Running Diary #2 - My First Full Marathon

Full Marathon was a totally different ball game. I cried a bit after I finished because my legs were just so painful. Also, I did not feel immediate satisfying feeling as I finished my half-marathon. The first thing that came to my mind when I finished the marathon was: "Pain!!" "Horrible." "Literally running while aching for the second half of the marathon."

The journey felt lonely at the beginning. I was separated from my friend because of the different pen and different baggage deposit point. I also did not manage to meet Paul first as he arrived much later and still needed to queue for the baggage deposit. At the end I felt it may be a good thing as my friend and I had quite different running styles, and I should not run with Paul because I need to run slower than him to survive the full marathon.

I felt really happy with my first half of the marathon though. I really gained confidence in running half-marathon again. I used the first 3km just as a warm up and I looked at my watch and aim for each km. Bumped into Paul at the 10th km, and felt quite happy to run together a bit before the half- and full-marathon route were split 2km later. Once I passed the 21km, I felt my legs ached, then left ankle started to hurt, then the pain disappeared and right calf was super stiff. I told myself I really wanted to run pass through the finish line, so I walked a few hundred meters-ran-walked along the East Coast Park to lessen the stiffness. It was the hardest part (21-30km), as it was sooo hot and even though the water point was only around 2km apart from each other, it felt so long. My mouth felt so dry. Since I passed the 21km, I drank 1 cup of water + 2 cups of isotonic drink in each drinking point.

However, around the 26th km, I realised that my pain was worsened as I walked, so I tried to jog again super slowly and I told myself, "Hey, I can do this for the next 16km", and that kept me running. I still walked here and there, but not as bad as the first part. I did not look at my watch anymore, and I just tried to finish 1km after another offering up the pain for different intentions. What I did was as I ran passing through different areas, I recalled friends who were related to the buildings. Like when I passed near the Cecil Street in the first half, I offered up that km for my dance buddy because there is a dance studio nearby.

When I passed 39km, I saw Paul at the bus stop! I innocently asked, "Are you going home??" =P (of course he dare not!) He told me not to be deceived as it was still a long way to go, so after he took my smiley photo (the most smiley photo I had throughout the marathon), I decided to walk a bit again.

I think why I didn't feel so satisfied after this marathon was I really wish I had trained more. My longest run was only 16km, and unlike the half-marathon training, I did not manage to build the weekly mileage as the marathon fell straight after the busiest three weeks of end-of-term. However, I am so grateful that I survived. It felt so daunting to see people limping and hear the siren of the ambulance here and there as I ran. I told myself that I will just run marathon once in a while, definitely not every year =P

However, after I saw the result of the marathon, I felt quite happy! I finished in 06:05:43, I was slow but I was quite surprised that just by jogging slowly after 21km, my relative position increased bit by bit. The long run training really helps. When I ran the last 16km, I told myself, "Oh it won't be that bad. It's just like how Paul and I trained from his house to MacRitchie and round and back." For the last 7km, I told myself that it was only the distance between my office and Novena MRT.

It was an interesting experience. I am really motivated to go half-marathon again. As for full-marathon, hmmm, it's really a sacrifice =P So I guess I may not go every year. Firstly, I've seen some people who have knee problems due to running marathon in the past, so I'm quite worried, even though I know friends who run marathon regularly. Secondly, the long run training really takes up our climbing routine :( So unless I am more disciplined to climb another day and run on Sundays, it's a really hard to do both.

I think the biggest lesson for me was it was really a push for myself, mentally and physically. It's very rare that I push myself. I'm quite an easy-to-whine person. I used to complain even though I just ran for 3km. The last time I did push myself was dance camp 5 or 6 years ago. Since then I never pushed myself this much. It might sound crazy but to learn to endure the pain and keep going is a good training. This marathon is not an end, but another training ground. At least from now on I will have more reason not to complain and whine too much if I wear high heels for too long. It's nothing compared to the second half of a full-marathon. Also, it motivates me to really train better and build mileage better next time :) As I really felt my ache came later compared to the half-marathon in which the ache came at the 15th km.

I thank God for this experience :) It was a nice closure for 2017, to have both my first half- and full-marathon.

Living my life as if there's nothing certain in this world (oh well, there are few certain things I guess)

Some of you know that I'm signing up for Standard Chartered Marathon (yes, full marathon).
When I do my long run training (which is behind schedule), I often drag myself and ask, "Oh man why did I sign up for this???"

I remember that my running buddy and I registered for super early bird price after the euphoria of our first half-marathon in April. It was a great experience and there was a sense of achievement.

and trada...this is the relationship between the title and and marathon:
It gave me a sense of achievement and a certainty.

When you work, there's no target for exam grade anymore.
You can't really target for how much salary increment you wanna have.
You can't have a super specific target in your family life. My friend's mom has been bugging her to get pregnant soon, but seriously, you don't know how fast the baby will come! And I've seen many friends who can't have children (that's why I stop asking people "When are you going to have kids?").
People who are engaged can break up too! Once my parents received an invitation for a wedding in Bali, tickets were booked, but the wedding was called off and my parents ended up going to Bali for a holiday.


