I can't help it but sometimes I have these evil thoughts. I'd like to write it down here because this blog is public, so my friends can slap me at my face if I voice out these evil thoughts in our conversations. Hahaha.
1) Self-blame
"Why do I keep doing things wrong?"
"I'm horrible. I always do the same mistakes over and over again."
2) Giving up
"I'm tired to try again..."
"Why Lord do you let me fall again and again?"
3) Feel that I have done 'everything' and victimized
"I've said sorry. Why is my friend still angry with me???"
"I've done a,b,c,x,y,z and tried not to do the mistakes. Why can't my friend make a fuss over this 'small thing' again?"
4) Self-pity
(usually I do it in combination of self-blame. Try to get human consolation even though my thought is not reasonable)
Nevertheless, I really thank God that at my last fall, I could still "function". Usually when I'm down, I really cannot push myself to do housework or other works. Very depressing!! But this time Lord gave me the strength to carry on and to let go. And unsurprisingly, despite my complain to God, "Lord Lord why don't you help me this time? Why did you let me fall again?", He's actually helping me in using another way. He has helped me to accept my weakness. He has changed my friend's heart to be more forgiving and understanding. He helped me to carry the small cross of suffering because of my own fault. It's really God's work. Thank you, Lord.
Now I know why we still need to do our norms (prayers, Mass, spiritual reading, etc) even though we feel dry or when we are down, God is listening. He always listens to us. He is with us even though we do not feel anything.
1) Self-blame
"Why do I keep doing things wrong?"
"I'm horrible. I always do the same mistakes over and over again."
2) Giving up
"I'm tired to try again..."
"Why Lord do you let me fall again and again?"
3) Feel that I have done 'everything' and victimized
"I've said sorry. Why is my friend still angry with me???"
"I've done a,b,c,x,y,z and tried not to do the mistakes. Why can't my friend make a fuss over this 'small thing' again?"
4) Self-pity
(usually I do it in combination of self-blame. Try to get human consolation even though my thought is not reasonable)
Nevertheless, I really thank God that at my last fall, I could still "function". Usually when I'm down, I really cannot push myself to do housework or other works. Very depressing!! But this time Lord gave me the strength to carry on and to let go. And unsurprisingly, despite my complain to God, "Lord Lord why don't you help me this time? Why did you let me fall again?", He's actually helping me in using another way. He has helped me to accept my weakness. He has changed my friend's heart to be more forgiving and understanding. He helped me to carry the small cross of suffering because of my own fault. It's really God's work. Thank you, Lord.
Now I know why we still need to do our norms (prayers, Mass, spiritual reading, etc) even though we feel dry or when we are down, God is listening. He always listens to us. He is with us even though we do not feel anything.
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