My mom

My mom doesn't stand at my side when I'm wrong. She scolded me when other people scold me. She laughs when someone else is angry with me then she'll say, "Nah, you're like that. Change la."

Even when I phoned her and cried, her advice was, "Go bath. It's too late. You can't think now. Sleep. Don't blame yourself because if you blame yourself, you can't change. Just take note of your mistakes. No body's perfect."

She kept telling me to pray. (For me, prayer is getting very very difficult to be done when I'm sad. The only thing I could say to God in my prayer was, "Lord Lord help me. Why are you so mean to me? Why do you let me fall again?) Wrong prayer. Hahaha.

I feel weak.
I really feel very weak sometimes..
Yes I need to trust God to grant me the grace to overcome these weaknesses. But when it just comes over and over again, I really feel tired. I'm really really tired of myself. It's like you know..there's a stone on your skin, and it scratches your skin, I guess something like that it's happening in my heart.

Please let me write some more.
I promise that at the moment I finish writing, I will smile and learn to let go, learn to trust God..

I really admire my mom.
She's a strong woman..
Now I know why when I told my mom's story to Pilar, she said, "Your mom is very strong."
I thank God for giving me this mom, who teaches me a lot about life, about Him!!, about trust, and about the real meaning of prayer.

I want to have hope..
Lord please help me..
Let me rest in You.. Amen...
Let me be positive!!! Let me get up again like what I mentioned in my allocutio once, that Mother Mary watching me like how a mother keeps watching her baby while the baby learns to walk, that Mother Mary will help me to get up again.

Let me always remember last week's circle topic on supernatural cheerfulness.
Please remind me of Fr Mario's advice, "Don't be obsessed with your mistakes. Repent! Admit it that yes, we have weakness. And start all over again."

Ah mom, I really wish you were here now...