But seriously, there's nothing certain in marathon too. Maybe it'll rain, maybe there's an accident, or...so that I don't sound too negative, maybe I will run faster than my target. When I first did my half-marathon, I was not sure if I would be okay because I heard cases of people die in the afternoon after the half-marathon. So I went for confession the day before the race and before I took nap, I asked my friend to call me a few hours later to check if I was still alive. Hehehe.

There's nothing certain in this world, except God's love :)
Except God's love.. Isn't it beautiful?

All the love and beauty on this world is just a tiny reflection of His love.

Unfortunately sometimes I'm caught up with focusing on this tiny reflection.
Isn't it amazing if I try to live with this awareness of God is the most important person in my life, rain or shine? Rather than waiting for things to fail, break down, or scramble before I live with this awareness.

There is nothing certain in this world, except God's love.

The difficulties of accepting God's will

Hello,

We're halfway through 2017!!

Today I'd like to share about the topic of doing God's will. I'm really inspired by people around me whom I've perceived as one who can accept God's will (that can be difficult) cheerfully, like many couples who can't conceive children or couples who have children with certain challenges such as special needs or physical challenges.

However, despite these examples, I (still) find it hard to accept God's will. I try to convince myself that I've been blessed with many many things, yet it's still difficult to accept some of His will.

Have you ever walked in the dark? Recently in the girls' camp with a girls' club, we did a game called the Blindman's Trail. The girls were blindfolded and they formed a long line, with just a few girls who were not blindfolded and they guided the rest of the girls. As a facilitator, my job was just to make sure that the girls did not roll down the stairs or something like that. The girls were supposed to walk quietly, but of course having been blindfolded, it was uncomfortable for them and they were complaining or yelling sometimes (especially when the girls who were not blindfolded tried to trick them).

As a bystander, I was just repeatedly telling them to keep quiet according to the instruction.

However, now I think I kinda now what they felt.

I feel I'm blindfolded now.

In my head, I know that God will lead me to a safe place, yet in my heart, I really feel uncomfortable and I'm tired (even though my job is supposed to be just follow the trail). I heard clearly that God wants me to trust him in the trail, but I felt it's just so tough to accept it.

I don't like it, as much as I want to accept His will, now I'm in a stage of feeling tired and I hope the blindfold will be opened soon.

So what to do?

Again, I'm reminded by the example of Montse Grase that has been mentioned many times during the camp. She accepted God's will cheerfully (she was diagnosed with a bone cancer when she was 17).

Help me, Lord :) Amen!

Running Diary #1 - my first half-marathon

Hi,

I've disappeared from this blog for months. I have been writing my thoughts and reflections about relationship and marriage for this website. It is a project supported by Family Life Society and Family Enrichment Society. My friends and I have been involved in this project for almost a year. I find it challenging to keep writing regularly after my super-energetic-work (aka jumping on trampoline, dancing, and teaching young children), so when I have the time and ideas to write, I devote them for the project.

Two weeks ago my friends and I completed our first half-marathon NTUC Income Eco Run. It was a great experience for me, and the result was better than I expected as I could still walk around (though very slowly) and laughed a lot and alive. I was worried that I would die after the race because I heard there was a case long time ago when a girl was okay after running half-marathon but then died in the afternoon. So I asked my boyfriend to message me in the afternoon just to check if I was still alive. I was also anxious that my legs would terribly ache or I would injure myself that I couldn't work after the public holiday, as there's no spare teacher in my school (and we had a colleague who needed to use crutches after a race before).

Anyway, the experience was good, so I thought it would be nice to write a little reflection or diary just to cheer me up a few years down the road.

I've never been a sporty person. Those who know me after 2012 may see me as a sporty person: rock-climbing, running, trekking, but I was always the last person who was picked up during PE lesson because I could not catch the ball properly. During basketball or volleyball game during PE lesson, I also preferred to chat (yes, in Indonesia you have the option to do that) or sit down and revise materials for the test in the next hour. Woohoo!

I only run more than 200 meters when I came to Singapore in 2008 and joined Eusoff Hall. As part of my orientation programme, the Eusoff Freshmen and the Orientation Committee and Orientation Group Leaders (OGLs) ran around NUS - I guess 5km? I wanted to die!!! I hated it, though I loved the part when we sang "Eusoff Eusoff"when we passed the competitor neighbour hall. The following year, I needed to do it again because I was in the orientation committee, I didn't even running the whole route because I was helping out at the water point. I vomited when we reached Eusoff Hall again. I only ran regularly in 2011 when I joined Mountaineering. As expected, I was always the last or second last person who finished the jog. But I started to like running because the Mountaineering people were so nice. Some of them would run back halfway to accompany us who were always dying at the end. I ran on my own outside training time hoping that I would not always end up as the few last persons, though I didn't do it regularly.

