phone after my beloved Nokia phone's screen cracked into pieces last year. The current one is an Android phone so I am so happy to finally be able to download app from Google Play Store. Here are some apps that I've found very useful:

1. MoneyLover

One of my new year resolutions is tidying up my budget every month. I have been taking note of every expenses, but I have not been able to look at the bigger picture of how much I spend per category. Thanks to my brother, I installed MoneyLover app. It's my first month using it and since I already have the habit of taking notes of my spending, this app makes it easier to tidy up the categories.

2. OvuView

Similarly, I have been tracking my menstrual cycle although I'm single (read here for more information of the importance of tracking your menstrual cycle). I am less consistent in doing this compared to in taking note of my budget. This app allows you to key in temperature, mucus characteristics etc depending on the method that you use. I have no say yet about the accuracy of this app but it helps me to be aware of my body and changes of mood related to the hormonal changes.

3. Pocket

You can download the articles that you want to read later in this app. In this case, I can tell myself to switch off my data, but I still can read the articles offline. Unlike facebook or pinterest, this app puts a stop of the scrolling down habit. Unfortunately, not all articles can be viewed offline.

I used to be a super-hardcopy person. However, some inventions do help me to organize my life better =D

What's your lifeline?

There are moments when I question myself, "Why am I created this way?" Of course, we are thankful for our strengths, but it was kinda difficult at times to be thankful for our defects too. It was a little challenging at times to have the faith, that God wants to use me as an instrument, me as a whole, with my strengths and my defects.

The bad news is, when this thought comes, it is like a domino effect. All the negative thoughts will attack you, all the words of disappointment that were spoken by the affected parties ring and ring in your ears, again and again, even when you are trying to sleep or when you are trying to pray.

And in those moments, the only prayer that I can utter is, "Lord, what should I do?"

I envy some people who can hear God clearly in their prayer. Or...at least can talk clearly in their prayer, at least most of the times.

When the temptation comes, to ask God, "Why am I created this way?"

I guess it is time to practice an interior mortification. To dare to stay stop to all gloominess and negative thoughts in your head.

Those moments when you feel so ugly (interiorly), so ugly and sick interiorly, especially as evident by how your loved ones may find to see your face or just to hear your voice as sickening or painful because how grave your mistakes are..

it's a great time to hold on to God and to run to the doctor, i.e., your spiritual director :)

When I did white river rafting in Manali (India) 4 years ago, the boat capsized. I couldn't breathe for awhile, and the only thing I did was what my guide told me, "hold the lifeline. Never let go the lifeline" (the string on the boat). It was very hard to breathe until finally my guide pulled my body up and I was panting like mad.

I guess in the spiritual life, when you feel that you can't breathe for awhile, you need to hold on the lifeline.

For some it is perhaps a wooden cross..
For some others, it is perhaps a kiss to an image of Our Lady.

What's your lifeline?

Have a great weekend!