Lifestyle

A few days ago I visited a briefing about a travel club.

They say it's worth it to pay $50 per month and you can go cheap trips sooo many times throughout the year. So those who are in the club can travel 6 times per year or even more.

If I went to this travel club meeting a few years ago, I would have joined them. It's sooo 'me'. I like travelling =P

However, even though I genuinely think that their concept is interesting, now I feel that it's not for me. Firstly, it's not my lifestyle anymore, to travel somewhere just because it's cheap to do so. Secondly, the more I think about it, the more I feel that this travel club creates unnecessary necessities. Do we really need to travel once a year? It's so 'normal' here, in Singapore. People travel a lot! I've even met kindergarten children who have been to Japan.

As time goes by, your lifestyle changes :) Yes you may be young and not-married yet, but it doesn't mean that you MUST live life to the 'fullest' according to other people's standard. I think people can live life to the fullest without making travelling once a year 'a must'. Yes, we can travel for a purpose, for a recreation, but there's no need to force it. :)

The funny thing is, the day after I went to the travel club meeting, I met my financial planner. I am considering to have life insurance now. It was not my priority before. However, after I interviewed a number of elderly for my research, I realized that the government pension is not enough. I don't believe in such thing as yes, we must depend on ourselves in our old age. I have trust in God and in my future family. Nevertheless, I think we need to do our small part too, be it savings or insurance or whatsoever (disclaimer: I am not an insurance agent). Managing our money well is part of our responsibility as a family member.

Back to this lifestyle topic, I was talking to my boyfriend to 'complain' how difficult it is to be in-between. We are singles, but we are not like other singles because we have other commitments. Sometimes perhaps it's easier to excuse ourselves from this-travel-three-times-a-year-lifestyle by saying "Oh, my status: married" or "Oh, but my kids...." However, to be singles and say, "No, I have other commitments" make people have question mark, "What kind of other commitments can hinder you from this lifestyle if you are not married?"

I guess now I start to see the crosses of couples who are well-to-do. Some people have this thought, "oh, they have many kids because they are rich. See their car, or their house." Now after meeting some couples that I also think 'well-to-do', I've realized that they've made conscious choices to sacrifice A LOT to be generous. One of these couples have never had vacation overseas for 20 years. (disclaimer: compare this couple with other people in Singapore where it's so normal to travel overseas). They also do not send their kids to tuition centre. (again, the 'culture' of Singapore is each kid must go to tuition centre if you want them to excel academically and not lose from other people). And........they even refuse to take up higher position that pay them better because the position will steal the time from their family. (Again...imagine how much richer they can be if they make the opposite choice AND choose not to be opened to life).

Furthermore, imitating my dad, he always told us, NEVER judge people from their situation NOW. If you see them successful NOW, imagine their situation 15 years ago.