Even when I started running more regularly after graduation (definition: once in two or three months), I had stitch easily and I spent 30 minutes to run 2.4km? I signed up for Run-NUS two years ago and ran 5km in one hour -- just for fun. So when my friends asked me if I wanted to sign up for this half-marathon, I said Yes, without having run 10km before. She said, "Are you sure?" and some other friends said that I'm crazy. We signed up in November.

I'm a stubborn person and once my friend said, the good thing about being a stubborn person is you can change if you want it. So I started slowly (thanks to my patient boyfriend *clap clap*), from 3km, 5km, and I hit my first 10km in January. I was seriously worried that I (or my friends - but they are more ready for a run than me) may die because of the race, so since February, I really tried to train two to three times a week and kinda pushed my friends to train together. Now that I looked back, the best part of the half-marathon was the training with my friends, who are my colleagues! Those days when we would "scream" to each other - "5.30, 5.30, it's time to go home. We need to run now if we want to have time to run." Or another day when we were so tired after work that we decided to walk for a few minutes, that were extended to a few more minutes until we passed one MRT, and did a short run instead of a planned long run.

The hardest part of the half-marathon was after 15km, especially after 18km. I saw the sign 21km at the opposite side (it was a U-turn path) and told my friend "Wow, we are almost there!", then we realised a loooooooong way that we still needed to pass before we reached the opposite side. Now I understand why people always like to use the marathon run or mountain trekking to talk about spiritual journey. The part towards the end is the hardest.

Some friends asked what's so fun about running half-marathon?
I think for me it gives me a sense of achievement and the training gives me a lot of time to think and reflect. It has forced me to really exercise regularly (remember that I was so worried that I will die or injure myself?). At the same time, it helps to understand my body and remind myself that just like mountaineering, it is perfectly okay to stop if my body cannot take it. It also helps me to see that my work situation is not bad. I always thought that my working hours are long. Well, my working hours are still long, but they still enable me to have time to do something else (i.e., exercising) and have a quality time with my boyfriend and my friends.

Yes, I was conscious about the camera and thus was able to give a BIG smile!

Lenten Note #2: I want to change the world!

Once I asked my friend, have you ever wanted to change the world??

I do!!

Before I came to Singapore, my dream was to quickly complete my degree in NUS, fulfill the three-year-bond in Singapore(note: this work bond doesn't mean that you're guaranteed a job), then come back to Indonesia to serve my country. I want to change the way things are in my country.

Here I am, entering fifth year of working and I'm still here in Singapore.

Every time I go back to Indonesia, I think more about what else I can do for my country.
Oh, I used to want to build schools for poor people. I don't know how I'm going to do it now, but it's something that I keep in my heart.

The dream is still there, but I think, the formation that I've received has taught me that one way to change the world is by changing my own self, and that is the hardest thing to do (cough cough: eg how hard it is to declutter my own room and how difficult it is to wake up on the dot without snoozing).

Although I do not contribute directly to my country, I truly believe that being here has a good influence for my family. For example, three years doing research has taught me not to be content with the standard in Indonesia. I can share with my friends about what is a research standard in Singapore and I encourage my friends to pursue a higher standard. Working with children with special needs here has also helped me to have a dialogue with my mom to understand the children better. I'm so happy that I can tell my mom that I see and experience how children with special needs can live with dignity, and that we should give a good education for them too.

I won't stop dreaming. I still want to change the world, though it may not mean that I need to do something big or extraordinary.

Do you want to change the world? :)

Lenten Note #1: Have I given everything?

Was it a few days ago or last week that we read the parable of the rich young man? I can't remember.
Anyway, there are moments when I'm asking myself, "Have I really given everything to the Lord?" When I'm super tired, I sometimes complain to God, oh God I think you're really squeezing everything out of me already. However, there's a little whisper there, "Really? Everything?"

One of the things that is the most difficult for me to let go is my personal plan. I'm one of those who feels really insecure when I can't see what's next. I love to plan. Let me repeat, I LOVE to plan. I'm thinking in a quarter or six months, and I have this yearly view of important dates within this year. Unfortunately, not everything can be planned that far. It's still difficult for me to have that faith of knowing something last minute, or having last minute changes. That's why little sickness like cough or flu really disturbs me. I don't like changes. I want to be in control.

I don't say that planning is not important, it is indeed very important. However, I would really hope that I'm less agitated when things don't go according to my plan. Let's try :)

Chinese New Year Wishes and the Beatitudes

The reading on the previous Sunday (the second day of Chinese New Year celebration) was on the Beatitudes. I found it very interesting as for Chinese New Year celebration for two consecutive days, we've been wishing our family members and friends good health, more riches, more success, and all good things in the new year.

It was a good reminder for me and as I attended Mass that day I pray that in the year of Rooster, even if my health fails, or my bank account just passed the safe level, I will still be cheerful and faithful. I prayed that in this year of Fire Rooster, I will always (or at least most of the time) remember that the health, the riches, and the success are just means rather than the end and my ultimate end is heaven. Oh well, it's easy to say that but when I literally run from one class to another class during work it's hard to remember that. I pray that when some students sanctify me through their annoying behaviors, I will remember that they want to say something through their behaviors and God wants me to respond to them in charitable manners.

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

:)