What kind of lifestyle would you like to have?
~~~Quoting Fr Richards, the choice is yours =P

When action is required...

I would like to write this post as a reminder for me and for other people who sometimes feel the pinch of the so-called 'sacrifice'.

=)

As my spiritual director says, it is normal to feel the pinch, but don't look back.

I think this is very important. I remember that two years ago, when I said 'yes' to date my current boyfriend, I know my world will be upside down (I thought it is only something that people say in movie or in wedding speech to make things sound sweet, but apparently it's not). My world is literally upside down now, in a positive way.

There was one night, early in our relationship, I was skyping with my boyfriend because he returned to Singapore after a short visit to Indonesia. I was thinking very hard after short and long conversation with my mom, and somehow I reached a conclusion to tell him this one line, "I would like to let go of my dream for you."

It's not easy to say, and it's even harder to do in small moment and big moment.

Fast forward, it's almost been two years of our courtship. Now I really see and feel what that one line means and its impact on me and on both of us.

So when action is required, it's not easy, but it is worthwhile. Yes, it is worthwhile.
I am fully aware of the choice that I have made and the choice that I will make.
So here comes the role of prayer and sacraments, and also spiritual direction. No one, no one can survive without these things. Temptation to look back is there, but how much we want to entertain the temptation is another story. I also believe that eventually God will grant us more graces to be wise in the choices that we'll make, but I need to ask for this grace. I need to tell Our Lord, "Hey, you want me to do this right? But I'm weak, please help me."

When action is required, as a priest told me yesterday, "Ask God to sign the 'contract' " If it's His will, ask Him to 'sign' and things will turn out alright. :)

a "hero"

We were having dinner when a lady suddenly screamed.

I looked at the animal on the floor. The lady was still shaking her legs to prevent the animal from approaching her while Paul and I peacefully analyzed the situation:

me: house lizard? the tail is gone already.
Paul: no no it's a skink.
me: skink? what's that? yaikss. it's a lizard
(meanwhile the skink walked around. Other Uncles and aunties started to watch it)

Paul: it's quite rare, they shouldn't kill it.
me: then catch it. go go!
Paul: no lah, they will think I'm weird

(old man tried to catch the skink using plastic bag)

Paul: maybe I should help them catch
me: ya go go!!

(Paul was trying to catch the skink while another aunty clapped her hands a bit, amazed...)

tradaaaaaaaaaaaa... Paul saved the skink and saved the hawker centre from the skink.

it's quite cute. I'm quite proud that next time the labour division is clear: Paul will handle skink and house lizards, and I will kill cockroaches and insects (Paul is not too cool with insects compared to lizards and crabs) ^^

Sounds good?

I know people may think we are weird, but I am really proud that he can spot animals easily (and he is passing this skill to me!). How to say..it's like life becomes more colorful because you see more living things =) Now it's quite easy for me to spot changeable lizards or other birds on campus too (because he always spot it and say, look here! look there! there's A! there's B!). Hehehehe.

Have a great weekend!

It is worthwhile

It is worthwhile to wait..
It is worthwhile to let go of some things..
It is worthwhile to dream of new dreams..

             and to give thanks of what we have seen
             and to give thanks of what we have received

   as the things that seem urgent, the dreams that seem important, the things that seem irreplaceable
   are so small and insignificant

 compared to what we have seen
 compared to what we have received

        no, please don't replace these things that I have seen and I have received with my childish daydreaming



Singapore, 15 March 2014

7 Quick Takes Friday - Vol.33

- 1 -

It's been a week since Ash Wednesday. I tried to tell myself to start anew again each day.
I think the most difficult mortification so far is to fight my negative thoughts.

- 2 -

On a positive note, on Wednesday, I finally saw the joy in my work again. I was so happy after our team meeting because I realized that this massive data of observation study is very valuable. (Even though transcribing and cross-checking them is a pain =P) I am also looking forward to visiting Duke-NUS to see MRI and fMRI with my boss's class.

- 3 -

I found a part-time Diploma in Counselling degree. It's the only affordable part-time study, however, I'm not sure how useful an additional diploma degree because this programme doesn't include the internship (which is an important requirement to be recognized as a counsellor). I also found interesting Master's degree (part-time) in early childhood. However, money matters. It's so expensive.

I've realized that I have only two options: have sufficient money to pay the tuition fee OR wait (again), be PR, get a relevant job, sent to higher degree courses, and bonded for at least three years.

None of the options works for now.

- 4 -

At one point, I was sooo tempted to ask my parents if I can borrow money from them to further study.
However, I don't think it's a wise option for now.

- 5 -

At another moment, I was tempted to think how good it is to have a simple and super-small wedding and use the money to do postgraduate study instead.

- 6 -

As a conclusion, I'm not at the right state of mind to make any major decision at this point of time. Hahaha. So I've decided to dream (again), rather than to bury my dream.

I start to recall the days when I want to do clinical psychology and I wonder what makes me shift my interest to early childhood.

Another thing is I'm still young, so to be honest, it is okay not to do further study NOW or to specialize now. I just need to expand my expertise and to experience more so I slowly know what I want to specialize in. Basically I already know what I like: children, language, culture, education, and special needs education =) You want to know my 'silly dreams'? Here's the summary:

#1 Open my own clinic at home

The reason I chose psychology was because I was aspiring to be a behavioral therapist for children with autism. As I learn more about autism and clinical psychology, I am aware that to be an 'independent' psychologist, a real psychologist (not a Social Scienctist), I do need a clinical psychology degree to have the expertise in administering assessment and planning interventions.

That was the start of interest in clinical psychology.

#2 Open an inclusive preschool for both typically developing children and children with special needs

The idea is a one-stop preschool that has the normal curriculum, yet it also has in house speech therapy, occupational therapy programme, and early intervention. Depending on the profile of the children, they may be assigned to different classes during mathematics, language, or science, but they will be in one class during play time, meal, arts and craft, physical education, story-telling =)

All teachers must know the development of typical and atypical developing children.
This is difficult.

When I browsed National Institute of Education (NIE) website, what I've found was a very specific diploma in special needs OR mainstream school. At the same time, there are only a few options of special needs school in Singapore. The good thing about Singapore is they have this job called Allied Educator to assist children with mild special needs who are in mainstream schools, yet I feel that in preschool level, it is the best way to let the children mingle with each other. It is because at that age, they see all children in the same manner, regardless of their conditions.

#3 Empowerment through arts

Jiahhh..sounds like government campaign =P

Anyway, I really like arts. I dance, but I don't dance well enough to be a dancer =P and I'm not good enough to be a dance teacher. HAHAHAHA.

But I like organizing arts events =) (1 year tears and laughter of preparing NUANSA'10: This Earth of Mankind is irreplaceable).
and I like kids! So I would love to be involved in some kinds of musicals for children. Healthy entertainment for children hahaha

- 7 -

Yesterday I met up with my hall friends. Sooo glad to laugh out loud with old friends. One of my seniors is getting married in May and another married senior joined us yesterday and kinda 'test' the soon-to-be-married friend with interview questions, such as "Why do you want to get married?" hahaha.

Btw, Last Sunday I finally went to River Safari!! The queue to board the boat at the Boat Ride was around 40 minutes (ssst, not worth it!). Lucky we didn't need to pay because my company has a corporate pass. The good thing about River Safari is everything is sheltered, so you don't feel too tired. It was really really relaxing. Yeah, this was Paul's birthday celebration (very 'biology' right?) I enjoyed listening to him about this fish that fish or this crocodile or that turtle, even though one week later I forget what those species are called. Ooops..

I enjoyed Zoo and the SEA Aquarium more though =)

More quick takes at Jen's blog!!

Talking about accidents

You may have heard about the missing airplane MH 370.

Last night, my housemate told me that her friend's husband was on the missing plane..
and this friend just got married last month (my housemate attended their wedding).

My housemate was so shocked. Among so many people in the plane, to know that someone you know, someone you have met is in the missing plane... Sigh..

I called my mom this morning.
And she told me that our neighbor passed away. This lady had a 18-year-old son who used to go to catechism class in my neighborhood. This lady was the one who has been cutting my hair when I went back to Indo on holidays during my university days.
She got a stroke..

I really hope the passengers of the missing plane are safe.

When we talk about accidents, and illness, these are reminders about how limited humans are.
When we talk about death, we usually think of perhaps death when we are 70 or 80 years old,
yet it's close to us.
So close, and we never know when the time comes.

Do what I want to do

Recently I've been feeling anxious and agitated, like a child who desperately wants a candy, but he or she is not given a candy.

The problem is, I didn't realize how agitated I am until I just burst out in anger.

There's no reason to be disappointed, but I feel like I just want to taste 'the candy'.

I'm upset, why I cannot do what I want to do? Be it because of my lack of experience, or there's no money to go to postgrad and I don't have the 'paper', the qualifications to do what I want to do, or just the fact that I am a foreigner.

There are moments when I was like, "Please please Lord let me do it."

It's annoying. It's really annoying.

And when Paul said, "No, it's not that you can't do what you want to do. Not yet, not yet."

The more he emphasized these two magic words, 'not yet', the more I felt "arrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, why???????????????????"

At the same time, as I know the risk that some jobs that I am thinking of will require me to work on weekends, this changes my other complains when I do things on weekend.
Yesterday as I cooked with girls' club, I felt so happy because I realized that there will be one day when I can't do this anymore with them.
If not because of job, one day I will settle down and move on too, so Pilar is right, this is a privilege. To look at the girls' eyes looking at me and the bakwan jagung (Indonesian food) with sparkling eyes and a "Wow, it looks yummy," is really a privilege.

So sometimes I'm just confused.
I really want to do what I want to do.

The problem is...there is always give and take. I can't find a perfect job, so I need to weigh the joy and the suffering comes in a job.
Another thing is I can't think of myself only anymore. (redundant 'only', nevermind...)

I feel that this whole thing of 'giving up your dream' is a nonsense sometimes, because what happens to me is I just want to give up.

But if you think about it again, there's no sacrifice in 'giving up your dream' because you just don't dream.

But I'm scared. What if even if it's a 'not yet', what if I still can't be what I want later?

I know I will still be happy. God will take care of me. God even switches my preference and likings.
But He is like that @.@ Changed my preference and liking here and there, and sometimes he shattered it again. Okay, it's a strong word. I guess he made me wait again. And always.

I just need to be patient..
and have faith.